If Only
by HarvestMoonChild
Summary: Dean faces one of his worst nightmares as Sam goes missing. Can Dean help his brother overcome what has happened to him. Will Sam help Dean overcome his guilt. Please Read and Review. Chap 34 finally updated!
1. Chapter 1

If only

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the show Supernatural, so don't sue.

Warnings: Intended for mature audiences only, no incest, but there is imagery of non-consensual sex and rape, as well as graphic violence and mayhem. Set post Asylum.

A/N's :Serious Sam abuse so be aware.Imade up acity at random so ifit actually exists then all events here are fiction and have nothing to do with the actual people who live there.

Please read and Review.

* * *

49 hours 22 minutes and 15 seconds that was how long Dean Winchester had been living in hell. 49 hours 22 minutes and 15 seconds since he realized his little brother was missing. 

Dean sat on the edge of the motel room that he and Sam had been sharing in Baily, Indiana, trying to figure out what to do next. His head was clasped in his hands as his body shook from the silent sobs racking his body. Growling out loud just to hear the noise "Think damn it think! Someone in this entire fucking town had to have seen what happened to Sam on Friday night."

But as much as he wanted to deny it that was exactly what had happened. No one had seen what had happened to the younger Winchester brother after his fight with his brother. Not the bartender at the dive barDean had been playing cards in, not the desk clerk at this sleazy motel, no one at the 4 area hospitals he had been to. Dean was ready to give up and take his chances and file a missing persons report on his brother, knowing that he could very well get put away if he showed up claiming to be looking for the brother of a now dead wanted killer that happened to have his name and face.

This left him back at his string of If Only's the ones that were slowing driving him insane.

If only he had left when Sam asked instead of arguing with him

If only he had paid more attention to the time he spent playing poker in the back room

If only he hadn't been so drunk and pissed at the world that he had realized Sam's laptop was lying on the floorboards of the Impala.

If only he hadn't fell onto the bed and passed directly out when he returned to the motel not ever checking to see if anyone occurpied the other bed.

If only he had noticed the blood on the passenger window and door.

If only...

Instead he hadn't done any of that. Instead he decided to continue to punish his brother for shooting him by yet again throwing in his face that the reason they were in this dive was because of Sam shooting him, that they had to spend the money they had on the last motel they were in until Dean was well enough to travel. Reminding Sam yet again that he was the one providing for them and that maybe he wasn't the useless and pathetic one after all.

No Dean shook himself again, he remembered all too well what he had said to Sam when he came out of that back room between hands. Sam looked up from the laptop and the cup of coffee that sat next to him. Sam had been trying to do research on a cult in the area."How you doing?"

"Up some"

"How much? I 'm not really digging the vibe here. I'm not sure we'll make it out of here if you get too much out of them."

Dean's eyes turned mean and he glared at Sam. "We're not up enough to cover my little vacation Sammy, so you'll just need to watch my back, if you think you can handle it. Oh wait that's right you shot me so maybe I should just watch my own back and you can fuck off Sammy." The alcohol on Dean's breath wafting over Sam.

"You're drunk."

"Not nearly enough to forget Sammy, not nearly enough." Dean remembered that he only got madder with the hurt look in Sam's eyes the glow of unshed tears.

Grabbing Sam in anger he shook him hard once "No, Sammy, you don't get to be the victim in this one. You tried to kill me and I get to be the victim for once. See how it feels to be the one that all the blame is heaped on for once. See how you like it."

Dean could see the fire in Sam's eyes then saw it die away, Sam just shook his head in acknowledgement. The whiskey in Dean's system pushing him further than he intended. Ridiculing his brother, "That's right Sammy, this is all you...So sit your whiny ass down and putyour nose back that screenor better yet why don't you go back to the motel and see if you can not dream about your dead girlfriend for a change. As for me, I'm going to go finish playing poker.

As Dean turned and walked away Sam called out to him. "Dean.."

"Don't say it Sam, if you do I will knock your teeth out." And that was the last Dean had seen of his brother.

If only...It's a wonder what hindsight will show you.

Dean left the game at 2:30 am and headed for the car. His head still a little cloudy from the whiskey he had drank but more cloudy from the lack of sleep. Dean was dead tiredbut happy he had finished the night up $500.00 and might even have learned a something about this cult, how's that for being the pathetic one. He started up the impala happy to know that he was only a few minutes from his bed. His earlier fight with Sam a vague annoyance in the back of his mind. He knew in the morning he would need to apologize to Sam but right now Dean was too tired.

Dean pulled into the space in front of number 9 at the Drive –Inn motel and let himself into the room. He locked the door behind him and fell directly into bed. It briefly occurred to him that he hadn't heard Sam snoring but then sleep pulled him under and he thought no more.

Dean felt the call of nature just as the sky was starting to lighten. Staggering in the almost dark he answered the call and once finished walked back out to wake up Sam. As he stepped back towards the bed he realized the bed that Samshould've been occupying was empty, not only empty but unslept in.

Dean was instantly awake his heart in his throat. He opened the door to the motel hoping to catch sight of his brother outside by the car or in the parking lot. But he knew it was futile. That was when he noticed the dark smear on the passenger window. Dean was at the window instantly and reached out with a shaking hand to touch the window to see what was coating it. He then realized that the smear was on the inside of the window and that it had to be blood. Opening the door Dean dropped into the passenger seat his mind whirling. That was when he noticed the corner of the laptop sticking out from under the seat. Several drops of blood on the exposed corner. Shaking Dean touched the drops and found that they were still tacky, he now had no choice but admit that someone or something had his brother. The question became who.

* * *

Dean was startled from his thoughts by the cell phone ringing on the bed. Itbrought Dean's head up instantly all thoughts gone except one "Please be Sam" Looking at the phone it was a unidentified number. Dean answered on the second ring his heart in his throat. "Hello?" 

"Mr. Winchester?"

"My name is Dean. Who's this?"

"This is Dr. Osbourne, I am with Parish County hospital, I work in the ER. We have a John Doe that was brought in during a police raid, your number was on the cell phone caller id. I was hoping you may be able to help us identify the young man."

"Sam, you have my brother." Dean was already moving towards the door keys in his free hand. Making it into the car without losing the phone and his only connection to his brother.

"I'm not sure if this man is your brother. There is no id with him only the phone. He has not regained consciousness so far. We are preparing to admit him."

"Where are you located."Dean demanded starting up the car and pulling out of the parking space.

"Hydesville off route 57."

"I know where it is. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"Thank you Mr. Winchester, we'll be expecting you. Just tell the ER nurse who you are when you arrive."

Dean did not even consider the number of laws he might have broken in his 15 minute trip to the hospital. After parking his car in the lot and running through the sliding doors. Dean announced that he was looking for his brother. A young nurse came around the counter to escort him back when a page went over the intercom "We need security in exam room 3"

As Dean and the nurse entered the corridor he could see two middle aged men heading into a room mid way down the hall. A few moments later one of them came back out with a half naked man wrapped around his middle. The security guard was doing his best to keep a hold of the man who was fighting to get free. A burly orderly came out with a syringe yelling. "Hold him still so I can sedate him, I don't want him to hurt himself."

"I'm trying but this kid isn't really cooperating." The two men continued to struggle with the skinny man and as Dean closed the distance he realized that he knew who the man was. His heart dropped to his stomach.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled.

The sound of his brothers voice snapped Sam's head up causing him to freeze. The orderly slammed the needle into Sam's arm as he bucked in pain and let out a howl. "No!"

Dean moved instantly the orderly hit the other wall as Dean pulled him off his brother, throwing the half depressed syringe onto the ground. He wrapped his arms around his brother and pulled him off the security guard, letting his brother fight him while he stuggles slowed.

* * *

Sam wanted to fight but his body was betraying him yet again. He needed to see Dean and tell him that he was sorry. He had thought he had heard his voice but he couldn't make his eyes focus enough tobe sure.He couldn't close his eyes because he would find that he hadn't really gotten away and he never would. 

Dean's heart broke as his brother started to moan, "No, no no... please...stop...I need my brother...sorry...Dean.."

Sam's legs wouldn't hold him any longer the adreneline fading quickly being replaced by the sedative pushed into his system. Dean lowered the two of them to the floor his arms cradling Sam. "Shhh Sammy it's okay now, I'm here"

"Dean?"Sam barely got out words slurring hope and despair mingling in that one word.

"I've got you Sammy, no one can hurt you." Trusting in the voice he heard he succumbed to the dark.

* * *

The world came back in to sharp focus as Sam stilled in Deans arms. The orderly that Dean had pushed off his brother was now kneeling next to him. Several other people were starting to crowd around. Firm hands tried to remove Sam from his grasp but he was unwilling to release him. He knew someone was speaking to him but the words were not processing yet.

A woman's hand gently grasped Dean's jaw and turned his face to her. "Mr. Winchester? I need you to let go of your brother so we can get him back into bed." When the request did not merit a response she tried again remembering the man's first name."Dean, let us help your brother...please."

Dr. Osbourne could see the light come on behind his eyes. Dean blinked and then lessened his grasp on Sam's slumbering form. As the orderlies gently picked up their patient and moved him back into the exam room Dean stood to follow. As gently as she could she barred the path into the room. She saw the immediate flicker of rage behind those eyes when he fixed her with a glare.

"I want to see my brother."

"I understand that Mr. Winchester. But first we need to get him settled back into bed and then upstairs to a room. There is an officer waiting to speak with you. Once you are finished talking to him you can join your brother up in his room."

"Sam, his name is Sam. What happened to him?"

"Dean, I can give you his current medical condition but I can't answer as to how he came here. I am sure deputy Roberts can fill you in." She finished pointing towards a middle aged man wearing a uniform.

Dr. Osbourne could still see the panic in Dean's eyes and wanted to give him something to reassure him. "Your brother is in stable condition and should be sleeping for a couple of hours now. None of his injuries are life threatening, you should both be up in his room before he ever wakes up."

Dean nodded his head and turned towards the officer, vaguely aware that the doctor was walking with him. "Tom, this is Dean Winchester, Dean this is deputy Tom Roberts he is the one who found your brother."

"I'm sorry to have to meet you on such an occasion. Please call me Tom. I know this is rough but I need to ask a couple of questions of you and I am sure you have some for me." the deptuy said offering his hand in greeting. The man could feel the need to know radiating off of Dean and steeled himself for answers he was going to have to provide.

Dean took the man's hand automatically shaking with out thought. "What happened?" Dean asked

"When was the last time that you had contact with your brother?" Tom started skipping Dean's question for the moment.

"Friday night, around 10:30."

"Where were you?"

"A bar called Redcliff, I was ..." Dean dropped off not really wanting to tell him what he had been doing

"From the lack of that answer I am going to guess you were playing poker?" Dean's eye shot up guility "Don't worry it may be against the law but I'm not going to bust you for it." Looking down at his notebook he found the name. "Was Sam playing with you?"

"No, just me, Sam was waiting for me, he had been doing some..research he was sitting at a table in the bar."

Shaking his head that he understood the deputy continued. "What time did you get done playing?"

"About 2,"

"And Sam was already gone by then?"

"Yeah, Sam and I had a...disagreement, I ...ummm...told him to go back to the motel."

"What did you argue about."

"He wanted to leave, said the vibe was bad" chuckling a little. "If only... Now can you tell me what happened and where you found him?"Dean demanded deciding he had answered enough of the man's questions.

"Our office recieved a tip about some biker gang that had holed up on an abandoned farm house, just outside of town. They have been traveling around for a whileand we managed to linksome disappearances with their locations. So we decided to move in."

"Are you saying that thisgang grabbed Sam?"

"We think so, when we got to the farm we found it had already been abandoned. We were checking out the rest of the house when I found your brother had been left tied up to a...He was in pretty bad shape, I wasn't sure he was alive at first, we called for an ambulance andbrought him in here."

Dean didn'tmiss the omission from the cop and with aknot growingin the pit of his stomach he pursued the question. "What was Sammy tied to, Tom. What aren't you telling me?"

"Look, I'm not sure I'm the one to tell you this. Maybe the doctor or a counselor can help explain."

"No, I'm not waiting afor anyone else to explain to me. My brother has been missing for over 2 days now tell me, what you know before you have to arrest me for beating it out of you." Dean growled.

"Alright." Please sit down this is not going to be easy to hear. Once Dean lowered himself into the hard plastic chair he continued. "Your brother was tied to a table or maybe an altar is a better word. He was..." the deputy paused running a hand over his face taking a deep breath. "He had been sexually assaulted. They had left him there when they finished with him. We found his clothes but they weren't much help, they had been cut off of him. I'm sorry..."

All of the air left Dean's lungs, and he wasn't sure his heart was still beating. His brother had been taken from him and then he was brutalized and Dean hadn't been there to help him, in fact he had been the cause of it. If only...'_It's funny how often I've used those two words'_ he berated himself again. "Do you know where they are? What happened to them?" Dean asked cautiously

"Not yet, they should turn up soon enough." Realizing that Dean may be planning to do something."Son, you need to take care of your brother, he is going to need you, let us handle the bad guys. we're the professionals."

Dean turned his head and fixed the deputy with a glare that caused a shiver to run up his spine. "You have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm going to see my brother." Dean stood and walked away.

* * *

Dean found his brothers room and quickly made his way to the side of his bed. He had been briefly waylaid by the Doctor who had given him an update on Sam's condition. The doctor confirmed that Sam has indeed been assaulted, butfortunately the damage inflicted was not permanent, although the doctor had recommended a consult with a psychologist to dicuss his attack, but Dean had sidelined her to hold off till he could talk to his brother. She had reluctantly agreed, and did help him with one thing he was concerned with, she made sure that the nurses station was aware that he could stay with his brother regardless of visiting hours.

Grasping his brothers hand he looked down at his brothers face. One eye was swollen shut, there was a large bandage around his right temple,the doctor had indicated the gash needed 4 stitchesand Dean was fairly certain it was how the blood had appeared in the car.Dean couldn't see the knife wounds on his chestnor theburnscovering Sam's back and legs.

AsDean ran a hand though Sam's hair his brother shifted restlessly away from him fearfuleven in sleep. Lowering his lips to Sam's ear he spoke soothingly "Sammy, it's okI've gotyou now.No one is going to hurt you." Dean settled into the chair still holding his brothers hand waiting for themedication to wear offso he could face the damage he had caused his brother.

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	2. Chapter 2

If Only – Chapter 2

Disclaimers: I did not get posession of the show Supernatural for Christmas so I still don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: As explained in Chapter one there is mention of rape, non consensual sex and violent imagry. If you have issue with any of this please be aware before reading. We are going to be exploring Sam's memories of the events and they are going to get intense. I just want everyone warned in advance.

Thanks to all of you for the reviews and to WhimseyRhodes especially for reminding me to double check my spacing! Thanks to everyone who has been supportive, I promise that chapter 5 of Medieval Times is on it's way as well but this story needed to get out of my head first.

* * *

Sam's stirred restlessly in his drug induced slumber. He felt someone touch him and his mind reacted to try and protect himself again. A small part of his mind remembered hearing his brothers voice and knew that he was no longer a prisoner but the other voice the one that told him that he desereved what he had happened made sure it was too hard to remember. Sam wasn't sure if it was really him any more or that voice that just wouldn't go away, and thanks to that voice all Sam seemed to remember was the fight and the final words his brother said to him. 

He could remember it all so clearly, with regret as Sam heard Dean's angry response he had his own if only's.

_"No, Sammy, you don't get to be the victim in this one. You tried to kill me and I get to be the victim for once. See how it feels to be the one that all the blame is heaped on for once. See how you like it"_

Sam watched as Dean walked away, leaving Sam alone.

Sam knew what was coming whether he wanted to see it or not. However this time Sam had time for the guilt and regret to build.

If only he hadn't pushed Dean to leave.

If only he had paid attention to what was going on.

If only he had been stronger in the asylum

If only he had died instead of Jessica, then Dean wouldn't hate him,Sam never would have betrayed him.

If only. That was when the voice brought him back to the horrible movie that was his life. Reliving Jessica, seeing his mom again, shooting Dean...always shooting Dean. Sam slowly started to believe the voice telling him that he earned this punishment that Dean wanted it this way, just to prove that Sam couldn't save himself. Tears slowly ran down Sam's face as he unsuccessfully tried to wake himself from this living nightmare.

* * *

Locked out of Sam's mind Dean watched his brother stir in his sleep as his tears fell unabated, Dean squeezed his brothers hand hoping that the contact would remind Sammy someone was waiting for him, that he was no longer alone.

* * *

Wishing he could wake up didn't seem to matter as Sam was going to relive this journey it seemed to completion. Sighing he watched as he exited the bar a few minutes after the fight with his brother and headed over to where the Impala was parked. The bar had become overly crowded with a group of bikers and the relative safety Sam had in the back was diminishing quickly. Sam decided that he was better off waiting for Dean in the car to back his brother up whether he thought he was capable of it or not. 

Sam pulled out the spare door key that he had made earlier that month and was just stashing the laptop under the front seat when he heard someone behind him. Sam started to turn when he was hit by something on the side of his head. Trying to keep his feet to no avail he pitched into the window and slid down the doorframe to the waiting blackness.

Sam realized that everything hurt. He tried opening his eyes only to find that the world was a tilt a whirl and made his stomach want to revolt. Closing his eyes quickly he slowly controlled his breathing fighting back the nausea. Sam cracked his eyes open again and tried to take in his surroundings. He first tried to assess how hurt he was. As he tried to pull himself up he felt the rope pulling at his wrists and ankles. Unable to lift himself up he also realized that he was naked. Panic set in immediately. What the hell was happening that all of his clothes were gone. That was when his sense of smell returned.

Sam could smell smoke and inscense and the sour smell of stale sweat and underlying that fear. Moving his head slowly from side to side he tried to see where he was and if he could make his escape. Horror grew as he saw the markings on the walls and floor and that he was not tied down to a bed or a table but an altar. '_I guess I found the cultists'_ He thought miserably. _'I hope Dean finds me soon.'_ Sam's hope plummeted with the thought as not only did Dean not know where he was but that he quite possibly no longer cared. The reality that Sam quite possibly would never see his brother again set in and stole his ability to think.

Fear pooled in Sam's stomach as he heard voices heading in his direction. Sam started to stuggle feverishly with his bonds but found that as he pulled one the others only tightened more. Twisting his head as far as he could see he realized he was out of time.

A group of robed figures filed into the room encirlcing the altar Sam was tied to. Sam gave up any pretense of bravery as one of the robed figures came towards him with a large knife. Sam continued to struggle and try to get away feeling his wrists start to bleed where the rope tore through skin.

"Be still!" a voice boomed, Sam decided he was not heeding the request if he was going to go down he was going to make it as difficult as possible.

Sam saw the beefy arm coming towards him but there was no way to avoid it. As it made connection to the side of his head already injured stars exploded behind Sam's eyes and everything went black.

Sam wasn't sure how long he was out but he immediately wished he had never awoken. The pain in his head had only intensified and he realized his one eye would no longer open for him. Trying desperately to focus he realized that he was now gagged as well and hands were touching him.

Fear blossomed as Sam tried to move away from the probing hands. They ran down his arms and chest, he felt one hand roughly grip him and start stroking him. Tears welled his eyes as he tried to sceam "no" only to have the gag start to choke him as he began to hyperventilate.

Sam could hear the chanting around him but he couldn't make any of the words out. He tried desperately to get away from the hands stroking him as other hands roved the rest of his body. His body was responding to the touch regardless of his mind screaming in denial. A pair of hands grabbed his head and forced him still as he watched a robed figure climb atop the altar and straddle him.

The woman forced Sam into her body andstarted to move. Sam's tried to twist his hips to throw her off but he all that garnered was a slap across the face as more hands came to hold him still. the woman cooed evilly, "Poor little boy, you feel so good in me...let me swallow up that light in your eyes for my master. Your body knows who it serves even if your mind doesn't" The woman worked herself on Sam until he could feel her orgasam come over her. She continued to ride Sam until his body could take no more and orgasam claimed him too,tears ran down his face he came inside the womans body, as his body writhed out of his control, ashamed of his own body's willing participation in his rape, he allowed darkness to take him again.

As Sam's eyes glazed over and rolled up in his head, he never saw the knife come down and make the first incision in his chest.

Sam came back to awareness when he felt himself being flipped over onto his stomach. The chanting Sam had heard earlier continued, this time he understood all to well what was to come. The booming voice above his head spoke again. "Our sacrafice first taken as a man now, taken as woman, will pay in power and blood to our lord as we extinguish his light."

Sam started to struggle again but had no leverage, arms were everywhere again and he screamed though the gag as the first thrust tore through his body. Sam lost the ability to tell how long the agony continued he finally started to pray for the darkness and death they were offering as anything was better than this. Sam's last conscious thought was of his brother and how he would never know what happened to Sam. Dean would believe that Sam has simply walked away abandoning his brother never to be seen from again.

When Sam awoke again, he wondered if he was already dead and this was the hell he had been consigned to. As time passed he wasn't sure if he had been there hours, days or even months. Time seemed to pass with no recognition. When the beatings started Sam didn't even try to fight anymore, the grunts and moans of the men and woman using his body just pushed Sam further into his own mind. There nothing could touch him, there he would wait for death and hope that he might see Jessica again.

Sam floated in and out of consciousness now. The time with no food or water and the constant abuse left Sam's system with nothing to run on. Sam wasn't sure how he knew the house was empty but it was something he could feel. He was still tied to the table and he wondered if it would hurt when he starved to death. Then he heard footsteps. Sam wanted to call out but the gag had never been removed and he wasn't sure that he would even be able to speak at this point. Straining his ears he heard different voices, the days of abuse were taking his strength and he managed a small cry as a man came down the stairs.

Sam recognized the police uniform and tears broke out fresh in his eyes, as Sam lost his battle for awareness yet again he thought he heard the man to hold on, that help was coming, and then peace swallowed Sam up again.

* * *

As the memory ended this time Sam could hear someone calling his name. Sam didn't want to follow the noise he knew that here he was safe that nothing would ever touch him, but the voice sounded so desperate Sam wanted to hear it. Finally he could hear the voice and he realized he knew it. Dean was calling to him, Sam decided to follow the voice knowing awareness would come with it.

* * *

Dean stood next to Sam's bed one hand gently stroking Sam's hair the other on his shoulder trying to reassure his brother he was there. Dean could see Sam's eyes fluttering behind his lids and continued to try and coax Sam back from the dark. 

"Sammy, please Sammy open your eyes, I need you to talk to me please, Sammy come on, you can do it." Dean said his voice breaking near tears himself.

Dean watched as Sam's eyes fluttered open and focused on his face, he could see terror and fear whip through Sam's eyes and he felt Sam's whole body tense before falling limp as recognition hit Sam,

Crying openly Sam tried to grasp Dean's shirt to pull himself up to him. Dean realizing what Sam was trying to do lowered the rail on the side of the bed and sat down pulling his brother tightly to his chest as he heard his brother continue to whisper. "I'm sorry" as he cried himself out in Dean's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

If Only Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still don't own them so don't sue.

Warnings: If you have made it through chaps 1 and 2 then you know what is going on. But just in case I will remind everyone again this story contains scenes of non consensual sex and rape as well as violent imagery, if this is not something you can handle please don't read.

Finally, many thanks to all of you who have reviewed this story so far. Please keep the feedback coming. I truly appreciate everything you have said and hope that I can live up to your expectations. I will warn you that we are not out of the woods yet and for those of you who were hyperventilating or crying you may want to stock up on supplies it is going to be a bumpy ride.

* * *

Dean didn't know how long he sat there clutching his brother to him. The overwhelming grief and fear pouring out of Sam was too much for Dean to handle. As much as he wanted to stay strong for Sam he had a terrible feeling that something had been broken in his brother and he wasn't sure that he would be able to fix it. 

When they were younger, Dean could beat up, make fun of, or kill whatever had bothered his little brother. What had happened to him now, wasn't something that a joke could fix. While Dean fully intended to fulfill the kill part of his action plan once he found the people who had done this to his brother he wasn't sure that any of that was going to bring Sammy back to him.

* * *

Sam held on to Dean his fear and terror pouring out, knowing that both he and his brother had been raised to avoid overt outpourings of emotion Sam found himself once again ashamed that he couldn't control himself, _'Dean wouldn't be blubbering like a baby about this_ .' Sam thought to himself. Sam felt something wet fall onto his shoulder. For all of Dean's comments about no "chick flick" moments he was crying silently and holding on to Sam afraid to let him go. .

Sam allowed the safety provided by the shelter of Dean's arms comfort him as all he could think is that he needed to tell Dean how sorry he was and pray that Dean wouldn't walk away from him again. So he kept repeating his plea so maybe the torment could end. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The continual plea tore at Dean's heart only making his heart heavier. Sam's sobs slowly subsided but he still hadn't moved away from Dean and while his tears had stoped the pleas continued.

"Sammy, Sammy, can you understand me?" Dean asked hoping to break through to Sam. There was so much that he wanted to say and Dean had no idea where to start. The hunter in him wanted to find out the basics. Who did this, where were they and could he kill them. The protective older brother in Dean wanted the same thing but knew that he was still needed here by Sam and that the hunt would have to wait. Sam needed to heal and this time it was going to bemore than just waiting for him to be strong enough to leave the hospital, Dean was going to have to try and heal Sam's soul as well.

The litany of apologies stopped and quietly Sam finally looked up into his brothers eyes. Seeing relief in those eyes Sam's heart soared.He focused on putting the words together to let his brother know that he could understand what was going on but Sam still felt light-headed and disconnected from his body. "Yeah...Dean..how long?...Where?".

Dean brushed over the question at first wanting to make sure that Sam was as comfortable as possible."How're you feeling? Any pain?" Dean asked as he slowly pushed Sam back towards the bed so he could take a good look at him.

Sam relinquished his grasp on his brother and as he was eased back onto the bed. He felt incredibly tired, but didn't feel any pain. "No, not really? Why?"

"The drugs they gave you earlier are still working."

Trying to sound as normal as possible Sam tried to act casually about it. "Yeah, I'm feeling a little disconnected." squinting his eyes trying to bring his brothers face into focus he was concerned when his vision would not cooperate. He tried to play it off but couldn't keep the fear from his voice when he tried to make a quip to his brother."That would explain why you're fading in and out like a cheap tv picture."

Dean instantly worried that the concussion he sustained could have done permanent damage to Sam's vision decided it was time for the doctor to know his brotherwas awake.

"I'm going to go let the nurse know that you are awake, so the doctor can check your head out,I'll be right back ok?"

"No!" Sam nearly came out of the bed falling back heavily when the room spun from the exertion. he nearly whispered. "Don't leave, please" Sam looked away from his brother suddenly and blushed instantly contrite realizing how cowardly he sounded. The voice in his head spoke up needling him _'Dean wouldn't be afraid to be alone, now who's the pathitc one? Can't even let your brother leave the room.'_ Trying to sound unconcerned Sam continued "I'm sorry, never mind go ahead."

Dean wasn't fully prepared for the intial outburst but then mentally kicked himself for not anticipating Sam's fear of being left after all that had happened. _'Nice going Dean,can't help butkick him when he's already down.' _Then he was even more surpised at Sam's quick reversal of behavior and then it sunk in, Dean realized that Sam was afraid. Afraid of Dean's reaction, afraid his brother would walk away with out a backwards glance like he had done in the bar.. Dean was always the strong one and their dad had raised them not to let their emotions rule them. Right now Sam was running on nothing but emotion and pain and had no idea if Dean was going to reject him as he had at the bar.

Deans heart broke a little more. While Dean had spent the time Sam was missing killing himself with what he had said and done to his brother,in what Dean had feared was the last conversation they would ever have; Sam's experience just became that much worse to Dean.The freshest memory Sam had to hold onto during his captivity was how little his brother cared for him and how he had all but pushed him out the door.Then Sam had been left for dead, and now he had finally woken up and his brother was heading out the door.

Dean knew in his gut that Sam must still believe that what he had said in the bar that night was true and _damn_ it he was trying to be brave for Dean.

Moving back towards the bed Dean could see the relief plainly in his brothers face. "You know, Sammy, why don't you just use that call button and that way I can hang around when the doc shows up."

Sam felt that he could cry with relief as his brother sat back down next to him. Noticing the sun setting in the window Sam decided he needed some answers before calling in the doctors and returning to reality. Here in this room with his brother he could still pretend that he was recovering from a hunt and not a victim. But once the doctor came the illusion was going to be shattered. Sam knew that the police had found him so inevitably they were going to want questions answered, but he was so ashamed of the answers he didn't want to face it..

His head was clearing some and while a deep ache was starting to build in his head putting together thoughts was becoming easier. Sam figured he would start with the basics.

Looking over at his brother's still fuzzy form he took a deep breath and jumped in."How long?"

Dean looked away from Sam deciding to intentionally misunderstand the question. "You've been out about 5 hours now."

"No, how long did they have...How long was I gone?" Sam asked.

Dean looked back up at his brother, unshed tears in his eyes.Dean's voice breaking, "52 hours 47minutes and 37 seconds. That was how long until the hospital called me."

Sam's felt the air rush out of his lungs, as he watched his brother start to break down in front of him. Sam watched as the tears broke free and Dean was on his feet holding Sam's hand again."I thought I lost you. When the hosptial called all I could do was get here to you. I'm sorry I wasn't the one who found you, I should've found you.." Dean not even bothering to wipe the tears from his face.

Sam's eyes burned again as tears came once more. "I didn't mean any of it, I was so afraid I would never get to tell you. That you would think that I had left you alone. I was going to die alone and all I could think about was how I never hated you and that this time you wouldn't be there to save me and it was my fault and I deserved it" Sam's voice had started hitching as the events rushed back, he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, he was starting to pass out.Terrifiedof the encroaching blackness he squeezed his brothers hand trying to keep him in focus and failing, the last thing that Sam saw was Dean's terrified eyes and he could distantly hear someone yelling for help and then he was lost in the dark again.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the cliffy but you didn't think it was going to be an easy recovery did you. Sorry it took longer than expected to get this up. I should have the next installment by tomorrow.

Thanks again! If you enjoyed or even if you hated it let me now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - If Only

Disclaimer: Same as before still don't own the boys or the show so don't sue.

Warnings: I know most of you have read this from the beginning but in case any of you are suffering from short term memory loss brought on by too much family closeness over the holidays please be aware of the following: This story contains mention of rape and non consensual sex as well as violent imagry, you have been warned.

Thanks again to everyone who has provided me feedback, it helps let me know that I am staying on track. Please feel free to let me know what you think as long as it's honest and constructive I am open to hearing it.

* * *

Sam's world had gone black and now everything was a soft gray. Opening his eyes he found himself laying on the ground, although Sam wasn't sure if ground was the correct word for it since everything around him was featureless and gray.Light filtered through what appeared to be fog giving everything a very hazy appearnce. _'Where the hell am I now?'_ Sam thought to himself as he started to look around.

"Ahhh, your finally back and awake." a clipped voice said from behind Sam,

Startled Sam spun around to confront the voice only to find empty space. Spinning in a circle trying to find his adversary Sam was caught off guard again when the voice seemed to come out of no where and everywhere.

"I would've expected better instincts from a hunter, dear boy. But then again you are the _weak one,_ aren't you? No matter what you tell Dean." The voice sighed on the air.

"Who are you? Show yourself?" Sam demanded angrily

"Tut tut, Can't even figure out who I am? Hmmm, I guess Dean was right. You know when he called you pathetic. I'm surprised your father didn't let you die growing up just to save himself the trouble of putting up with your poor little me routine." sighing the voice continued on cruelly slicing Sam with it's words. "You were the baby, the protected one, the one your mother gave her life up for. The one that Dean sacrificed for? And for what! So you could betray all of them, especiallyDean and belittle him every step of the way after all he had done for you. Even after he saved your sorry ass how many times growing up? Hell you never would've made 10 if it weren't for him. But no, never could appreciate what you had.Allyou could dowas complain about not having a "normal life" then you left, and in your selfishness of trying to be normal you willingly sacrificed another innocent person in your place. You left Jessica, knowing she would die, and still you left her alone,defenseless to pay for your crimes."

"Liar!" Sam screamed, "Face me damn it, if you want me come and get me!" Sam's chest heaving in rage.

Sam turned again and this time a figure came from the mist. His eyes disbelieving what he saw he felt his heart hitch painfully in his chest. "Jess?"

"Nope, still wrong there boy wonder" the thing wearing Jessica's face said evilly,"and to think you're the one who went to college. You know why you hate your brother Sammy?" she asked evilly

"I don't hate my brother! and you are not Jess, so quit hiding behind that face."

"Ask and you shall recieve," it said calmly this time taking on the face of his brother, Sam was prepared this time and while it was still a shock to be confronted with Dean's face he knew that it wasn't him."But back to why you hate your brother, it's because deep down you know you don't deserve him. You know that without him you would be dead." it finished laughing at Sam's rapidly graying features.

"Figured it out yet, there Sammy boy? Any of those puzzle pieces falling together yet? No? It really is too bad, it's going to make killing your brother that much easier." the being changing shape once again now taking on an indistinct form that Sam couldn't get his eyes to focus on."He'll walk blindly to his death and you once again won't have his back. One more sacrifice on the altar of Sam's normal existence.He won't even fight it, he'll see it as a relief really he'll give his life to protect the light left in it andhe'll go willingly." it jabbed a finger in Sam's face and breathed the last words, "Maybe then you can go back to Stanford and see about being a lawyer."

Shock and pain hit Sam hard and fast, "Stay away from Dean, he has nothing to do with this."

The creature laughed lowly, "Oh but my dear boy he does. You know as well as I do, Dean never would've let someone get the jump on him like that. He's digusted by what you let happen, even now he wonders how long until he can leave you, he knows he can't trust you, especially not after you couldn't even defend yourself. He'll cut you loose as soon as you can leave the hospital."

"No, no no no" Sammy shaking his head in denial tears building in his eyes as he tired to not listen to what the voice kept saying.

Smiling in evil glee the being continued, "Finally got one right amazing." the creature started pacing back and forth in front of Sam. "Dean, is going to die because you aren't strong enough to die for him. When the time comes Sammy, you are going to watch your brother fall at my feet and know that you are the one who caused it."

Looking down at his wrist he smiled again. and taking on the facade of Dr. Ellicott he looked back up at Sam said. "It looks like our time is up for now, but here is something to remember for next time."

The creature grabbed Sam's head and he felt his body arch as the voltage hit it. He could see clearly the room he had been in before, he watched as Dean was cut down by that shining knife Sam knew all too well, As Sam looked up from his fallen brother to the face of hiskiller Sam saw his own eyes looking back.

* * *

Like? Don't like? More on the way? 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 If Only

Disclaimers: I don't own Supernatural so don't sue

Warnings: Same as before, not fuzzy happy stuff going on. If you've made it this far you know what the deal is. .

Thanks again to everyone who has let me know they are enjoying the story. I promise that this chapter will be longer than the last.

Let me know what you think.

* * *

Dean had watched helplessly as his brother, lost consciousness once again. The thing that scared Dean the most was that Sam was having trouble breathing. Dean's cry for help had brought every nurse and doctor in the area. They had worked on Sam as he fought for breath, one of the doctors finally prying Sam's limp hand from his own and moving Dean out of the way. 

"Son, you need to wait here while we help him," a firm voice said, pushing Dean steadily towards the far side of the room out of the flurry of activity. Dean barely registered the voice as they all mingled together his eyes firmly fixed on his brothers form.

Time seemed to crawl before finally Sam's breathing evened out and quieted. Dean noticed an oxygen tube under Sam's nose now, concerned about the need for his brother to be on oxygen spurred his sluggish mind into action. The doctor stepped into his line of vision and Dean realized he was missing what was being said.

"Son...Son, can you here me?" The doctor asked Dean worridly. He was shocked at how catatonic the young man standing in front of him was. Then as if waking from a trance the doctor watched the man shake himself and his eyes focused on him.

"Did you hear anything I said young man?" The doctor asked kindly

"Umm, no" Dean said looking a little sheepish."What's going on with my brother? The doctor downstairs said he was going to be fine..."

"I'm sure he will be, your brother suffered a panic attack. Not unusual for what he has been through, I checked out his ribs and none are in any danger of damaging his lungs. According to his file we don't have his blood work back so I didn't administer another sedative, when he wakes up try to keep him as calm as you can. I'll check in on him during rounds in the morning."

"Thanks doc I will." rubbing his hands tiredly over his face, scrubbing at his eyes

"You should try and get some rest too, there's no telling how long he'll sleep this time. You could leave your number at the nurses station..."

"No, I'm not leaving Sam to wake up alone. I'm not sure either of us could handle that." Dean said adamantly.

The doctor had already seen the notation allowing Dean to remain with his brother, and while he didn't personally agree with the idea he saw that there was no way they were disuading him from remaining at his brother's side. "I'll have maintance bring up one of the bedchairs from the maternity wing. We usually torture new fathers on them when they spend the night. It should be slightly more comfortable then the ones in here. That way if you want you can try to catch a few winks, alright."

"Yeah, thanks again" Dean said automatically shaking the man's hand as he moved back to Sam's side taking up his vigil.

That had been three hours ago.

As promised the chair had been delivered and even with the noise of dragging it across the room Sam had never stirred. Dean watched as the nurse came in on her now hourly checks and again watched heartbroken asSam unknowingly moved away from the barest of touches, fear still etched on his face.

In the second hour he realized Sam was dreaming again and all hopes that it was not another nightmare were dashed when Sam began to moan. Dean absently rubbed circles on Sams hand has he held it in his grasp, gently coaxing Sam through the nightmares. Hoping Sam could hear him when he quieted again.

Sam continued to mumble off and on during the next hour. Dean processed everythingSam said saving it for later to determine it's value.His dread was growing as he caught Jessica's name as well as his own.Dean eyes drifted shut briefly exhaustion finally winning the game against Dean's will power only to be startled awake by Sam yelling.

Adrenaline rushing Dean was now wide awake again and his good pal guilt was sitting on his shoulder, patiently waiting for his brother to wake back up.

Dean had never understood the whole"patience is a virtue" saying. Dean followed more along the line of if it can be done now it should be done now.

Action was much perferable to sitting around and doing nothing. Especailly when the nothing was getting him nowhere. Staking out a creature to destroy on a hunt was one thing, but currently Dean had nothing to go on and his own guilt was eating him alive.His gut told him,something still wanted something from Sammy and Dean knew he had to stop it.

Dean wanted to shake Sam until he woke back up so he could talk to him and make him make sense. Dean was certain that before Sam had passed out he had said that he had deserved what happened to him and Dean deperately needed to get the thought out of his brothers mind. If any one was responsible for what happend to Sam it was Dean.

Dean had failed yet again to protect his brother and in his act of cruelty and arrogance he had nearly condemmned his brother to death.

Dean felt Sam squeeze hard on his hand as Sam tried to bolt out of bed his brother's name on his lips. "Dean!" Sammy cried, taking a deep breath.

"Sammy, it's alright, you're still in the hospital, you're ok, just take it easy." Dean said the words falling from Dean's mouth in one quick sentence.

Sam's eyes locked on his brothers and a wave of relief swept over him. He fell back against the pillows drawing a shaky breath. His free hand feeling the pain of his chest heaving against the pull of bandages on it.

"What happened?" Sam started unsteadily

"The doctor says you had a panic attack, you just need to try and stay calm and you'll be fine."

"I feel...everything hurts...how long was I out this time?"

"A little over three hours. the doctor doesn't want to give you anything else until they get the blood work back. Are you going to be ok or should I go find the doctor and make him reconsider?"

"No, I'll be ok...What time is it?"

"Just after 11 pm, you have a cute nurse that comes in every hour now to check on you and the doc will be back in the morning." Seeing the yawn Sam tried to hide he continued "You should get some more sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"No, I don't want to sleep. We need to talk." Sam started hesitantly seeing the look in Dean's eyes determined to keep him quiet and resting for now.

"Sammy, I just told you the doctor said for you to stay calm, and while I want to know who did this to you so I can go kill them I do not want to watch you flop around like a fish out of water again. Is that clear?"

Sam looked into Dean's eyes and found a courage he wasn't sure he had. Sam knew he needed to know how Dean would react. He didn't want to admit the voice in his head had gotten the better of him and he was ashamed that when Dean discovered the details that he would look on him in disgust and leave him."Dean, please I need to tell you...if I get too upset we'll stop" Seeing the doubt in Dean's eyes he added "please..." almost begging.

Dean took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Alright Sammy, but promise me you start feeling bad and we stop."

Nodding his head in agreement Sam started.Sam tried to avoid starting at the fight between the two of them but Dean prompted him back to the event telling him he wanted to hear all of it.

"How long after I went back did you stay?"

"Not long, this group of bikers came in started getting up in everyone's face."

"Did they do anything to you then?"

"No, they hadn't made it back to where I was yet. I felt...I mean figured it was time to get out, I decided I'd wait in the car for you... Just in case they were still there when you got done."

Dean hadn't missed to purposeful change from felt to figured and decided to pursue it.Dean had a feeling it was important. "When we were fighting you said you felt something then too. Can you tell me what it was?"

Sam looked away from Dean realizing he had noticed. "Nothing really, I just didn't want to be there."

"Don't start lying to me Sam, I know you are scared about what is happening with the"shining" and all but I need to know. I may not have listened then but I _am_ listening now. " the hard glint in Dean's eyes brooked no arguement from Sam.

"I just had a feeling of dread. Everytime I saw you it just got worse. My mind started playing tricks on me. When you came out the last time I could swear you had been beat up at first. I think something was looking for you,I just knew we needed out of there."

Taking in what Sam said light dawned in his eyes."Or something was looking for a specific prey.When I was playing cards one of the guys let slip that he knew a biker who was into some freaky shit, like what had been going onwith the cult. I'd bet the group you saw come in was them. The feelings of dread and the need to flee are a way of pulling out the correct prey, bait for the trap so to speak. The one that leaves the bar is what they're looking for." Shaking his head guilt plain on his face"I'm sorry I should've listened, if only we'd left before they got there I could have saved you from this."

"Dean,we didn't know, I couldn't pin it down and we were both angry, there is no way we could've known the result."

"What happened outside? Did you see any of them?"

"No, I was putting the laptop under the seat, I heard someone come up from behind then everything goes black."Sam took another shaky breath as he realized the worst was yet to come.

Dean squeezed his hand "I think you sould stop now and get some more rest."

Sam shook his head "If I don't do this now I may not ever have the courage again."

Dean shook his head that he understood and let his brother continue as each word burned into Deans soul.

"I woke up in a room, on an altar." the first feelings of returning panic starting to bite at Sam. His breath hitched a little.

"Enough Sammy.." Dean said fear bleeding into his eyes at that one small sound.

"I didn't recognize the symbols, but I can remember them. then they came. I could hear them chanting, they started touching me." Sam shuddered his eyes fixed firmly on the bed now unable to look his brother in the eye. "I tried to fight them, I swear I did," Sam's voice breaking the hitch reappearing again stronger but Sam kept talking. "One of them hit me I blacked out and this woman was on top of me. I tried to get her off of me but they held me still, I couldn't get away, I tried not too. I really tried but she wouldn't stop and I couldn't help it. God how sick am I?" he whispered tears running down hischeeks in a steady stream his voice filled with loathing.

It took a moment for Dean to process what his brother had meant, Dean's vision had turned red as his brother broke down in front of him. A whole new well of hatred sprung up in Dean when he realized that his brother was torturing himself because his body had responded to his attacker. "Sam, there is nothing sick about you. That woman raped you. Your body can only take so much before nature takes over. It doesn't mean you are sick or you enjoyed it, it can't be stopped." Gently taking Sam's face in his hands he pulled it up to meet his eyes. "You're not to blame for this."

Sniffing Sam looked up with hopeful eyes, realizing that Dean didn't think he was a monster. "Really?" he said sounding like a small child

"Really. I swear...Now do you want to finish or rest." Dean asked part of him praying that Sam would give him time to assimilate this much of the burden but seeing that the weight in his eyes was lifting some from Dean's acceptance.

"Finish, please."

"Alright, I need to ask when did they cut you?"

"Huh?" Sam asked looking confused.

"Your chest, the doctor said you have cuts on your chest. Do you know when they did them?"

Runnig a hand over his bandaged chest feeling the pull again this time recognizing he pain underneath the bandage. "No, I don't remember.must have been before..." Sam's eyes widened as he flashed back to being moved on the altar.

"What?"

"Before the last part of the ritual."

"Do you remember any of what they said?" Dean said urgently. Dean realized he might have his first good clue on what had snatched his brother.

Sam shuddered at the memory "I didn't hear the beginning but...the second time...he said _'first taken as man and then as a woman'_"I knew what was going to happen and I couldn't stop it. I only remember the voices then ... and the pain..." Something in Sam broke and the tears began to stream down his face.He barely registered his brother pulling him into his arms again or rocking him gently. Dean's own tears falling freely down his face as he whispered to his brother. "I remember them promising me that I would die and I hoped that it would be soon, because I knew I would never see you again. I'm sorry...so sorry. don't hate me...I tried...god I tried..."

Dean sat on the bed slowly rocking Sam. "It's ok Sammy, I've got you...shhh..." while Dean kept speaking calmly to Sam his mind was fixated on one thought. "Kill them all."


	6. Chapter 6

If Only Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Supernatural as much as I would really want to so don't sue.

Warnings: Same as before, adult themes and violence. You have been warned.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who continues to support this story. I appreciate all the feedback keep it coming. If you have ideas of things to improve on let me know. Now on with the story.

* * *

The night passed slowly for the Winchester brothers. Samfinally cried himself out in his brothers arms while Dean continued to soothe him. Deanfelt his brother's breathing slowlyeven out on his neck, and the hands that had been clasped so tightly on the bedsheetsrelax as Sam's body gave up the fight for awareness and drifted to the sleep he needed. 

Dean was relieved when he tucked his brother back into bed, seeing Sam's face peaceful, at least for the moment. Dean knew better than to expect that this new exerience wasn't going to add to the already long list of nightmares his brother suffered from, but he hoped, even if it was futile hopethose terrors would allow his brother some time to rest before resurfacing.

Dean watched with wary eyes as the nurse came in to do the hourly checks on Sam's vital signs and check the IV in his arm. The woman gave Dean a kind, if sympathetic smile while she made notes on Sam's chart.

Dean shifted in the chair trying to find another comfortable position for his tired body. Dean caught himself a couple of times as his head started to bob as sleep beckoned him. Without realizing it Dean blinked his eyes, and this time they stayed closed as sleep claimed him. Sometime later he started back awake when he heard a small sound of pain, instantly waking he looked up to see Sam trying to shift his position in bed.

* * *

Sam noticed Dean's startled movements and guilt rushed through him. His brother looked like hell and Sam knew there was no way to convince Dean to get any rest as long as he was here. 

Sam woke up a few minutes before as his body was starting to feel all the damage done to it now that the sedative was clearing out of his system. Looking down he could see his brothers head next to his hand, sleep having removed the haunted look from Dean's face. Sam resisted the tempatation to touch the top of his brothers hair just to reassure himself that he was really there.

For Sam waking up and opening his eyes had become a terror of its own making. Everytime Sam woke he feared he would find the hospital and his brother were allthe dream of his dying body, and in reality he was still trapped where no one would find him.Sam tried to remain still for as long ashe could until his body protested his attempts, letting him know he needed to move, to try and find a place on his body that didn't hurt.

As Sam shifted his legs slightly he was over whelmed by the shooting pain coming from his lower back. The pain caused him to involuntarily tighten up the rest of his back muscles to compensate only making the situation worse. The spasm rocked all of his muscles causing his bruised ribs to steal his breath away. Biting on down on his lip trying to keep from shouting in pain he realized too late the a smallcry had already escaped his lips, which was enough to bring Dean back to consciousness. Dean's head was up in an instant and looking to do battle with whatever had caused the problem.

"Sammy... you ok?" Dean said his voice still thick with sleep.

Hearing how tired his brother sounded only made the stab of guilt worse. Tears welled up in his eyes at the frustration, and helplessness he felt. "Sorry, Dean...I didn't mean to wake you.. I just can't find ...I just can't..." stopping he just leaned his head back into his pillow and turned his face away from his brother as he tried to clear the tears from his eyes, his breath stillcoming in short gasps.

Standing now, Dean leaned over Sam and gently pulled his face back towards him careful of the bruises and cuts. "What can I do Sam?"

"I don't know..." Sam's breath uneven from the pain riding his body. "I need to move, but everything..._hurts_...make it stop...please Dean make it stop..." Sam didn't realize he had started begging while continuing to squirm on the bed, the continuing spasms only making him hurt worse.

"Sam... Sammy, " Dean said forcefully trying to get Sam to focus back on him. When Sam's eyes locked on his, he continued. "Just try and be still for a moment it'll get better. I'm going to go find a nurse about getting you something for the pain, okay?"

Sam tried his best to comply the pounding in his head was steadily getting worse as the pain flared through the rest of his body causing him to have a problem focusing. "Ohhh...ok, yeah,"

Dean was out of the room in a flash. He headed down the hallway to the nurses station.

"Can I help you?" said a stern looking older woman.

"Yeah, my brother he's having trouble getting comfortable. I need to talk to someone to get him something for the pain."

"He'll have to wait till rounds when the doctor can see him..." she said coldly looking back down at her paperwork clearly dismissing him.

"What?" Dean asked increduously, "You can't be serious.."

"You heard me." The nurse started looking back up at him. For a moment Dean could have sworn her eyes flashed red, shaking it off as a trick of his tired mind he prepared to do battle with this nurse when she continued on.." the little whelp in there, you know the _light_ of your eyes will just need to deal with the pain _you_ caused him. It's _your fault_ he's here in the first place you know."

"Who the hell are you and what the fuck are you talking about?" Dean demanded angrily

The woman continued on as if Dean had never spoken, a cold shiver ran down Dean's spine and he realized something was very wrong, but found as much as he wanted to,he couldn't turn away. "Admit it Dean, you like seeing Sam in _pain_, let's him know how weak he really is, how much he _needs_ you. Bet you he'll think twice before he leaves you again now won't he? It's what you wanted isn't it? Sam to learn the value of you and as you know some lessons can only be taught with _pain._

Dean's head was starting to pound as the words ripped deep into him, guilt dragging at him.Even as he mind fought to speak the words of denial, which never were uttered. In the recesses of his mind he realized the temperature was dropping and the light above them was starting to flicker but try as he might Dean couldn't turn away from words.

The voice had started to change and no longer sounded like the nurse but something darker and far more menacing. "You knew he was weak when you left him in the bar, _defenseless_, and now the only thing you had left in your life to you could call innocent and sacred has been spoiled _because of you_.. _You failed. _Right now Sam is lying in the bed blaming you for what happened. If only you had listened to him. You blamed him for what happened and then you turned your back on him, you all but handed him to the gang. _Didn't you!_

Emtions rapidly crossed Dean's face as he tried to fight the words coming at him. A small voice in his head was screaming for him to run and get back to his brother something was very wrong and it was coming for them, this had to be a disraction. "Do you think he'll ever be _normal_ now? He'll be a freak forever. Or do you foolishly believe he's really strong enough to recover from this? hhmmm...No, I think it's far more likely, you'll come out of the shower one morning,in some no tell motel, to find your brother has eaten a bullet, just to prove how sorry and pathetic he really is... and then you can see how completely you failed in saving the only important thing in your life."

Dean's felt like his head was going to explode from the pressure. He was seeing spots and knew that something had to give when suddenly the hold on him was released and he was overwhelmed by the smell of ozone in the air.

The nurse looked up seemingly started by Dean's sudden appearance. Shaking her head as if to clear away the fog in her mind she smiled sweetly at Dean."I'm sorry hun, can I help you with something?" Her eyes widened as Dean swayed alarmingly on his feet. "Are you alright?"

Dean grabbed hold of the counter to steady himself, the transition being rockier for him as he felt like he had rapidly descended in altitude. The previous encounter running in the background of his mind. Every time he tried to focus on it, somehow itseemed to pull away. He knew what had just happened was important but couldn't grasp what it was.He managed to collect himself enough to speak to her."Yeah my brother, woke up again and he's in a lot of pain. Can you check with someone about giving him something for it?"

"Sure I can, I'll page the resident, what's your brother's name?"

"Sam Winchester."

"Oh that poor boy they brought up earlier?" she asked sympathy swimming in her eyes, when Dean nodded affirmative."You go on now and get back to him. I'll send the doctor down as soon as they get here. Poor thing reminds me of my own son, I'm glad he had family to watch over him." she finished picking up the phone to place the call.

Dean started back to Sam's room when the memory rushed over him, nearly bringing him to his knees. With renewed sense of urgency Dean hastened to Sam's room.

* * *

Sam's eyes were glued to the doorway of his room, trying to keep the panic at bay. He knew Dean has left only moments before, but something felt like it was sitting on his chest stealing all the air away from him. He could hear a wheezing sound and didn't realize it was him, till spots started to cloud his vision. 

Sam didn't want to pass out again, he still wasn't sure if what had happened before was real or just a new nightmare to torture himself with, but the visions it brought were far too real for Sam to cope with.

Sam had to admit he felt better, after he had told Dean what had happened and the reassurance he got from Dean went a long way disprove the voice in the dream. Sam wanted to chalk it all up to the medication and the panic attack but he knew better. He knew he should tell Dean about what he saw but he also realized that the events he had already told his brother were weighing heavily on him and this would only add more stress to his older brother. _'Suck_ _it up Sam you are a big boy you can deal with a little nightmare and a voice in your head'_ He thought to himself.

Pain was still radiating across his body. Sam was doing his best to try and control it, and he closed his eyes briefly trying to focus on his breathing to help step back from the looming panic attack.

Sam started to shiver as the light in his room went out and the one in the hall started to flicker. Panic bubbled up hard and fast and Sam found himself unable to slow his breathing.The cold was seeping into his bones making everything hurt worse.

" D D Dean?" Sam tried to call out between chattering teeth only to have it come out as a hoarse whisper.

Sam felt rather than saw something come to his bedside, trying to move away from the presence Sam was hampered by the bed itself as well as the pain steadily wracking his body. He felt cold fingers wrap around his throat and slowly cut off his air supply.

"Sam, Sam, Sam whatever are we going to do with you?" The oily voice in the flickering darkness mocked.

"gggooo awwwaay" Sam hissed out

"I don't think so not yet, you see I have big plans for you and that body of yours" it said as Sam felt a coldhand run down the front of his body. "And I do mean all of your body.." it chuckled lowly as Sam curled up into a ball cowering as he felt the sensation travel lower on his body."

"NO," he choked out as the pressure suddenly tightened on his throat.

"Now Sam, I don't think you're going to have a choice in this matter now are you? You don't see big brother rushing in the door to save you _again_. He_ abandoned _you.He's _not_ coming back, he's left you here, left you all alone with me." Continuing to increase the pressure on Sam's neck the bodiless voice continued to talk as Sam's stuggles started to slow. "Now I think it's time for you to sleep, and when you wake up you'll be back where you _really belong._ You'll be serving me."

Dean barreled through the doorway of the room as the last word were spoken. "You didn't really think I was going to fall for that were you." He asked the room in general as he searched for the body to go with the voice.

"Ahhh the mighty hunter has returned. How's the head?" the voice asked casually as the previous pressure in Dean's head cranked back up full force.

Dean grabbed the sides of his head briefly then fought his was clear of the pain."Nothing a few aspirin won't fix, and for the record Sammy, belongs to me and no one else, you want him you'll have to get through me first." cocky stance in place.

"I've plenty of time to wait, round one to you, boy, but how long do you really think you can protect him here? I _will_ get him eventually.Remember that."

As suddenly as before the pressure in Dean's head released and he staggered quickly to Sam. His brothers eyes were tightly closed and his breathing was far to shallow and rapid for his liking.As the temperature rose back to normal the tremors wracking Sam's battered body lessened then stopped.

Dean carefully brushed his hand down his brother's cheek, "Sammy, come on little bro open your eyes for me." When Sam didn't respond he tried again. "Sam, you need to take deep slow breaths, come on it's gone open your eyes it's just you and me now kid."

Sam slowly complied to his brothers request. When his gaze locked with his brothers he saw matching fear in them. "What the _hell_ was that?" Sam asked quietly.

"I don't know Sammy but I intend to find out." Dean stated matter of factly, "Are you ok? What happpened in here?"

Sam was about to answer when there was a knock on the door of the room and a young woman entered. "Hi, I'm doctor Erickson, the resident on call, the nurse called and said that you weren't doing to well. Is that right Sam?" The brothers shared a look knowing the discussion would need to be put on hold temporarily.

"Yes, ummm" Sam tried to straighten himself up in the bed wanting to feel more like an adult then a sick child, however the movement caused another spasm to wrack his body and a cry tore from his lips.

Dean was at his side in an instant. "Slow down Sammy, let me help you move, the more you use the muscles right now the worse it'll get." Dean said slowly adjusting Sam's postion in the bed,placing his hands on Sam's legs to help straighten them out. Dean could feel the muscles under his hands tense, and knew part of it was fear and part just the damage done to the muscles. Dr. Erickson came to the bedside to try and help Sam when Dean waved her off. "Please don't touch him. The last time someone other than me did and he wasn't already unconscious they had to sedate him. I would really like to avoid that"

"Oh, I see..I wasn't aware."

"It's ok," Sam said quietly a small smile on his face "my brother Dean here is really a big guard dog in disguise."

Smiling at the description the doctor cleared her throat before speaking."It's good to have supportive family when you need it. I've looked at your chart and since we still don't have any update on your bloodwork, I agree with the decision to not give you another sedative." Seeing the protest on Dean's face she held up a hand to stop his irrate comment."However, I don't think you need one right now. I'm going to have them give you something to help you manage the pain. It won't take it away completly, I'd worry about masking other potential problems if I gave you something that strong, but it should be enough to allow you to rest comfortably.Is that acceptable"

Sam shook his head in agreement."Thank you"

She nodded and headed back out the door. The nurse Dean spoke with earlier came in a few minutes later with a needle full of liquid. She efficently added the contents to Sam's IV bag and smiled motherly at both boys."It should only take a few minutes for it to start to help." she said

As she made her way out the of the room, Dean resumed his post in the chair next to Sam's bed. Looking at his brother he could see the exhaustion lining Sam's face. Deciding the discussion needed to wait til morning he announced, "Sammy, get some sleep, we'll talk about it later."

Trying to hide a yawn, Sam tried to rub his eye, grimacing in pain when he touched the swollen and brusied one."No, we need to.."

"Sleep Sammy, now.I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Dean?"

"What Sammy?" he said making sure he let Sam know by his tone of voice he was not going to be convinced that Sam was up to talking..

"You need to sleep too."

"I will Sam, just close your eyes, and sleep." and Sam did.

* * *

A/N: So no cliff hanger this time, but our bad guy is making his move. Let me know if you like or don't! Thanks again. 


	7. Chapter 7

If Only Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before adult content and violence. You have been warned

A/N: I owe most of you responses to your feedback from Chapter 6, I'm sorry that I have not responded sooner. My muse decided it liked watching Sam sleep rather than make him face the morning after. But I finally bribed it with chocolate and here we are. Please let me know what you like and you don't like and I promise the chapters will be faster in coming.

* * *

The morning came as both boys slept. The light filtering through the blinds onto Dean's face brought him back to awareness. Dean couldn't remember falling asleep, although it had obviously happened. He knew he was pushing the limits of his own strength. Since Sam had been missing Dean had only slept in fits and starts resting only when his eyes could no longer focus and his thinking was too muddled to comprehend what was going on. 

Not that sleep had brought any relief to Dean, while he had always prided himself on being able to shrug off the terrors they faced daily and find peace in sleep, he found no comfort in the hours his body forced him to rest and nightmare images of what could be happening to his brother played through his mind.

Although now Dean_ knew_ the things his mind had conjured to torture him with were nothing compared to the actual hell that his little brother had endured. It only helped Dean realize again how deeply he had failed in his only important task, keeping Sam safe. Not only had he not kept him safe but as the voice from last night was so quick to point out, all too accurately, was that one thing Dean kept replaying in his head. Dean really did believe he left his brother to the wolves as punishment for what he knew Sam had no control over and he had no idea what he could do to ever make it up to him.

Dean considered his options while watching Sam's chest rise and fall in sleep. His fingeres itched to go downstairs and get the journal,laptop and some method of protection from the Impala so he could start work on finding out what this entity was and what it wanted with Sam. However after the events of last night Dean had no intention of walking out of the room without either taking Sam with him or providing Sam some way to protect himself.

Dean's gut was screaming at him that the only reason they were ok now was because that voice whatever it was, needed to divide and conquer the brothers for some ultimate purpose, and as long as he could remain close to Sam he had to believe they would be okay.

Dean checked the clock on the wall wondering when rounds would be. He was hoping the doctors could provide a better update on Sam's condition. He wanted Sam out of the hosptial, not only because he hated them, but also because he couldn't defend Sam well from here. It wasn't likely the hosptial was going to let him move in a small weapons cache or line all the doorways with salt. With Dean's luck they would decide he needed to visit the nice people in the white coats and try to keep him away from his brother. The longer Sam had to stay in the hospital the greater the chances were that Dean was going to slip up and something would happen to Sam.

Dean also knew that the deputy from yesterday would most likely be back to talk with Sam. There was also going to be the inevitable discussion about the _attack, _as Dean could not make his mind use the word_ "rape"_ to describe what had happened to Sam A chill went through him as he realized that everything Sam had told him last night was going to have to be drawn out of him again.

He wasn't sure he was up to hearing it all again let alone seeing the pain it brought to his brother. Taking a shaky breath he berated himself for his cowardliness _'Your brother had to endure it because of you, the least you can do is bear witness to the marks you branded on his soul.'_ Dean tried to push the thought away as quickly as it came noticing the shiver that slid down his spine.

Dean slowly got out of the chair and stretched allowing his muscles and back remind him of the long hours spent in the chair. Dean accepted the small aches and pains as his own pennance for his actions. Yawning, he looked over to check and see Sam still sleeping, however from the tense look on his face he knew the sleep was far from restful. The morning sun making the vivid colors on Sam's face look that much more painful._ 'The kid has been through so much why this too?' _Dean thought to himself. As he watched Sam's face contort into a grimace he automatically reached a hand out to soothe his brother.

It never occurred to Dean that Sam would react violently, which was why Dean was caught off guard by Sam's fist as it connected with his lip. Dean felt the lip split under the pressure and his head rocked back slightly from the blow. Happy for once that Sam was not up to full strength he swore under his breath as pain and rage boiled through his veins. "Sammy ..what the..." Dean started then stopped as he realized Sam wasn't awake and Dean watched his brother curl himself up into a ball on the bed as murmured pleas were torn from his lips. Knowing the muscle spasms Sam faced the previous night this new position was certainly going to hurt his brother all the more when he actually woke up.

"Sam...Sammy...it's alright it's just a dream..you can wake up.." Dean continued to repeat the litany as he reached out again for Sam this time grabbing Sam's upper arms to keep him from swinging out again. Sam fought Dean in his sleep, the inability to move finally pushing him back to consciousness. "Please...don't ...not again..." was torn from Sam's throat as his terror filled eyes flew open frantically searching the room for a means of escape.

Sam's breathing was ragged as he attemtped to collect the jumbled thoughts and images racing through his mind. Briefly unsure of where he was his eyes locked on his brothers concerned face above him. "Dean?"

"It's only me Sammy, you were having a nightmare."

"I guess so. But it seemed like..."

"Like what Sam?"

"I'm not really sure, it's all a little fuzzy, kind of like my vision." Sam said squinting at his brother.

Dean's eyebrows shot up with concern. This was the second mention Sam had made to his vision being off and while Dean knew that with Sam's one eye swollen shut he was going to have some diminished vision but the comment still concerned him. "How bad Sam?"

"It's better than last night." Sam stated looking away from Dean trying to gloss over the topic.

"But it's still a problem.."

"Yeah, but it's probably nothing Dean just the medication making me loopy."

"We can ask your doctors when they stop by."

"Dean.."

"No Sam, we tell them, I'm not going to ignore the fact you're having a problem seeing. Is there anything else that is hurting that you have been holding out on me about?"

Sam's eyes remained firmly cast down at his blanket "No."

"Sammy..." Dean warned gingerly pulling Sam's head up to look at him.

"It's probably just the concussion..."

"Your head is bothering you?"

Sam shook his head slightly wincing "Yeah and my throat feels like I can barely swallow."

"Is that everything now?"

"Yes, mom" Sam said petulently.

Dean ruffled his brothers hair briefly "It's my job to worry about you and don't you forget it."

The brothers settled in to a comfortable silence each lost in their own thoughts. Sam was the first to break the silence.

"Dean?"

"Yeah."

"What did that thing say to you last night?"

"Nothing.."

"Now who's lying to who Dean? I heard you when you came back. It said something or did something." Sam said glaring at Dean

Dean held his brothers gaze and then was the one to look away. Dean didn't want to acknowledge the words thrown at him last night but he knew that keeping things from Sam was only going to appear as if he didn't trust his brother, and Dean knew there was no way he was going to be able to get Sam through this if Sam wasn't going to open up to him. As much as he hated having to express his own doubt or fears, he really couldn't expect Sam to continue to trust him if he didn't put the same trust out there.

Sighing heavily he muttered, "It just reminded me that I failed you again and that this is my fault."

It was Sam's turn to stare at his brother with shock in his eyes. "Dean, you don't believe that _do you?"_

Dean looked away from Sam out the doorway. "It's true Sam...I failed...you got snatched on my watch and there was _nothing_ I could do to find you. That pretty much covers the definition of failure for me. You're laying in a hospital bed you tell me, do you feel that I kept you _safe_?" he spit out self disgust and loathing clear in every word.

"Dean." Sam demanded when his brother wouldn't face him."...Dean look at me" Sam's tone softened when he saw Dean's face covered in silently shed tears. "It's not true..none of it. Don't let it get to you, I know how it sounds it told me..."Sam stopped talking looking down at his blankets not wanting to possibly hurt Dean with the words of last night.

The pause was enough to allow Dean a chance to collect himself. He still felt emotionally drained but he was better focused once he heard the words from his brothers mouth. It dawned on Dean that this "voice" they both heard was still working on the divide and conquer scheme. It was using the brothers fears against themselves trying to drive a wedge between them. Once Dean noticed it he realized how easy it would be to drive people apart.

"Tell me Sam, I need you tell me everything. I don't care if you think it doesn't matter." Dean said leaning forward in his chair to grasp Sam's hand.

Seeing the gleam return to his brothers eyes Sam wanted to know what Dean had figured out. "Why Dean? It's just trying to scare us."

"Exactly, Sam it's trying to make sure, it can isolate us from each other by using fear and doubt. As long as we keep talking about what it's saying the better prepared we're going to be to handle this thing when it comes back. Right now we are at a serious disadvantage because there's no way I'm going to leave this room or you, to get started on research while we've no idea what this thing wants or who is involved."

"I know what it wants...It wants me, that's what it said last night. It has plans for my...my body. It showed me things but I'm not sure..."

"What did you see Sam? It'll be easier to face if you talk about it." Dean noticed the hitch returning to his brothers breathing heralding a small swell of panic in Dean's gut. He knew what ever Sam thought he saw was enough to scare his little brother almost to another panic attack. continuing to rub the back of Sam's hand he calmed his own breathing and tone."Slow and easy Sam we'll get through this"

Sam took a deep shaky breath eyes glued to his brother. his voice trembling as he spoke. "When I passed out the first time, it looked like Jess and then you.. It said things...I'm not really sure now what...but it told me that it wants you dead and it wants to keep me. I saw you die Dean and I was holding the knife. It said I wouldn't be strong enough to die for you."

"No one is going to die Sammy, except whatever this thing is. You have my word on that. Now you need to rest, the doctor should be here soon and maybe I can con some nurse into getting me some coffee." Dean said smiling at his brother.

Sam nodded his head and allowed his eyes to drift closed.

* * *

Sam had been asleep for about 20 minutes when the nurse came in with breakfast. Dean hadn't wanted to wake his brother but the extra noise in the room woke Sam up. 

"Wha's goin on?" He asked groggily

"Breakfast, buddy? Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I think so." Sam said pulling the tray closer to him. He surprised himself by cleaning the tray off quickly. He looked up and noticed that at some point Dean had managed to get some coffee which he was drinking slowly while watching Sam.

"I think you needed that." Dean said with a smirk.

Sam smiled back at him happy to be on an even keel for the moment. They had just settled on a morning news program when there was another knock at the door. Dr. Erickson entered the room again. "How are we feeling this morning Sam? Any problems?"

"I'm ok, no problems.." Sam said quickly hoping to keep Dean from talking.

"Sam...don't make me tell her."Dean growled. Dr. Erickson looked between the two men expectantly.

"Sam, I'm your doctor, I'm here to help you if you don't tell us what's wrong I can't do that."

"It's probably nothing...just the medicine.." Sam tried again.

"That's it Sam.." He said looking to the doctor. "Sam's having vision issues. he's mentioned on two seperate occasions now that his vision is fuzzy, I know he is squinting to see you clearly right now, he's alsohaving problems with his throat and head hurting."

"Thanks so much Dean." Sam said angrily

"I'm not fighting you about this Sam. I want to make sure you don't die on me. I couldn't handle it. That means we tell her what's wrong up front _not_ when you fall on your face."

"Fine.." Sam said huffing loudly, then as he realized what Dean had just said he continued after a few seconds pause "I'm sorry..I just hate being here."

"I know Sam. I hate seeing you here."

Dr. Erickson cleared her throat and brought the attention of both men back to her. "I appreciate the information Dean. Now I do have the bloodwork back on Sam. There is no evidence of drugs in your system, which is good. Sam there is a good possibility that your eyesight is being compromised by the medication we gave you, however I'd like to rule out a blood clot so I am going to schedule you a CAT scan for today." Pausing she asked. "Sam, I need to make sure you are comfortable with Dean hearing this, I can have him wait outside while we discuss your condition?"

"No, he has power of attorney in case of emergencies and I want him here, I've already told him what I remember happening." Sam said.

"Alright, then I'll start at the top of the list and work down. The stitches in your temple can come out in about 10 days. You'll probably have a small scar from it but nothing hideous. There was no breakage in the facial bones or noseand the shiner on you eye should receed in another of coupleof days, although it's going to look hideous as it heals. Your mouth and throat had extensive brusing from the gag and rope the paramedics found you tied up with. We're going to give you some anti inflammatories to help with the swellling and irratation. You were severely dehydrated and we're going to keep you on IV fluids for another couple of hours to make sure you bounce back alright. The cuts on your chest are all relativly superficial and are unlikely to scar. We treated the burns on your legs and back.You have signiciant bruising in your groinandhips and when you were brought in your right hip was dislocated and was realigned in the ER. There was evidence of rectal brusing and some tearing but no perforation occurred.You've gotbruises on most of your body and your muscles have taken quite a shock. Walking is going to be difficult for at least a few days maybe a week or more as your body tries to build up it's strength.The ER noted a psych consult tobe scheduled with you once you were awake and I'm going to perscribe a muscle relaxer and alow dosage sedative to help keepyou comfortable. Any questions?"

"Do I have to see the shrink?"

"No the option is yours, we recommend it to all of our patients with this type of injury but we can't force you to see them."

"Then don't schedule it."

"It's ok to talk about what happened Sam." Dr Erickson started, but Sam cut her off.

"I know you're trying to help and I really appreciate it. But I've talked about it with the person that matters most to me right nowand I'm going to have to again when the police get here, which I'm betting is the next thing you're going to tell us before leaving the room. I'm not going to sit and talk to someone who doesn't know dick about my life and try to tell me everything is going to be fine. " Sam said angrily, he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. "I'm sorry, I really just hate hospitals. Please, just tell me how long I have to stay and if I have any long term things to worry about."

"Apology accepted. Depending on the CAT scan you could go home later today or first thing tomorrow. The hip will be your biggest long term physcial injury, it may pop back and forth while healing and some pain is to be expected. And you're right Sam, the police are here and do want to speak with you, butonly if you feel up to talking with them. I do need to let you know that I can't give you anything for the pain while they are taking your statement so are you able to handle your current pain level or should I delay them for a while?"

"I'm fine. The meds can wait."

"Ok, the nurse'll be in once the CAT scan is ready and take you down. I'll stop by again before you leave to make sure you don't have any other questions." She said as she walked out the door. The brothers could hear her speaking with someone outside and clearly heard her admonishing them to not upset her patient.

* * *

Dean was mildly suprised when he saw Deputy Roberts come into the room. Dean wasn't sure who he was expecting to talk to Sam but something made him glad that it was someone who already knew part of what he had been through. 

Deputy Roberts smiled at Dean "Hello again, I'm glad to see they let you stay with your brother."

"Yeah, Dr. Osbourne is a life saver."

"That she is." the deputy turned to Sam and offered his hand. "Hi Sam, I'mTom Roberts andI'm really glad to see you awake my boy. You gave me quite a scare yesterday."

Sam took the offered hand cautiously, fear creeping into his eyes at the proximity of another person to him. He knew it was irrational but he couldn't help it. The man seemed to sense his discomfort and took a step back from the bed and settled into the chairaway from the bed.

"I remember your eyes...You found me?" Sam asked quietly.

"Yeah, I did"

"Thank you" Sam said earnestly.

"Just part of the job Sam. Dr. Erickson said that you were up to talking with me...but I still want to make sure."

"I'm sure, I just ...I just want to get it over with. Can Dean stay?"

"Whatever makes you the most comfortable Sam. I'm going to record this so I don't have to make you tell it again. I just need your permission."

"That's fine." Sam said as the deptuy put the recorder on the stand between them.

"So Sam tell me what you remember..."

It took Sam almost two hours to get out the story to Tom. He had ended up close to 2 overwhelming panic attacks and had finished relaying the information holding on to his brothers hand like a lifeline.Sam was exhausted mentally and physicallyand could barely keep his eyes open streaks of now dry tears evident on his face. Dean ran his free hand gently through Sam's hair as his brother drifted off. Dean looked over at the deputy and could see the sympathy in the older man's eyes and Dean found that he was once again grateful that he had been the one to take Sam's statement. He admired the man's ability to ask without pushing and helped direct Sam to tell him what he needed to know. Dean garnered new information about the situation thanks to the questions Tom had asked.

Tom switched off the recorder and quietly stood as Dean released his brothers hand.Sam made a small noise but settled back into sleep. The two moved towards the doorway, as the door came open and nurse stuck her head in. "Deputy Roberts, you have a call at the nurses station they say it's urgent."

"Thanks, I'll be right there." turning to Dean he held out his hand, "Take care of your brother, I can tell you mean the world to each other."

"I will, thanks again for finding him."

"Anytime."

Dean dropped back into the chair as the deputy left checking on Sam's breathing as he did. Happy to see that he was resting peacefully he let his thoughts drift over what he knew trying to pick up a pattern. Dean was startled when a few moments later two male nurses came in to transport Sam. One of them inserted a syringe into Sam's IV bag and then unlocked the bed to roll him out of the room.

"They need you to sign release forms at the nurses station." One of the men said gruffly,"You can meet us there once they're signed."

"Where're you going?"Dean asked clearly torn about leaving Sam.

"Down to the 2nd floor, follow the signs." The man said as they pushed Sam away from Dean towards the elevator.Dean didn't like it but headed away from his brother guessing he wouldn't be that far behind.

He jogged to the nurses station and was surprised to see Deputy Roberts still there talking adamantly on the phone. "I don't care about the over time I need a guard on that kids door now. We've no idea how long it'll take for them to discover that he's alive and where he is." He looked up to see Dean standing there, signalling for him to wait a moment he finished with the call. "I'll wait here until you get someone to cover me." He said hanging up the phone.

Dean acknowledged the man's motion and flagged over a nurse as Tom hung up the phone. "The nurse that took my brother to CAT scan said there was a release form I needed to sign."

"Let me check his file. Your brothers name?"

"Sam Winchester."

"Dean...where is Sam." Deputy Roberts looked frantic.

"They took him for a CAT scan."

"I think your brother is in danger. The call that came for me. The news service picked up a story about your brother, they know he's aliveand we think they may come back for him."

Dean's felt his world drop out from under him. "Mr. Winchester, Sam hasn't been scheduled yet for his CAT scan." the words dropped like a bomb between the two men.

"I think they already have." Dean said as he turned and ran back down the hall towards the elevators with Tom not far behind.

* * *

A/N: so cliffy this time and I promise chapter 8 very soon. Thanks again to all who have reviewed let me know what you like and what you don't! 


	8. Chapter 8

If Only - Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own them so don't sue

Warnings: Please be aware this story has violent imagry and sexual content. Not for the faint of heart. You have been made aware.

A/N: Thanks again to all of you who have reviewed the story. I am in the process of getting responses back to everyone. However I got a request to get the next chapter up before the end of the weekend so I am doing my best to hold up my part, so Teal Lover this chapter is for you. I promise I will get responses to you and keep letting me know what you like.

* * *

Movement started the tug of Sam's mind back to consciousness. At first all he wanted to do was ignore the shifting taking place around him and sink lower into the dark.Sam was tired, both in body and mind and was hoping the exhaustion he felt and his brother's steady presence,would keep the voice away from him for a while. Even now he could _feel_ Dean near him, he wasn't sure how he knew it was Dean there but the sense of security and even peace reassured him of his brothers location. 

Until he felt other people near him. Although he tried he couldn't make out the words being exchanged, Sam's focus still on trying to simply open his eyes. But he realized that Dean was letting him be taken away from him. Panic started to set in. _'Is he leaving me? Where's he going?'_ trying to get his mind and body to work unsuccessfully all that came out was a small moan. He could feel warmth start to move up his arm and his body was starting to relax against his will. _'Not again'_ Sam thought as he curled his body over the IV in his arm and clumsily pulled it out, ignoring the short burst of pain as it slipped free.

Fear and adrenaline helped clear Sam's mind briefly and he was finally able to crack open his eyes to see the two men standing over his bed, Trying to focus is bleary vision he realized they were already on the elevator and no one else with them.

One of the men noticed Sam's eyes fluttering , "How much did you give the kid, it looks like he's trying to come around."

"More than enough to get him out of here without a fight. It's just going to take a couple of minutes for it to work. I couldn't risk pumping it directly into his body the other hunter would've gotten suspicious. "

"You think it'll take long for the brother to figure out what happened?"

"Probably not but that's the plan anyway,otherwise how are we going to get them both? No the hunter will figure it out but not before we're long gone mate. He's expecting them to take the kid for tests, the master got into the head of that pretty little nurse at the desk to make sure. Would really love to have her upon the altar you know what I'm saying." the man cackled evilly.

"I hear you," the other man said joining in the laughter,"but no power in that one, now this one, the energy in him and his brother is enough to keep the master well fed for a month."

"We just need to get this one hidden away and leave a trail of breadcrumbs for dear old brother to follow. It'll be a big surprise when he finds him and the master hasfinished breaking this pretty one's body, you know he plans on using the kids power to create a new body for himself, it'll be great to have him back with us again."

The two men chuckled again over Sam's plight as the elevator doors finally dinged announcing their arrival, sounding like a death knell in Sam's mind.

* * *

Dean moved away from the nurses station at a dead run. Fear and guilt pushing him faster. _'Why did you let them seperate you from Sammy, you're an idiot! He all but told you he was going to get Sam away from you.'_ he thought visciously. Quickly pushing the recriminations to the back of his mind he focused everything on catching up with the men who had his brother. _'Hang on Sammy. I **will** find you this time.'_

Dean was so focused on moving forward, he didn't realize at first that deputy Roberts was falling in step behind him. As the two turned the corner towards the elevators Dean saw the elevators door close with his brother inside. Dean skidded to a halt cursing loudly. Looking around frantically, he swung out on instinct when Tom grabbed his arm. Tom caught his fist easily shaking Dean enough to bring his attention back to him.

"Let me go! They've gotSammy." Deep panic and fear gleaming in his eyes along with something harder. Tom didn't allow himself to focus on it.

"I know Dean we'll get him back, the hospital is locking down all the floors they aren't going to get away from us." Tom stated calmly, trying to reassure the man

"You've no idea what you're up against, locking down this place isn't going to stop them..." he shouted angrily no longer caring who heard him.Dean finally caught sight of the door for the stairs and roughly pushed away from the older man.

Dean threw open the door and started down the stairs. He heard the door bang open again behind him and Tom's voice call out to him. "Dean wait! _Please_. You can't go up against them unarmed."

Dean stopped briefly looking up at the man's eyes begging him for understanding. "Tom, I know, you think that you can protect Sam but I've been doing it my entire _life_, we're up against far more than a simple gang, you've neither the training nor ability to do more than get in the way and get my brother killed. If you want to help give me your gun so I can shoot the sons of bitches when I find them and save me the trouble of ripping their throats out."

The men locked eyes in a silent battle that lasted only seconds. "You're going to get yourself killed going off half cocked like this."

"Probably," Dean said quietly, "But I'm not losing my brother again."

"I'm coming with you."

Dean simply nodded his head and starting heading down the stairs two at a time hoping he would make it in time.

* * *

The two men moved quickly and quietly, rushing toward a common goal. Dean broke the silence as they passed the third floor landing. "How many levels have access for vehicles to move patients out of?" 

"The ER entrance on the first floor, the parking garage enterance on two, and the morgue on the basement level,has a ramp for vehicles."

"They're headed for the morgue." Dean stated resolutely picking up the pace.

"How can you be sure?"

"Sam's still in a bed they need him on a gurney, he was only asleep when they wheeled him out although I can bet they plan on drugging him at some point if they haven't already. So they need someplace undisturbed to get Sam out. An ambulance would draw to much attention so that rules out the ER, but I bet no one really pays to much attention to any hearse coming in and out of this place."Dean forced out as they passed the first floor landing.

Both men stopped at the doorway for the basement. Dean moved to pull open the door when Tom stilled his hand."Let me call for back up."

"There isn't time for this." Dean growled pulling the door open and throwing him self into the hallway. Drawing his weapon Tom followed the impulsive man into the corridor. He feverently hoped that later he wouldn't regret the decision.

* * *

Sam was frantically trying to get his body to work. Whatever he had been given was storng enough that the small amount that had made it into his system had all but immobilized his body. he knew he was running out of time. He refused to be the bait to lure his brother to his death. Sam was determined that if he had to die right here and now he would at least save his brother a death at his own hands. Sam now understood all too well what was planned for him and his body and he wasn't going to let it happen. 

Sam felt hands grab at the sheets preparing to move him from one bed to another.As the men lifted Sam clear of the hospital bed, Sam swung out with his right arm. He caught the man dead on in the face with a satisfying crack. The man's hands instinctivly went to his face, effectively dumping Sam to the ground in a tangle of limbs and blankets. The man staggered backwards with a curse.

Sam's lay stunned for a moment trying to get his body to respond. The impact with the ground on his right hip sent agony through his body and he howled in pain. He couldn't move out of the way as a heavy boot came towards his torso connecting with his side rolling him over as pain consumed him.

Over the rushing of his blood he heard a boom of a door hitting a wall. Sam couldn't even bring his head up to see where the noise came from. Curled up on his side he bit down hard on the hand that was roughly trying to roll him over earning him another swift kick this time to his unprotected kidneys.

As this new pain rolled over him the world grayed out briefly, but as the world came back Sam knew he had to get moving or he would be back on that strecther to god knows where. Trying to get to his knees Sam's entire being was focused on just trying to move. From a distance he could hear someone yelling but gave up trying to make sense of it as he continued to try and move away from his captors on hands and knees.

Dean and Tom cleared the corridor in time to see Sam swing out and catch one of the men in the face. Joy and terror overlapped in Dean's heart as he first saw his brother was fighting back and then saw him dumped to the floor and then subsequently kicked. "Sammy!"

Tom's action was immediate. "Freeze! This is the police, step away from the man and put your hands in the air." He yelled authoritatively.

Both men looked up in shock at the arrival of the two men. Sam's captors looked at the two men smugly. "You're not going to shoot us, not when we're so close to you brother. We'll kill him before you can shoot both of us."

Dean noticed the temperature in the hallway start to drop radically. "Damnit Not again! Sammy we've got a cold wave coming!" he yelled hoping he would understand the meaning.

Sam's head shot up at his brothers voice and he understood loud and clear what Dean was trying to say when the famillar oily voice echoed down the hallway.

"We meet again so soon...Seems like the hunter is a tracker as well...I should've seen this coming...Never send idiots to do the real work. It appears I may have underestimated you, hunter, but I think I can fix that..."

Dean felt the air around him polarize and he looked to his right to see that Deputy Roberts was wearing a agonized expression. To Dean's horror he watched as the gun that had been facing Dean's captor was slowly turned on him. "Don't move Dean... I don't want to...shoot... but I will" the man ground out.

Dean's made a split second decision, he rushed the man before the gun was fully turned. As the two men struggled the weapon discharged and Dean felt the bullet burn across his upper arm. Dean managed to wrestle the gun away and with regret knocked the older man unconscious.

Drawing down on the men who were now holding a limp and nearly unconscious Sam between them he cocked the weapon. Speaking to the hallway in general. "Have them let Sam go and your guys can walk away, otherwise I'm going to send them both on a quick trip to hell."

Dean could feel the anger in the air and was glad that for the first time he had the upper hand."Until next time, hunter, I won't underestimate youagain.I _will_ have you both." The air temperature rose as quickly as it fell and both men looked shell shocked that they had beenabandoned, however neither let Sam go.

Walking forward slowly he spoke each word clearly with angerin his voice. "Let. go of my brother and you get to live otherwise you die. No other option." The one man belived what he saw in Dean's eyes and let go of Sam backing quickly toward the door at the end of the hallway. The other quickly wrapped Sam in a choke hold trying to keep as much of Sam's body in front of him.

"I'll kill him. If you shoot you'll hit your brother."

Dean continued to move forward his gaze never wavering. He was now close enough he could reach out and touch Sam. "This is the last time I'm going to say this. Let my brother go."

The man's hold on Sam tightened and Dean saw that his brother was still conscious and aware. Hoping Sam would understand. "Sammy, drop" Dean yelled, waching Sam's legs fall out from under him, Dean fired catching the man right between the eyes. As the dead man fell Dean grabbed Sam pulling him into his arms as they both collapsed to the ground.

Sam's world was graying on the edges as he looked up into his brothers eyes. His eyes widened as he saw the blood on Dean's arm. "You're bleeding, " he rasped out

"It's nothing Sammy, just a scratch." Dean said blowing it off. Tears of joy stinging his eyes.He heard Tom stirring behind him although his eyes remained focused on his brother. "Just rest Sammy, I've got you."

"You found me this time Dean. I knew you would." Sam smiled slightly at his brother. He was fighting to keep his eyes open, "Dean...they gave me something..I can't...stay..."

"It's alright Sam, I'll watch over you, I'm not letting you out of my sight." Dean said pulling Sam to rest on his chest and rocking them both slowly as Sam's eyes slid shut.

* * *

A/N: So no real cliffy this time I figured your fingers could use the break. Chap 9 coming soon. Please let me know what you like. 


	9. Chapter 9

If Only Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them please don't sue.

Warnings: Also same as before not a pretty story, lots of scary images. Be aware.

A/N: I have finally made a dent in getting responses out on feedback. Thanks again for all the support. Keep it coming. It let's me know what I'm doing right, and somebody please tell me if I'm doing something wrong, as long as it's not nasty. If this gets finished in time it will be a first for me three chapters in one week. Inspiration for this chapter goes to Mystery927, who gave me a lot to think about, I still owe you a longer response but I wanted you to get some spotlight for pushing me to think outside of my own ideas. Enough said on with the show!

* * *

Dean continued to slowly rock his sleeping brother. Vaguely he realized this was the second time in as many days that he had ended up on the floor with his brother in his arms. _'Was it only yesterday?' _his exhausted mind queried. As the adrenaline rush gave way to the growing blood loss, Dean was finding it harder to keep his emotions in check. 

Dean found small comfort in the fact that Sam had realized he was there before passing out, and knew that Dean had found him. His brothers easy assurance that he knew Dean would come for him helped fill the aching wound Dean hadn't realized he'd been carrying around since Sam had initially gone missing. As he heard deputy Roberts rouse, Dean finally contemplated what had just occurred and he began to feel things closing in on him. The body of the man he hadkilled was on the floor a few feet away, and Dean realized there was the very real possibility that he was going to be taken away from Sam, if he couldn't find a way out of this quickly.

Dean didn't want to have to hurt the deputy again but knew in no uncertain terms he wasn't going to jail. Sam would be as good as dead by the time he got out. Lost in thought it came as a shock when Tom's hand fell on Dean's shoulder. Dean's automatic response was to pull Sam closer, unwilling to lose the physical contact of his brother, he looked up into the older man's face as he kneeled down next to the brothers.

"How's Sam doing?"

"They drugged him...he knew I was here... other than that I don't know." Dean stated quietly

Noticing the blood still running down Dean's arm, Tom pressed on.."How about you?"

Shrugging as if he couldn't feel the pain, which Tom figured he probably couldn't as shock was probably setting in. Dean just looked blankly at the man. "I've had worse." Turning his attention back to Sam who hadn't stirred from his drug induced slumber.

Tom lowered himself onto the floor facing Dean, the deputy was at a loss for what his mind was telling him happened.Tom was unsure if he could rely on what his mind was telling him, so he reverted to what he knew, asking questions and getting answers."Dean what happened?"

"What do you remember?" Dean countered, broaching the subject carefully. Dean was aware of how badly this could go and was steeling himself for the inevitable disbelief and anger that usually followed when rational people tried to explain their brush with the supernatural.

"I remember coming through the doorway and then it getting cold...you yelling,... then it got _really_ cold and everything gets really hazy... I heard a _voice_...then I ...turned the gun...on you? Tom stuttered sounding very confused by his own recollection. With a pained expression he looked Dean in the eye. "Did I shoot you?"

Dean tried to smile and it only came out a small grimace. He was so tired of all of this he just wanted Samsafe and this over with thatDean made a decision he hoped he wouldn't live to regret.He settled onleveling with Tom and telling him thetruth all of it.. "You really weren't in control at the time."

"What was that ...voice?"

"That is what wants my brother...the _gang _you're after" Dean spit out angrily "is really a cult that Sam and I were looking to stop, except they found him first...Seems like whoever they're worshipping wants to make sure it can seperate me from Sam."

"I don't believe..." Tom started

Dean cut him off in a fit of rage.."Of course you don't ...no one ever does" Dean was about to continue his rant when he was cut off by a hand grabbing hard on his shoulder.

"Whoa slow down a minute there Dean... I believe _you, _what I was trying to say was that _I_ can't believe _I_ turned my weapon on you. I could've killed you. I could see it happening but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Dean's rage deflated instantly, a fine trembling started in his muscles, as the recent events finally became evident on Dean's body.

Tom watched as the young man in front of him started to break. Just when he thought he would let go and crumble, he was amazed to see Dean slowly start to rebuild himself. Within a matter of moments the man's face had reset and if you hadn't been there the moment before to notice the vulnerabilty you never would've believed it occurred. Watching it happen Tom made a decision he knew might cost him his career.

"Who shot him?" Tom asked gently

"I did, after I knocked you out. He was going to kill Sammy." Dean said just as queitly, breathing hitching in quiet defiance before he continued. "I'm not sorry, I'd do it again."

After several long moments of silence a small smile played across the deputy's mouth. "Dean I do believe you must've hit your head on the wall when you were shot."

Dean shot the man a worried glance, "I didn't hit anything but your face. What **are** you talking about?"

"It's ok Dean, I know that with the shock of being shot things tend to appear differently. You didn't shoot anyone... Did you?" The man said grinning as he saw that Dean finally caught onto what he was saying.

"But my fingerprints..."

Picking up the weapon from where it lay fogotten on the ground between them, Tom wiped it clean. "What fingerprints?" Fixing Dean with a sharp look he continued. "We don't have a lot of time to do this. I'm going to need to call security and let them know what happened. We're lucky that there are no cameras down here. For once budget constraints are a good thing. You were right before no one really thinks someone is going to steal a body. So we just need to keep the story straight. Got it?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's my job."

"_This isn't"_ Dean insisted. "Arresting me is your job.Not that I'm arguing with you here, but nothing comes for free. What do you want?"

"I want this scum gone." Tom said waving his hand towards the body on the ground. "There have been too many people going missing and we're always a step behind." Sounding very tired the man continued "I don't want to explain to anymore family members what I had to tell you yesterday about Sam. I don't want to look down at anymore horribly broken bodies, knowing they didn't find peace even in death.There's never been a survivor before _ever,"_ His gaze locked on firmly with Dean's.."I need to make sure we break this cycle and I think you and your brother are the key to that."

"I can't tell you there's going to be anyone for you to arrest, if I find them first." Dean said honestly.

"I'm not sure, I care about that anymore. Now here's the story..."

* * *

The next several hours passed in a blur for Dean. He wasn't sure if it was blood loss, relief or just too much happening in too short a span of time, but his ability to figure out if time was passing in minutes or days was seriously impared. 

Since agreeing to commit perjury and conspiracy with an officer of the law, Dean had been interviewed, then taken with Sam back to the ER to be stitched up after which he followed his brother to CT Scan all the while making sure that Sam was _never_ out of his sight.

Dean smiled faintly at the thought that hewas fairly certain that the orderlies in the ER would like to make sure that Dean left and never returned as well. They had mistakenly tried to seperate him and Sam and three of them were sporting various bruises and black eyes for their error.

After making it clear that he was not allowing anyone to remove Sam from his sight Dean had settled down and allowed the doctors to do their jobs, being utterly compliant in what was requested of him. Now the two brothers were back in Sam's room waiting for results.

In truth Dean was waiting for results, Sam had yet to break free of what ever drug had been given to him and for a change was sleeping peacefully. The lab was still testing the contents of his IV bag to make sure Sam was in no danger from what had been forced into his body, but Dean knew that if they'd wanted to kill Sam outright they never would've bothered with taking him out of the hospital room. Leaving him dead right under Dean's nose would've been what happened in that case.

A knock on the door brought Dean back from his cluttered thoughts, as Dr. Erickson came in, Dean smiled tiredly at her, "Don't you ever leave?"

"I 'd ask the same of you." She started smiling. "No rest for the wicked so the speak. I'm on a double shift today, so you and Sam have to put up with me for another 12 hours or until I cut you loose whichever comes first."

"You've got the results back?" Dean said looking hopeful. At this point nothing would make him happier then getting out them both out of this hospital and to start working on a game plan.

"I do indeed." She said holding up a file folder. "Normally, I 'd wait until Sam was awake to discuss this but we also have the toxicology reports back on the IV bag and based on what we found there I'm sure Sam isn't going to be awake anytime soon and you don't strike me as the patient type."

Dean shot her a worried glance at that comment. "He _is_ going to wake up though right?" trying hard to keep the fear from his voice.

"Yes, I'm sorry Dean" she said sounding embarassed with her choice of words."the sedative they found in the solution is very potent, but the dosage was not harmful. It's just going to need to work it's way through Sam's system. Based on his current level of injury and exhaustion it hit him a bit harder then it would've had he been fully functional so I would say another 4-6 hours, maybe a little less."

Dean breathed an audible sigh of relief at those words."What about the CT scan?"

"The CT scan came back negative, there is nothing causing Sam's vision problems, which means it is most likely the medication he has been given and exhaustion. It should steadily improve over the next several hours to days depending on how much medication he takes and his healing ability. I know you are both eager to get out of here, but I'm going to hold off on releasing Sam's discharge papersuntil he wakes and we confirm there aren't any other issues."

Dean nodded his head in agreement. He was just happy they were still planning on letting Sam leave. "Thank you, for everything you've done for Sam."

"You're welcome." she said earnestly, "Have the nurse page me when Sam wakes. I would also recommend that you take this time to get some sleep as well. Looking after Sam the next few days as he continues to build strength back is going to be rough on you both, you should rest while you can."

"I'll think about it." Dean said honestly

As she crossed back to the door she added, "I wanted to let you know that Deputy Roberts is requesting to come in and see you. I told him I wanted to make sure you were up to it first."

"I appreicate the offer of protection, but yeah I'm up to it, you can let him in."

* * *

A few minutes later the door opened again and Tom peered around the parially open door. Dean waved the man the rest of the way into the room. Tom sat down in the chair opposite Dean.

"How's the arm feeling?"

"Not bad." Dean said not elaborating or giving the deputy any room to really open up the conversation further.

"I saw the doc on the way out." Tom tried againlooking for a way to break the silence. "Good news?"

"Yeah, Sam's going to be fine once the drugs wear off. They think he'll sleep another couple of hours or so. They're still willing to discharge him today, once he is awake."

"That's good to hear." He said sincerly. "Dean.."

Dean cut him off quickly, with a wave of a hand surprising both men. "I never said thank you for finding Sam and bringing him back to me. I owe you more than you can imagine for that." Dean said fiercely.

"You're welcome. What I told you before is true Dean. I believe you and Sam are the key to ending this, and I want to help. Where are you planning on staying when you get Sam out of here?"

"Back to the motel, I kept the room there while I was looking for Sam. I need to give Sam time to rest and for us to plan our next step."

"I want you to consider protective custody." Tom started earnestly

"No"

"Dean, you and Sam aren't safe out there on your own. Do you really think Sam is safer in a motel room then he could be with you and a guard at the door?"

Getting angry at the man questioning his ability to care for his brothers welfare. "Let's see...YES!Since it appears that the men holding the weapons at my brothers door can be swayed to shoot the people they should be protecting." Dean was sorry as soon as the words left his mouth when he saw the wounded look on the older man's face.Trying to soften the blow he continued. "Tom, look Sam and I have been doing this...well _forever_ and it still managed to get the upper hand on us. I can't take a risk with Sam's life and allow strangers to stand outside the door in the hopes that they will protect us and not become more cannon fodder. I'mdon't want to be forced to choose between hurting someone else and protecting Sam, the decision will be the same everytime and eventually you'd _have_ to put me in jail for it. Hell, you still might when this is all over with. But I have to get Sam out of here, we've already seen that I can't defend Sam in a hospital room there are simply too many people here. Too many people with reasons to get close to Sam. At least out ofhere the only one near him is me and thatright now is who I can trust. The motel is the best answer I've got. I know I can defend it."

"What about the other people staying there? Aren't they a risk to you as well? Aren't you a risk to them?"

Dean was quickly reaching the end of his very short fuse. "Look I know you want to help and you think this is a good idea, but we need a door number three. I will not trust anyone else with Sam's life _period_, this thing has a long reach and a lot of power and as you pointed out you are **always** a step behind. I need to find a way to get a step ahead or we're not going to be able to stop this and I will **not** accept losing Sam. So if you have another option spill it otherwise when Sam wakes up I'm taking him out of here and I'll call you once I take care of the problem."

The two men sat in silent contest of wills. Dean knew he was going to win, there was no other option. Finally the older man looked away taking a deep breath and scrubbing his hands over his face. Holding his hand up in defeat he continued. "Alright, I get what you're saying...How's this for door number three...No protective guard, but a safehouse you can use as a home base. Far enough from neighbors that the locals remain safe but close enough that I can still come by and make sure you don't need any assistance. Then if you do need help we can get there. Can I get you to at least consider that?"

"Let me talk it over with Sam, when he wakes, see what he wants and I'll call you and let you know"

"I want your word that you will actually call me and tell me one way or the other and not just run off once he wakes."

"Ok." Dean said trying to avoid saying the more.

"No, I want your word Dean not an agreement. I know that if all you do is agree then you will have no qualms about picking up and leaving here without a thought. But I know you have a sense of...honor...and if you give me your word you'll stick to it...Please.."

"You have my word. One way or the other I'll let you know when Sam wakes up." Dean said quietly a yawn coming out right behind.

Shaking his head the Deputy rose to his feet. "Thank you..." as he opened the door he turned back and looked at Dean "Get some sleep I've got a feeling you're going to need it." and then he was gone.

As the door slid shut Dean turned his focus back to his brother. It appeared that for a change Sam's dreams were peaceful and Dean hoped that for once the appearance was not decieiving him. As he reclined the chair he was in as far back as it would go, he let his eyes fall closed, and moments later the only noise in the room was the soft breathing of the two brothers.

* * *

A/N: So I wasn't really sure where to end this, but as I worked on Chapter 10 I realized this was the best place to stop and let the boys rest up before springing them from the hospital and into impending doom! grin. Thanks again for reading and let me know what you like. 


	10. Chapter 10

If Only Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before this isnot a pretty feel good story, not really for the weak of heart.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has let me know what they think about the story. All feedback is good as long as it's constructive.

* * *

Awareness came back slowly to Sam. He was surprised by the sense of peace and safety that seemed to envelope him as he pulled open his tired eyes. Blinking blearily he noticed that the light in the room had changed. Judging by the shadows on the walls and the more muted light Sam guessed it was probably mid to late afternoon. The pressure in his bladder reminded him that his body had finally reached capacity for all the fluids the hospital had been pumping into him. Not wanting to face the humilation of using a bed pan, Sam decided it was time to see if his legs still worked. As he carefully stretched he was surprised at how little pain he actually felt. _'Must be the drugs'_ Sam thought to himself. 

Sam also noticed that his vision seemed to be improving as well. The earlier problem of everythng going in and out of focus was gone and while things were still not as clear and sharp as they could be Sam was not having any problems seeing his surroundings. Sam looked over to where his brother still sat sleeping in the chair. Dean's head had fallen back to rest against the top of the chair and Sam knew that Dean was going to have one hell of a crick in his neck when he finally woke up. In all actuality Sam was a litle surprised that Dean had not awoken at the first sound of Sam moving around.

Taking a good look at his brother he could see the dark circles under his eyes, the stubble on his chin and howeven in rest Dean's body looked haggard. 'It looks like he hasn't slept in days.' Sam thought. Then it hit him. Dean probably hadn't slept, Sam understood that whether or not Sam had been aware of his presence Dean had stood guard over his brother, keeping him safe.Sam knew instinctivly that the only times Dean had rested since finding Sam were those all toobrief moments of stolen time, like when he had seen Dean asleep on the side of his bed.

The knowledge and understanding of what his brother was saying so clearly without words tugged at Sam's heart. His brother had been constantly on guard protecting Sam while he couldn't protect himself. _'Just like he's always done'_ Sam thought to himself a soft smile tugging at his lips. A wave of gratitude sweeping over the younger Winchester as he realized that while his brother may rarely utter the words "I love you" his actions spoke of it every day. Sam also realized he should try and show Dean how much it really meant to him and how much _Dean_ really meant to him. _'Maybe it'll keep things like the asylum from happening again'_ he added to himself guility.

Sam lay still for another moment contemplating how he was going to manage to get out of the bed without disturbing his brother from his much need rest . Sam wasn't truly certain that he could even stand. He remembered all to well the agony he expereinced when his hip had connected with the ground earlier. _'You can't lay here helpless forever Sam... How long do you think Dean will stick around to baby you...before he gets sick of you and leaves your ass where you sit?Suck it up and get up!'_ he berated himself.

Sam stilled for a moment as he heard the harsh words in his own head. He tried to identify if they were really his thoughts or something more insideous, but when no more jibes were forthcoming he gave up and taking a deep breath started to slowly roll onto his side. Once his legs were hanging off the side of the bed he used the side rail to slowly pull himself up to a sitting position. His body leaning against the rail for support as he tried to get his breathing under control. _'Drugs aren't that good after all.' _Sam thought grumpily as the back of his thighs and lower back protested the full weight of his body coming to bear for the first time. Continuing to take slow deep breaths he focused on controling the sensations bombarding his mind. For a full minute Sam considered changing his mind and calling out to Dean, asking for the help that Sam knew he'd so willingly give, then just as quickly a fierce need to prove to himself that he wasn't helpless came over him and before really thinking any further he let his feet slide down to the cold tile floor.

Sam had one hand wrapped tightly around the rolling IV poll next to the bed using it to slowly pull himself on to wobbly, wooden legs. As his full weight settled onto his legs, hip and back he felt the pain flare exquistily stealing Sam's breath away and a small groan escaped his lips. Looking over quickly desperately hoping the noise had not awoken his brother, he claimed a silent victory for himself as he watched Dean shift slightly and then settle back into sleep.

Pushing the IV stand along with him, Sam started slow shuffling steps towards the bathroom at the other side of the room. Each step brought new pain to Sam, as the simple impact of his foot making contact with the floor felt like he was driving nails into his hip and back. He also belatedly realized that while he had the determination to make it across the room he wasn't sure he had the energy. Just remaining up right was quickly becoming a daunting task and before he realized it he could go no further. He was too far to drag himself back to the bed and the door to the bathroom was just out of his reach.

Sweat started to break out in a cold sweat as the pain continued to ratchet up and his wobbly legs threatened to become limp noodles. Gathering the last of his energy he tried to take another step forward only to have his right leg refuse to support his weight, the action causing Sam to instictively use the IV pole to try and slow his fall and minimize his impending impact with the ground. The strain on his arms and upper back caused Sam's eyes to squeeze tightly shut as a sob of pure agony was wrenched from his lips and pain overwhelmed him. The muscles in his arms trembling, he continued to slide towards the ground.

Sam's slow fall was halted as he felt a warm arm wrap gently around his waist and another pull on his arm away from the IV stand to be pulled across a pair of shoulders. Sam opened tear streaked eyes to see his brothers face close to his own, worry clearly evident in Dean's eyes. Quietly Dean encouraged his brother to accept his help. "Lean into me Sam, I've got you."

Because he really had no other choice Sam did as requested, letting Dean take most of his weight allowing Sam to focus on just keeping his feet under him.

"Where were you trying to go to Sam?"

"Bathroom" Sam said quietly.

Dean simply nodded his head and settled Sam's arm a little more firmly over his shoulder and looked at Sam who nodded his head slightly indicating he was ready to move forward and the two completed the journey to the small room. Dean briefly let go of the arm around his shoulders and pulled open the door. It took a little maneuvering but Dean finally got both of them and the IV pole into the room. Sam attempted to pull away from Dean and stand on his own but Dean held firm until he was sure that Sam was close enough to grab the safety bars around the toilet.

Looking at Sam clearly unsure if he should leave his brother alone in the bathroom even if it would be embarassing for them both, Dean decided humor was the best way to handle this one. and asked "You sure you can stand? You know the doc won't forgive me if I let you fall and crack your head open after all the hard work they've done trying to keepyou patchedup and it definetly won't get me a date from the cute nurse down the hall if I have to explain I let it happen just to give my baby brother some privacy."

"I'll be ok. Just give me a minute...please.." Sam asked imploringly.

Nodding his head once again Dean stepped out the door. As he pulled it mostly closed giving Sam the illusion of privacy 'Let me know when you're done."

Sam was relieved that Dean had understood how important this small thing was to him. Finishing up he realized he was more than ready to get back into bed. Sam sincerly hoped this dibilitating lack of energy wouldn't last long. He hated himself for needing to call out to his brother just to make it back to his own bed, but did it anyway. "Dean." he called softly

Pulling the door open Dean looked in at his brother. No recrimination in his eyes, just an unspoken offer of support and help."Ready to head back to bed?"

"Yeah." Sam confirmed as Dean once again wrapped his arms around his brother and the two made their slow jouney back to bed.

Dean helped Sam arrange himself back under the covers tucking them in gently around his brothers frame. "You ok?"

"Yeah...thanks Dean" Sam said quietly, feeling the need to explain his actions to his brother he continued drowsily. "I just didn't want to wake you... thought I could make it on my own... Pretty stupid, right?"

"I wouldn't list it as one of your smartest moves college boy.." Dean started running a hand through his brothers hair affectionately, then continued when he noticed that Sam was taking what Dean said as acutal condemnation he changed tactics to make Sam see that he did understand. "But it's not anything that I wouldn't have done myself. We're stubbon idiots if I say so myself." Dean finished cockily.

Dean watched the small smile cross his brothers face as his eyes slipped closed again. "Hey Sammy?" Dean asked quietly trying to gauge whether Sam was already asleep again.

"Yeah?" eyes still closed.

"The Dr. Erickson wanted me to call when you woke up. Should I call her or do you want to sleep for a while longer?"

"What she want?" Sam asked pulling his eyes open. Looking hopeful he continued. "You think she'll cut me loose?"

"That was the plan, she wanted to make sure you're ok and then she said she'd sign your discharge papers."

"Call her, I want out of here."

Dean was surprised by the look of reliefon his brothers face. He knew how much they both hated being in a hospital especially when they were the patients but after all Sam had been through he wasn't sure Sam would really want to go. Then he reconsidered and realized that for Sam like himself they felt more in control when they only had themselves to worry about and look after. Thinking about Sam being cut loose reminded him of the conversation he had with Tom and the offer he had promised to discuss with Sam. Dean decided now was as good a time as any. 'Hey Sam, before we call the doc we need to talk about something.." Dean said pulling the chair closer to Sam's bed.

Looking worried Sam focused his attention on his brother. "What's going on? Was there something with the test results, because I can see alot better already..." Sam rushed to say. He could hear his breath weeze a little as terror gripped him as his mind raced over the scenario's Dean might be getting ready to say.

Dean heard the change in his brothers breathing and immediately gripped his brothers hand squeezing it. Realizing he had inadvertantly frightened Sam he mentally throttled himself for his choice of words. Rushing to comfort the words fell out of his mouth almost too fast to understand. "No, your test went fine. Deputy Roberts, Tom, wants us to consider protective custody."

Sam's eyes widened dramtically. "No. No way, I won't go from being a captive here to being a captive some place else with some yahoo with a gun. Dean tell me you didn't agree to this." he asked urgently

Dean smiled at Sam's description, "I already told him..." drawing it out for a moment enjoying teasing Sammy just a little trying to get things back to normal between them. "No, I told him we'd head back to the motel I've got and then go from there."

The look of relief was clear and Sam smiled as he understood Dean was trying to make things easier. "Thank gods for small favors."

"But.."

"But what Dean?" He said looking worried again.

"He did offer another option."

"What."

"A house to stay at while we plan our next move. No guards, and not around nosy neighbors but still close enough he could check and make sure we don't need any help."

"What does he get out of this?" Sam asked suspicously.

_'That's my boy'_ Dean thought, proud that his brother was wondering the same thing he had asked hours earlier. "He says he wants to help. He told me that he wants to stop this before it happens again. He told me..." Dean dropped off as he realized what he told his brother what he had learned when Sam was snatched. "you'd need the rest." he finished lamely.

Sam wasn't willing to let it go,"Bullshit Dean, what did he actually say. Tell me or so help me god I'm going to get out of this bed and kick your ass."

"Like you can even stand..." Seeing the fire in Sam's eye he sighed loudly for dramatic effect. "Alright,you're the only survivor they've ever had. he thinks we're the key to stopping this."

"In other words he wants to put us up in a house and use us as bait." Sam sighed. Looking back at Dean he finally asked. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to put this place behind us and never look back Sam. But I don't think this thing is will just let us up and leave so we're bait either way. At least this will give us a home base where we don't have to worry if housekeeping is going to be posseessed and kill us."

"Do you trust him?"

"As much as I can. He took the rap for the guy I killed. So I think we can trust him on this." he said quietly.

"Alright, let's do it then. " Sam said finally

"Got it." Dean said walking towards the door of the room, opening it he spoke briefly to the man at the door and came back inside. Settling himself back in the chair he nodded at his brother. "Why don't you hit that call button Sam and let the nice nurse up front know you're awake so we can get the hell out of dodge."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Sam had been poked and prodded as much as he could handle. He still fliched everytime a hand reached out to touch him, and nearly struck out at the nurse who while removing the IV from Sam's arm made the mistake of trying to hold Sam's arm down when he flinched the first time. Luckily everyone wassympathetic to Sam's plight and when Sam apologized for his actions the nurse, graciously accepted them and offered her own in return for scaring them. Dean had been provided a ream of paper for him to go over about Sam and what kind of care he would need while he healed. Dean figured most of it was going to be useless but kept it all so he could read through it later just to be sure. What Dean did notice was the phone number that Dr. Erickson had written on the top of the discharge sheet with quick note indicating they should call her if Sam had any problems. 

"Hey Dean? What am I going to wear out of here?" Sam finally asked as he signed the last of his paperwork and handed it back to the nurse.

"Ahh hell," Dean muttered. "I knew I forgot something."

"I don't have any clothes do I"

"No, I didn't grab anything from the room when I came here. Didn't seem important at the time." Dean said looking guilty about his lack of preparedness. "Sorry."

Sam really wanted to be angry with Dean, but knew Dean was beating himself up for wanting to get to Sam and make sure he was alivemore than thinking if he brought clothes with him. Sam couldn't be angry with him for that. If they traded places Sam thought he would've been lucky to figure out if he was wearing clothes if someone called and told him Dean was in the hospital. "Well this is going to suck."

The nurse who had been going over Sam's paperwork saved the day. "We have surgical scrubs here. They aren't stylish but they'll get you out of here until and keep you warm until you can get your own. I'll be right back."

True to her word a few minutes later found Dean helping Sam get dressed in a set of scrubs. The nurse had brought a set with her she knew would be a little large on the man's thin frame. "I figured with the all the injuries you won't want anything pressing to hard on your skin right yet."

Sam was gratefull at the woman's forethought as he realized she was right, the thought of anything laying against his skin was just another layer of pain. Once he was dressed the nurse returned with a wheel chair with a walker hanging off the back,bag of perscriptions, and another sheaf of paper on what Sam should take when. With Dean's help Sam made it from the bed to the wheel chair without falling on his face. The nurse insisted that she accompany them downstairs and waited out front while Dean ran for the car, which thanks to fate was parked just outside the main entrance where Dean had left it on his race into the hospital. Dean loaded Sam into the front seat first making sure his belt was fastened and he was as comfortable as he could be. Then he took a few minutes to get everything else stowed away. Dean looked surprised when the nurse handed him the walker on the back of the wheelchair to put into the Impala. "What's this for?"

"At some point sweetie you're going to need sleep. This'll help Sam get around without having to bother you everytime. Take it.. Trust me it's for his good more than yours, it'll help him trust himself again."

Dean accepted the words and quickly stowed the item on the back seat. "Thank you, tell Dr. Erickson thanks again as well."

"Will do sweetie, now take good care of that brother of yours, I heard the guys in the ER really don't want to see you again." she said smiling knowingly.

"Yeah well, you either love me or hate me." Dean said honestly as he moved around the car and slipped into the drivers seat. Once the belt was buckled he pulled out the set of directions the guard on Sam's door had given him and put the hospital in the rear view mirror. Feverently hoping he would never have to see it again. His gut told him it wasn't likely but for now he ignored it.

* * *

The rumble of engines could be heard blocks away.Sounding like a pack of angry beasts stalking ever closer..The heavy thrum of motorbikes moving quickly across the darkened landscape. Had there been anyone around to witness the group riding up the deserted highway they would've checked their doors and windows and offered a silent prayer that the noise and the accompaning feeling of menace moved on. But as it was, on this moonless night, there was no one to witness the return of the howling machines and their terrible riders to the farm house they'd abandoned only days ago. Nor did anyone hear the chants offered up in horrid supplication, causing all the creatures in the area to still and quiet instinct telling them to hide and when the lone scream of terror ripped through the night, no one heard.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed, Chapter 11 on the way soon. Thanks again for letting me know what you like. 


	11. Chapter 11

If Only Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Same as before I don't own them so don't sue me.

Warning: Adult content and language, violence and nastiness. Please be warned.

A/N: Thank you all again for supporting the story. Keep letting me know what you like and what you don't.

* * *

Sam had fallen asleep about 5 minutes after pulling out of the hospital parking lot. His head was currently resting against the seat , his battered face turned towards Dean as if even in sleep he was seeking to make sure his brother was there. In deference to Sam's obvious need of rest, Dean had forgone the usual ear-shattering decibels of the stereo and left the music as a low background hum. Dean had taken a few moments once they had pulled away to contact Deputy Roberts and confirm that they'd left the hospital and the directions he'd been given were correct. He updated the man that he intended to go collect their belongings from the motel and then would be headed to the 'safehouse'. Dean had even accepted the offer to have groceries delivered to the new residence so that he could avoid leaving Sam alone for the time it would've taken him to get the basic supplies they needed.

As Dean made the turn from the highway into the parking lot of the motel he spared a brief look at his brother. In the fading daylight the bruises looked so much more livid and their presence twisted a knife deep in Dean's gut. As he parked the car out in front of the room, he cut the engine, and he started to open the door intending to leave his brother sleeping when he thought better of it. Dean knew there was a possibility, a good one in fact, that with as groggy as Sam was earlier he might not be fully aware they'd left the hospital and could easily have another panic attack if he awoke to find himself alone in a strange place.

Leaning over he shook Sam's shoulder gently, trying to rouse him from his slumber. "Sam, can you hear me? I need you to wake up for a sec bro"

"Dean?..Wha?" Sam slurred his sleep roughened voice making him sound far younger than he was.

"We're at the motel, I'm just going to run in and grab our things. I need you to stay in the car, I'll be right back."

"mmm. Kay" he mumbled back to Dean. "Be back 'fore the darkness comes.." he finished softly already drifting back into sleep.

Dean's eyes shot up at Sam's choice of words; there was something ominous in them. He wanted to wake Sam again and see what had caused him to say it, but he realized it may have been nothing, simply part of his dream or subconscious recognition that night was coming. Instead, he stored the sentence away in his mind to be examined later adding it to the growing number of jigsaw shaped clues he was going to need to sort through soon. He swiftly left the car and headed into the room. In total it took less than 15 minutes for Dean to pack everything and get it stored in the car. It would've been a bit quicker had Dean not decided to make multiple trips to the car to make sure that Sam was never out of his sight for more than a few moments. Dean's gut telling him that being out of sight for longer than necessary was not a good thing to be right now. Finally the room was empty and Dean was back on the road heading towards the house.

It took 45 minutes and 2 U-turns for Dean to find their new base of operations. As he turned up the drive of the home he saw a sheriff's cruiser parked next to the house. Checking on Sam he confirmed he was still sleeping peacefully. As he cut the engine, the front door opened and Deputy Roberts stepped out onto the porch. Dean swung out of the Impala, using his hip to just close the door until it clicked, not shutting it completely to keep from waking his brother and joined the man on the porch.

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon." Dean stated his eyes clearly questioning the man's presence.

"I just dropped off the groceries. "Returning Dean's questing gaze with a steady and even one of his own." I figured you'd feel better if I didn't let someone else know where you guys were staying just so you could have food delivered. I also thought you might need some help getting Sam and all your gear into the house." Deciding he needed to challenge Dean a bit on his decision, in hopes of getting Dean to allow him to help more, he asked. "Was I wrong?"

While Dean processed the information offered and the question that currently remained unanswered, Dean took a minute to finally look over the man before him. In the last 24 hours he'd spent quite a bit of time with the deputy and never really looked at him enough to see him as a person and now that he did he wondered why it never really occurred to him how much he reminded Dean of their father. Tom Roberts was most likely older than John Winchester but the stature and authority the man radiated were the same. Dean wondered to himself if that was the reason he was allowing himself to trust this man, and if so how dangerous that decision could be for all of them. Shoving the thought to the back of his mind he decided to let the man help and then get him out of here as fast as possible. He needed to focus on taking care of Sam and finding a way to eliminate the threat this cult was posing to them. Finally shaking himself from his internal discussion he answered."You're not wrong, you can get the gear out of the back seat, I'll get Sam." Dean said and then spun on his heel back towards the Impala.

Dean opened the passenger door gently making sure that Sam wasn't leaning against it for support. Kneeling in the door frame, he reached over and with great care turned Sam's face towards him. Gently he started talking to Sam trying to wake him up.

"Sam, we're here, time to get you up and out of the car."

"5 mo' mins.." he slurred never opening his eyes. His voice still making him sound like the little boy Dean watched grow up instead of the man before him.

"No Sam, we need to get you inside _then_ you can go back to sleep." Dean said voice stinging with the frustration he was starting to feel. Dean knew he'd had too little sleep for too long and was nearing his breaking point on patience, he took a deep breath before continuing, and let his focus remain that it wasn't Sam's fault Dean was so tired.

"Tired, lemme be" Sam said again, eyes still closed this time trying to pull his head away from his brother.

"I know you're tired Sammy, but you'll sleep better in a bed I promise."

"Kay," Sam said still making no attempt to open his eyes. Dean understood that he had yet to really wake Sam up and that his responses were simply surface responses so he could remain asleep.

He watched Tom walk back to the driver's side of the car and take another load of stuff into the house, as Dean slowly counted to 10 trying to get the annoyance he was feeling under control. In that flash of annoyance Dean heard his own voice berate Sam's condition in his head._'Damnit you brat if you'd learn to take of yourself, I wouldn't have to keep doing this shit.'_ Following on the heels of the thought Dean was overrun with the urge to shake Sam till his eyes opened and force him to drag his ass into the house. The heat in the thought was enough to cause Dean to fist both of his hands in rage. The pain of his nails biting into his palms brought him back and he realized they were far to exposed outside and they were tempting fate with every moment that passed. His instinct told him this wasn't the beginning of an attack more of a reminder, something to keep them off kilter but Dean was taking the warning for what it was and decided he needed Sam in the house _now_. Not sure how else to do it, he fell back on what he knew from when he and Sam were children and John was running the show. It had always worked on Dean, unfortunately he'd forgotten that what worked on him usually had the wrong effect on Sam.

"Sam!" he barked, "open your eyes or I'll leave you ass where you sit."

Much to Dean's surprise the comment worked however Dean became instantly aware of how badly it backfired when those green eyes locked onto his, fear and pain glazed and obviously not seeing the world around him as terrorized words fell from Sam's mouth like rain. "Please don't leave me Dad, I swear it wasn't Dean's fault he didn't know, I'll be better next time, no one will get hurt. I know I got what I deserved, they didn't hurt Dean, I'll take care of myself, I'm sorry whatever it is I won't do it again please don't leave me in the dark with them." Sam continued to babble the words becoming incoherent as Sam blindly fisted his hands into Dean's shirt burying his head there sobs racking his body.

Dean's heart shattered at the pain he caused his brother. Wrapping his arms around Sam he tried to soothe away the damage he had done. "Shh Sam, It's okay now, no one's mad." Dean cautiously rubbing circles onto Sam's injured back.

Sam's mind started to clear as the fog from the dream and drugs released him. Confusion swept through him next as he realized Dean was hugging him and Sam could barely feel his fingers as they were wrapped so tight in the cloth of Dean's shirt. He could feel the wetness on his face, and the heaving in his chest, which bothered him even more. Pulling back slightly from Dean he looked up at his brother, searching for an answer to what was going on. "Dean? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Sam" Dean said flatly, trying to determine if Sam knew what had happened.

"Something's up," he started looking curiously at his brother "Otherwise I think we've been possessed by a lifetime movie moment." Trying his best to grin through his still pounding headache he asked "Should we get the holy water and the exorcism ready or do I need to put a call in to Oprah to get you to tell me why we're hugging?"

Dean's swaggering bravado returned as he got Sam's joke, elated to see that while Sam may be hurt he wasn't defeated. "Dude we are _so_ not hugging:" Dean said trying to play it off but not removing his arm from Sam's shoulders, "_You're _clinging like a girl 'cause you freaked out a little when you woke up. _I _was only doing my job as your _wonderful_ brother to keep you from hurting yourself. I know it _looks_ like we're hugging but it's just me keeping you still. As I said before I don't want to have to take you back to the hospital because you undid all that hard work those nice people did on you."

Knowing he wasn't going to get an answer to his question Sam decided it was easier to let Dean win this one. Looking out over Dean's shoulder as he slowly uncurled his fingers from Dean's shirt he asked "These the new digs."

"Yep, So you think you're up to trying out those legs again?"

Sam eyed the distance between the car and the porch warily and then sighed knowing he couldn't stay in the car forever. "As ready as I'm going to get. Although..." a sad look crossed Sam's face as he stopped talking.

"What?"

"While I think I can get to the porch I don't think I can do those steps Dean." Sam said miserably.

Dean released Sam and looked back at the house. It dawned on him that with Sam's hip and _other_ injuries normal walking was painful enough but the 6 steps up to the porch would be damn near impossible for Sam to navigate on his own.

"Don't worry I'll carry you if I've got to." Dean said stepping back offering Sam his arm to use as leverage to get out of the car.

Sam didn't really stop to think through his injuries when he tried to swing his right leg out the car door like he always did. The sudden movement, caused the hip to roll in the damaged socket and the accompanying pain running through his right hip and down his leg caused Sam to curl his body over it in a futile attempt to stop the pain, the movement caused his body to start to tip sideways out of the car. Sam couldn't even focus enough to try and stop his fall and would have exited the car head first had Dean not jumped back towards his brother and stopped his fall.

Gently pushing Sam back upright in the seat, Dean kept one hand against Sam's chest holding him in place as Sam regained control over the pain coming in waves. "Guess it's not as easy as it looks." Sam stated taking another deep breath.

"Just take it slow. Can you lift you right leg enough to pull it out or do you want me to do it?" Dean asked gently leaving the control and decision in Sam's hands.

Sam tried to lean forward to use his hand to help him move his leg when he was thwarted again by the pain coming from his back and thighs, as they wouldn't take the change in pressure either. Sam threw his head back against the seat hard, tears glistening in his eyes, from the frustration. "Damnit"

"Chill dude, you're just trying too much too soon Sammy, I got it." Dean said returning the comforting contact to Sam's shoulder squeezing lightly. Dean returned to his previous position leaning in the door frame, "Put your hands on my shoulders so you can turn as I pull your legs out." Sam nodded his head in agreement and while the extraction was not without pain Sam did manage to keep it to small hisses coming out between gritted teeth.

Long moments later both of Sam's legs were on the ground and Sam seated facing the house. Seeing the mounting frustration in Sam's eyes Dean stepped back, allowing Sam a moment to collect himself. Sam was as stubborn as Dean and before Dean could step back to lend a hand, Sam had grasped the frame of the Impala and shakily pulled himself to an upright position.

Sam smiled in victory at getting his feet under him and tightened his grip on the car as his knees threatened to buckle under him. Dean stepped back to his brother pulling his arm onto his shoulder so he could take most of Sam's weight off the right side of his body. .

"Thanks."

"Anytime Sam... Ready?"

"Yeah."

The two made their way slowly across the small distance and by the time they reached the steps both were breathing hard. Taking a moment to catch his breath Dean looked over Sam with critical eyes. He noted how exhausted the small trip had made Sam and the color rising on his cheeks could be from a fever his body was trying to spike. While Dean was doing his inspection Sam was simply trying to maintain, wondering how much longer he was going to remain upright. Pain was battering him from all sides and he was so weary he felt like he could melt into a puddle where he stood and let the waiting oblivion take him.

The creak of boards on the porch brought both brothers attention back. Tom had just stepped out onto the porch leaving the door opened behind him. Seeing the fear slide through Sam's eyes at his presence he moved very slowly trying to keep his body language non threatening and his tone light. "Hey Sam, it's good to see you out of the hospital bed. Can I give you a hand into the house?"

Sam considered the offer, he knew Dean could and would carry him into the house. However he knew it would hurt them both. Dean probably more then Sam. Sam's wounds were all physical and while he didn't relish the jolting being carried up the stairs would cause, he knew Dean would carry guilt over ever wince and gasp Sam would try to hide. He looked over at Dean whose unspoken answer let him know that he's respect his decision either way it went. With a quick shake of his head he answered."Yeah, that'd be great...just don't take it personally if I freak." Sam said trying to make light of the panic he felt with someone else touching him.

"I understand." Tom said as he made his way down the stairs to stand on Sam's left side. As he reached an arm out to Sam, he watched as he flinched sideways into his brother, Sam's face losing what little color it had, and his breath beginning to hitch erratically. "Maybe this isn't a good idea." Tom said quietly looking over to Dean.

Dean hadn't forgotten his earlier brush with the evil pursuing them and his urgency to get Sam inside drove him to take charge. He could feel the muscles in Sam's body vibrating from the strain of remaining standing. He knew the collapse was imminent. "Sam close your eyes." he said firmly

Looking at his brother as if he'd sprouted a second head he asked "Come again?"

Dean looked Sam in the eyes willing him to comply with his request. "I said close your eyes. You know I won't let anything happen to you. _Trust me_, let go, we'll get you up the stairs."

Sam understood what Dean was asking of him. After all they'd been through recently Dean was asking for his trust, unsure if he still had it. _'I'll always trust you.'_ Sam thought fiercely. wordlessly complying to the request. Sam allowed his eyes to flutter close. His grip on his brother tightening as he was assaulted by a wave of vertigo from the loss of sight.

Dean looked over to Tom and nodded once. Tom stepped next to Sam quickly and this time when he pulled Sam's arm over his shoulders Sam didn't fight against him. Both men bent together to reach behind Sam's knees to pull his legs off the ground, cradling his long body between them. Moving as one they quickly climbed the stairs and moved inside the house. They entered a large room with several sofas and an oversize recliner. "Let's put him in the recliner for now." Dean indicated. The two eased Sam into the recliner.

As Sam felt the two sets of arms pull away from him he opened his eyes. He shifted slightly at the pull on his legs resting on the floor. Dean saw the look of discomfort and reached for the arm of the recliner mechanism to lean Sam back. "Better?" He asked when Sam was half reclined.

"Yeah thanks." he said his eyes drifting closed.

"No problem bro, get some rest, I'm just going to walk Tom out you going to be ok for a minute?"

"Yeah, just leave the door open so I can hear you."

Dean and Tom headed back out the front door. They stopped and leaned on the railing of the porch. Tom let his eyes drift back to the interior of the house. "You sure you two are going to be ok by yourselves?"

"Yeah, no more stairs and I figure Sam will sleep most of the night in the chair once I get him some food and his meds. I'll call you tomorrow once I know more about what's going on.." Dean said closing the door on any offer to come by and visit soon.

"If I don't hear from you at least once a day, I'm going to cruise by to make sure everythings ok. You've got my number for my cell, if you need anything call."

"I will." Dean said as he watched the man move down the steps and into his car. Dean watched until the man was gone from sight and he could no longer hear the growl of the engine on the road and swiftly moved to the Impala to get the rest of the tools he would need. First thing he got the laptop from under the seat and took it into the house. Placing it on the table next to Sam. Figuring when his brother was more awake he'd want something to do to occupy his time while his body was healing.

Dean made quick work of the trunk of the impala. Several shot guns and round were brought in as well as holy water, salt, knives for both him and Sam and several protective charms. Once everything was in the house he closed and locked the front door. Checking on Sam, he found his brother had fallen back to sleep Dean got to work securing them for the night. Starting with a half circle of salt around the front door he moved quickly through the small house securing all the doors and windows. The temperature was comfortable for them to be inside with only the ceiling fans running. He placed one of the knives on the table next to the laptop. The handgun went into the drawer of the table and Dean placed one shotgun by the kitchen door and the other near the end of the sofa against the wall but within easy reach.

Dean settled on the couch to rest for a few moments taking a look around. The room opened into the kitchen and it helped Dean relax to know that from where Sam was sleeping in the recliner he could keep an eye on Sam while he cooked them dinner. At the thought of dinner Dean's stomach growled. With the exception of the cup of coffee he'd had that morning he couldn't remember eating anything. Dean moved quietly to the kitchen and checked out the groceries that had been dropped off. Dean settled on soup and sandwiches as they were quick and easy and he wasn't sure how much food Sam could tolerate yet. Once the food was ready Dean cleared the end table off, moving the laptop to the cocktail table and the knife into the drawer with the gun and set a plate and mug on the table and switched on the lamps in the room bathing the room in a warm glow.

The smell of food brought Sam awake before Dean could even attempt it. Turning towards Dean, Sam blinked lazily at him. "Hey? How long have I been out?"

Checking the clock and seeing it was 6:30 he answered" 'bout an hour or so."as he walked in with his own plate and a mug of coffee.

"This for me?" Sam asked looking at the plate next to him.

"No, I thought I'd feed smoky the bear tonight. Yes it's yours. Eat up you need to take your meds."

Smelling Dean's coffee Sam pouted at his brother over his own lack of beverage."Don't I get any coffee?"

"Not until you eat. Then I'll think about it." Dean said knowing the with holding Sam's favorite beverage was a low blow but he was determined that Sam was going to eat.

"Fine" Sam said clearly still pouting but proceeded to attack his food with gusto.

Half an hour later Sam was finishing his second mug of soup and had just polished off a second sandwich as well when Dean walked over with the steaming mug and a couple of pills.

"What're these?" Sam asked.

"The antibiotic and a pain pill. There are others but I don't want to give you all of them till I know what they're supposed to do. They gave me a tone of paperwork on your ass so I don't want to accidentally give you something at the wrong time."

"No problem," Sam said swallowing the pills down with his first sip of coffee..."ahhhh heaven" he said smacking his lips.

"That pain pill is probably going to knock you out, so do you want to climb into bed now?"

"Nah. I'm good here for now, unless you're going somewhere else?" Sam asked hating how unsettled his voice sounded to his ears.

Dean understood what Sam needed,"Nope not going anywhere Sam. Just thought I'd start on the research which I can do from here. Just wanted to make sure your alright."

"Oh, okay I'd like to stay out here then."

"You got it. Now close your eyes and rest." Dean said

"Kay" Sam said as his full belly and the easy pull of the pain medication pulled him into sleep. "Night Dean"

"Night Sammy." Dean said pulling the laptop closer to him and booting it up so he could get started. Dean knew for him it was going to be another long night.

* * *

Three hours later Dean's eyes were burning from staring at the computer screen. He was on his fourth cup of coffee and was starting to realize that he needed to rest because nothing was making any sense. He had just book marked the page when Sam started to moan and shift restlessly in his sleep. Sam started to settle back down almost immediately _'that's new.'_ Dean thought, but then Sam started to talk "Dean...no leave him alone...no, no ,no, my fault..." Sam's breathing started to hitch and he moaned long and low clearly pained by what ever he saw. Dean moved quickly towards his brother. His arm was on Sam's shoulder as his eyes flew open in terror. Looking at Dean, he reached out frantically for his brothers hand. "They killed someone Dean. They killed a girl she was terrified...god they just..." Sam couldn't finish telling his brother what he saw.

Dean pushed the chair back down so Sam was sitting up and wrapped and arm around his shoulders. With a sinking feeling in his stomach he thought he knew but had to ask. "Who Sam? Who killed the girl?"

"The cult... I heard the voice again, they're looking for us. That's why they killed her. To try and find us."

"Don't worry Sam we're safe for now. Get some sleep, we'll work on it in the morning. There's nothing we can do tonight."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Yeah Sammy just relax, sleep..." Dean said running his hand repeatedly through Sam's hair the touch coaxing the younger man back to sleep, as he reclined his brother again. Soon the room was filled with Sam's even breathing. stepping into the bedroom Dean pulled two blankets from the bed and covered Sam with one and as he turned off the lamps in the room Dean stretched out on the sofa and pulling the other blanket over him drifted off into a restless sleep.

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A/N: I had planned on covering more in this chapter but it was getting a little long so I cut it here. Chapter 12 is on the way. Thanks again and keep letting me know, what you like and what you don't.


	12. Chapter 12

If Only Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

**Warnings: I did bold for a reason folks. This chapter turned out a lot darker than I planned. so the warnings need to be heeded. This section contains violent imagry as well as descriptions on non-con sex and violence. Please be aware mature themes at work here. **

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is letting me know you're enjoying the story. Please keep letting me know what you like and what is wrong. None of us can get better if we don't know what we are doing wrong. Thanks for the support.

* * *

There is a reason why people fear the dark. Not just the dark itself but what hides in it's embrace. In the dead of night sometimes all you can do is pray for the light of the dawn. The evil stalking the brothers knew the penchant humans had for prayer, he'd heard it countless times falling from the lips of his victims the promises and pleas made trying to bargain for another breath, another life and then finally for their death. Their fear and terror as it was pulled from those tortured lips was the sweetest candy to be savored. When his commrades had found the young one, _Sam,_ he thought fondly, it had been a refreshing change.This one had _power_ and was already filled with such dispair and pain that breaking his will seemed like it would be only too easy. He'd wanted to harness that power, channel it, to give him back a body, something he missed. He never regretted his choice to trade his body for power and a way to protect his followers. All leaders, all parents, had to make sacrifices, and he thought himself no different from them. Giving up his mortal body was a small sacrifice compared to all he had gained, the the power and the ability to protect his commrades,_his children_, and give them what they needed to survive,but there were times that he missed the call of the flesh. 

In Sam Winchester he'd found the vessel that would allow him both flesh and power. But from the beginning something blocked him from breaking Sam, true they had abused his body and mind but even then the boy would have slipped from his fingers, willing to wait the for inevitable death instead of submit to their will. Sam just hid himself away in his mind, waiting, for what, the evil was unsure of until it had finally tapped into Sam's thoughts and memories.It hadn't taken long after that to discover the key to the lock that was Sam Winchester was his brother Dean. So he watched and waited, making sure the tethers he'd set in the youngest Winchester's mind would recieve the images of the torture and death of his children's most recent offering. He'd hoped it would've driven the brothers from hiding, sent them searching for the victim,but alas it didn't.The eldest Winchester was far smarter and more determinded to protect his brother then he'd given him credit for.

In the elder Winchester brother, he'd found a truly worthy opponent, the boy was a predator in his own right and like a mother protecting her cubs nothing was coming between him and his brother. Not that he hadn't tried. He'd fed well on both of their repressed fears and anger, trying to nudge them onto the path that would seperate them. To get his hands on the key that would allow him to unlock Sam, body and soul.But neither one was falling for the bait. He'd played on Sam's fears and ravaged body to no avaail, then tried to force Dean's anger, guilt and even his fearof being abandoned to the forefront. Still he hadn't succeeded in seperating the brothers. If anything it had driven them closer together.

He'd gotten closer to breaking Dean this afternoon then before but he'd still been able to pull himself free before he'd done any real damage to Sam. The only reason he'd been as successful as he had was Dean was bordering on meltdown, far too little rest and far too much adrenaline and worry left him wide open to manipulation. Now the goal was to keep him on that edge until he could force them over into the abyss and as the hours ticked closer to the coming dawn the next battle was launched and the field of combat was in the minds of the two brothers. While physically safe behind wards and charms,their location still unknown,both of their minds were open to the subtle currents that fed on fear and desperation. Both brothers had things they feared, things they'd yet to share and chuckling evilly to himself he hoped to break them both before the sun pushed over the horizon.

In those cold hours before dawn both the Winchester brothers slept their dreams dark and deep, both unaware that while they were physically safe, the battle they were fighting was now for control of their minds.

* * *

Dean wasn't sure what pulled him from sleep, laying still in the dark of the room he was listening for what had triggered his return to awareness. Listening to the sounds of the room, he realized it wasn't something he'd heard but something he wasn't hearing...Sam...in the dark he couldn't hear his brother. 

Fear drove him from the couch in one swift movement. Crouched on the floor waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He looked over to the chair where Sam had been sleeping earlier, instantly noting that his brother no longer occupied the chair,dread grabbed his heart as he realized there was no way Sam would've been able to manage to get himself out of the recliner without some assistance or at least waking his brother. Then he heard a noise, a scraping coming from the kitchen. Moving with the stealth born of years of training Dean moved forward to the door.

The sight that greeted Dean froze him in the doorway in sheer horror. The kitchen was gone and in its place Dean found himself instead standing in a grimy candle lit room. The air was thick and oppressive, the scents from the various candles and incense in the room doing nothing to cover the stentch of fear and death that pervaded the room like a physical object. Dean knew he was dreaming but even in the realization of it he was unable to snatch control of it away from whatever was guiding this little terror train. As much as he tried he couldn't bring himself back to a waking state.Unwillingly his gaze was pulled across the room to the actions taking place on the altar.

Dean wanted to turn away or claw his eyes from his head, so he wouldn't have to see, to know the truth of what he'd only so far had imagined his brother had gone through. Trying to move forward he found he was stuck where he was no way to move forward or back. Simply an observer in this sick game. With the lack of control over his actions Dean suddenly understood this wasn't a nightmare spun of his own guilty conscience this was the real thing the memory of the event in all its brutal honesty, being played out for Dean in all its demonic glory. Dean decided he may not be able to change the course of events that had already occured but he could control his actions in this realm. "Come on you fucker, if we're going to do this then at least show yourself."

The voice Dean had come to know and hatedrifted across the space on a current all its own, speaking as if to a small child who didn't understand the gift it had been given. "Now Dean my presence would only serve to distract you from the show we've worked so hard to provide you." the voice then turned hard. "It's time for you to see what you wrath brought to your brother. How he paid for his betrayal, in mind, body and blood. Now watch and learn the penalty for not being careful about what you wish for."

Dean's eyes could only see the altar and the body tied down to it. He couldn't look away couldn't close his eyes to shut it out. Before him his brother was bound and gagged on his stomach, his head turned towards Dean. He could see the gash on his head still flowing blood freely and the eye that he knew was now swollen shut was starting to puff and turn purple. Sam's eyes were squeezed tightly shut tears sliding down his face mixing with the dirt, grime and blood already covering him. Dean could tell he was trying desperately to breath around the gag in his mouth and the rope around his neck. Dean's eyes traveled down his brothers body, he could see the brusies covering his brothers back, the blood that still slowly dripped down the backs of his thighs and legs. Evidence of his violation at the hands of these animals.There was a bloody handprint on his hip that made Dean swear to kill whoever put it there. The whimper of pain from Sam drew Dean's eyes back up his body.

On the far side of Sam a man stood with a box of wooden kitchen matches. Dean watched as he dropped the just struck match onto Sam's unprotected back. Sam's body convulsed in pain as the match licked and scorched the unprotected skin turning it red the charring it an angry black before the match went out. What tore at Dean the most was that Sam didn't try to flinch away, even when the process was repeated again and again. Sam had lost the capacity to do more than feel what was being done to him. His eyes never opened and other than the garbled whimpers and tears,Sam made no move to break out of his bonds. Dean memorized the man's face telling himself that when he found him he _would _see what it was like to burn. The man was joined a short time later by a woman who blocked Dean's view of his brother. Because her back was to him by the time he realized she was in the room he never got a look at her face. She walked over to the man just as the last match burned out. "Master said I could ride the toy." she said coyly running her fingers across Sam's fresh burns, watching in glee as the body bucked and trembled beneath her touch before reaching up and over the altar to kiss the man.

The man laughed heartily reaching up and grabbing Sam's head smiling as his face turned red as the rope bit into his throat cutting off Sam's air supply. "Hear that little man, time for you to be of service again. Now remember fight me now and I'll make sure you never find peace, we'll keep you alive like this _forever_."

Dean could only watch as they untied Sam's arms and legs taking care to never loosen the binding on his neck. Dean winced in sympathy as Sam's burned and battered back was pushed back against the unyeilding surface. Curses flowed from Dean's mouth as he was forced to watch his brother manhandled then raped at the hands of these monsters. He watched as his brother was forced to climax, screams tearing from him as they pinched and tore at his body." Something in Dean snapped at that moment and a primal scream was ripped from him as he fell to his knees hands pounding into the floor until they were bloody.. The rage pouring through him starting to give him control back over the nightmare. "You Bastard! I _will_ see you dead!" Dean bellowed as the scene in front of him faded away.

"Now Dean is that anyway to act after what we've done for you? All we taught him." An indistinct form asked crossing the space between them slowly. "You gave him to us, his despair over what he'd done making him weak and sloppy just like you kept reminding him. Your words, distrust and anger,carving a bigger wound in him then even poor Jessica's death had done.That pure heart called to us, the one you've tried _sooo_ hard for so long to protect, nearly defeated by your own words, can you blame us for breaking him so prettily for you?" Finally taking shape of a man in a suit, he looked down at Dean,the man's face constantly changing so it was hard to tell what the features were other than those cold black eyes that never faltered."You knew he'd be a bigger target with his new abilities and still you punished him and pushed him away knowing that somewhere out there in the dark something would come for him, _we'd_ come for him,and prove that he couldn't take care of himself. Prove to Sam that he was the unworthy one...the _pathetic_ one. Isn't that what he called you? The one thing you couldn't push aside, the fact you felt he now longer needed you, that you had become obsolete.

"Are you planning on boring me to death here? We've been here and done that. I'm not buying, so sell crazy down the road."Dean responded trying to deflect the fact that he was slowly starting to gain control of the dream and wake up. His eyes never left the man's as he continued on his monologe, as if Dean had never spoken.

"You're wrong in one thing young hunter.You see I've been far further into little Sammy's mind then probably even he has. It's quite a mess in there all this pain and guilt and fear. Sam doesn't hate you, far from it, he still worships you as all he'll never manage to be. He know's you were daddy's favorite and he know's he'll never be a more than a disappointment to you. A burden for you to carry until you die protecting him. That's what he really fears, your death leaving him alone in the world. You may not want to hunt without him anymore but you'd survive.Sam doesn't have anything to live for without you. So breaking him is really just a matter of breaking you."

"Never going to happen." Dean stated flatly starting to stand.

"We shall see hunter we shall see." in an instant the room went black and then awareness slammed into him and Dean was running through the darkened house for the bathroom, heaving his dinner into the toilet as what he'd seen ran behind his eyes.

Dean stood up shakily flushing the toilet and rinsing his mouth out with cool water from the faucet. He squinted his eyes as he turned on the bathroom light to take a look in the mirror. _'Just a dream, No'_ he thought firmly _'another attack'_ he looked down at his hands and saw the raw bloody trails on his knuckles and the deep ache in both hands. He turned the faucet back on and let the water soothe the abraded skin, trying to sort through what had just happened. Dean knew that he needed tofind something to block the dreams now as well. He'd been caught unprepared thinking the salt and charms were enough to keep their enemy away and he was wrong.It came to him with blinding clarity that if he was attacked in his dreams then Sam would be as well.Dean feared that in his already weakened state what effect this would have on him. Dean had just moved out of the bathroom back towards his brother when he heard Sam cry out.

* * *

Sam awoke to find himself back in a hospital bed. He tried to bring a hand up to wipe the sleep from his eyes to find that he couldn't. Looking down he saw that both of his arms were in restraints. Pulling frantically on the bindings his head came up searching for Dean, for someone to explain what he was doing here and what was going on. Seeing no one he prepared to call out for help when the door opened. Dean strolled into the room with a doctor both looking serious.

"Dean? What's going on why're we back at the hospital. What happened?"

"Sam, what do yo mean back at the hospital, we've never left. You're sick. You just need to some time to rest and relax and then I'll be back to take you home."

"I don't understand Dean? I'm not sick I was taken.."

"Stop it Sam." Dean said angrily. "You're not well and I can't drag you around with me like this. You can't take care of yourself, and I'm not going to be burduned with you any longer. The doctor here assures me you'll be just fine and I can come back and visit you in a few weeks. It's for the best Sam. You know this iswhere you deserve to be."

Sam felt the world fall away from him. Dean was leaving. While he was still in the hospital. _'Wait that isn't right I wasin a house with Dean earlier'_ he thought quickly.Whywasn't Deangoing to wait for Sam to heal.Sam's head pounded under the pain radiating over his body.Sam didn't think it could get any worse until the doctor spoke and that voice came from that smiling gentle face. "Relax Sam, we'll take good care of you. We'll make you part of our little family. I know there are people dying to see you again." that oily voice promised.

Sam watched as Dean turned to walk out the door Sam started to beg earlier thoughts of where he'd been gone in a panic."Dean! Please don't leave me here, please it's him, I'm sorry."

"I don't care Sam." Dean said resignedly never looking back,

"You're all ours now Sam, no one left to save you." The doctor grinned evilly moving to run a hand down Sam's body. "All ours."

"Dean! No!" Sam screamed and then he was being pulled from the darkness.

* * *

Dean leaned over Sam desperately trying to wake his brother up. Dean was happy there were no neighbors about for once. Otherwise a visit from the cops would've been forth coming. Sam's scream could've woken the dead.

"Sam, Sammy, I'm right here. Open your eyes" Dean said firmly seeing his brother fight to regain consciousness.

Sam complied and his eyes flew open locking with his brothers. "Dean, don't leave me!"

"Take it easy, it wasn't real, I'm not going anywhere."

Sam took a moment to calm down and Dean switched on another lamp. Looking over at the clock it read 4:37, _'well, at least we got some sleep'_ Dean thought watching his brother pull himself together.

Sam shifted restlessly in the chair, the pills from earlier having worn off sometime in the night. Part of him wanted to take another to make it all go away the better part of him knew to be afraid of what would happen when he stopped feeling the pain. He was caught by surprise when Dean uttered the line usually reserved for him.

"Sam, we need to talk."

* * *

A/N: ok so little cliff hanger. Also sorry this chapter really became very Dean centric very unintentionally. When plotting out the attempt to break Dean down I realized that they only way to break Dean was using Sam. They really are two sides of the same coin and while you may torture them until hell freezes over seperately threaten the other and the whole dynamic changes. At least that's my two cent take on it. Also sorry this went really dark but it needed to be done. Chapter 13 should be up by the weekend with any luck. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again. 


	13. Chapter 13

If Only Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Same as before I don't own them so don't sue.

Warnings: Adult content, violent imagry,you get the picture

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who enjoyed chapter 12, I was really worried about how it would be accepted.Here's hoping you enjoy the rest. Please let me know what you like and if I'm doing something wrong let me know. On with the story.

* * *

_'We. need. to. talk.'_ Sam never realized how painful hearing those 4 words together could be. _'Is this what it feels like for Dean everytime I say them?_' Sam wondered briefly through the stabbing pain ripping his chest to shreds, making it hard to focus, hell breathe, all just from hearing those 4 small words coming from Dean's mouth. If it was Sam swore he'd never utter them again. He'd promise anything to make the pain go away. 

Panic closed in on Sam from all sides. He never saw it for what it was. His mind still too clouded from the dream he'd just been pulled from and the ache of his healing body. Looking over at Dean where he sat perched on the end of the sofa, still looking so worn and ragged, _so serious _he knew what he dreamed was going to happen. Dean was going to take him back and leave him. Without realizing what he was doing Sam pushed his long body out of the recliner heedless of the pain shooting through it.The pain was nothing compared to the ache in his head and his heart at watching Dean walk out the door. Before Dean could move or even react Sam was on the floor body curled around Dean's calves head buried against the side of Dean's thigh and the sofa cushion. Sam's long fingers digging in hard to the muscles of Dean's legs refusing to let go. Sam simply stayed there curled up trembling, breath hitching in the throes of a full on panic attack,whispering into his brothers leg. "Please don't send me away, don't go."

* * *

For Dean everything seemed to be moving too fast. It was like a car crash one instant everything is moving in slow motion and if feels like you have all the time in the world and the next instant everything is rushing by and you know you should be paying attention but you can't seem to. Dean felt like the whole world was slipping in and out of focus and he struggled to pull himself together for both their sakes. The world snapped into clarity as soon as the first hitching breath reached Dean's ear. He knew he needed to get control of this situation and fast, when Sam had launched himself out of the chair, Dean had thought Sam was still dreaming and fighting back against whatever he saw, was prepared to subdue him as painlessly as possible until Sam was completely awake. Now he knew Sam was awake but instead of the clear headed brother he'd had earlier this evening Sam was now on the edge of a full on meltdown and Dean was at a loss on how to stop it. _'Awww Sammy, what did he do to you?'_ Dean thought helplessly. 

Dean tried using one hand to prythe fingers wrapped so tightly around his calves loose, while the other moved soothingly through his brothers hair, trying to talk Sam back from the brink, both garnered no reaction. If anything Sam's grip only became tighter and more desperate, the trembling becoming more pronounced as the endorphine rush ran out and the pain and panic were all that was left. He knew from Sam's erratic breathing he was nearing the point of passing out and Dean feared that if he lost Sam to unconsciousness he wouldn't be able to pull him out if the attack started again. He tried coaxing Sam to look at him but it seemed that Sam had gone catatonic lost to the panic attack gripping him.

Finally with no other options he quietly whispered "Sorry Sammy" and pressed hard on the pressure points on his wrists the move forcing Sam's fingers to relax, as gently as he could Dean pulled Sam's arms from around his legs as he slid himself onto the floor back pressed against the front of the couch. Sam's only response to the change was to curl himself over his brother and bury his head in Dean's chest, while he fought for breath. The movement stole Dean's breath away and brought tears to the older brothers eyes, he could _feel_ Sammy slipping away from him a little more every second and for the first time he was truly afraid if he couldn't get Sam to come around soon he wouldn't ever get his brother back. _'Please I'll do anything'_ he silently begged to whatever or whoever might be listening, _'I need him.'_ Dean was never a man for prayer but when there was nothing else left all you can do is pray. His gut told him if he lost Sam now, this way, then Sam would be gone, he'd still breathe and eat but never be his _Sammy_ again. It was a battle he couldn't loose, not now, not ever. Dean let the tears fall down on his brothers cheek and continued to stroke Sam's head, desperately trying to talk his brother back to him.

* * *

Sam could feel the darkness pulling him back and he struggled to keep it at bay. He knew that if he passed out he'd have no way to stop Dean from leaving him and that scared him more then the black dots swimming in front of his eyes. Sam could hear Dean trying to talk to him but couldn't, no wouldn't listen to what he was saying. The only thing Sam could hear was the Dean inhis dream saying he didn't care as he walked out the door. He felt his grip on his brothers legs being broken and he felt his spirit break with it. Sam expected to get pushed away from his brother and was shocked when he felt Dean slide down onto the carpet next to him. Sam buried himself into Dean's chest, trying to find a way to keep from hearing those words.Sam never realized when his eyes fell closed or when he stopped being able to feel the panicked breaths he was trying to take. 

For Sam present and past were starting to mix, the line that defined reality blurred and then disappeared._'Your mine'_ echoed gleefully through his head feeding his panic and fear. Part of him knew he was with Dean safe,however something kept telling him that he was still back in that room, Sam couldn't feel his brother next too him, all he could feel was the harsh surface of the altar and when the pain rode him again he was sure he'd never left. _'Not again'_ was the only thought Sam could pull together as he allowed his mind to lead himto the farthest corner to hide away for good. Sam was almost safe, almost locked away from everything, vowing to himself that he'd wait out death alone in the quiet, when he heard something calling to him, it was the mostheartbreaking sound he'd ever heard. Then he felt it, something dripped on him once and then again. He paused and then felt it again, _'Almost safe, don't stop now almost safe from me'_ the voice called again,but something didn't feel right to Sam why did it sound _happy_ that Sam was almost safe from him? Wasn't he trying to find Sam? That thought brought Sam to a stop. Maybe he wasn't suppossed to be hiding away, here he was alone out there he had...what did he have? Sam pushed hard to try and grasp what seemed to be floating just past his reach.

When he couldn't force the thought to come to him he simply stopped and waited. Strangely the pause brought a sense of calm with it. His senses started to return one by one as the panic started to slip away. He could hear the quiet around him and the constant murmur of a voice he knew but couldn't place yet. It still sounded so heartbroken that Sam ached to find the speaker and make it better. _'I know that voice'_ Sam thought as he continued to try and bring things into focus still not leaving the corner of his mind but no longer barricading himself in.The focus started to bring the world back to Sam. He could feel again and what he was laying on it wasn't hard and cold but warm, solid and _alive_, he felt the heartbeat under his cheek and could smell the room around him. Not the stale smell of candles and inscene but the lingering smell of food and an undefinable sense of protection and serenity. He could hear the voice again, the deep timber pulling at his memory and then like a wave crashing on shore he knew, _Dean_, the voice was his brothers, he really was safe, _this,_ looking around his self made prison wasn't real. Sam started to pull away the barricades he'd built around himself and followed the sound of his brothers voice back to reality.

* * *

Dean felt the change in Sam before his brother ever opened his eyes. About 15 minutes before Sam's breathing had evened out some, still labored and coming a bit fast for Dean's liking but no longer quite as frantic. Dean's movements had become automatic, as Dean lost himself in the memories he was relaying to his brother. Dean had been talking non stop for over an hour now and all he wanted to do was stop but he _couldn't_, if he did he knew he'd lose Sam, so he just kept up his quiet babble. Dean didn't realize he'd just started to repeat the same line over and over when his mind ran out of stories and pleas. "Please come back Sammy, please come back." Dean sniffed hating that his nose had started running soon after the tears had started to fall from his eyes. Normally he'd have wiped them off his face and locked them away but he didn't bother, his sole focus was on his brother. The one person he'd spent his entire life protecting and who was slipping away from him right before his eyes. 

The shift had been subtle but even as Dean knew before when Sam was slipping away from him, he knew something had changed. Straighteing up pulling Sam closer to him, he took a deep breath and started encouraging Sam back to him with renewed fervor. Dean watched in awe as hazel green eyes opened and locked on his. They looked tired but he knew without a doubt that Sam was back with him.

"Sammy?" Dean's voice cracking from overuse.

"Hey, Dean, what's going on?" Sam asked slowly starting to push himself up off of Dean only to fall back when the pain reminded him that his choice of positions was bad, very bad. As he collapsed back all he could do was moan as the first convulsion caught him. Sam threw his head back in pain as hisbody contorted in on itself in Dean's arms as Sam tried to do something to relieve the pain."Dean!" Sam screamed as the next spasm rocked his body trying to ask his brother for help but unable to get it out.

Dean understood and in one movement pulled him and Sam from the ground, turning he stretched Sam out over the sofa. carefully unfolding cramping legs and arms. Sam's back was still arching off the sofa, neck muscles corded and staining to get a breath through the spasms holding him tightly. Sam blindly fisted his hands beating them into the sofa as he struggled to outlast the pain.Dean pried the fingers of one hand open slipping his hand into the crushing grip to lend support and comfort as much as he could. Slowly the muscles released and Sam slumped back to the sofa. Body covered in sweat as his breathing returned to normal.

"You still in there Sam?" Dean asked

"Yeah, remind me not to do that again." Sam said turning his head to look at his brother, giving him a tired smile. Noting Dean's red puffy eyes and exhausted appearance he ribbed"You know you look like shit Dean."

Wiping his eyes he glared at his brother, "Says the pot to the kettle, Sammy you sure won't be taking any awards in a beauty contest any time soon." ruffling his brothers hair gently, no real heat in his gaze only worry and affection..

Sam took another deep breath as a small tremor shook him from head to toe. Dean felt the grip on his hand tighten briefly and then relax as Sam did. "You want me toget you another pain pill?"

"Do we have anything that won't knock me out? I'm not really ready to face sleep again yet."

"Let me go check, I'm pretty sure they gave me some super tylenol somewhere in the pharmacy they sent home with you. You want to go back to the chair or stay here?"

"Here, I don't think I should have tried doing that a minute ago." Sam said.

Dean's eyebrows shot up catching Sam with a worried look. "A minute Sam? Try an hour and a half.." He said heading for the kitchen leaving Sam to track him with a matching confused look in his eyes. _'What the hell happened?'_ Sam thought to himself as he let his head fall back to the sofa as he heard Dean moving around in the kitchen.

* * *

Dean came back a moment later with two glasses of water and a pill bottle. Placing them all on the table in front of the sofa, he placed a hand on the top of Sam's head "I'm going to get a couple of pillows to help you sit up. Don't go anywhere ok?" 

Sam opened his eyes and laughed slightly "Dude, I'm not sure I could lift my head, let alone get off this couch, I ain't goin anywhere."

Dean moved quickly through the house again. He briefly switched on the light in the first bedroom stripping the bed of the pillows on it, before heading into the next room to strip the other blankets and pillows from the bed. He helped Sam sit up enough to prop the pillows behind him. A few moments later Sam was sitting half reclined water in hand gratefully swallowing the pills Dean helped him. Dean took the other glass of water and drank it down in a few gulps. Placing the empty glass back on the table Dean seated himself on the other end of the couch looking at Sam.

Sam was a little flustered by the steady gaze his brother had fixed him with. It felt to Sam that Dean was trying to make sure he didn't disappear in a puff of smoke. After sitting in silence for a few mintues Sam couldn't take anymore. "What?"

"Nothing Sam, just thinking, What's the last thing you remember?"

"When tonight?"

"Yeah, when I woke you up, what were you dreaming about?"

"I don't know." Sam said evasively

"Yes you do Sam." Dean said quietly. "Otherwise you wouldn't have reacted like you did. We were _attacked again_ while we _slept_ Sam. It found a way to mess with our heads, our dreams. Now what did you see?"

Sam really didn't want to discuss it with Dean, he was certain he'd laid enough of a burden at his brothers feet he wasn't going to add to it. Sam decided instead to push the question back on Dean, knowing he wouldn't want to answer anymore than he did. "You first this time Dean. What happened? Why are you so upset? What did you see, someone scratch up the Impala?" Sam said sarcastically, smirking at his own joke.

Sam's grin dropped off his face as Dean stood abruptly from the end of the sofa and bagan to pace. Dean's gaze kept flicking, back and forth from Sam and away again, Sam watched his brother's face pale, and Sam saw the first tear slide down Dean's cheek.. "Dean? Man what happened I'm right here." Sam said trying to reach out to his brother hissing in pain again as he managed to reach Dean's hand and pull him next to Sam's head. Reaching up he grabbed Dean's face forcing Dean to look at Dean. "Tell me Dean, please what did you see?"

Pulling gently away from Sam, he walked around the front of the couch and took a seat on the table. Putting his head in his hands he took a shaky breath and looked back at his brothers eyes. "I saw you Sam..." sounding incredibly tired and broken.

"What? Saw me what?"Sam asked looking confused.

"I saw you...I saw what they did to you..." looking away from Sam as horror dawned in Sam's eyes. "I watched some..._bastard_... burn you with matches...and then you were...you were.." Dean's voice broke and couldn't finish.

"I know Dean...I know...It's over now Dean, it can't hurt me again." Sam said grabbing Dean's hand to keep him from saying anymore.

"But I couldn't stop it. this happened because of _me_. Because of my selfishness." Dean ground out.

It was Sam's turn to get angry. Dean was going to destroy himself with the guilt over what had happened while Sam was missing. "Dean, look at me!" Waiting until Dean looked up at him, the anguish clear in his eyes. "You _didn't_ do this. things happen, and this time it happened to me, and nothing you could've done would've changed it. We're both here now, we need to find out who this is and what it wants, and then we do what we do best Dean, we kill it."

"Ok Sam, I've confessed now what did you see. What caused you to freak out on me? All I said was 'we need to talk' and you lost it."

Sam lost a little color himself when the words came out of Dean's mouth again and his breathing faltered. Dean shook the hand he'd been holding snapping Sam back. :"Slow and easy bro', remember we're here together."

Jumping right in Sam let it all out at once. "You left me at the hospital, with this doctor, you told me I was sick and you weren't going to be burdened by me anymore and then you ...walked away, you told me you didn't care, and the worst part was that the doctor had was the voice...and he said that I was his."

"Sam, I'll never leave you and walk away, and you're not sick. It wasn't real. It was just trying to get to you."

"Yeah and then when you said we needed to talk, it just triggered the dream back and I knew you were going to leave me and never come back, becasue you didn't need me. What do you think it wants?"

Dean looked at his brother, seeing the determination clear in Sam's eyes. "I know what he wants Sam.he wants you, after they break me." Dean said calmly.

"Then we make sure it doesn't happen. I don't know about you but I'm not going to sleep anytime soon so let's see what we can dig up. Hand me the laptop and since I can't walk go make some coffee we're going to need it." Sam said anger over what had now beenforced upon them both making him ready to focus on solving the puzzle.

Smiling back at his brother Dean handed over the beloved computer and switched on the kitchen light. "Your wish is my command." And as the dawn broke over the horizon, the Winchester brothers were more battered then before,but definetly not broken and nowthey were ready to take the fight to the enemy. As the coffee maker started to work, Dean knew their opponent had made his first real mistake. They now knew what he wanted and he'd pissed both brothers off and an angry Winchester was an unstoppable force. _'You want a fight, you'll get a fight now bring it on.'_ Dean thought welcoming the morning sun.

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A/N: Ok so we've made it through chapter 13, my best guess we've got about 5 chapters left maybe more if the villains run away with the plot again. Let me know what you like and what you don't and thanks again for the support! 


	14. Chapter 14

If Only Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warning: This story contains violent content and imagry, adult themes and general nastiness. You have been warned.

A/N: Apparently threats of violenceby people wielding sporks spur me to write faster. Who knew? Thanks again to everyone who keeps letting me know they have enjoyed the story. I am enjoying writing it just as much. Keep letting me know what is right and what is wrong. On with the story.

* * *

Dean brought out the coffee and two mugs and set them on the table. Sam had already brought up the laptop and was looking over the pages Dean had bookmarked the night before. Dean went back to the kitchen and brought out a sheaf of papers and a large plasitc bag that rattled as he moved. Dropping those on the table as well, Dean left the room a third time, when he didn't return immediately Sam looked up from his work curious as to what was keeping him when he smelled eggs cooking. Shaking his head at the fact that Dean hadn't bothered to ask if Sam was hungry or not he focused back on the page he'd been reading. 

10 minutes later a plate appeared under his nose blocking the view of the screen. Sam looked up, startled when he realized Dean was holding the plate out to him. Taking it gratefully, along with a mug of coffee, he noticed that not only did he have scrambled eggs but also sausage and toast.

"Thanks"

"No problem, eat up Sam, after breakfast I'm thinking you might want out of those scrubs and into a shower, cause I know I sure as hell could use one,and then you need to swallow half the crap in this bagand I don't want you sick from taking it on an empty stomach." Dean said sliding down to sit on the floor in front of Sam, Dean put his plate on the table next to the large stack of papers.

Looking down at the scubs he was in Sammy twisted his face in a grimace, "I forgot about that, couldn't we do the shower first?"

"Nope...food would get cold now eat up." Dean said pointing at Sam's plate.

Sam watched Dean ignore his own breakfast as he pulled a handful of bottles and tubesout of the bag, all of them bearing different perscription labels he watched as Dean sorted them out and turned the labels so they were all in easy view. "What is all that?"

"This" Dean said waving his had over the accumulation of bottles, "Is what those nice folks at the hospital thought you might need to get better."

"I don't remember Dr. Erickson saying anything about all this." Sam stated questioningly.

"Neither do I which is why I'm going to read through all of this and see what's what. You just eat your food and rest. Let me handle this." Dean said as he scooped up a mouthful of eggs.

Sam put the laptop back on the table, and started eating as he watched Dean start through the mountain of paper. Sam had to give his brother credit for as much as he _knew_ Dean hated research when it came to taking care of his brother he put as much thought and care into what he was doing as he did in maintaining his weapons or his car. Dean made quick work of the paper, jotting notes on a small pad and placing a set of papers under each of the bottles as he finished with them, all the while absently eating his breakfast. Finally,the stack was all sorted under various bottles or added to three other stacks that were spread out on the table did Sam intrude on his brothers concentration.

"So?"Sam asked expectantly

Dean smirked as he decided to make his brother work a little for the information. "So what, Sammy?"

"It's Sam...what'd it all say?"

"Now I know you're feeling better you haven't argued with me once about your name, _Sammy,_until now."

"Dean" Sam said smiling back at the comment, knowing that what Dean meant was that it was good to have him sounding more normal.

"What?" He asked with a look of mock innocence

"Dean, seriously man"

"Fine," He held up his hand in mock surrender. "It's says you're suppossed to take all of this junk a couple of times a day so you can commune with jello." Dean said unable to keep from laughing at the last part.

"Dean!"

Dean sobered instantly, "Seriously Sam, communing with jello is the only thing you'd be doing if I give you all of this stuff. I think it'd put and elephant on its ass. Not to mention the psycho stuff they included." seeming to be talking to himself rather than Sam, as he continued on mumbling."Weird too, some of this stuff contradicts each other and then add in the other factors..."

"Dean, what're you talking about? How about bouncing the stuff off of me too so I know what's going on." Sam said urgently using his foot to nudge Dean from where he was sitting in front of the couch.

Dean looked up at Sam as if he'd really just seen him. Shaking his head to clear it he muttered."Sorry, just tired, yeah you're right let me get some more coffee and then I'll give you the rundown." Dean finished taking the empty carafe and plates back to the kitchen before returning with a full pot of coffee.He held up the pot in offering to fill Sam's who silently agreed and held out his mug for a refill.

Sam noticed the fine tremors that shook Dean's hand and he realized that while they might have gotten some rest last night before the attacks began Dean was still in desperate need of more. _'We've got to get some real down time before we take this on, or it's going to kill us'_ Sam thought, he knew all too well that reaction time slowed exponentially the more tired the body and mind were. Sam knew with the damage he'd sustained he wouldn't be anywhere near even 75 percent by the time they took this thing on, which meant Dean was going to have to carry that much more on his shoulders and right now his brother looked like he could shatter at under his own weight let alone Sam's.

Sam kept his thoughts to himself as he watched Dean collect his thoughts and drop down onto the other end of the sofa facing Sam. "Ok, some of the stuff makes perfect sense. They gave you a pretty kick ass antibiotic to try and prevent any infection. We have the anti inflammatory for your throat and back, as well as a relativly mild muscle relaxer also listed as for your back. The standard Tylenol with Coedine that comes with everything.They included burn ointment for your back and some mild hospital soap that according to the paperwork should not dry out the healing skin on your chest, back, and legs.The last thing that really makes any sense is the sedative. The paperwork says to use if you have trouble sleeping or experience more pain then the others can cover. Which after last night could've been useful. Now they gave you a scrip for Xanax, which says take as needed for panic attacks. Again I understand the reasoning especially once you turned down the shrink, and the episode in the hospital,but it doesn't explain the scrips for Paxil or the heavy duty sedative and another muscle relaxer,that based on the dosage would leave you in the twilight zone most of the time. Another antibiotic that is has a warning to not be taken with the sedative or muscle relaxer you're on without some crazy side effects..."

"Like what?" Sam asked

"Like paranoia, insomnia, mood swings,dizziness, blurry vision, in some cases hallucinations and seizures."

"Not my kind of party really"

"No kidding, but that's the point Sam, half this stuff makes sense the other half nada, it's like two different people did this. One looking to help you the other looking keep you in a fog permanently or at least get you commited." Just as he finished his train of thought both brothers arrived at the same conclusion.

"Or get me locked up away from you, Dean. If you'd given me all of this something would've happened.If it didn't kill me the odds were too great that I'd escape all the nasty side effects.What with the paranoia and the things already happening how long would it be really before I attacked you?" Sam asked quietly

"You'd never hurt me Sam."

"You know that isn't true Dean, as much as I'd like to say that I wouldn't I've already proven more than once in my life _recently, _that not only _can_ I hurt you but that I _did_. You can't trust me like that, when I don't trust me." Sam's mind started the slow downward spiral as he considered what he might accidently do to Dean under the influence."Just add into it enough medication to allow them full access and it'd make what I did to you at the asylum look like a tea party. I never thought I'd be saying this but you need to let them lock me up Dean, you need to stay as far away from me as possible, I'm not...I couldn't..." Sam said his morbid train of thought dragging him down.

"Hello moody? thy name is Sam" Dean said trying to lighten the mood. When he got no reaction from his brother he gently shook the leg closest to him to get his brothers attention back. Sam looked up hopelessness and fear clear in his eyes. Dean swore out loud as he moved off the couch and crouched in front of the bottles on the table. "Come on, come on...where are you? There!" He muttered as he pulled two bottles closer to him pulling the top off the first and dumping the contents out onto the table, and starting to count them back into the bottle.

The strangeness of Dean's actions brought Sam back to the surface again. "What're you doing Dean?"

"21,22,23...24..25 ...hmm? Just give me a second Sam...28, 29 ,30..Damn It!" he finished banging his hand on the table in frustration causing Sam to jump at the noise. Looking over at his brother guilt washed over Dean "I'm sorry Sam...I didn't realize..."

"It's ok Dean you just startled me." Realizing from the look on Dean's face the noise wasn't what he was apologizing for. "What Dean?"

"Last night, after dinner, I hadn't read everything yet...god this is my fault _again_..." Dean said sighing putting his head in his hands. "It's you who shouldn't be trusting me Sammy, I keep screwing things up, making this worse for you."

"The pills last night?" Sam asked

"Yeah, I grabbed the first one I saw, it was the wrong one...I'm sorry..."

Taking a deep breath and blowing it out Sam struggled against the emotions warring in him. Now that he understood that part of it must be an external reaction to the medication and not his own guilt it was easier to remove himself from it. "You'd no way to know last night. We're both exhausted. We know now so just get rid of them so we don't do this again." Sam said calmly. "I trust you with my life Dean, there's nothing to be sorry for."

Dean nodded his head in agreement, accepting the forgiveness Sam had granted him. He swore to himself that he'd do better by his brother as he gathered the unwanted pills and tossed them into the trash. Coming back into the room he decided moving on was the best route. "Want to get cleaned up?"

Sam's eyes brightened at the thought of clean clothes and a clean body. "In the worst way." Sam said honestly.

"Alright give me a couple of minutes to get set up and I'll come and get you."

"What the hell do you have to set up? You're not planning on showering with me are you?"

Dean cackled at the thought. "No definetly not, just trust me."

Sam could hear noise coming from the bathroom and a few minutes later he heard the water start running. Dean returned with some scissors, tape and plastic wrap. Eyeing the items his brother carried he found to ask."Kink much?" smiling at Dean's stupid grin when he got the joke. "What's all that for?"

"Don't want to soak the stitches on your forehead and I don't think you want to skip washing your precious hair for 10 days. So I'll tape the plasitc over it and there you go. I'll probably need to cut the bandage off your chest too."

"Oh, ok,just didn't make a lot of sense at first."

Dean quickly stipped the bandage from Sam's head and when he was satisfied that the plastic would stay he held out an arm to his brother."Your shower awaits. All we've gotto do now is get you there." Dean said smiling. "Ready?"

Sam gingerly swung his legs off the couch and took his brothers outstretched arms. "On three, you pull and I'll push, ok?"

"You're the boss" Dean said seriously "Just take it easy alright."

"One, two, three..." Sam said as he pushed up on his sore legs while Dean helped pull him to a standing position. "Damn that hurts." he gasped taking a couple of panting breaths. Finding his center of balance he leaned on Dean and started walking slowly towards the bathroom.

Sam was happy at how much easier it was to walk this morning. Every step still hurt but he found his ability to rise above it had returned and his energy level was improving. Still by the time they reached the small room he was grateful to sit himself on the hard seat of the toilet. Sam was surprised steam wasn't billowing out of the room but Dean answered the question for him. "I'd just turned it on when I remembered about the bandages, so I never made it warm. Now lift your arms a little so I can pull this off." Dean said tugging at the scrub top.

Sam complied and Dean gingerly removed the top careful of the bruises peaking around the mass of bandages covering Sam's chest. Dean pulled the bandages off as carefully as he could and then opened the door to the shower stall. Sam laughed when he saw a padded chair getting soaked directly under the spray. "What's this?"

Dean looked at Sam and the shrugged his shoulders. "You didn't want any help showering, but there is no way you'd be able to stand the whole time so this is the best I could come up with.You can use the chair for support andwhen you get tiredyousit down and if you need something just yell. But you get privacy and I don't get traumatized at having to shower with my little brother." Dean finished making light of his plan.

Sam was touched at the thought Dean had put into his brothers need to be independent. "Thank you, really man.."

"It's nothing, just a chair. Don't get all Oprah on me." Dean said avoiding Sam's eyes.

"Fine," Sam said raising a hand in defeat. "But seriously, thank you it means a lot."

"Your welcome Sammy."

"It's Sam...Now since I have the first shower, for a change,I wonder how much hot water this house has?" Sam said smiling.

* * *

Once both brothers had showered and changed they returned to the living room to continue their work. Dean gave Sam the antibiotic and the anti inflammatory once they both had settled in. Dean had tried to get Sam to take the muscle relaxer as well but he'd steadfastly refused saying it would keep him from being able to research.

The boys sent the next several hours researching, Sam on the cult and finding out who the mysterious "master" was, while Dean scoured the journal for any other way to dream proof the house. They both knew that lack of sleep was easily becoming their biggest liability and they had to find a way to stay under the radar and get some time to recover. Dean was well into the third pot of coffee when he finally found what he was looking for.

"Aha! I knew I remembered it in here somewhere."

"What? Did you find something?"

"You bet I did. Dad's journal mentions some crystals that are good at protecting you from dreams as well as dream catchers they can work hand in hand. There's also a bit about mirrors in windows to keep out negative energy."

"You think it'll work?"

"Well we know the dream catchers work. I don't think dad would've included them if he thought they were bogus. We've got most of this stuff floating around the car." Dean quickly stood and stretched. "Be right back." Dean said as he bolted out the door returning a few moments later with a handful of items.

"That didn't take long?"

"Naw, like to keep things in order besides all the little stuff is in a box together. You find anything yet on our baddie?"

"getting closer, I've got a name..."

"Really what is it?"

"Elijah Cranson"

"Wow his parents didn't like him much." Dean said gloating "must've gotten his ass kicked in school a lot...bet he deserved it too. But definetly doesn't sound like a biker name. You sure this is the right guy."

"I think so, but I'm still digging"

"Ok geek-boy you keep digging, I'm going to go work on the bedroom so we can get some decent shut eye, later."

Sam smiled at Dean as he moved down the hall, before he went back to the laptop Sam yelled after him. "Anything to keep from doing the leg work. If I hear you snoring down there I'm going to use the walker to come down and kick your ass."

Sam had to laugh when he heard Dean's reply "Yeah, Yeah granny, you and your big walker really scare me." Smiling Sam focused back on the work at hand to find out who Elijah Carter was and what he was doing now.

* * *

Dean came back out to the living room 45 minutes later to see Sam nearly vibrating with energy, clearly impatiently waiting for Dean to return. "Sammy, the meds making you act funny or did Christmas come early this year?" 

"Funny Dean, no I found out who Elijah Cranson is..or was I should say."

"Was as in past tense, so he's a ghost? That explains some of it."

"Yes he's dead as to being a ghost or not I'm not really sure yet. I think he's something more than a ghost."

"Ok, so what do we know?"

"Well, I found that Elijah wasn't very well liked at home or any where else. He spent quite a bit of his time introuble with a couple of long stints in juvie before turning 18.Very much the whole moody outcast thing. When he was 18 he split home and as far as I can tell never returned.Everything I canfindgive that he was really smart,seems like he fell in with a group of bikers, sort of Hell's Angels wanna be's and be default took over, started planning what they'd do when. Started with small stuff, muggings and things, then moved up to armed robbery and knocking over bars, etc...Seemed he craved power."

"Most loonies do" Deansaid interupting

"Exactly, well about 5 years ago they hit a small bookstore, an occult bookstore. Ransack the place and the girl working the counter is killed.Not executed in the robbery but sacrificed later,the first of many credited to this group. When the cops ask what was taken other than the girl the owner mentions that a couple old texts are missing. They date back a couple of hundred years.From the way I'm reading this it must have been pretty dark stuff because the owner warned them that if they didn't act quick people were going to die."

"So you think the gang went there for the books?"

"Yeah why else rob an occultbookstore in the middle of nowhere, it's not like you're going to get a lot of cash out of the place.I think Elijah knew what he needed to take it to the next level. He made a deal with something and in return for his life he got power and lots of it."

"So any idea what it was he made a deal with?"

"Not exactly but my best guess is a demi-god, specifically one who can feed onfear and terror. Because our guy, Cranson,the bikers aren't just following his orders, from my... experience...they are...they're worshipping him."Sam said weakly.

Moving closer to his brother he dropped his hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a squeeze, "You did good Sam." Dean said watching Sam's eyes droop, mirroring Dean's own exhaustionasDean tried to hide a yawn. "It's a great start, but why don't we pack it up for a bit and catch some sleep?"

"I'm fine Dean really I want to help." Sam protested

"And you will Sam, but you still need to sleep, andI'm..." Dean stopped not wanting to admit he was having trouble focusing to Sam, now that he wasn't in motion.

Sam realized he had the opening he'd been searching for all morning. If he agreed to lay down Dean would go with him and his big brother might actually catch up on some much needed rest. "You're right, my back is starting to bother me from sitting up so long. Help me up?"

Dean helped Sam stand again and the two made it back to the bedroom Dean had secured as best he could. Sam saw that his brother had been busy moving furniture around in the master bedroom. There were two beds in the room each with a circle of salt around them as well as crystals or amythey and rose quartz set in the cardinal directions and a dream catched hung over the head of each bed. Dean helped Sam into the bed furthest from the door once the covers were pulled up moved to leave. Sam pulled out all the stops to make sure Dean stayed.Fixing his patented "puppy dog" eyes on Dean he asked quietly "Will you stay with me? At least until I'm asleep?"

Dean sighed and dropped onto the other bed. "Only until you're asleep Sammy." Dean said his words already starting to slur as sleep beckoned him. Sam heard the change in his brothers voice as Dean surrendered to exhaustion, falling into a deep sleep. Sam remained awake just listening to the calm even breathing of his brother, taking comfort in the peace being breifly afforded them before finally allowing himself to drift off as well with a silent prayer that their luck and protection would hold.

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A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please keep letting me know what you like and what you don't, chapter 15 is already started and I should have it up in the next couple of days. Thanks again!

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	15. Chapter 15

If Only Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own them so don't sue.

Warnings: This story contains adult themes and content as well as violent imagery. You have been warned.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who keeps letting me know they like what I'm doing. Sorry about the mistake in the last chapter. Our bad guy's last name is Cranson. This is what happens when you get drawn into a discussion about favorite Doctor's on ER when you are trying to focus on something else. My apologies to all! Thanks for the Swiss army knife and spork threats again, they brighten my day and urge me to write. If I haven't gotten a chance to email you back on your review don't think I'm ignoring you. I'm trying to make sure I get back to everyone. Thanks again and now on with the story.

* * *

Dean shifted uneasily in his sleep, his mind continued to struggle against the rest he needed even as he fell deeper into it's waiting embrace. No matter how much he wanted to watch over his younger brother, his body was past responding to his demands. He'd spent so much of his time and energy focused first on finding Sam and then watching over him that he'd stop paying attention to the warnings his body was trying to give him. In Dean's single track world of protecting Sam, it was little surprise that he never noticed that when he'd picked his brother up from the floor last night he'd pulled several of the stitches in his arm, the small pain it had caused was inconsequential to him when faced with the fear that losing his brother had generated. And it was only too easy to brush off the growing headache he'd had this morning on too much caffeine and not enough sleep; and if he was warm in the house, the only reason Sam was cold was because he'd spent most the morning in those scrubs and was still recovering from his injuries. 

Denial was a weapon and after many years of training Dean wielded it like an expert and when he'd fallen back onto the bed that was next to Sam's, with the intent of only staying until his brother was asleep,he was still firmly telling himself that there was nothing wrongeven as his body was screaming the truth in counter point, with its own drum solo echoing in his head. As the fever asserted itself over Dean's slumbering body, he twisted in tortured dreams that had nothing to do with their enemy and everything to do with exhaustion and a growing infection. In his dreams Dean searched, always moving and never finding what he was looking for. "Sammy where are you?" he mumbled in his sleep never realizing as he called out to the hushed room, he was waking the person his dream mind was searching for.

* * *

Sam was suddenly awake. He stretched in the bed opening his senses to the room around him to try and determine what had pulled him back to the conscious world. He knew it wasn't a dream or even a nightmare, he didn't have the feeling of terror that rode him when the dreams of Jess plagued him, no frantic images of people he didn't know and couldn't save, not even the all too recent memories of the asylum or his attack that had until now been running, like the latest theater blockbuster, every time he closed his eyes. Looking up he silently thanked the dream catcher that hung over his bed, swinging slightly in the breeze of the fan As he lay there contemplating he found that he was comfortably rested, but could easily close his eyes and drift off again, he was ready to do just that when a small sound helped him understand what had awoken him. _'Dean'_

Sam slowly rolled over in bed so he was facing his brother. Sam was instantly concerned by what he saw. Dean was sweating heavily and he looked pale even in the half light filtering in behind the shades of the room. Sam's eyes flicked over his brothers sleeping form trying to assess the situation from where he was before he decided to wake Dean from his much needed sleep. When Dean moaned again in his sleep moving restlessly Sam decided that his concern for his brother was enough to out weigh the potential annoyance Dean was bound to display at being awakened over his little brothers paranoia. Sam was grateful for the close quarters they were now sharing. His body still hurt in the worst way and every time he'd tried walking it bordered on torture but with the small pained sounds coming intermittently from Dean, Sam would've walked miles to get to his brother.

Exhausted even from such a short trip, Sam fell heavily onto the side of Dean's bed, expecting that the bounce would wake Dean up, but it didn't. Sam reached up and gently ran a hand over Dean's head feeling the flushed skin warm his hand instantly. "Dean, you need to wake up, man you're sick."

Dean didn't wake, at his brother's request he merely attempted to turn away from the cooler hand now resting on his shoulder. "Sammy, can't find Sammy" he slurred

Sam tightened his grip on Dean's shoulder to keep him from pulling away, "Dean, I'm right here. You're dreaming bro, you just need to wake up." The action of shaking Dean brought his brother up swinging, unfortunately Sam's reflexes were still sluggish and while he managed to avoid catching the fist dead on in the face it still caught him in the bottom of his jaw with enough force to push him off the bed into a heap on the floor.

Sam's pained outburst as he collided with the unyielding floor was what actually pulled Dean back to alertness. Sam looked up from his position on the floor and he watched Dean as his eyes searched the room frantically for his brother and the reason for his cry. "Sammy?"

"Down here." Sam called through gritted teeth.

"What's going on? Why you on the floor?" He slurred again as one hand went unconsciously to hold his throbbing head.

"You're burning up Dean; you're talking in your sleep." Sam explained simply.

"Huh?"

"You've got a fever, Dean; I think you're coming down with something."

"I'm fine Sam" he said automatically even as he shook his head trying to clear the cotton that felt like it was stuck in it. "You still didn't tell me why you're on the floor, Sammy"

"It's Sam and you hit me, when I tried to wake you. I should be happy it was your fist and not the knife. It wasn't intentional," He said quickly trying to reassure his brother."I was just a little slow to get out of the way." He finished with a sheepish look up at his brother.

"Oh Sammy…shit….I'm sorry…" Dean said throwing back the covers on the bed and crouching down on the floor next to his brother. A hand half extended to help, but seemingly afraid it would be refused. "You hurt?" Sam just gave him a look that said _'isn't that a little redundant at this point'_ and it was Dean's turn to look sheepish as he finished with "Any more than before?"

"Nah, just added a couple of bruises to the bruises." Sam said taking his brothers hand to help him off the floor and back onto the side of Dean's bed again. "Thanks."

"Least I could do, since I put you there."

Sam eyed his brother critically. "Honestly Dean how're you feelin?"

"Like crap" Dean said surprising both himself and Sam with his honesty. He reached over to swipe at his arm, feeling like something was dripping down his arm, when Sam noticed the darkened area on the t-shirt.

"Dean did you pull your stitches?"

"What stitches?" he said groggily, Dean was suddenly tired again and all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep the rest of the day away, if only Sam would leave him alone. .

"The one's in your arm Dean, from where you were _shot_" Sam said pulling up the sleeve on his brothers shirt to see that not only had Dean pulled the wound open, it was looking raw and ugly even in the half light. "Damn it Dean, how'd you forget about your stitches? Turn on the light, I need to look at this."

Dean tried to wave his brother off. "It's nothin Sam, let it be. You getting better and me keeping you safe is more important. I'll take care of it later. You need to get some more rest." Dean finished trying weakly to push his brother away from his arm.Sam refused to let go, instead he gave Dean's arm a sharp squeeze "Owww, butthead that hurts!"

"Exactly Dean, now turn on the light so I can see how bad it really is." When Dean simply sat there staring at his brother refusing to comply Sam decided it was time to fight fire with fire. Sounding as pitiful as possible he quietly stammered. "Dean, you can't take care of me or protect me if you're falling over. _Please_ let me do this for you, to make sure you're ok"

Realizing the plea for what it was Dean sighed but reached over to the lamp with his good arm and flicked it on, flooding the room with light. "That was low Sam, but I get it."

Dean pulled his shirt off, wincing slightly when he pulled it off the injured arm, giving his brother a clear view of the wound. He sat quietly while his brother carefully poked and prodded thearea getting an idea of the damage Dean had done. Unable to sit still any longer Dean asked, "Well how bad is it?"

"I 'm going to need to take the rest of the stitches out so I can clean it out. It's infected but I don't think it's too bad yet Although you're running a fever, so I'm not really sure. Can you get the first aid kit so I can clean it out and wrap it?"

"Yeah," Dean said tiredly as he pulling himself up unsteadily to his feet and staggering out of the room. Dean returned a few minutes later with the first aid kit, a couple of towels, some bottled water and a plastic bag of extra supplies."Brought a little bit of everything just in case." He said as he dropped the kit and bag on the bed between them and placing his cell phone and the water on the night table next to the lamp.

Sam dug into the bag pulling out the bottle of peroxide and gauze bandages. He opened the first aid kit and retrived the scissors and tweezers so he could remove the rest of the stitches. It took him a few moments to stop the light shaking in his hands, and then after unfolding one of the towels onto the bed to keep from getting anything on the sheets. Sam carefully snipped the small stitches in Dean's arm. Once they were all cut he used the tweezers to gently pull the stitches out, dropping the small pieces of thread onto the towel. Putting down the tweezers, he gently pulled the wound open so he could clean it again properly. A small amount of pus came out, and Sam used one of the gauze pads to wipe the blood and fluid from Dean's arm. He opened the bottle of peroxide and looked at his brother, "You doing ok?"

"Yeah, let's just get this over with Sammy. " He said resignedly, body slumping as Dean finally gave up denying his bodies aches and pains. Exhaustion etching sharp lines on Dean's face.

Sam nodded his head in agreement and poured some of the peroxide onto Dean's arm. Dean's breath hissed out as the liquid bubbled and oozed cleaning out the wound. Sam again blotted his arm. once he was satisifed it was clean, Sam closed the wound with some butterfly strips. Once he was done he wrapped Dean's arm in gauze and securing it with some tape. "I think you could use some of my antibiotics, and something for your fever" Seeing how tired Dean actually was, Sam decided to try and retrieve the pills himself. "Why don't you lay back I'll grab them from the living room."

Dean grabbed Sam's arm to keep him from standing, but didn't argue with his assesment. "Way ahead of you little bro, I brought them in with the bandages...it was time for you to take more of them anyway...They're in the bag."

Sam dug around and found the bottle opening it he dropped two pills into his hand. Holding one out to his brother, he waited until Dean took it from him before closing the bottle back and placing it back in the bag. He dug around for the tylenol as well shaking out a couple as well and handing them over to his brother who took them reluctantly.Dean opened the bottle of water and swallowed the pills before handing the bottle over to his brother. Digging around in the bag he pulled out Sam's muscle relaxer and pulled one out for Sam to take. Sam tried to wave him away, but Dean was insistent. "Look Sam, you hit the floor hard a little bit ago, you need the sleep and if you don't take this now, your back is only going to tighten up more on you later."

"I don't need it right now Dean, I'm not going to do anything extreme, I'll take it later. Just lay down and get some sleep."

"I will once you take the pill, Sam. I'm not going to rest until I know you are." he said still holding out the pill.

"Dean, you're ready to fall over now. I could just wait till then."

"Not going to happen little bro, take the pill."

"No, I'm fine"

"Don't make me force you to take it Sam."

"Dean.."

"Now Sam."

Sam finally took the pill from his brother and swallowed it down with another mouth full of water."Happy now?" Sam said sarcastically,

Dean stood " Completely, need a hand back to bed?"

Sighing Sam gratefully took his arm and allowed Dean to help him back to his own bed. Once Sam was situated Dean slumped back onto his own bed reaching out with his hand for the cellphone. "Who're you calling now?"

"Trying to keep us from getting a visit from the friendly deputy. He told me if he didn't hear from us once a day he'd stop by. Since we seem to be planning on sleeping the rest of the day away I figured I'd call and let him know we're still alive."

"Oh, ok"

Dean scrolled through his phonebook quickly pulling up the man's number and hitting send. Dean was overjoyed when he got Tom's voicemail, saving Dean from having to answer a lot of questions. Dean left a message, letting him know that he'd be back in touch later, with an update. Ending the call quickly he dropped it back onto the table closing he eyes in relief. "Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"Thanks, for fixing the arm. Don't go anywhere til I'm up ok." He said sleepily

"Sure Dean no problem. I won't go anywhere." Sam said relaxing back into the pillows and closing his eyes.

"Get some...sleep.." Dean finished as he drifted off, secure in the knowledge that Sam wouldn't leave he let his body relax into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Dean woke up several hours later, his body covered in sweat from when his fever had broken. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. Reaching out he pulled the cellphone off the table to see it was just after 4 pm. Dropping it back on the table he looked over to his brother who was still sleeping peacefully. Dean stretched feeling the tug on his arm where the bandage was.Dean decided he'd grab another quick shower and then rustle up some food for himself and Sam, seeing as they'd slept through lunch and then head back to the researching Cranson and his gang. 

Dean quietly slipped from the room and headed for the shower.He made sure this time to wrap his arm up as well before stepping under the hot spray.Dean finished showering up for the second time, he headed back to the bedroom still drying his hair, he checked on Sam again. Surprised that when he moved closer to the bed Sam rolled over, clearly awake. "Hey, I was wondering when you'd get back."Sam said smiling.

"You alright?" Dean said worridly

Sam smiled at the instant mother hen Dean had become, everytime Sam said something. "I'm fine Dean, I just didn't feel like touring the house on my own right now so I thought I'd wait and see if you wanted to lend a hand."

"Sure thing, and would this "tour" include a stop at the recliner or the couch this time?"

"Couch, and can I inquire does this trip include a meal because I'm starving." Sam said smiling

"I'll see what we can do to accomadate your request...if you behave..." Dean said smirking back.

A few minutes later Sam was situated back on the sofa, already clicking away on the laptop, while Dean headed into the kitchen to start cooking.Sam listened while his brother rattled around in the kitchen,a few minutes later Dean yelled out from the room. "Ok, the choices for tonight are chicken, pasta or frozen pizza."

"Pizza!" Sam answered enthusiastically.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Dean called back.

A few minutes later Dean came back out and settled on the far end of the sofa. "Pizza should be done in about 15 minutes."

"Great," Sam said looking over at Dean who had moved to sit on the floor again in front of the table. "What're you doing?" Sam asked as Dean started writing things down on a notepad.

"Well since you geek-boy, are surfing the net trying to track down the origins of our bad boy Cranson and his friends. I thought it was time one of us listed all the various evidence we've picked up along the way and see if any patterns shake out." He said looking back at Sam, snapping his fingers he continued, "Hey back in the hospital you said somehting about seeing symbols in the room you were in. You should see what you can come up with that may help us narrow down the search as to the flavor of our "god" Cranson made his deal with.

Sam looked slightly awestuck at Dean, "That really is a brilliant idea. I'll do the same with my encounters and stuff and then we can cross reference them together."

"Just what I was thinking, Sam" Dean said smiling at his brother's praise he turned back to his notepad and continued to write.

* * *

A/N: So I wanted to let Sam have a little chance to help out big brother and prove that Dean really isn't invincible. Sorry this wasn't out over the weekend as promised, was having issues with my online service. Hope you all enjoy and hopefully without any more glitches 16 should follow in a couple of days. Thanks again!


	16. Chapter 16

If Only Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Adult content and violence,

A/N: Many thanks to all I can't offer them enough, everyone has been very supportive of the story and I hope I can keep making you happy. I also owe everyone a very big apology this should've been posted much sooner then it was but I just wasn't happy with the way it came out the first time so had to do it again. Hopefully you enjoy.

* * *

The brothers worked their way through 2 pizzas before either one surfaced from their work to take a break and talk to the other. Dean's copious notes, which had started a just lists and bits of information he'd collected since Sam had gone missing were being resorted into common groups. Sam had sketched out some of the glyphs he'd seen and was attempting to list out the snatches of conversation he'd heard when he'd been kidnapped at the hospital along with the various encounters with the voice they'd now potentially identified as Cranson's. Sam was however growing frustrated at the trouble he was having trying to distinguish what may have actually happened and what was his own mind talking to him. He looked over to Dean wanting to ask him if he was having the same problem but didn't want to express his own confusion to Dean. 

Finally relying on what Dean had told him before about full cooperation and honesty he decided to ask. "Dean?"

"Hmmm?" Dean answered not looking up from his work

"Are you having any problem telling what was...or did..." Sam started and when Dean looked up at him he decided to avoid the topic. "Never mind...sorry..."

Looking more confused at Sam's backing away from a conversation something he never really did, because man, did his brother like to talk..Dean put his pen down and faced Sam giving him his full attention. "What is it you need to know Sam?"

"I'm having a problem telling what really happened from what I may have dreamed. I'm not sure what's _real_ anymore."

Dean looked concerned, as he processed what his brother said. "Do you mean that you're not sure if you're awake now, if this," Dean asked pointing to the room around them, "right now is real? Or is it more like the dreams and the attacks are blurring together?"

Sam thought for a moment before answering back and noticed that Dean seemed to tense a little more with every passing second. "I know I'm awakeand understand everything going on around me. The problem is telling **my** thoughts and emotions from the ones that aren't mine.It's like my mind is onthis roller coaster and there's no way to make it stop. I hear and feel all these things, but are they me or is it something..someone else? Or am I just losing my mind?Like this morning when I got freaked out, or last night, how much of the dream was an attack and how much was just...**me** torturing myself? I mean I was having strange dreams...nightmares, before, so it's not that far of a stretch to say that my mind is playing tricks on me. What if once we look at this we make the wrong decision because of something I said happened that didn't, I couldn't handle..."

"Sam, it's ok, really I'm impressed you're as together as you are right now. I'm not sure I'd be after all you've been through."

"Right Dean" Sam said making it evident that he didn't buy the compliment at all from Dean. "It wouldn't have happened to you, **you're** better than that, they wouldn't have gotten the drop on you..." Sam stopped a deep hurt bleeding into his eyes.

"Sam..It could've happened to either of us...you said it yourself ...things just happen sometimes...don't let them win by believing this crap. You_ are_ strong, you survived and we're going to get to through this together..." Stopping mid thought as he understood the shift that had taken hold of his brother since this morning. Dean briefly wondered if it was still the medication in his system or just a survivors guilt coming into play. "Is this the stuff you mean? What you just said, did something just tell you that? Has it been saying that all along?" Dean asked focusing intently on his brother.

"Yes...No.." with a sigh Sam looked away from Dean, "I don't know, I can't do this anymore.."

"Yes you can Sam. You're stronger than you give yourselft credit for they didn't break you. We just need to take this one step at a time. You remember this morning when we talked. You told me that we're going to find out who they are and then we are going to kill them. You need to find that feeling again."

"I'm not sure I can or that I want to Dean. _everything_ feels broken to me now."

"**No**,stop thinking like that **NOW**, seriously, consider the alternatives, everything you've already overcome. You're still here and still fighting. So you may be a little confused at the moment on the details of everything that happened to you. Hell who wouldn't be? How many times have we talked to strangers who've seen what we've seen and each story is missing something from it? They barely hold it together. You not only held it together but are using what you know to fight back. You made sure to remember the symbols in a room where you were brutally attacked. Why? Because you knew it might help you survive and give you answers. We **will** get through this Sam you just need to believe in yourself to do it. Now write all of it down and I mean _all _of it, dream, fact or guilt trip. Once we start comparing information it should be easier to sort the bogus ones out. Besides as you said you had strange dreams before and they've led to _real_ things Sam so don't discount them. Maybe your psychic boy wonder gift will give us an advantage."

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet we've still got a lot to do..." Dean was going to continue when the phone in the kitchen started to ring. The brothers exchanged a glance both surprised at the noise. "You make any calls from here Sam?"

Rolling his eyes at his brother's question he smirked, "To who the sandman? Dude, I haven't managed walking on my own, yet, you think I'm strolling around the kitchen making calls to 1-800-come kidnap my ass?"

"Sorry stupid question, I didn't even know the phone was active in the place."

"Could be a wrong number." Sam said as the phone rang for the third and fourth time, "Could it be the cop?" Sam questioned as the phone continued to ring unababted.

"Tom? Don't see why, he has my cell and remember I called him earlier so even if he didn't write it down before it would be in the cell memory."

"Then someone is trying to figure out where we're hiding and is trying all the known places."

"Could be, but who'd know we took them up on the offer to hide out under semi-police protection?"

"Too many people really." Sam stated a little anxiously as he pondered it. The phone on ring number 9. "They don't know where we are exactly, but you told the guy at the door to call Tom and they could've been monitoring a scanner and picked up your call or worst case scenario, we've officially become bait on a hook and Tom has hung us out to dry." Sam said resignedly.

"I think he would've warned us first." Locking his gaze on his younger brother. "Seriously, why go to all the trouble of setting us up just to turn us over this soon. Doesn't fit what we know about him. And if they had used a scanner to catch the call they'd already be here." Dean stated calmly, when Sam raised a questioning eyebrow at him, he continued. "He gave me directions to this place over the phone. I think your first thought is right, it's a fishing expedition to see if anyone answers."

Sam still wasn't sure and started picking at it in frustration,"What do we really know Dean? Come on, you're taking a lot on faith here bro. Which really isn't like you at all.I know he pulled me out of that hell hole, and that earns him serious potential respect points in my book,_**but**_ do we know why he was there or what's driving him? He could be a part of the whole thing, just setting us up for the fall."

"No, He was too sincere when he told me he wanted this to stop, besides he was really worried when he found out that word got out about you being alive. He wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of covering for me capping the guy in the hallway if he'd planned on getting you killed. It would've been far easier for him to haul my ass off to a cell until they could sacrifice you if he was really invovled." Dean said sincerly breathing a sigh of relief as the phone stopped ringing.

"Except that they want you too. So locking you up wouldn't have done them any good on that part."

"I told you Sam they only want to break me to get to you. If Tom was involved with all of this...hell.. he could've shot me in the hallway and dragged you away with no interference. My gut says he's on the level."

"Ok, so we go with your instinct and trust him. Should we call him and tell him about what just happened? How close are we letting him in to all of this?" Sam asked

"I'll give him a call once we have all the information together. I think he might be able to get us more background on that bookstore robbery you dug upand maybe some of the information on the other killings. I'll ask him about the phone call then too. As to letting him in, I figure we call him as back up before we clean house. He's definetly not prepared to help us in anything other than clean up."

"We should tell him about the girl, Dean."

"What girl Sam?" Dean said looking confused.

"The one they killed last night." Sam stated simply looking sick, his voice cracked as he continued and he rubbed his throat absently with his hand.Dean noted the behavior but let Sam continue."The one I **_watched_** them kill last night to try and bring us out. Someone should be looking for her, so they can put her to rest."

Dean looked sick himself in horror as he realized that what Sam saw last night must not have been a dream but a real event. "Shit Sammy, I didn't think it...I wasn't sure it wasn't part of what happened later so I never considered..."He finished running a hand through his hair. " I hate to ask this but before I tell him are you sure it really happened?"

"I'm... " Sam started and then stopped, staring out into space briefly then shook his head and continued."Yeah, I'm sure. I don't know how to explain it but if felt..._different..._alot like how it felt when I watched what happened to me. A memory not a dream of anything like that, but real tangible."

"Did you see where they did it?" Dean asked hoping that if Sam could pin the location down then he might be able to go out and get this over with before anything or anyone else came after Sam.

"No, I could only see her eyes, but I could feel what they did to her. Felt the knife as it..." Sam stopped as he gagged slightly at the memory.

"It's ok Sam, don't push yourself. When I call Tom we'll let him know to be on the lookout for the body. He'll take care of her, I promise." Dean looked over at the clock on the wall noting that it was after 7 and past time for the next round of Sam's meds. "I'll be right back, you have a pharmacy to take again." He said smiling at Sam trying to lighten his brothers mood.

"Can I at least have some coffee if I'm going to take all of those damn horse pills?" Sam tried to call out but his voice crackled halfway through, and Sam coughed trying to clear his throat again.

"You ok?" Dean said turning back to Sam. "You're sounding a little froggy there kid."

"My throat just feels...small I guess, must be all the talking" he ground out hoarsly as it gave out again the end of the sentence coming at half volume. "Can you get me a drink?" Sam said with pleading puppy eyes.."Coffee?"

"Yeah, yeah quit your bitching I'll make the coffee. Only you would play up the sore throat angle to get more caffiene.I can't wait 'til you're up and around on your own again so you can play maid for a while. You soooo owe me for this little brother." Dean teased gently as he moved out of the room..

Walking into the kitchen to make the requested beverage Dean missed the hurt look that came into Sam's now glazed eyes,Dean figured Sam didn't answer him in an attempt to try and save his voice._'He's sounding pretty rough, probably shouldn't have let him go on for so long without the anti-inflammatory's they perscribed.'_ Dean thought as he realized Sam hadn't had one since breakfast that morning.

While Dean busied himself with the mechanics of filling the coffee maker he missed the groan of pain from Sam, who was now curling into himself on the the sofa rocking while he raised trembling hands to clutch at his head, trying to make the pain stop without alerting his brother, who Sam was sure was going to be annoyed at his latest show of weakness.The color in Sam's face quickly changing from healthy to a pasty white, as the pounding in his skull continued, for the briefest moment he heard that voice again, '_Soon young Sam...You'll be mine again very soon'_ and then it was gone and the agony in his head exploded, Sam tried to call out but he had no voice, no control as the world went white with stars and then Sam fell into the waiting dark.

* * *

It's always good to let your children know when you are pleased with them. Just like it was necessary to punish them when they failed.They had to learn from their mistakes. Like he'd done when his disciple returned to him without Sam. But even in his anger he'd been merciful and while he'd made an example of the man for the rest of his children that failure large or small was not tolerated, he did grant him a quick although painful death. So when his children had brought him their offering he rewarded them just as well, allowing them to feed their lust and in turn they fed him the woman's terror and once both were satisfied he'd made certain the younger Winchester felt her being ripped from this world. 

The girl while tasty was lacking in the true power he craved, and while she had fed him well with the terror that flowed off her body with her blood, she like all the others finally willingly gave up her soul to end her torment. He smirked at the thought of the brothers and how little they really understood of the game he was playing with them. He wouldn't ever really need to touch Sam again, even though he had every intnention of hearing that boy scream again. All he needed was for Sam to willingly and knowingly ask for his death or hide away in his mind for good and the boy's soul and the power contained within it was as good as his.

All those years ago when he'd struck his bargain for power and immortality in albeit a non-corporeal form, he very rarely found the work he'd agreed to complete to be a true challengefor him or his children.More of an extentsion of something he'd already been good at while living. In the end even the strongest bodies could and were broken. There was only so much abuse a person could take, before the unthinkable became,something to be considered, and then,doable. However this pair of men gave him a thrill he hadn't felt since he'd taken his first life all those years ago. Once Sam was collected and his power harvested, he'd assume the body of the young man before it died off completely. It was already used to holding in a power source that was unfiltered, so he knew could easily manipulate it for his own use it for several months or even years if he was careful, before it'd wear out. _'Oh the things I could do with a body again'_ he thought manically to himself.

He vowed to himself that the first thing he'd do was use Sam's body to eliminate the elder hunter. The man was the constant thorn in his side. Initially he considered offering him a piece of the power he possessed in trade for his brother. He'd mistaken the power in the elder Winchester as that of another predator like he'd been while alive, but was disappointed when he came to understand the true nature of the power Dean wielded. Yes, the man was a hunter,a predator even a killer in the most literal sense of the words but he was only a threat to those who preyed on the light, and especially anything that came between him and his brother.

The need to dispatch the elder hunter had now become a personal challenge he had to beat him.At first he hadn't been sure if the hunter had a weakness other than being mortal, until he'd shown Dean, what they'd done to his brother and then he understood completely that the key and lock were mirror images. They worked the same way. Each willing to sacrifice their own life to save the other, with little thought about how that sacrifice would destroy the one who survived. He was certain if he offered up Sam's soul to the older hunter that he'd take his own life never realizing it wouldn't save the younger from his grasp.

This should've been so much easier. Sam had been fated to die alone on that altar, either from starvation or from willing request to have his life ended. But it hadn't, the cops had found out about their location and if it hadn't been for jumping into that dumb traffic cops head he never would've known to tell his children to scatter, unfortunately there wasn't enough time to take their prize with them. So Sam had been saved. At least for the time being.

Still the pair frustrated him at every turn. It'd been nearly 24 hours since they'd attacked the brothers in their sleep and neither had appeared out in the open. His children had infiltrated the hospital that had taken in the younger man and reported that neither had returned. Which only meant that his original plan of medicating Sam into insanity either had not worked yet or had been thwarted. It was time to try again,_'Let's see how young Sam deals with this...'_ he thought sending his thoughts and spirit out on the evening air reeling in that line that linked him to Sam and then he forced Sam to understand that he was still the prize they were seeking.As he pulled away he made sure to set the trap, in Sam's mind, giddy in the thought of using the brothers as tools for their own destruction he returned to the farm house his children occupied to wait.

* * *

"Hey Sammy. is the sugar still out there?" Dean yelled from the kitchen, as he pulled down mugs and set them on a tray next to the carafe of coffee that had just finished brewing. "Sam, you hear me?" Dean called again. Blowing out a frustrated sigh he stomped back out towards the living room talking the entire way, "Dude, I know you said your throat hurts... Sammy?" Dean croaked out when he caught clear sight of the sofa he'd left his brother on, Dean could see the ball Sam had pushed himself into and everything about Sam was screaming that he was in pain and needed help. Dean dropped to his knees in front of the sofa, trying to pull Sam's arms away from his head. Sam's ragged breathing hitched violently and then his whole body stilled, going limp in his brothers grasp. "Sammy...come on Sam...don't do this to me...not now..." Dean pleaded as he placed a shaky hand to his brothers neck to feel for a pulse, groaning in relief when he found one. 

Sitting back on his heels he gently patted Sam's shoulder in reassurance that his brother was still alive. He gently uncurled Sam, hoping he wasn't doing more harm then good and the gently stroked a hand across his brothers face. "Sam, come on Sam time to rise and shine..." disappointed when he got no response. From Sam's now even breathing it appeared that Sam had fallen into a light sleep, and as much as Dean wanted to make sure Sam took the meds, he knew his brother needed the rest more. Dean gently patted Sam again before pulling the blanket up over him and pulling himself back to his feet. "Be right back." he said to the room in general Dean headed back for the kitchen to retrieve the coffee.

A few minutes later Dean was back at work. He finally finished sorting all of his notes and started working on the list of things that he needed to talk Tom into providing him. He felt the sofa shift as his brother stirred slightly in, Dean looked up hopefully to see that Sam was still out. Sighing he decided to make the call and stop stalling. Pulling over his phone he dialed the older man, this time hoping to catch him.

"Deputy Tom Roberts"

"Tom, this is Dean, can you talk?"

"I appreciate the return call Mr. Meyers, give me a moment to get to my office and your file."

"Understood. " Dean said and waited for the other man to give the signal that they were safe to speak.He heard a lessening of background noise and a door click closed before Tom spoke again.

"Hey Dean, I got your message earlier, you sounded beat to hell. You boys doing ok?" near fatherly concern sounding in his voice.

"Yeah, we're good at the moment. Sam's...sleeping..but that's not why I called."

"I didn't really think it was. So tell me what do you need?"

"How'd you know?" Dean asked surprised

"I know you said you'd call and check in and I know you're only doing it to keep me from dropping by everyday, and while you are a man of your word it's nearly 8 pm and most people would've just waited until morining to check in with an excuse about it being to late to possibly bother me. I've already figured out you and your brother definetly aren't typical but it doesn't mean you don't want something."

"I'm not sure if I should be insulted or flattered. I didn't think I'd be considered predictiable" Dean stated honestly.

"Don't worry, takes one to know one."

"Ok, well Sam and I have done some digging and we were hoping to get some information from you on the occult bookstore robbery that we think may have been the start of this and all the information you have on the other victims you've found."

"You've figured out who it is?"

"Not for certain but the information will go a long way to help narrowing it down. I hate to press my luck but if we can get the autopsy reports too it'd be help."

There was a pause at other end of the line for a moment as the older man considered the request. "I'll see what I can do. I can probably get you most of them by morning. I can swing by first thing and drop them off."

"Call me first, we've had some strange things going on and I don't want to take any chances."

"What happened. Dean?" The man asked urgently. "Do I need to send someone out there?"

"No nothing like that...did you call here earlier tonight?"

"No, you said you'd call me so I took you at your word. Why?"

"The phone here rang a while ago."

"You mean the house phone?"

"Yeah,"

"Did you pick it up?"

"No, neither Sam or I have used it to call anyone, figured it might be someone trying all the local numbers to hunt us down."

"Good, good, we have a trace on the line. I'll pull the record and see if it gives us anything useful."

"Got it."

"Dean you boys be careful I wasn't expecting anything to happen so fast with this. Watch your backs and call me if something happens no matter the time."

"Will do. Wait there is one other thing, they killed a girl last night Tom. You need to expect to find another body"

"How do you know?"

"They showed it to Sam, last night...It's hard to explain you'll just have to believe me. Sam wanted to make sure you knew... Make sure someone was looking for her."

"I understand...How is he doing?"

"Better than I would be, but I don't think he believes me on that. I've gotta go, I don't want to be on too long." Dean finished quietly not wanting to hear any reassurances from the man.

"We'll find her Dean, I'll call you in the morning."Tom said then disconnected the line. As Dean closed the phone he sighed again rubbing a hand on his neck to relieve some of the tension. He realized his head was starting to pound again, realizing he was likely starting to get his fever back he went in search of the regular tylenol he'd left in the bedroom and swallow them down along with another antibiotic before returning to the living room, where he was greeted with the second surprise of the evening, Dean was over joyed when he saw his brothers eyes flutter open and then closed again.

"Hey there Sammy, how you feelin?" Dean asked quietly, silently willing his brother's eyes to open again for him.

"Hey, wha' happened?"

"Not really sure was hoping you could tell me dude."

"Head hurts" He croaked making a face he absently rubbed his neck again."Throat too."

"Yeah, you told me that before but when I came back with the coffee you were holding your head and then you blacked out."

"Oh..." Sam stated looking confused. "I'm not sure...I think someone was..."

"It's ok let's take it slow. You want to sit up?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

Dean helped Sam back to his half reclined position and then handed over the coffee. He let Sam take a couple of swallows before handing over some pills for Sam to swallow.

Sam looked at them and handed the muscle relaxed back to Dean without a word.Dean looked ready to argue with him but Sam cut him off before he could start up. "I've just woke up Dean, I don't want to be knocked back out, my back isn't bothering me right now, so just let me help you work ok?"

"Alright but you are taking one when we crash tonight got it?"

"We'll see..." Sam said evasively

"No buts Sam you will take it even if I have to force you to."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Sam, don't mess with me on this, just accept it." Dean saidsounding angry about being questioned.

"Fine" Sam said sullenly pulling the laptop back to himgetting back to work.

"Good" Dean said feeling for once that his brother wasn't going to talk this to death. _'Thank god for sore throats'_ he thought briefly.

Sam had been working for almost 30 minutes when the little voice in the back of his head wouldn't be ignored any more. _'You know he all but said he's drugged you before...He's going to do it again and leave you...take you back to the hospital...just like your dream...' _Sam shook his head trying to shake the thoughts loose but they just kept bubbling up as he tried to concentrate. He couldn't seem to focus on anything, his thougths were bouncing all over the place and the quiet little voice inside his head just kept talking. Sam shivered as an icy finger went down his spine and the room felt cold to Sam. _'no, no no,...this is not happening here. not now'_ Sam thought desperately looking over at his brother as he seemed completely uneffected by the change in room temp._ 'maybe Dean's possessed..'_ Sam considered not understanding why his thoughts kept jumping around. Sam decided it he needed to take action. "Dean" he asked quietly

"Yeah Sam?"

"Can you get me some water?" _'make this sound believable'_ the voice yelled at Sam reminding him that he'd only get one shot at taking out his possessed brother. "The coffee is making my throat hurt more" he finished voice cracking.

With a groan Dean lifted himself off the floor and moved into the kitchen. As soon as Dean had cleared the doorway Sam pulled himself to his feet, trying to ignore the stabbing pains in his legs and grabbed the shot gun from the wall, turning on shaking legs just as Dean returned to the room, glass in hand. Dean's face blanched as for the second time in weeks he was facing down the wrong end of one of his own weapons while his brother held it. "Sammy?" He asked with a raised eyebrown as he took in his brothers condition. _'No blood coming from his nose'_ he noted absently _'that's a good sign,' _he thought, then he got a good look at the Sam's flushed skin and glazed eyes and the trembling running through his limbs, _'That's not so good, wonder how bad it is.' _as he realized Sam had spiked a fever himself as welland was most likely out of his mind. A thought which was confirmed by his brothers next words.

"Who are you and where's my brother."

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A/N: Ok so hopefully you all enjoyed this one. Let me know and a big I'm sorry ! again to this not being out sooner. 


	17. Chapter 17

If Only Chapter 17

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me so don't sue me for it.

Warnings: Adult content and imagery not for the faint of heart.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who continues to enjoy the story. While the bad guys have not run away with the plot as I thought those of you who thrive on the brotherly angst have given me way too much to ponder and now the angst wants to come out and play A LOT! So I had to give it some room to run. Hopefully I am still managing to keep this true to our boys. As always you got something to say good or bad let me know.On with the story.

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_'This is so not how I wanted to end my night.'_ Dean thought to himself as he found himself being held at gunpoint _again _by his little brother. _'Man, why does Sam always have to try and shoot me when he's outta his mind...' _Keeping his hands raised he made sure to keep his voice as soothing as possible. "Sammy, I'm right here. It's me Dean, why don't you put the gun down." 

Sam looked at Dean confusion clearly written on his face. Dean watched as Sam looked down at his hands and seemed startled to find them holding the shotgun. He became more concerned as Sam continued to tremble the strain of standing unassisted coupled with the fever that had to be wreaking havoc on his younger brother. The gun was shaking just and badly and Sam's trembling hand was far to close to the trigger for Dean's liking. "Why Dean, why'd you do it? Do you hate me?" a small broken voice asked, making no effort to drop the gun however no longer really pointing it in his brother's direction.

It was Dean's turn to be confused, "No Sammy I don't hate you, I can't ever hate you, tell me what I did so I can help you."

"Why'd you drug me Dean? Are you going to send me away? You promised you wouldn't if I was good, I can be good Dean I swear."

"Sammy I never ..."

"Lying Bastard!" Sam screamed pulling the gun up higher centering on Dean's chest again. "You said it yourself! I want to know why, why would you take that kind of decision away from me? Did you do it that night in the bar? Because you were mad? Is that why I wasn't fast enough to stop them? Did you make a deal with them? Did you even plan on finding me or were you just hanging around a few days to make it look good so that when you called dad and told him that I went missing and that you tried to find me but that I was gone, he'd be as relieved as you were. What was it Dean? Did I get what I deserved is that it?" Sam yelled hoarsely voice cracking from the strain he was placing on it, tears streaming down his flushed face.

"Stop Sam, just stop for a second please…" Dean implored leaning down to place the glass gently on the table and slowly raising both hands back in front of him, so as not to startle Sam. Unlike the asylum the gun wasn't filled with rock salt it was live rounds this time. If Sam decided to open fire there was no way Dean was going to survive the blast. Trying to remain calm he continued slowly moving closer to Sam while talking hoping to get within reach of his brother, before he did something they'd both regret. "I didn't drug you not now not ever…look at me Sammy, I'd never hurt you…I never stopped looking for you Sammy…I ..I.." Dean stopped as his own voice cracked, "I know I failed you, that night Sam…you'll never understand how sorry I am for it…but you can't let them win…please whatever it is that's going on we can deal with it, just put the gun down."

Sam continued to tremble like a leaf in a stiff breeze his gaze never leaving Dean's. Dean watched as Sam's eyes filled with tears as grief, anger, hurt and pain, quickly appeared in Sam's eyes. The pain hurt Dean the most knowing that there was nothing he could really do to help Sam until he lowered the gun. "Dean?" Sam asked confusion now evident in his gaze. "Please…can you make it stop?" He asked raising the sawed off shotgun to his own head pushing the barrel roughly against his forehead, seemingly unaware he even had it in his grasp.

"Stop what Sam? Tell me what you need bro and I'll do it."

"The voices they won't stop…they just keep talking and talking…It hurts Dean…I feel like I'm fading away…Can you keep me from going away?...I don't want to go…Dean…please.."

Dean swore under his breath as he realized that Sam's anger and confusion were being helped from outside sources. The fever had just made it easier for the doubt and confusion to grow. Dean could only guess that Sam's fever was high enough to make him hallucinate and when added with a push from Cranson's sick games Sam was now on the edge again. Dean was starting to wonder how many times he could pull Sam back from the brink before he wasn't quick enough and one of them fell.

"Sammy, I need you to listen to me. I can help you make the voices stop but you need to put the gun down and sit down for me, it's not helping your body heal to be up like this. We can fix this…okay? Just let me help you."

"It hurts." Sam whimpered, the shaking getting worse, the gun now hanging uselessly at Sam's side.

"I know Sam, we'll make it better…trust me?" Dean said continuing to move forward nearly within touching distance of his brother.

"I …I don't…everything's so…nothing…" Sam dropped the gun suddenly and slammed both hands to his temples as his eyes rolled up in his head. Dean rushed forward catching Sam as he started to collapse taking them both to the floor.

Dean was shocked at the heat radiating off his brothers body. "Sammy, can you hear me?"

Sam's eyes remained firmly closed while he muttered to something only he could see and hear. "Make it stop…please Dean…won't listen…can't believe…..protect …Dean..."

Dean was torn with what to do next. Part of him wanted to drag Sam out to the car and head straight back to the hospital to find out what the hell was wrong with Sam. Although at the same time his instincts were screaming at him that doing that was only exposing both of them to more danger, and that no hospital could "cure" the voice in Sam's head all they could do is possibly find out what was causing the fever. Dean was still pondering options while he ran a hand through Sam's hair trying unsure of who he was trying to soothe with the action, his brother or himself.

"Dean?" Sam whispered eyes slitting open to catch his brother's attention.

"Sam..."

"Sorry…not your fault….remember…not you..." Sam muttered blearily

Dean was unsure that Sam even knew he was talking to his brother but had to ask to see what he could find out. "What are you talking about?"

Sam was desperately trying to convey the images he was seeing to Dean, but he knew that it wasn't coming out right but continued on hoping that there would be a later to explain it all to him. "Later …when they…when I ….not us...not you…remember…" Sam felt like his skin should be melting off but at the same time he was so cold that he thought he'd never be warm again. "Cold…I'm cold Dean, why aren't you cold?" he asked in that scratchy broken voice that made Dean want to hug him and never let him go. It was the same voice scared; lost Sammy had so many years before, back when he thought Dean could move the universe on a whim.

Dean sighed lightly still running a hand through his brother's hair. "Cause kiddo, you've got a fever and it's making you cold. Do you think we can try and get back to the couch together, you'd be more comfortable there."

Sam's eyes opened wider, fever glazing them but behind that a well of trust that stole Dean's breath away. "Okay Dean," Sam said trying to push himself up from Dean's lap.

Dean slid from behind his brother and crouched down, reaching out to support Sam, the two of them managed to get Sam back to his feet in relative ease. Dean got Sam settled back on the couch bundled under the blanket teeth chattering, Dean ruffled Sam's hair as he moved quickly out of the room to gather supplies.

Dean returned to the living room to find Sam shuffling slowly across the floor towards the door. Dean dropped everything in the chair moving quickly to head his brother off before he could get the front door open and step outside the ring of salt at the door.

Wrapping an arm around his brother's waist he was surprised that Sam took no notice of the contact and continued to try and move forward. "Sammy can you hear me?"

"Uh huh" Sam answered rasping strain becoming more evident as he continued to use his voice.

"Where're you trying to get to?" Dean asked slowly using his body weight to turn Sam back towards the couch.

"Save Dean."

"Sammy, I'm right here."

"No, I have to get back to you, they took me away from you "

"Sam…you've got a fever, I need you to try and lie down for me. Trust me I'm here and no one's going to hurt you." Dean said gently trying to push Sam back down onto the sofa, without hurting him any more. To be honest Dean was surprised Sam was still on his feet at all, but knew that in Sam's feverish state his body probably never realized how damaged it really was.

Sam fought Dean all the way down. Finally forcing Dean to sweep his legs out from under him bringing them both down in a heap onto the sofa pinning Sam to the couch under Dean's weight. Sam's back arched up in pain as the burns even through the bandages made contact with the rough surface of the couch. For a brief moment Sam stilled under Dean and then he started thrashing harder trying to get out from under him.

"Sam, Sammy, stop you're going to hurt yourself, listen to me" Dean said as he shifted his hold on his brother to keep him a still as possible while he tried to break through the fog enshrouding his brother's mind.

Sam's eyes came open and all Dean could see was the stark terror and fear in them. Sam let out a choked broken scream, before starting to beg, "Please don't I can't…not again…just kill me…you promised you'd kill me…just make it end…" tears running hotly down his cheeks, as he continued to weakly struggle in Dean's arms.

Dean felt tears of his own well up in his eyes listening to his brother beg for death rather than be tortured again, Dean struggled to get past the lump in his own throat to find his own voice, "Shh… Sammy, I've got you." He whispered in Sam's ear hoping the proximity would help Sam understand he was safe. Staring down into his brothers flushed and sweat covered face he watched Sam's eyes truly _open _and see Dean.

"Cold" Sam said teeth chattering with each breath.

"I know buddy, let me take your temperature and then we can get you something for it ok?"

"Yeah..I.." Sam started and then his eyes fell closed again head lolling to the side as he slid away from consciousness.

Dean wasn't sure how panicked he should be about Sam's loss of consciousness. He knew after the abuse Sam had just put it through he was lucky he'd been conscious at all let alone coherent for however short a period of time he was. Dean took it for a momentary blessing and moved over to the chair where he'd dropped the digital thermometer when he was trying to wrangle Sam back to the couch and gently slid it between his brother's lips, hoping to get an idea about how bad off he was.

Dean was startled by the familiar ringing of his cell phone and snatched it up and answered before looking at the number calling. "Hello?" he answered gruffly as the thermometer also beeped letting him know that the verdict was in on Sam as well.

"Mr. Winchester?" a female voice asked hesitantly.

_'103.4, definitely not good'_ Dean thought to himself then turned his focus back to the phone call, "Who's this?"

"It's Dr Erickson, from Parrish hospital; I was calling to check up on you and Sam."

Dean was instantly on guard, while it had crossed his mind to call the hospital he'd never have one call back on a follow up especially not at 10pm. "That's very kind of you."

"Well you and Sam were special patients; I wanted to make sure he was coming along well. Any problems?" She asked innocently.

Dean's gut twisted listening to the woman on the phone. He couldn't be sure that it wasn't really the doctor that had helped Sam but something about the timing of the call seemed a little too perfect. Deciding to let this play out and see where it led Dean told her the truth. "Sam's not doing real well at the moment, he's spiked a pretty high fever."

"Oh…How long has be been like that?"

"Not really sure, he only started to complain about it in the last little while."

"Ok, so maybe the last 2-4 hours at most would you say?"

"Yeah about that."

"How high is his temp?"

"103.4"

"When was the last time he had his meds?"

"About and hour ago."

"He's been taking all of them regularly?"

Dean paused for a moment, clarity coming that who ever this was knew about the conflicting prescriptions Sam had been provided. Part of him silently hoped it wasn't really the young doctor on the line. "Yeah, followed the orders to the letter, except for the muscle relaxer and the Xanax."

"Why not that those?"

"Sam said didn't like the way the one made him feel and he hasn't been depressed so I didn't see a reason for the other. Why do you want to know?" Dean asked knowing it would sound odd if he didn't question her back.

"Sam's chart had indicated a panic attack and it would help him regulate his moods to avoid another attack., I'm also just trying to rule things out that could be causing his problems."

"Sam did mention that his throat was bothering him, that he was having problems swallowing, he did have some wicked mood swings earlier."

"Did he turn violent?"

"No." Dean lied smoothly

"Hmmm…How's his behavior now? Stable? Is he coherent, any hallucinations or delusions?"

"Possibly earlier but I think it's the fever…He's sleeping right now." Providing just enough information to keep her believing Dean but not enough to put them in danger.

"Sleeping or unconscious?"

"Sleeping." Dean answered confidently.

"I think you should bring him in to have us look at him, I'd like to run some blood work and make sure we didn't' miss anything."

"I don't think so, he's not really up to the trip, neither am I really, been a long couple of days ya' know?"

"I understand I could have an ambulance dispatched to your hotel or if you want give me directions and I'll come by and check on him myself."

'Gotcha' he thought to himself, deciding it was time to get some back up on this he quickly came up with a plan. "Doc, could you call me back in about an hour, the delivery guy is here with dinner and I want to see if I can get Sam up to eat something, it might help. Do you mind terribly?"

"No Dean not at all, it's good thinking, get some more food into Sam and then try to get him to take something for the fever, I'll call you in an hour and get an update, then we can decide if I should come by and check on him." She said

"Thanks, you're a life saver." Dean answered quickly closing the line. He checked his phone's memory not surprised to find the call coming from a blocked listing. Not wanting to jump to conclusions as to whether or not the woman on the line was the real Dr. Erickson, Dean worked quickly, finding the main number for the hospital.

" Parish County Hospital, How may I direct your call?"

"Can you tell me if Dr. Erickson is on duty?"

"One moment sure I'll check" The overly polite woman answering the phone responded. "Yes sir, would you like me to transfer you?"

"Yes please."

Dean paced the living room in frustration waiting while the call was transferred. "Fifth floor nurses station." A tired voice answered

"I'm looking for Dr. Erickson."

"One moment please sir. Can I tell her who's calling?"

"Dean Winchester."

"Thank you one moment." The woman said. Dean heard the phone being placed on the counter, line still open. Dean heard the woman call out, "Dr. Erickson, you have a call says it's a Mr. Winchester."

There was a brief scuffle as the phone was picked up off the counter, "Hello, this is Dr. Erickson, how can I help you this evening Mr. Winchester?"

Dean stumbled briefly on his opening as he could immediately tell the difference now that he had the actual Doctor on the line. "Umm, Hi, do you remember me and my brother?"

"Sam Winchester, the kidnap victim."

"Yeah that's us, I hate to do this but after everything that's happened to Sam I need to make sure who I'm talking to. "

"I understand your concern Mr. Winchester, ask away."

"What did my brother call me when you came to see him the night he was in the hospital."

Dean swore he could hear the smile in her voice as she answered. "He called you a really big guard dog in disguise, when I tried to help you move him."

"Thanks, I really needed to be sure. I have a couple of questions about Sam's medications and he's started to run a pretty high fever, I was hoping you could help me with them."

"Well it is a little unusual, normally I'd refer you to your primary care doctor, but if memory serves me you two are on vacation or something so I guess that won't work. Let me transfer you to the office and I'll pull Sam's chart and I'll see what we can do. Can you hold on this may take a couple of minutes?"

"Sure thing. I really appreciate it."

"It's ok Mr. Winchester. I'm happy to help."

"Call me Dean please."

"Fine Dean, now if I lose you call back and ask to be transferred to the 5th floor staff lounge alright?. Hopefully it won't be necessary but just in case."

"Got it." Dean said as she placed him on hold. Dean moved through the house finding Sam's phone in the pocket of Dean's jacket from where the ER had given it back to him when he first found Sam. He dialed Tom Roberts, from memory hoping the man would still be up.

"Tom Roberts?"

"It's Dean, I need to talk quick, how soon can you get over here, without drawing a lot of attention?"

"I can be there in 10 minutes. What's going on?"

"Someone called pretending to be Sam's doctor trying to get information on where we're at. I've stalled them for the moment but we maybe able to set them up if we can work quickly enough."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, positive, the real doctor has got me on hold, normally I'd go after them myself but there's been some complications and I'm not leaving Sam. Do you have the man power to do this?"

"I do, I'm on my way. How much time do we have before they call back?"

Dean glanced at his watch, putting the phone back to his ear, "About 45 minutes. I just need you to make sure no one sees you coming here."

"Don't worry about that, I'll see you in 10." The man said closing the line.

Dean dropped the phone focusing his attention back to the hold music. He was about ready to give up on the doctor and call back when she picked up the line again. "Sorry about the wait. I had to find your brother's chart. Do you want to start with your questions first or Sam's fever?"

"I think the two may be inter-related, but I'm not certain, that's part of the reason I called. Sam's medications are a little confusing…" Dean let the sentence drop off hoping to determine if the real doctor was involved in trying to hurt his brother.

Dean could hear paper moving as the doctor started talking. "Well Sam's prescriptions were pretty straight forward, the paper work should have explained…Oh! Oh my! Ummm. Mr. Dean….there may be a …an irregularity with what Sam was given to take home. "

"I thought there might be." Dean said honestly

"Have you been giving Sam all of the medications on the release orders?"

"No"

"Thank god!" She said quickly, "I don't know what happened with the paperwork, Dean I swear I didn't prescribe most of those drugs. Let me get you the number for he chief of staff and our legal department I'm sure you want to speak with them about potential liability…"

"Dr. Erickson," Dean barked cutting her off before softening his tone. "I don't think you tired to hurt my brother, but someone did and I need your help to help him right now. Can you help me?"

"Yes, absolutely." She said regaining her composure.

"The problem I'm faced with is Sam has a fever of 103.4, I don't know what caused it, but I can't bring him to the hospital because at this point I don't think any hospital at this point is safe for us to be in. Can you talk me through what I need to know to try and figure this out?"

"You're in hiding aren't you?"

"Yes," Dean said taking a deep breath. "The people who took Sam know that he's alive and they are looking for him. I can't risk him out in the open where I can't protect him. So what are our options?"

"Well based on the situation, I have concerns as to what is actually in the bottles your brother has been given. Is there a way for you to get those to me and I can draw a new set to have Sam start taking?"

"How do I know that they haven't been tampered with? Besides that doesn't help with what's wrong with him now."

"Umm, well, it against policy but is there anyone you trust that can bring me to you? I am off duty in another hour, I could bring the meds myself, and I'll bring my laptop, you can log into the on –line PDR to confirm all of the pills are what they say there are with my license number. But I don't want to push, I don't want to put you or your brother's life at risk."

Dean contemplated her offer. The same offer made by the other "Dr. Erickson" this one sounded far more plausible, like she wanted to help. Hoping he wouldn't pay for the mistake with his brother's life he decided he didn't really have any other options. "Can you make sure no one knows you're coming here?"

"Yeah, I'll take what ever precautions necessary, I want to help Dean."

"Ok, I have to arrange a few things. I call back at the end of the shift and let you know what to do."

"Ok, talk to you then."

"Bye" Dean said waiting until she replied before closing the line.

Dean moved to the kitchen and filled a bowl with water taking it and a clean towel back to the couch where Sam still slept. Dipping the towel in the water he rang it out lightly before placing it on his brother's head. He heard the growl of an engine as a car came up the drive. Reaching in to the drawer of the end table he pulled out the automatic thumbing off the safety. As he moved toward the front door, Dean spoke unsure if he was reassuring himself or the slumbering Sam. "Here's hoping I didn't just put us on a hook and cast us out into shark infested waters

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A/N: So hopefully no one hates me for stopping here but it felt like the best place to cut it. Please let me know what you like and what you don't.

Thanks again to everyone who's shown me such wonderful support.


	18. Chapter 18

If Only Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Story has violent imagry and themes, be warned and be aware.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who continues to lend support to the story. I am trying to respond to everyone. I know about 5 chapters ago I told you this was on the way to being finished but here we are at chapter 18 and based on my plotting we may have hit the middle of the trip but we still have a ways to go before the end. Plenty of angst to go around and a quick apology to my Sam agnst fans, but Dean's decided to take over for most of the chapter (grin), now on with the story.

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Dean peered through the front window as the car came up the drive. Careful to keep his body out of target range the front window provided. He kept the 9 mm securely in his grip and looked away from the window only long enough to make sure that his night vision wasn't hampered by the sweep of the headlights across the room. Once he was satisfied that no one had followed Tom up the drive and the man appeared to be alone in the car, Dean moved towards the front door unlocking the deadbolt and raising the weapon to make sure he had a clean shot as the man entered the home. 

Tom parked behind the Impala and moved quickly up the steps sweeping the night around him for any potential problems.

If Tom was surprised to see the door swing open as he approached it or that as he crossed the opening he could see that Dean was standing just out of the direct line of sight holding a gun on him he didn't show it. Keeping his hands in front of him and his movements deliberate he entered the house and stopped just far enough inside the threshold to allow Dean to close the door.

While Dean moved behind Tom to close and relock the door, Tom noticed Sam on the couch. It was then that he understood that Dean wasn't trying to intimidate or threaten him but that he was being careful for the sake of his brother. "Everything ok Dean?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're alone. I can't be too careful." Dean said as he moved back in front of the man. "Do me a favor don't step in the salt just over it" Dean added as he moved away from the door.

Tom looked down noticing the ring of salt on the floor and carefully stepped beyond it. A look of relief crossed his face as Dean stowed the weapon in the back of his pants, and his shoulders relaxed.

"Thanks for coming out, I know it's late, but I owed you.."

"I appreciate you calling me. I told you I want this done whatever it takes…I" Tom started but a whimpered moan from the couch interrupted the men and Dean moved quickly to his brothers side.

Sam had started to shift restlessly, and was pulling at the blanket covering him. Dean pulled the drying cloth from Sam's forehead and dampened it again running it lightly over Sam's face and brow before folding it back to lay against his forehead. The contact has a soothing effect on his brother and he stopped shifting. Dean stroked a hand lightly down his brother's cheek, trying tobring comfort and support to him but alsofrightened by the heat he felt there.

"Your hands are cold….feels nice…" came a soft rasp.

A sad smile crossed Dean's face, happy that Sam had spoken coherently but saddened that he was so ill. "Hey kid, don't try and talk. We're going to get the doc to come over and check you out so just try and get some rest until then."

"No. Dean, it's not safe…don't worry about me, I'll be fine…" Sam slurred

"It's okay Sammy, I've got it covered just rest for me. Dean said gently rubbing Sam's shoulder as he watched his brother drift back off into sleep.

Tom has dropped silently into the recliner next to the boys to get a better look at the younger Winchester brother. "How long's he been like this?"

"Couple of hours now, can't seem to shake it off."

"This the complication you mentioned on the phone?"

"One of many" Dean added with a sigh, "But we need to deal with the fake doctor who called first since I've only got about 30 minutes till they call back, and we still need a game plan."

"Okay, so give me the rundown."

Dean spent another 10 minutes summarizing the conversation with the fake Doctor Erickson and the work he'd done to confirm the identity of the genuine doctor. He left out the part about her offering to come out there wanting to deal with one thing at a time. He finished with the basics of his plan. "So my thought is that if I tell the "doctor" where Sam and I are staying we should get a visit from the local cult, ready to scoop up Sam and make off into the night with him. If we can manage to set them up then we can probably bag one or two and possibly get a lead on where these assholes are hiding out."

"Just what I was thinking, did you check out of the motel, you mentioned before when you picked up your stuff?"

"Nope, I'd paid for the week when Sam was still missing which left me till tomorrow to check out. I was too interested in getting Sam someplace safe I didn't bother with going into the office."

"Perfect then that's where we bait our trap. I've got a couple of guys on standby waiting for a location."

"Do you trust them?"

"They're good men Dean, let me call them and get them out there before your friend calls back."

Tom pulled his cell phone out and quickly relayed the information to the person on the other end of the line. Dean was again reminded of the similarities between this man and John Winchester. Tom issued directions without a seconds hesitation and had obviously thought things out making sure that all the based were covered. "Ok we're all set .All we can do now is see who or what takes the bait. So now that we've addressed the first problem do you want to tell me about what happened to you and your brother?"

"It's kinda difficult to explain" Dean started looking away from the man.

"It seems the more that I get to know you, everything seems to be that way with you boys. But try me I'd like to help if I can."

Dean thought to himself later that he never intended to tell this man the entire story, however it seemed that Dean's mind and mouth were no longer connected and as much as he wanted to blame his mild infection or lack of sleep as the cause he knew that in the end he'd decided he trusted this man and in turntold him everything about the cult, the voice his suspicions about medications Sam had left the hospital with, and Sam's delirium and fever, he even told him about Sam forcing him to take the antibiotics earlier because his own arm had become infected. When he finished part of him wanted to kick himself for relying on someone outside of the family, it wasn't how things were done in the Winchester world, but the other part of him felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"That sounds like a lot to handle, you've got to be exhausted."

Dean gave him a wry grin, "You've no idea, but I'll worry about that once Sam's better. Which means that I need to ask another favor of you."

"Anything."

"When I called the hospital and spoke with the real Doctor Erickson, she is the one who initially questioned what might be in the bottles that were sent with Sam. She offered to pull a new set of the meds and bring them out so she could give them to us and check up on Samto see if she could help him."

"And you want me to bring her here?"

Dean looked at the manly holding his gaze. "I don't trust easily, the fact that you're in this house is pretty impressive for me. But I made a decision to trust you, you're the only person right now I trust other than Sam. I can't go get her myself, for two reasons. One, I've no idea how Sam would react to waking up and finding you here and me gone. The fever and this voice have done enough to mess with his head I'm not going to help the bastard tear Sam up. And secondly as much as I love my car in small towns it's very recognizable, there's no way I can remain undercover if I head back to the hospital."

Tom nodded his head in agreement to the man's statement. "It's not a problem, but is she aware of the situation? I know you said she was willing to try and protect your safety but does she understand she's putting herself at risk by coming here. If it's as we think andthis cult is set on taking Sam once they find him, thenas soon as they figure out the doctor has been here she's going to become a prime target."

"No we didn't talk about it at all." Dean said lowering his head to his hands, looking devastated. "That settles it, I'm going to need to treat Sam the best I can without the meds and figure out how to take these guys out without them getting their hands on Sam. I can't risk putting innocent bystanders at risk, Sam wouldn't want anyone else to get hurt on account of us."

"Dean, Sam needs medical help. I understand your reasons for not taking him back to the hospital, but what happens if this gets worse, there's got to be a way to make this work we just need to take a step back and look at it logically."

"What options do we have?" Dean started angrily his exhaustion shortening the fuse on his temper. "You pick up the nice doctor and lock her in your trunk so she can't see where's she's going to." Standing up and starting to pace he continued "Hell have you even realized at this point you are target number one behind me and Sam? How long till they figure out you're involved and take someone you love to get you to turn us over. Maybe it's better if you walk away from this now. I'll call you when it's all cleared up. Sam and I've been through worse, I'll figure this out."

Tom stepped in front of Dean to stop his pacing putting a hand on the younger man's shoulder. Tom was surprised to see the pain and exhaustion haunting his eyes so close to the surface. Unlike before when he watched Dean start to crumble and then put his walls back up Dean didn't have enough left in him to hide behind. "Dean, I'm willing to take the risk, there isn't anyone for them to hurt me with, maybe we can't put her in the trunk but I can at least blindfold her and keep her out of sight in the back of the car. We'll still need to ask her and if she doesn't want to come then I'll at least get the new meds from her and bring them back to you. "Tom squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. "You're not alone in this Dean."

"I know, I'm just used…"

"To it being you and Sam. I can see that. I also know Sam would want you to take care of yourself too Dean, you need to get some rest."

"Look Tom, I appreciate the pep talk but don't try and play dad to me, alright I've already got one and I promise you once Sam is fine I'll worry about me, until then we keep the status quo."

Realizing he wasn't going to get through to the young man, he decided to let it drop. Turning back to safer ground he asked. "So when and how are you supposed to contact the doctor?"

"I told her I'd call her at the end of her shift. She said she got off in about an hour which means I need to call her about 15 minutes after the phony doc should be calling." Dean finished as his cell phone rang on the table. Picking it up he nodded once to the other man, "Showtime." He said quietly as he opened the phone. "Dean Winchester."

"Hello Dean, it's Doctor Erickson, am I disturbing you?"

"Not at all doc, I was hoping you'd be calling back soon. Sam really isn't doing any better. I couldn't get him to eat anything."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I've got a couple of ideas as to what's behind his fever. Are you sure you can't bring him in?"

Dean hesitated for a moment making it sound convincing. "I really don't think so, Sam's fighting me pretty hard every time he's awake, I don't think I can wrangle him into the car, and I'm afraid the ambulance would only scare him worse."

Making a soothing sound the woman on the other end nearly cooed with happiness over Dean's assessment of his brother. Trying to keep the glee from her voice she made her offer again. "Well you know Dean, I'm still willing to come to you, that way I can check out Sam and maybe help you out a little too? What do you think?"

Making the relief sound clear in his voice even though he wanted to reach though the phone and kill the woman on the line for her part in trying to hurt Sam, he looked over to Tom trying to find his calm and continued. "That'd be wonderful. How soon could you get here?"

"Well I happen to be off duty so just give me directions and I can be there within an hour give or take." She said obviously padding the time needed so the boys would be caught by surprise by the crew coming to kidnap Sam.

Dean relayed the directions to the motel to her and then after another couple of fake reassurances he ended the call and closed the phone. Taking a deep breath he looked over to Tom to see the man already dialing out on his phone. "Game has started they should be coming any time. Call me once you've finished." Ending his call he turned back to Dean. "You did real good Dean." Checking his watch he continued. "It looks like it's time to check in with the real Dr. Erickson and see what her verdict is."

Dean shook his head in agreement and placed the call back to the hospital. Quickly getting connected to the real doctor Dean was too surprised to react when his phone was pulled from his grasp by the older man once he'd greeted the woman. Dean moved to take the phone back away from the man when he was waved back. Sighing he let the deputy explain the situation, to the young woman.

The call was taking longer than he expected and he was growing anxious at only hearing one side of the conversation and that side wasn't very enlightening. Sam seemed to be reacting to Dean's state of mind because he'd started shifting again and muttering lowly, twisting the blanket in his hands. Dean moved back to Sam's side focusing on him rather than the phone conversation finding that by the time Dean got Sam settled again the call was over. "So what's the verdict?" Dean asked trying not to get his hopes up.

"She understands the risks and still wants to come. I'm going to leave and bring her back. It should only take about 30 minutes round trip if we take longer than that I'll call you. If we're late and I don't call you then you'll know something's gone wrong and I want you to do what ever it takes to get the two of you out of here and don't look back." He said seriously.

"What if that means taking you out? You know what happened earlier, I need to know what you mean by anything."

"Dean, I mean anything. If the worst happens then it happens, but I don't want them to get their hands on the two of you if I can stop it. I've got notes on me that will explain what happened to me if I get killed."

Looking back at his brother's still form he nodded once as the man stood and moved to the doorway carefully stepping over the salt again. "When I get back you need to tell me about the salt, cause I really am curious." Tom added as he moved quickly out the door.

Dean watched the man leave again, standing guard over his brother and hoped that this night was going to get better and not worse. But he wasn't holding his breath.

* * *

By the time the Tom returned with the doctor, Sam's fever was getting worse. Once Tom had left, Dean had managed to rouse Sam long enough to try and drink a little water, when Sam let him know that it was getting hard to swallow. Dean took Sam's temperature again unhappy to see that it was now at 104.1 and Dean was still uncertain as to what if anything he could give Sam he simply continued to bathe Sam's face and neck with the cool cloth and murmured reassurances to him. 

Dean jumped up from the couch as he heard the sound of a car coming up the drive. He repeated the process from before making sure that no one had followed them up the drive and quickly opened the door to let them in. Once they were all inside Dean relocked the door and turned to Tom and the Doctor, only to find that she'd already moved towards Sam's side taking his pulse.

"Any problems since I left?" Tom asked?

"Only that Sam's fever is increasing, other than that it's been quiet. How about you any word on the possible party crashers?"

"Not yet but I'm hoping to hear something soon."

"Dean?" Doctor Erickson called out interrupting the two men.

"Yeah doc?" He asked moving toward his brother.

"I heard you say his fevers increased? What's it at now?"

"104 even. He was awake briefly before you got here he said it was getting hard to swallow."

"Was he complaining about it earlier?"

"Some, he kept rubbing his throat earlier this evening and then he said it felt like it was too small. Does that mean anything to you?"

"Could be a couple of things. Is he allergic to anything that you know of? Specifically penicillin?"

"No, nothing."

Opening the small duffle bag she'd brought in with her she pulled out a stethoscope and gently moved Sam's blanket and clothing so she could listen to his breathing. She started to place her hand on his shoulder when she stopped and turned back to Dean who was hovering just behind her. "How has he been reacting to strangers?"

"Other than Tom he hasn't been near anyone. Why?"

"I need to try and wake him up and I remembered what you said before about them having to sedate him. I don't want to do more damage than good while trying to treat a patient. Can you try and wake him?"

Dean nodded and switched places with her, Tom moved to sit in the recliner he'd occupied earlier, keeping a close eye on the doctor as she unpacked supplies from her bag.

Sitting on the edge of the sofa close to Sam's hip he reached up and ran a hand across Sam's jaw again, hoping the cool sensation would bring his brother back to awareness. "Sammy, we've got company, the doc's here and she wants to take a look at you. Can you open your eyes for me?"

Dean watched as his brothers eyes fluttered for a moment before he was greeted with the hazy green eyes of his weary brother. Dean wasn't certain Sam was coherent but at least he was awake. Moving out of the way for the doctor he settled himself at the end of the sofa near Sam's feet so he could still see Sam and the doctor. As Sam looked up at the doctor who had taken his place Sam's expression changed to confusion and then sadness. Dean couldn't understand why until Sam spoke, his voice sounding like it was being pulled over broken glass. "Jess, I can't go with you now…Dean needs me…I'm sorry…" as tears started to roll down his cheeks.

"Sam, my name is Carrie Erickson; I was one of your doctors at the hospital. Do you remember me?" She asked calmly never questioning Sam's comments.

Sam's eyes seemed to clear a little and he nodded his head looking a little scared of her closeness. "Where's Dean? Where are we?"

Dean reached out and rubbed Sam's leg to get his attention. "I'm right here Sammy, we're still at the house, you're safe here. Carrie just wants to take a look at you ok?" He finished watching Sam's head lift up to see his brother nearby. Dean saw him visibly relax once he had confirmation of Dean's location and his brothers promise of safety. Sam nodded his head that he understood.

"Sam can you tell me when your throat started to bother you?"

"Just…after dinner he croaked out."

Giving him a sympathetic look she continued. "How about I try to stick to questions that you can shake your head to answer? Sounds like that throat is pretty raw, have you been able to drink anything?"

Sam shook his head yes.

"Did it hurt to swallow?"

Another yes.

"Ok reaching over to the table she picked up a small scope and flicked it on. "Open up and try and say "ahhh" for me ok?" Sam shook his head in compliance and allowed her to look at his throat. Patting him on the shoulder as she turned the light back off "That's good Sam, just rest for a couple of minutes ok, I need to talk to Dean, we'll be right back." She said standing moving towards the kitchen indicating the pair should follow her.

Sam looked scared as the trio stood to leave the room. Dean moved quickly to his brothers side to try and stave off any further panic Sam might be feeling. "Bro, I'm just going into the kitchen to talk for a couple of minutes. Just relax, I promise you're safe. I'll be able to see you the whole time, no worries." Sam nodded his head at his brothers reassurance and allowed his eyes to fall closed.

Dean moved into the kitchen and accepted the cup of coffee Tom held out to him. Sitting in the chair he rubbed his tired eyes before fixing his gaze on the doctor. "So what's the verdict? Do you have an idea as to what's wrong with Sam?"

Dean felt his heart sink into his stomach at the pause the doctor took before speaking. "I've got an idea but it's not good."

"What is it?"

"Well it looks like Sam's developed an infection in his throat, could be strep, might not be. But the problem is that his throat is swelling, mostly from the bruising it took while he was a captive. I can treat the infection but I'm concerned that the swelling is going to compromise his airway."

"You mean that he won't be able to breathe? Can't you stop that from happening."

"I could if Sam was in the hospital, if necessary we'd put a tube down his throat to keep the airway open and put him on a vent, but Sam's not at there. I'm going to give him a large dose of antibiotics in a shot as well as some steroids to cut the swelling but you need to keep a close eye on him. If he doesn't improve in 24 to 48 hours or if he starts having trouble breathing I want you to bring him back in to the hospital, understood."

Dean nodded his agreement, "What about the fever, can we give him anything for it?"

"I'm going to give him something for that as well with the other shots, in about 8 hours, you'll need to try some fever reducer. Since you mentioned his throat was bothering him when you called I included both liquid and pill forms. I also think we need to move Sam back to a bed. He's going to rest and that couch is not going to help the muscles in his back or legs any."

"Ok, but first I want to see the meds and you said something about confirming them all on a website."

"Your right, Let me get my laptop and the bottles and you can start looking them up and I'll have you watch as I draw up Sam's doses so you can verify the contents."

She moved out of the kitchen quickly and returned with the duffle and laptop. Opening it up she quickly logged into online PDR and showed Dean how to put in the drugs name to see a picture of it and read it's uses. She lined up 5 prescription bottles in front of Dean, labels facing him. "Do you want to check these out first of watch me draw the meds?" She asked pulling out three additional glass bottles wrapped in factory plastic and several sealed syringes.

"Do the meds first. The longer we wait the higher Sam's temperature could climb."

Dean watched as she opened each bottle carefully, showing him the name on the bottle and explaining the dosage she was giving Sam. Fortunately the drugs she was using Dean was already familiar with, so he didn't need to waste any time looking them up and merely shook his head in agreement as she neatly filled each syringe. "I'm going to go give these to Sam, while you start on those" she said getting up from her chair.

Dean started to rise to follow her but Tom put a hand on his arm, keeping him in the chair. "I'll watch her, do what you need to do."

Nodding his thanks Dean opened the first bottle tipping one of the pills into the cap to compare it to the picture on the screen. Satisfied that they matched he quickly scanned it's uses committing it to memory, and repeating the process with the next bottle. He had just opened the third bottle when he heard his brother issue a strangled cry followed by a crash and a terrifying thud, Dean flew out into the living room surprised to see find the doctor on the ground gently touching her cheek. Tom was near Sam trying to talk to the young man while a terrified Sam trying to crawl over the back of the couch away from them.

Dean walked into Sam's line of sight, "Sam, everything's alright, what happened?"

"She's trying to hurt me Dean, she's going to make me go away." His voice barely above a whisper.

"No Sammy, I promise you she's not, she needed to give you a couple of shots to make you better remember you're sick?" Dean started and then realized that he'd said the worst thing possible in Sam's current frame of mind.

Sam pushed himself further into the corner of the couch, trying to curl up into a ball. "But you promised me I wasn't sick that you weren't going to leave me. You said it was a dream."

Dean dropped to his knees in front of his brother, reaching out to touch Sam even as he flinched at the touch. "No Sam, this isn't like the dream remember you've got a fever, and your throat was hurting the doctors going to make it better. I'm not leaving you."

Looking back at Carrie, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, he just took me by surprise, I thought he was still sleeping."

"How many more do you need to do?"

"Just the last one."

"Ok, come over here slowly alright, no sudden moves."

She did as he requested and was soon kneeling next to Dean in front of the sofa. Dean reached his hand out to his brother. "Sammy, you need one more shot and then we're going to get you back into bed, trust me just a little more Sam."

Sam reached out and took his brothers hand letting himself be maneuvered to the edge of the sofa and didn't even respond when the last syringe pierced his arm. Carrie moved quickly and moved out of the way as soon as she finished. "All done, Sam, you did great."

Sam looked at her and Dean could tell that he really saw her this time. "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He said earnestly.

'It's ok Sam, no harm done."

Sam nodded his head and looked back down at his brother. "You look tired."

Dean sighed, "I know Sam so do you. Do you think you can help me walk you to bed?"

Sam nodded and held out his hands to Dean. Dean stood and pulled Sam to his feet Sam's knees buckled almost immediately nearly dragging them both to the ground before Dean could get a better grip on Sam. Tom moved in to help but Dean waved him off. "The halls not big enough to go three wide, I'll manage." Sam managed to get his feet back under him and the two slowly made their way down the hall.

It took Dean about 10 minutes to get Sam settled in to Dean's liking. Sam for his part had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dean covered him with the blankets and moved back down the hall to find Tom pacing the room on the phone and Dr. Erickson holding an ice pack to her cheek. "Are you sure you're ok? Sam's got quite a reach when he wants to."

"Yeah it's more sore than anything. I should've known better anyway. It was stupid of me to try and give him those without you here in his line of sight knowing what happened to him."

"I'm sorry I didn't think about it either."

"I can't blame you, you look dead on your feet, Tom mentioned something about your arm being infected?"

Shooting the man a glance he decided to fess up. "Yeah, I pulled a couple of stitches and earlier today Sam found me running a fever, which is when he cleaned out the arm, all better."

"Probably not all better if you had the fever. How about I give you a shot of penicillin too just to make sure, and then you need some sleep as well."

"Fine, but the sleep is going to have to wait I can't watch Sam's breathing if I'm asleep."

"I understand your concern but you need to rest, or you're going to be the one in a hospital bed."

"I appreciate the concern, but let's just stick to the shot for now, alright."

She nodded in agreement allowing Dean to lead the way into the kitchen. Dean sat back down and finished looking up the other drugs. She quickly filled a syringe for Dean and moving it into his line of sight waited until he grunted his acceptance of it, before quickly administering it into his upper arm. Once he was satisfied he moved them all over to the counter next to the coffee maker bringing back a small bag that contained all the other pill bottles, handing the over. "Here's what was sent back with him. I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me what was in them when you find out."

Tucking them into her duffle, she smiled "You'll be the first to know."

Tom came into the room a ball of energy. "Well they showed up in force."

"Did we get any of them?" Dean asked.

"Yeah we caught one, another two are dead and one got away. Which means they'll know it was a set up." Looking at Dean pointedly.

"Which means we've got to stay below the radar." Trying to cover a yawn, he looked over at the doc as he continued, "It's time for you to get out of here. Don't mention anything about tonight."

"I understand, Tom's taking me directly to my home there won't be any questions about why I was back at the hospital tonight."

"Good. Tom, I'll call you later and give you an update."

Tom shook his head in agreement looking over to the doctor, a silent comment passing between the two of them. Dr. Erickson quickly packed up her bag, catching Tom's eyes she nodded slightly as she watched Dean yawn again eyes at half mast. "I'll let you know once we've questioned them. Dean you really should try and get some rest."

Dean pushed out of the chair, surprised when the room spun around him and his legs threatened to buckle. Grabbing on hard to the back of the chair he turned angrily "What the hell" he slurred, "What'd you give me?" But before he could get an answer the world tilted on its axis and the last thing he knew was that someone had caught him as he pitched forward into the dark.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the second cliffy in a row. But it's where the story wanted to end for today. Please let me know what you like and what you don't. Hope everyone had a Happy Easter! Thanks! 


	19. Chapter 19

If Only Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before violent content and imagry not for faint of heart.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who keeps letting me know they like the story. Again it is great to get the feedback. I'm working on getting responses to everyone. I offer up my apologies for the delay in this chapter, it seems my body was sympathetic to all the illness and I am now on way too much cold medication. However hopefully it doesn't effect the chapter to badly. I'll keep it short and sweet this time and just sum it up with Thank you all. Now on with the story!

* * *

Dean floated restlessly between waking and dreaming. The hazy warmth was enticing but something kept tugging at his mind bringing it back almost to the surface, trying to draw his attention. He struggled to listen, to focus long enough to find out what was pulling his awareness. Then he heard it. _Sam_. His younger brother whimpered softly and Dean struggled with himself to get his eyes to open. His body felt like it was encased in cement, arms too heavy to lift and his head full of cotton. All he wanted to do was sink back into that peaceful hazy feeling and get lost, and for a brief moment he forgot what had disturbed him in the first place. Sleep beckoned him like a siren, his mind urging him to _let go_ and _relax_, then the noise happened again, bringing him closer to the surface then before. With a huge effort, he finally pulled his eyes open, blinking blearily several times, focusing heavy lidded eyes he saw Sam curled in a ball on the far side of his bed with a figure looming over him. 

All thoughts were banished except one, _'Get. Sam. Now!'_ Panic gripped Dean, as his hand slipped under his pillow, gripping the hilt of the knife hidden there. Adrenaline making thoughts and actions clearer than before he dove from his bed tackling the figure and driving them both to the ground between the two beds. Dean's surprise attack gave him the upper hand and he quickly straddled the attacker using his weight to pin them to the ground, knife pressed firmly against their neck. The body was smaller than he'd expected and stilled instantly as the cold blade came in contact with skin. Forcing his eyes to focus on his captive Dean realized he had pinned Dr. Erickson to the floor.

Dean didn't move for a moment trying to process the situation, _'What're we doing in the bedroom and why was I in bed?'_ he thought brieftly trying to piece together his rambling thoughtson how he came to be here in the first place. _'The last thingI remember I was checking out Sam's meds and the doc was leaving, so what changed? Why can't I remmeber how I got in bed?' _he wondered looking down again at the woman pinned below him clearly startled by his actions...Then it hit him like a truck.

The look shared between her and Tom...Trying to stand...the room turning on end...the encroaching blackness and then he was falling...He glared down at the woman and growled at her. "Son of a bitch!" he growled out "What the hell did you do to me?" pushing the knife blade a little firmer to her throat.

Carrie noticeably paled at the question, eyes widening at the press of the blade and the tone of voice. "Dean..." She stammered breathlessly..."I can explain...please..."

A wave of dizziness swamped Dean, he raised a hand to hold his head, closing his eyes briefly in an attempt totry andregain his focus, he forced himself to sit back on his legs pulling the blade away from the doctor to keep from accidentally slitting her throat as his hands trembled slightly and a wave of exhaustion swept over him. Fixing Dr. Erickson with an angry glare he forced his tongue to cooperate and form the words that wanted to melt away along with his hold on reality. "Then start explaining, and make it good because I'm not feeling real trusting right now." he growled again.

"You...you were dead on your feet...We could tell you hadn't slept in days...I was... We were...are…trying to help..." she stuttered.

"And you seemed to think that the best way to _help_ me was to drug me?" Dean's head spun again and he felt the world slip out of focus. "How was I suppossed to be able to watch out for Sam? Did either of you consider that when youmade this brilliant decision of yours?" As the worldfaded away from him again briefly he asked tiredly"What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You're fighting it...the medication… you've only been out about 30 minutes...I gave you enough to help you sleep for 8 or 10 hours...I don't even know why you're awake or how." She answered honestly. "I wasn't trying to hurt you or your brother. I offered to stay here till Tom could get back. I swear we're on your side." Carrie looked at him with pleading eyes hoping to make Dean understand their reasoning. "You're right when Tom and I discussed this we didn't realize Sam's condition that's why I stayed, why Tom's staying until you had a chance to sleep off the medication. We...I know it was wrong Dean but we were trying to do right by both you and Sam...He needs you healthy and well and you're so focused on taking care of him you can't see that if you don't sleep you're not going to be able to take care of him much longer and then somethingwill happen to Sam and youwon't be able to help him."

Anger flared in Dean's eyes as the doctor's words hit an already raw nerve in Dean. "Don't you think I know that? Do you think that I'm just doing this to martyr myself so when Sam gets through all this shit I can give him a hard time about what a burden it was? Do you think I want a fucking medal from you for saintly behavior because _lady_ I don't need this not from _you_. I would do anything for Sam..._anything_...butI won't trust him to someone else, I can't..."As Dean fought the urge to close his eyes again he said brokenly, "Except now you've taken away that choice...just pray Sammy isn't harmed by your choice _doctor_or I _**will**_ see you both dead..."

Dr. Erickson felt a shiver run down her spine at the threat,_ no promise_ the man in front of her made and she feverently hoped that she and Tom had made the right decision. Knowing the only thing she could offer was an apology and even knowing that it wouldn't come close to making amends for her actions she offered it anyway. "I'm sorry Dean. I had...have no intention of harming either you or Sam.I know my choice however wrong it appears was only done out of a need to help and heal."

Dean looked at her with rapidly tiring eyes and nodded once silently accepting the apology given, turning his focus back to Sam. "What were you doing to Sammy?" his words slurred as he pushed himself off of her to lean back heavily against the side of Sam's bed. "I heard….him…"

Understanding that Dean was not going to hurt her, _'at least not yet'_ she thought, Dr. Erickson moved to sit up and then stood offering her hand to Dean to help him from the floor. She was surprised when he took the offered hand and allowed her to help him cliimb unsteadily to his feet before sitting heavily on the side of Sam's bed, effectively blocking Sam from her. She carefully sat down on the bed Dean had been sleeping on facing the elder Winchester. _'I wonder if he even realizes he's doing it?'_ she thought as she studied his protective stance even as he was trembling slightly from the effort of remaining upright and conscious. "I was checking on him….I wanted to see if his fever was any lower…but he won't let me near him…I guess even unconscious he knows when it's not you…"

As if Sam could hear the conversation between the two the younger man whimpered again calling softly in his sleep, "Dean….no...please….Dean"

Dean turned instantly moving to sit more fully on the bed while reaching out and gently uncurling Sam from his sleeping postion. Dean gently rearranged Sam's postion until he was resting on the pillows at the top of the bed, coveredlightly in the blankets,next to Dean, who was leaning against the headboard running his hand gently through the younger man's fever dampened hair, Dean continued to whisper reassuracnces to Sam, in an attempt to help Sam break free from his nightmares."Sammy, I'm right here…It's ok…" he said, trying unsuccessfully to keep his words from slurring and worrying his brother.

"S-sound funny…" Sam questioned, understanding even in his feverish state that something was off about his brother.Sam's eyes started to flutter and Dean could hear the worry color Sam's voice."You...hurt?"He asked quietly as unconsciously he tried to cling to awareness long enough to check on his older brother despite his own bodies reluctance to cooperate.

Dean moved his hand from Sam's hair and let it fall gently to his shoulder,carefully rubbing the bruised and battered skin, in comfort. "J-just rest Sam, I'm right here..." Dean's eyes drifted closed unbidden by him and he felt his head loll to the side as his body unwillingly relaxed against the headboard, _'Damnit stay awake'_ he yelled at himself, jerking upright again when he heard Sam's small painfilled voice on the verge of panic.

"Dean...someone's here..."

Dean scanned the room in a panic,eyes falling on the doctor sitting on the other bed, he'dforgetton brieflyshe was even there,partially due to drugs coursing through his veins and partially due to her silence in the last few moments. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, Dean focused on reassuring Sam as much as he could before he succumbed to sleep."It's ok Sammy...it's just the doc, remember her? She's going to look after you for a while." Dean could feel himself slipping and feared Sam's reaction if he couldn't finsh this before the darkness claimed Dean again. "Listen to her Sammy, do what she asks, just rest, I'm not leaving yo..." Dean tried to finish but the medication finally won out pulling Dean down into a dreamless slumber.

Sam felt the loss of Dean in mid sentence like a knife to his chest, fear for his brother spurring his mind to find out the cause. Sam managed to open his eyes finally, fixing his glassy orbs on the doctor, now standing quietly between the beds. Unconsciously she took a step backwards bumping into the bed behind her from the heat in Sam's gaze. _'I guess they're both over protective.'_ she thought clearly understanding the silent threat in those fever filled eyes. Sam may not have been awake for the conversation she'd had with his brother but was certain that when the younger man learned of her's and Tom's actions the reaction would be just as bad if not worse given Sam's highly voilitale feverish state. Sam managed to push himself up to a sitting position against the pillows, nearly mirroring Dean's current sleeping postion as he reached up and grasped the arm that had been laying on his shoulder,Sam forced his shaking fingers to find his brothers pulse unerringly, sighing when he felt the slow and steady beat under his hand.

Carrie continued to be amazed at the depth of strength and determination they both displayed even when both were clearly past the point of exhaustion, especially Sam who she _knew_ was steps away from needing a critical care unit to help him recover. She was surprised by the strength in his voice even as she knew it must be killing him to speak at all. "What'd you do to my brother?" he asked as his gaze drifted back between his brother and her.

"I gave him something to help him sleep." She replied quickly, starting to take a step forward she froze mid stride as Sam flinched back from her, mistrust clear on his face. "Sam, I'm only trying to help you both." she said moving forward again. "I need to check your temperature, and see if it's gotten any worse. I know it's hurting you to swallow but we need to try and keep you hydrated, do you think you could try drinking some water for me?" Seeing the distrust still in his eyes she tried again knowing that this time she didn't have Dean to buffer Sam and help keep him calm."Will you let me help you?" she asked holding out the thermometer to him to show that wasn't hiding anything.

Sam's momentary burst of energy in defense of Dean was failing him and he could feel the fever clouding over his mind like a heavy fog. Remembering that his brother told him to listen to the doctor he followed Dean's orders without question. Sam nodded his head at the woman and allowed her to place the device in his mouth, letting his eyes fall closed again. Sam flinched hard against the headboard between the beeping of the device and the soft hand pulling it from his mouth. Sam forced open his eyes to watch the doctor as she checked the reading.

"Back to 103.5, which is better, than before. But we've still got a ways to go before you're out of the woods." She held out a small sealed water bottle to Sam seeing if he would take it from her. He accepted the bottle with shaking hands and after a few attempts managed to get the bottle open. She carefully watched as Sam managed about 3 swallows before he appeared too exhausted to drink any more. "Sam," she started quietly making her movements slow and calming "Let me take that, I'll put it here on the nitestand, in case you want more...You need to try and rest. When Tom get's back I'll have him help me move Dean back to the other bed so you'll have more room ok?"

Sam shook his head as he slid lower on the pillows, breathing already starting to even out to sleep. "N-no leave him, it's fine...he's fine...better here than away."

"If you're sure Sam." She asked not wanting to keep him awake but wanting to confirm he understood what she said.

"Leave him, it's better for both of us." He finished as he too answered the sandman's call.

Dr. Erickson stood there watching the brothers for a moment, reminding herself that when Tom Roberts returned she would need his assistance in moving Dean to a more prone postiion on the bed. While the drugs she gave him would help him find the rest he needed she didn't want to abuse his body by leaving him in the half sitting position he was currently in. As shequietly made herway back out of the room she closed the door behind her, deciding that while she waited for Deputy Roberts return she could start looking into the medications Sam had left the hospital with and see what damage they might have caused her patient.

* * *

Tom Roberts was wondering how much longer his luck was going to hold out. He'd managed to make it to the station without being followed and had quickly collected the files that Dean had requested including the files they had on his brother. He wasn't sure Dean was really up to seeing the photos of Sam when he'd been found but felt that if anyone had a right to see them it would be him. He also hoped that Sam's pain wouldn't be for nothing and that these two men really could bring this to an end.Driving cautiously through the sleepy streets he was ever vigilent of any other traffic on the road with him.

He'd left the doctor at the safe house hoping he could trust his judgement about her and that she would watch over the Winchester's until his return. He'd felt bad about his decision in talking the young doctor into drugging Dean so he could get some rest and knew that he had most likely shattered the fragile trust the two men had been building, but in his gut he knew it was for the boys own good.

_'He's not your boy though and you wouldn't have wanted the decision made for you either.'_ he silently berated himself as he remembered the look on Dean's face as he understood what was happening. Tom took full responsibility for his actions and hoped that if he was given a chance to explain that Dean would hopefully be able to see his reasoning even if he didn't forgive it.If he admitted the truth to himself the real reason he'd gone out in the middle of the night to collect the files Dean had asked for was not to keep a lower profile but as a peace offering for when the man returned to consciousness.

He hadn't intended on the doctor remaining at the home once she'd given Dean the shot, planning on taking her back to her home and getting her out of the line of fire but in his noble efforts to force Dean to get some sleep he hadn't thought through how serious Sam's condition was and how concerend Dean would be if he'd found out there was no one watching over Sam while he slept.It was Carrie who after they'd managed to get Dean in bed brought up the fact that someone needed to monitor Sam's condition in case he needed medical transport for either his fever or the swelling in his throat. He'd tried to placate her that he'd be back once he dropped her off but she'd steadfastly refused to leave until Dean was able to care for Sam on his own again, that even the short amount of time needed to get her home and back could be fatal to Sam.

Tom tried to remind her that if she wasn't at work that she'd become a bigger target, but she held firm countering with the information that tomorrow was her day off and no one was expecting her back at the hospital for another 24 hours. He finally relented realizing that she was feeling just as guilty over his decision and that for better or worse they were both determined to see it through to the end and support the brothers the best they could. As he neared the turn for the driveway he only hoped that once awake Dean would be willing to listen to reason.

* * *

As the night started to bleed towards dawn the walls of the abandoned farm house shook with anger. He was enraged, his plans had never failed him before, his children had never fallen so easily before. But the proof was before him. Only an hour ago his servent had returned to him, empty handed again and alone. He relayed the tale of ambush and his commrades falling in the battle and the knowledge the terrible knowledge that one of his children had been captured and taken into custody. In all the time that had passed since he'd achieved this higher state of being he'd never had one of his servants, _his children_ capturedand in the hands of the police. _Never_... His anger shook the walls and his children cowered in fear offering supplication and sacrifices to appease him, but nothing could appease him, except the hunter dead at his feet...Finally the rage subsided and cold calculaton started. His plan had been thwarted to take the boys this night, but he knew that the trap he'd set earlier that evening had been sprung and cruelly hoped that both boys had suffered for the aggravation he'd been caused.

Deciding to take the offensive again he spoke to his children. "You can redeem brothers failures this night by bringing me one of the policemen who stole our brother from us.It's time that the law is reminded who's in charge.It's time that we lay a badge upon the altar." he cackled evilly, his thoughts already turning to breaking the victims spirit and this time making sure that not only Sam but Dean got to experience each and every blow.

* * *

A/N: Again sorry about the delay and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

If Only Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Adult content and themes, dark images and violence.

A/N: So show of hands as to how many of you out there screamed and/or had your heart stop in the finale. (See me both hands in the air). Great episode though. Ok enough of being off the topic my views on the episode is not what you're hear for. Thank you again to everyone who continues to read and support the story, I can not express to you enough how much your feedback means to me. So again from the bottom of my heart Thank you all. On with the story!

* * *

Tom quickly moved across the porch to let himself back into the house. He'd taken the extra precaution of parking his car around the back of the house now that dawn was looming heavy on the horizon, to try and prevent anyone from seeing a vehicle from the street. Noting the location of the Impala, he noticed Dean must have had the same thought as the car was pulled close to the house but the surrounding cover of trees and bushes meant that no one would see the vehicle unless they were already more than half way up the drive. Tom was trying to cover all of his bases in assuring that the men inside would remain as hidden as possible from those seeking them so avidly.

The men he'd at the motel earlier had already called saying that the clean up was finished and that their prisoner had been transported to a cell at the station. Tom made sure that the man was alone in his cell and that no one was to go near him until they were ready to do the interrogation later that morning. Tom counted his blessings again that the Sheriff had left him in charge while he was on vacation for the next 2 weeks and that he didn't have to explain what was going on to the man _yet_. He knew eventually there could be hell to pay for his choices but he hoped by then he'd be able to use the busting up of the gang as his "Get out of trouble free card."

Tom made sure that the locks on the door were secure and out of habit now stepped over the circle of salt there. _'I've really got to ask Dean the deal about that…if he'll speak to me.' _He thought ruefully. He looked down the hallway to see if he could locate the doctor. Noticing the door at the end of the hall was closed, indicating that she was most likely not in there he moved towards the kitchen to see if she was there.

As he came through the doorway he noticed that Dr. Erickson was absorbed in whatever she was looking at on the laptop sitting on the kitchen table. He smiled idly to himself that she looked a bit like a mad scientist or an absent minded professor with pill bottles open all around her, one hand moving furiously across a pad of paper as the other manipulated the screen she was looking at. As he stepped into the room he cleared his throat loudly so as not to startle her too much and make her aware of his return.

At the noise Carrie's attention was pulled away from the screen she blinked, knowing she probably appeared a little befuddled but she'd been so caught up in her work that she hadn't heard the other deputy return. "I'm glad you're back." She stated relief clear in her voice.

"Any problems?"

Shaking her head she sighed, "Dean woke up."

"Really?...How?" He said surprised by the information. From what he and the doctor had talked about before she'd been pretty certain Dean would sleep well into the morning and possibly into the early afternoon.

"Not sure really…He said he heard Sam, most likely a subconscious response to the need to watch over his brother because of his injuries." She paused for a moment looking thoughtful. "Although they both seem to have it…." Looking back at Tom she gave him a small smile before dropping the bomb on him. "He knows what we did to him."

Tom visibly winced at the thought of the doctor having to face Dean alone and tell him what they'd done. "How badly did it go?" He said pulling out a chair and joining her at the table.

With a small derisive laugh she answered. "You mean _after_ he tackled me to the floor and held a knife to my throat." Seeing the shocked look on the deputy's face she smiled to reassure him that she hadn't been harmed. "Don't worry I didn't hold it against him, I mean really, he must be quite extraordinary, he somehow managed to pull himself awake because he thinks his brother needs help and sees someone standing over him, what would you have done?"

Shaking his head at the thought "Honestly, probably the same thing he did, so where's he now?"

"Sleeping again. Once he knew Sam wasn't in danger his body quit trying to fight the meds in his system. When I left he was sleeping next to his brother. Speaking of which I need you to help me move Dean so that he's lying down, he passed out leaning against the headboard and I don't want to imagine how much he'll ache when he wakes up if we leave him like that." She said standing up and stretching before leading the deputy down the hall.

Carrie was surprised yet again when the bedroom door creaked open she saw Sam's head come up off the pillow, frantically scanning the room to determine who or what made the noise. Only after locking eyes on the doctor did some of the tension leave his frame and he dropped his head back to the pillow.

Tom moved quietly into the room behind the doctor looking over the two men processing what he saw there. First and foremost was that Dean's posture even in sleep was one of defense. Clearly before he'd lost his battle with the meds the doctor had slipped him, his intention was to protect Sam from any and all attackers. _'I'm sure it was a battle he fought to the end'_ he thought thinking about how Dean had been existing on pure stubbornness and strength of will for days. He also noticed that despite the extent of Sam's injuries he was turned on his side facing his brother, one hand resting on his forearm, seeking contact with Dean for security and comfort. Stepping towards the head of the bed around the doctor he asked quietly, "We moving him back to the other bed?"

Before Dr. Erickson could answer Tom heard Sam, his voice so ragged and pain filled that Tom's ached in sympathy. "No….I said….he ….stays."

"Sam? You awake?" Dr Erickson asked.

Sighing she heard a groaned response as Sam turned over and moved to prop himself up on the pillows to glare at them…"Yeah….can't get comfortable" he rasped.

Taking the bottle of water that Tom had picked up from the nitestand she handed it over to Sam who gingerly took a couple of swallows to help clear his parched mouth and throat. "Why don't you let us move Dean back to his own bed so you can stretch out some?"

Sam shook his head tiredly, "Not about the space…body…throat hurts…"

Carrie looked thoughtfully at Sam after his comment. "I can give you something to help you sleep if you want Sam." She stated seeing the doubt in Sam's eyes; she took a calculated risk adding. "It'll just help you sleep, like Dean."

Sam's eyes turned cold at her reference of Dean. "At least you're telling….me up front..." He spit out angrily…."You didn't tell him did you? Didn't give him the option, that's what you were arguing about wasn't it?"

_'At least he can't hold a knife to my throat'_ she thought wincing inside at the accusation and anger Sam rightfully lashed at her. She prepared to respond but was cut off by Tom.

"That was my decision Sam…I talked the doctor into it. And you're right I didn't give Dean a choice in the matter."

"I knew he shouldn't have trusted you."

"It was wrong of me to take the decision away from your brother Sam. I admit it and accept full responsibility but I was trying to help both of you."

"How? By making it easier for them to take us? I can't fight back and now Dean can't wake up…How is that helping?" He coughed trying to clear his throat the movement causing him to wrap an arm around his chest protectively as pain rocketed through his body from the movement.

Tom wanted to get through to Sam, he _needed_ the young man to trust him. If Sam was against him, he knew that it 'd be hard enough if not impossible to gain Dean's forgiveness for his actions but from what he'd seen of the brothers' interactions if he could convince Sam that he only had the best of intentions, however faulty they turned out to be he'd at least have a shot at regaining Dean's trust. The question became how to convince Sam. As he watched Sam nearly double over on himself from the pain, he instinctively moved around the bed to help the young man. "Take it easy, Sam just try and relax, don't fight your body. Carrie why don't you give Sam and me a few minutes to talk, I can get Dean without your help. " He said as he gently slipped the open bottle of water from his hands, so that it didn't spill.

Dr. Erickson looked over at Sam questioning his request, "Sam are you okay with that?"

Sam nodded his head, still trying to bring his breathing and twitching muscles under control. "Don't push him, Tom, he may not be in the hospital but he's still my patient and he needs rest. Call me if you need anything." She admonished sternly slipping out the door making sure to leave it open so she could hear if her assistance was required. _'More like refereeing'_ she thought moving back towards the kitchen.

Sam for his part stared at the man Dean had placed his trust in appraisingly. He was surprised when Tom didn't press the issue of his gaze or become defensive. Tom simply appeared to understand that he was under inspection and silently waited for Sam to start asking what ever questions were running through his mind.

As much as Sam wanted to distrust the man he found it difficult. Dean was very rarely a bad judge of character, and if half of what Dean had told him was accurate then they both owed this man a serious debt. More importantly Sam was curious as to how they both came to be here when the last thing Sam could clearly remember was having dinner with Dean. Finally his body relaxed and he was able to regain his breath. He watched warily as Tom pulled up the desk chair up to Sam's side of the bed. "How'd you…When'd you get…here." He finally managed to get out.

"Your brother called me, asked me to come, you were pretty out of it at the time, from the fever." He answered unsure if he should continue and tell the entire story or just answer Sam's questions as they came.

Sam's next question came out as more of a broken whisper as he raised a hand to his throat trying to ease the soreness. "W-Why?"

Tom handed him back the water bottle which Sam tried to wave away, but finally accepted and managed another small swallow. "How about I just tell you everything from the time Dean called me and if you'll let me I try and explain why I talked Dr. Erickson into giving Dean the sedative, deal?"

Sam shook his head and waited for Tom to start. Tom relayed the phone call from the fake doctor and the sting they'd set up as well as bringing the real doctor here to check on Sam. "Your brother was really worried, He told me everything that happened tonight including you holding him at gunpoint" He stopped at the puzzled and then frantic look Sam got in his eyes. "Don't worry, nothing happened, you didn't shoot anyone." He said trying to placate him. "Anyway I could tell from the way Dean looked and sounded that he was dead on his feet. He was barely keeping it together. I tried to talk him into getting some sleep but he said he wouldn't do it until you were better."

Sam snorted rolling his eyes over to his sleeping brother, "Sounds like Dean." He whispered.

"Yeah, well Sam you weren't looking real great and I was worried that if you got any worse that both of you'd be in the hospital or worse, this gang, cult, whatever they are would find you and neither of you'd be able to stop them. So I took the decision away from Dean. I talked Dr. Erickson into giving Dean a sedative with the antibiotics so that he'd have no choice but to rest. I'd already planned on staying here to keep watch until one or both of you were back on your feet, unfortunately I didn't realize when I did it, how much it could, did hurt your brother. Sam I know you don't know me and like Dean you have no reason to trust me especially now but please try to understand where Dr. Erickson and I were coming from when we made our decision." He pleaded.

Sam stared at him for a long time letting the information process, _all_ of it sink in, _'I held a gun on Dean again…'_ he thought despairing at his weakness yet again. _'Maybe it's good Dean's asleep at least he can't leave me 'til he wakes up…'_ The thought of being abandoned by his brother brought fresh tears to his eyes. "Oh god, he's going to leave me…" not realizing he spoke out loud he jumped when Tom responded to him in a quiet comforting tone.

"No, Sam, Dean's not going anywhere….I think…No, I know that he doesn't blame you for anything that happened tonight. Your fever is really high Sam and it can cause people to do things they don't mean too. Don't worry Dean's not going anywhere."

Sam took a few moments to collect himself wiping the tears from his face. "Thanks," he whispered quietly, "I can't say I trust you…but I …understand what you were trying to do…The hard part will be convincing Dean he needed it…."After a moment a small smile crossed Sam's lips. "He can be a little stubborn sometimes."

"Sam, my boy I think that's the understatement of the century." Watching Sam's eyes droop again he gently removed the water bottle from his grip once more, "Try and rest, I'm going to move Dean so he's laying flat and then leave you two be." Tom said returning the chair to its place under the desk. He moved quickly to the other side of the bed and gently rearranged Dean's body until he was lying flat on his back. Once prone Dean, shifted to his side as well facing his brother, but other than that gave no response that he was aware of anything in the room. Looking over at Sam who was still watching him with wary eyes, he asked. "Is there anything else you need right now Sam?"

Sam shook his head and watched as the deputy moved out of the room, closing the door once again, Sam looked down at his brother's sleeping form allowing the impressions he'd made about the deputy roll around in his mind. Finally, deciding to trust his brother's instincts and trust Tom even after what he'd admitted to he allowed his eyes to close and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Tom rejoined the doctor back in the kitchen finding her once again immersed in the computer screen. Pulling up a chair and sinking into it tiredly, he waited for Carrie to surface from whatever she was researching before starting a conversation with her. A few minutes later she looked up at him, setting aside her pen. "So how's the patient doing?"

"Sleeping, I think...At least that's what he was doing when I left him a few minutes ago."

She nodded her head in acknowledgement. "Did you happen to get him to drink any more?"

"Yeah he took a few more swallows although the size of them is not real reassuring. You think he's getting worse?"

"It's possible." She stated honestly, "The antibiotics are not a quick fix and while the steroids I gave him should help some the amount of talking he keeps insisting on doing is only overstressing his vocal cords more and more. The best thing for him now would be to sleep for 10 or 12 hours and then hopefully his body will have a chance to work through the worst of the fever and swelling. Did he forgive you?" She asked changing tracks suddenly.

"Yeah, I think so. He says that what we did makes sense, but that the person we have to convince is Dean. But I think I might have gained Sam's support. I told him everything Dean told me earlier tonight. Although I'm not sure I did Sam any favors at that point."

"Why not? It couldn't have been too bad now could it?"

Since Sam doesn't seem to remember any of what happened, it and freaked out a bit when I gave him the details of the evening."

"It's not unusual for patient with high fevers to not remember their actions, it shouldn't be of too great of a concern."

Tom shook his head finally accepting that he'd need to explain to her what happened before she'd arrived as well. "Sam was delirious from his fever earlier and he held Dean at gunpoint. Threatened to shoot him, Dean thought he might kill himself before he could get the weapon away from him. I told Sam the basics just that he held a gun on Dean and he freaked out."

"Well wouldn't you freak out a bit by that?"

"I guess so but it seemed like it triggered something else, Sam panicked after that said something about Dean leaving him. I think I got him calmed down but I wonder if I didn't hurt Sam by accident in the process. What do you think?"

"I'd say you better tell Dean when he wakes, apologize and then tell him what you told Sam so he isn't blindsided if Sam confronts him about his behavior tonight. From what I've seen with those two Dean probably had no intention of letting Sam know what he'd done."

Taking a deep breath he shook his head in agreement sighing he ran a hand tiredly over his face. "You're right. I'll tell him once he's up. I'm going to go crash on the sofa and get some sleep while I can. What about you? You've got to be dead on your feet. There's another bedroom back there you can crash in?"

"No, I'm good, the long hours of residency means I've got another couple in me before I'm ready to conk out, besides I want to finish going over all these meds so I can tell Dean what they really sent Sam home with and if there are going to be any lingering side effects. Call it my own peace offering if you will."

Smiling at her comment he stood from the table. Looking over his shoulder he added "I guess we both feel like we owe them something now. Alright, If you need anything just shout. In the event the phone rings on the land line do not answer it. No one actually knows we're here and I want to keep it that way if we can."

"You got it. Rest well."

Tom dropped down onto the couch Sam has occupied earlier. Grateful that it had a direct view of both the front door and the kitchen, Tom removed his side arm laying it on the table next to him and allowed the soft clicking of keys on the laptop lull him to sleep.

* * *

Shift change came on schedule at 7 am. Dawn had risen an hour before but most of the community was still sleeping safe in their beds. The attack was designed to pluck one of the deputies from the flock. Waiting until the night shift scattered towards their homes. They made easier prey in ones and twos then barricaded together in the station house.

The followers wanted blood and were motivated by two things now, revenge and fear. They normally saw only the benevolent side of their master, getting to feed their lust and thirst for causing pain on those around them. Rarely was it one of their own to suffer his wrath unless they failed. But now he was angry and his rage was threatening to consume them all. This plan had to _be perfect_ their offering perfect or they feared that they'd find themselves where their victims had only been before, at _his _mercy. They were disappointed that the master said their captured brother could not be liberated, but were satisfied with the knowledge that the master planned to use their brother to bring the brothers into reach.

So they waited patiently, silently prepared as the one they were looking for finally emerged from the building, almost three hours after shift change making his way to his cruiser unaware of his impending doom. They followed closely behind secure in the power the master provided to keep them cloaked from their prey. This one was special, he wasn't powerful but he might have information that would be useful. This one had been on the raid to the farm and had helped steal the sacrifice from them and then he had been standing guard on the sacrifice's door before he left the hospital. And finally he was also responsible for the death of one of their own. The blood on his hands alone was reason enough to take him, and make him pay for his transgressions but the bonus of locating the brothers and being able to present them both as offerings was almost too much to hope for.

As the cruiser moved slowly though the morning traffic and turned off the main road and moved towards the farmland surrounding the community, the road far less traveled made it the perfect place to strike.

It didn't take much to force the cruiser from the road. They overwhelmed him by sheer force. While one group dragged the officer bodily from the car the other vehicle's occupants went to work on the cruiser itself. The master had ordered that this be an obvious abduction and they made sure there would be no doubt as to who or what had taken the fallen officer.

As they prepared to leave the scene they lit the cruiser on fire gleefully watching for a moment as it burned in the full light of day, smoke billowing like a signal on the horizon. By the time the first fire rescue vehicle had arrived the word was already spreading that it an officer had been taken and that it looked like the gang had struck again.

Miles away the officer came awake with a start confusion and then terror ripping through him as he found himself bound in a chair next to the altar he'd seen once before. He couldn't help the shiver of fear that ran down his spine as an oily voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once. "Now that you understand where you are you have a choice to make. You can tell us what you know and die quickly or refuse us and I assure you my children will make it take forever before your heart finally stops beating. Now where are the Winchesters being hidden?"

* * *

A/N: So I apologize to all of you in now that there wasn't more of the brothers in this. I promise Dean at least will be up and kicking in the next chapter. So please tell me what you liked and what you didn't and as always THANK YOU!


	21. Chapter 21

If Only Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before if you've come this far you know what the stories about.

A/N: Attention all angst fans, the boys are offically back. For those of you who weren't overjoyed with the nap our boys took in the last chapter Rejoice both are awake and active here! Thank you again to everyone who keeps letting me know they are enjoying the story. Feedback is always welcome. This one goes out to Teal-lover who nicely pushed me in her feedback response to get my butt moving on this chapter. Thanks again everyone! On with the story.

* * *

The first thing Dean became aware of was voices floating on the edge of his hearing. Not a single voice but a group and while he couldn't make out the individual words the cadence of their speech buffered him like he was floating back and forth on an ocean wave. Slowly the voices and mysterious song drifted further away and Dean began to regain a sense of the room around him. He could hear Sam breathing slow and regular next to him, he heard the tiny squeak the ceiling fan made turning in a lazy circle overhead and from somewhere else in the house he could hear hushed conversation. 

Dean stretched tired muscles and pulled open bleary eyes. He felt much better than he had when he'd awoken earlier and could only figure that drugs had worked their way out of his system and the residual grogginess would pass shortly. He looked over at Sam his hand still rested on Dean's wrist as if continually taking his brother's pulse in sleep and Dean slipped his arm out from under the warm weight. Sam turned towards Dean his hand seeking its lost contact but Sam quieted when Dean gently swept aside his brother's fever dampened bangs and rested a hand on Sam's forehead. Dean could still feel the fever there but while Sam's forehead still radiated far more heat than it should it was a relief of sorts to find that he was no where near as flushed as earlier. Dean absently stroked his brother's hair, while he allowed his body time to awaken fully and the contact had Sam stirring slightly, moving closer to consciousness in response to Dean's reassuring comfort. As Sam started to wake, Dean rubbed Sam's shoulder gently leaning down he whispered. "Shhh, Sammy it's just me, go back to sleep, okay buddy?"

"'Kay Dean" he mumbled rolling onto his back breathing quickly evening back out to deep sleep.

Dean gave himself another moment to look over Sam. He appeared to be resting comfortably, no nightmares plaguing his sleep. Looking up briefly, Dean confirmed the charms were still in place. Satisfied Sam was as protected as he could be; Dean pulled himself up from the bed, stepping into the bathroom and taking a moment to splash some water on his face. The cool water helped to dispel some of the remaining lethargy he was feeling. Finishing Dean felt compelled to watch Sam sleep for a few minutes longer feeling comfort in the knowledge that at least for the moment Sam was safe and on the way to recovery. _'I hope'_ he thought to himself. Dean slipped out of the door and down the hall taking care to leave the door to the bedroom open so he could hear Sam.

Dean heard a soft noise coming from the front bedroom and stopped just to the right of the doorway to peer in and see what had caused it. He was mildly surprised to find Dr. Erickson sleeping there. Deciding to question the doctor later he continued on without waking her. Moving away from the door he continued towards the front of the house.

Seeing the sunlight streaming through the front windows he cautiously glanced out the front window noting the Impala's position was unchanged and fighting a growing feeling of suspicion at the lack of Tom's vehicle, _'Coming back quickly my ass'_ he thought angrily, then his anger flared further when he realized that if indeed Tom wasn't back and if Dr. Erickson was blissfully sleeping in the other bedroom no one had been watching out for Sam. Dean turned on his heel ready to drag Carrie from her bed to give her a very large piece of his mind, when a sound had his head whipping around. Waiting he heard it again, the quiet scrape of a chair against the floor of the kitchen.

Dean retrieved a gun from its hiding place in the end table drawer thumbing off the safety as he moved to the kitchen doorway. Moving swiftly into the room he kept the gun up and pointed at Tom who was sitting at the kitchen table apparently reading over Sam and Dean's notes a pile of closed folders sitting next to his other elbow. "Find anything of interest?" He asked menacingly his anger clearly evident in his voice.

Tom started at Dean's voice breaking through his thoughts. Looking up he felt the color drain from his face as he saw the gun and the very angry man holding it. Clearing his throat he stammered before recovering his voice totally, "Dean, you're awake."

"Yes, yes I am no thanks to you." He stated flatly, not lowering the gun.

"Dean…Look I'm sorry…Will you at least give me a chance to explain or are you going to shoot me?""

Dean glowered at the man and finally lowered the gun, thumbing the safety back on as habit as he placed it on the table before drawing up a chair and falling into it facing the older man. Sighing Dean answered honestly, "I haven't decided yet. So you can try explain your decision like the doc did and then I'll decide if I still want to shoot you."

"Fair enough" he answered with his own sigh. "Do you want something to eat while we talk? You've got to be starved?" he asked as he pushed his chair away from the table to stand up.

Dean was on his feet instantly putting some distance between the two of them. Tom noticed the skittishness but said nothing about it simply rose and filled his coffee cup before returning to his seat at the table.

"I'm not taking or eating anything you or the doc happens to hand to me at least not anytime soon." Dean said flippantly watching his movements like a hawk.

"You're right I deserved that." Tom said returning to the table sighing heavily. "I'll wait while you make something if you want."

Dean nodded and picked the gun back up off the table and placing it at the small of his back. Whether he wanted to admit it or not Dean's stomach was growling full force and he was a little curious as to how long of a "nap" he'd been forced into. As he finished putting together a sandwich he spared a look over his shoulder confirming the man hadn't moved his position and Dean felt his shoulders relax a little as some of the tension eased. "How long was I out?"

"Umm, about 10 hours after your conversation with the doctor, that is. It's just after 8:30 now."

"Huh, that stuff the doc gave me really packed a wallop." He stated sounding mildly impressed, Tom turned his head to look back at Dean at the counter and watched as some other thought slammed into Dean mind as his body tensed and his breathing hitched painfully. Dean was already starting to move out of the kitchen, before Tom could even register what was happening.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

Dean stopped in his tracks fixing him with a glare that could have frozen his blood. "What's wrong?" he asked incredulously. "Doc said Sam needed his meds again in 8 hours it's been over 10, I need to make sure he's ok." _'No wonder he still felt warm to the touch' _he berated himself silently as he turned back towards the door. _'You can't protect him can't even do the simplest things can you?'_ The all too well known voice echoed through his head causing his stomach to reel at the thought of failing Sam.

Watching the color fall away from Dean's face Tom reacted as best he could to provide Dean with some reassurance that they had been watching over them. "Dean…_Dean_ look at me." Tom begged as Dean finally looked back up at the man self recrimination floating through his eyes. "Wait, it's okay Dean, Carrie.. Dr. Erickson gave Sam his meds about 2 ½ hours ago. She checked him out and seemed to be happy that the fever was coming down, albeit slowly but it's steadily improving." Tom paused waiting for Dean to process the information. Dean finally nodded and grabbed his plate from the counter and rejoining the man at the table. Tom was engaged in a silent war with himself at the same time. '_Tell him now and piss him off more or tell him later and possibly have Sam beat me to it? No win either way…hell may as well be now, how much more damage can I do?'_ he thought, clearing his throat as Dean looked up at him expectantly. "I …uh talked with Sam earlier too. He was pretty coherent, gave Carrie a hard time, me too as matter of fact."

"You, I understand, he doesn't really know you but I told Sam to let the doc help him. What happened he get delirious again?" Dean asked sounding worried.

"No, nothing like that. But he did figure out what we'd done." Seeing the puzzled look in Dean's eyes he continued. "To you that is the…sedative and all. He wasn't happy about it."

"Yeah, well I'm not really overjoyed about it either, but how did Sam…" Dean stopped trying to think it through on his own.

"You mean how'd he figure it out?" Dean nodded in confirmation dread pooling in the pit of his stomach from the look on Tom's face. "It was our mistake really we came in to move you and he was awake. Told the doc he couldn't get comfortable and she offered to give him something to help him sleep."

"Ok but that still doesn't explain how he made the leap from her helping him to me getting drugged by you two."

"She used you as an example, said she gave you something to help you sleep. He apparently was awake for more of your earlier confrontation with Carrie than either of you realized because he accused her of taking your decision away by not giving you the option."

"Damn right she did." Dean huffed, his eyes glowing with the intensity of his anger.

"No, _she_ didn't Dean, _I did_. I convinced her it was the best thing to do. It was my choice and honestly I'd do it again. I told your brother that too. I felt he had a right to know what I'd done and not blame Dr, Erickson unnecessarily. We talked for a little while, or I should say I talked and he glared at me to spit out every detail about how the doc and I came to be here. Which brings me to what I need to talk to you about."

"What did you do?" Dean growled.

"Sam, was having problems talking, his throat you know?" He said looking at Dean seeing him acknowledge the comment. "He tried to ask me questions but I knew the talking was hurting him so I asked him if he just wanted me to tell him what I knew and he made it clear wanted to know everything that happened. Sam had no idea how sick he'd been earlier how sick he really still was and when I told him about him being delirious he freaked out a bit." Tom said neglecting to include the fact that he told the younger man about holding his brother at gun point.

Dean's hand hit the table with such force that everything jumped and it had Tom pushing away from the table startled at Dean's reaction. Leaning forward across the table and into Tom's face he growled again. "What did you tell him exactly? And what do you mean by _freaked out_? Because I swear if you hurt Sam with your choice of words after all he's been through I'm going to have to rethink my whole stance on shooting you."

"I told him that he was delirious and that he….pulled a gun on you…" Tom finished refusing to meet Dean's eyes.

Dean's felt the blood drain out of his face as he slumped back in the chair. "No, no, no, no, tell me you didn't do that to him, tell me please."

"I… I'm sorry Dean, I didn't know, I knew he might get upset about not remembering but then he started saying that you were going to leave him. I didn't know…Dean I swear I didn't even think that it would have that effect on him."

Dean rested his head in his hands, his body shuddering once; he looked back up at Tom with world weary eyes. "I know, I know. What did you tell him? How bad was he?"

"I told him nothing happened that everything was fine that you were really worried about how high his fever was and that you didn't take it personally. He seemed ok after that. We talked for few more minutes before he started to fall back asleep. He seemed relieved."

Dean shook his head fervently hoping that Tom's assessment of Sam's condition was correct. After all they'd been through recently Dean wasn't sure how much more battering Sam's psyche could take, and Sam finding out that he'd held his brother at gun point again, even if he hadn't shot him this time, would not be reassuring Sam in the least. "Was there anything else you talked about?"

Tom looked sheepish "I tried to win him over, hoping that you'd consider forgiving me my transgressions on your health if I got Sam on my side."

"_And?_"

"And he said that he wasn't sure he trusted me but he understood the reasons why I made the choices I did. He said that the real test would be convincing you that you needed the rest."

"Well he nailed that in one." Fixing Tom with another glare he continued. "Look Tom, I'm not going to say that I'm alright with what you and the doc did…cause I'm not… _but _…I like Sam can understand where your thinking was coming from. Forgive you for it? Not likely, at least not yet. But I'm going to move on from it. It's the best I can do for now. So tell me where you went when the doc was in visiting me and Sam." Dean stated smoothly, moving forward and closing the previous topic for any further discussion.

Tom nodded once willing to take what he could get for the moment and gave Dean a rundown on his trip to the station to collect the files that he'd asked for earlier. He pulled the files off the other end of the table handing all but one of them to Dean.

"What's the other folder?" Dean asked.

"It's …the file from when we raided the farmhouse, where we found…Sam. I brought it with me in case we needed to reference something in it." Dean reached over to pick up the file when Tom put his hand over the folder to hold it in place. "Dean, you really don't want to have to look at this if you don't have to. Sam was bad enough off when you first got the hospital this isn't going to help anyone."

"Give me the file Tom."

"Dean."

"Just give me the file." Dean said quietly. "Trust me when I tell you that anything I see in that file is nothing compared to what I already know happened to Sam."

"The photos and reports in here are nothing like what Sam told you in the hospital Dean. They're raw documentation I'd like to spare you and Sam that horror if I could."

Dean just stared at Tom for a moment as he tried to determine how much he was going to tell him, then decided the worst that could happen was that Tom would scoff at him. "The last time our friendly voice paid a visit to us, I got an up close and personal tour of the hell Sam endured. I watched some bastard light matches and drop them on Sam's back just to watch them burn." Dean stated flatly as he watched as the color slowly seeped from Tom's face, "I saw him so clearly that I can pick him out from across a room, and when I find him I am going to light him on fire and watch him burn. Then I got to watch some whore rape my brother, while he could barely breathe and they _laughed._ Sam fought them just trying to _breathe_ while feeling betrayed by his own body's reaction to the torture and finally he didn't even fight them, they'd broken him so badly that all he had left were tears. I promise nothing in that file can hurt more than what I've already seen Tom. I will take the images of my failure to protect my brother to the grave and if there is a god I hope that he forgives me for destroying each every one of those sick **_fucks_** that made the mistake of laying a hand on my brother. The only thing that file can do is help me find them so I can kill them all _slowly one by one_."

Tom drew in a shaky breath thinking back to when he found Sam, the question he'd wondered since that time he finally uttered out loud as he reluctantly handed the folder over to Dean. "How could anyone have survived that? How'd he do it?"

Dean gave a sad smile and said "I'd like to say that it's Winchester willpower and that he learned it all from me but it'd be a lie. Sam's always been one of the strongest people I've ever known even if he doesn't always see it, hell with the way we were raised he believes he's the weak one, but he has more stubbornness in him," Dean paused searching for the right word finally settling his thoughts. "No he has this thirst for life, always seeing the best in everything even with all he's been through, he still believes, in it all believes in me and it amazes me." Dean admitted the quiet confession, "Not that I tell him that often enough, I should…you know _tell_ him" Dean said looking at his hands.

"He knows" came the quiet response. "And you were right from the beginning; _everything_ I've learned is because of you.

Both Tom and Dean looked up in shock realizing Sam was leaning heavily on the walker in the kitchen doorway. Sam's eyes were clear for the first time in hours, although it was hard to tell if his face was flushed from the exertion of coming down the hall unassisted or the fever that still lingered in his body. As Sam looked at his brother noting the unshed tears in his eyes, he understood they were perilously close to another chick-flick moment that he wasn't certain either of them could really handle. So smiled and did his best to lighten the mounting tension in the room. "Ya, know this walking by yourself thing is harder than it looks" Sam smiled and then grimaced slightly as his arm muscles trembled from supporting him. "Think you guys could help me to the table?"

Dean finally pushed away his surprise and nearly knocked over his chair as he stood to help his brother, hovering like a mother hen, Dean inspected his younger brother critically. "Sam, why don't you let me get you set up in the other room again on the sofa or the recliner these chairs are going to be rough on you and your body needs the rest."

Sam shooed Dean away with his hands "Relax mom," he croaked, "I'm only going to rest here for a minute." He said slumping down in the chair with relief. Sam then turned his full attention to the other man in the room. Locking his gaze on Tom he asked "I'm assuming that you and Dean have talked your issues out and have reached a truce for the moment?"

"Yes, I think so" he said looking over to Dean for silent confirmation that he wasn't misleading Sam. Seeing the agreement in Dean's eyes he continued. "At least he hasn't shot me yet."

Sam coughed trying to clear his throat one hand wrapping around his chest again, before continuing. "Then I expect once I've had something to eat, you all will relocate with me back to the living room so we can finish what we started."

"Sam you need to rest, you still have a fever."

"It's okay Dean, we'll keep an eye on it now that we know about it. Besides if I saw the lump in the front room correctly Dr. Erickson hasn't gone home yet so she can check me out again once she's up again. Besides, I'm tired of being tired I need to do _something_….Please Dean let me help." Sam pleaded fixing his brother with the dreaded puppy dog eyes.

Dean relented with a huff, "Fine Sammy but we are laying down some ground rules. First, if I catch you yawning or drifting off it's straight back to bed with you no exceptions, second if your throat starts to bother you more or you any problems breathing you tell us then not later." Dean waited for Sam to nod before continuing, "Third any strange voices or visits from our friend that you hear or feel you tell me and we work through them together before they get out of control. Got it? Lastly, you take your new meds when it's time including the pain pills and do whatever the nice doctor tells you. Deal?"

Knowing it was the best he was going to get out of Dean after the recent events Sam had only recently been informed of Sam caved without a fight, if only to protect his brother. "Deal." He croaked out.

Dean smiled at the agreement, feeling a little more in control of the situation. "Ok so what do you want to eat? The kitchen's officially open for business."

* * *

Sam kept his word as soon as he finished eating he let Dean relocate him back to the living room and once again found himself propped up on the sofa with Dean on the floor in front of him bent over the table as he'd been the night before. Tom had taken over the recliner nearest the two men and Sam listened while Dean explained their suspicions on what they'd found on Cranson and the gang in their research. Sam looked over his notes from the night before and was surprised at how coherent they really were given his deteriorating mental state then. It took him about another half hour to finish putting down all the bits and pieces of conversations he'd heard or thought he'd heard before handing the pad back to his brother. 

Dean had taken Sam's notes and started to sort them into piles with his by common features while Tom started working through the case files on each of the victims after handing over the file on the book store robbery to Sam and discretely handing over Sam's file to Dean.

Not wanting to upset his brother Dean made sure that Sam was engrossed in the file before he pulled open the file in front of him. Dean made sure that the angle of his body hid what he was looking at without making it obvious that he was trying to keep something out of Sam's line of sight.

Moving past the standard case file form that clinically listed the date and time of the event and the officers involved Dean noted that while the exact address for where Sam had been found was missing the name of the farm and it's general location were listed in the file and Dean jotted them down in case it was important later.

Dean continued on with the statements of the officers on scene and tried to read with detachment the stark details of how Sam had been found and his initial condition. The room Dean had seen in his dream had been photographed in detail and Dean felt bile rise up in his throat at the pictures of the bloodstains on the altar that he knew belonged to his brother. Dean felt like he'd been sucker punched when he saw the pictures from the rape kit taken by the hospital before Dean's arrival. His head swam briefly as he saw his failure to protect Sam painted in crimson and black and blue.

Dean hadn't realized he had clenched his fists until his nails bit through the skin on his palms. Taking a deep breath he carefully locked away the tide of emotions threatening to swamp him. He took all the photos turned them face down on the table and continued to go through the file looking for something that would give him a break.

Dean was pretty sure he'd found it twenty minutes later when he heard Tom's phone rang. Both Sam and Dean waited concern growing as they watched the expression flash across the man's face. The side of the conversation they could hear only re-enforced the feeling of dread as Tom insisted that he was secure and that to keep him informed until he could make it back. As he closed his cell phone he looked over at them his grief clearly displayed in his eyes. "They've taken another victim." Tom said simply.


	22. Chapter 22

If Only Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warning: Same as before this is fairly graphic and not for the faint of heart.

A/N: Thank you to every one who contiues to read this story. I appreciate you all. I really appreciate the feedback on what you've enjoyed and what I can improve on. I have a lot of responses to still get out and I'm working on them as quickly as I can. Thank you all again for enjoying this and now one with the story.

* * *

Sam answered the question of who before Tom could, looking back and forth between Dean and Tom before resolutely staring at the floor. "It was one of your men this time wasn't it? They're going after them to find us." 

"Yes."

"So what do we do now Tom?" Dean asked earnestly, the rules had changed and from the look on Tom's face what he'd said earlier to Dean was no longer true. Tom had realized that he did have something to lose and now it'd been taken from him. Dean wasn't a fool, he knew better than to believe that someone would be willing to sacrifice themselves to keep him and Sam alive. Dean was just hoping they'd get a head start before they were thrown to the wolves.

Tom seemed to read his mind and briefly looked away from Dean seeming to wrestle with his conscience. "Truthfully I don't know. I told them I'd be back in soon but I don't want to leave you here unprotected." Smiling slightly when Dean snorted at the statement. "You know what I mean Dean, you still could use some back up. Hopefully, we can find them before this goes any further."

"Do you know who they took?" Sam asked.

"No, not yet, the car was still too hot to get close to for us to identify. That's why they've started calling everyone so we can see who doesn't answer."

Dean wasn't buying Tom's answer for the offer of back up and after the man's recent decision to medicate Dean into unconsciousness he was more wary. "Don't you mean that you want to be here so when they offer you back your man you can deliver me and Sam with a ribbon or should I say noose around our necks?"

Tom looked shocked at Dean's statement, anger coloring his voice, "I'm not going to sell you boys up the river, and all of us knew the risks when we became officers, it doesn't change now.

"Tom, please spare me, you better than just about anyone know what these people are capable of, are you honestly going to sit there and tell me that if you were given the option of saving a man you know, one who's family you know and see all the time, you're not going to take advantage of it. That you're going to let them torture and kill him so you can protect two people you don't know and this town couldn't give two goddamns about. Come on now who's bullshitting who here?" Dean said rising to his feet confronting Tom face to face.

Sam was the one who broke through the two men's anger. "Stop, please just stop…When they call just give me to them and let this be over with, please I can't be the reason that more people die." Looking at Dean his eyes filled with fear, "I can't be the reason that _you_ die. If it'll get your man back just give me to them."

The two men looked in shock at Sam's request. "Sam, you're not thinking straight…" Tom started moving towards where Sam was sitting. Dean following closely behind, but it was Dean who finished all but growling at his little brother. "What'd it say? I know this can't be your idea, so what did Cranson promise you? And how long have you been avoiding tell us about it?"

Sam tried not to look his brother in the eye; he didn't want to have to see the pain he knew his words had caused. "He said he'd make it quick and that he'd let you go. If I go to him when he calls he'll make it quick, and I've known since the night in the hospital, I told you all he wants is me the rest of you would be safe."

"No, not happening, you know he's _lying_ Sam so what even made you consider this it's ridiculous."

Sam felt his fear turn to anger. "Do you think that I **want **to keep watching you die? Ever since that first night I keep seeing the different ways I'm going to kill you. Hell I almost killed you again last night, how can you trust keeping me around you Dean? He's going to make me kill you and I'm not strong enough to stop him. If I just let go, let it all go, he'll get what he wants and you'll be safe. Don't you see Dean it's for the best? The only way I can make up fro what I've already done to you." Sam pleaded with his brother trying to make him understand.

Tom decided it was time to intercede between the brothers. "Sam, I have to agree with your brother on this. I know that with everything you've been through this seems like the easy solution, but do you understand what you're asking? Do you really think that your brother could stand by while you committed suicide?"

Sam's mouth gaped open, "I'm not trying to…"

Tom stopped him with a raised hand. "Yes Sam you are." Sighing as he continued "Whether you believe it or not Sam that's exactly what you're asking us to do. There is no way that we're going to let you try that route even if you think you're being noble, what you're really doing is chickening out and Dean deserves better than that. You deserve better than that. Now, no one is going anywhere. So let's clear the air right now, Sam we're not trading you for anyone else, simple as that, next we just need to keep working at this, they wouldn't have tried grabbing one of my men if we weren't getting too close. So we need to keep at it and something will break. We've got the research here and we still have one of these scumbags waiting in a cell for us to question. I'm going to go wake Dr. Erickson so she can be up to speed on this too. And have her take another look at that hard head of yours cause it obviously isn't functioning correctly." he said pointing at Sam. "While I'm gone why don't you try to fix whatever is going on between you two and when I get back someone is going to tell me about the salt all over everything!"

* * *

Sam and Dean watched the man walk for the room both of them momentarily stunned by his outburst. Staring at each other it was Sam who broke first. "Dean, I'm sorry man…I wasn't thinking." 

"Don't …I understand your fear Sam but remember we talk through this you don't just get to decide to fall on your sword without consulting me first. If anyone is falling on their sword it had better be me."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Sam said dejectedly

"Look, I know that Tom told you about last night."

"Yeah, I nearly killed you **again** and this time I can't even try to say I was possessed. I know you want to blow it off and tell me it wasn't my fault but I'm sure that the gun I had pointed at you this time was full of lead **_not_** rock salt and all I can think of is what could've happened, what I might've done to you."

"No Sam you weren't possessed but you were sick man, delirious and you _didn't_ hurt me. I was more worried I was going to lose you to the fever so for once cut yourself some slack your fever got over a 104, _and_ Cranson was fucking with your head. I don't blame you and nothing happened we're both here so _just let it go_."

Sam just stared and Den and tried to push down the fear he felt when thinking about what he'd been told. It still worried him that he couldn't remember what had transpired after eating dinner but finally understood that brooding on it wasn't going to make it any clearer. "I'll try."

"Good, that's all I can ask." Dean said clapping a hand lightly on Sam's shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. Looking up he saw Tom and Carrie make there way back into the room, Dr. Erickson suffering from a severe case of bed head. "Morning sunshine, the hair's a great look on you." He said grinning evilly, nudging his brother to look. Sam looked up and a grin split his face as he took in the woman's disheveled appearance.

"What are you...?" Carrie started as she lifted a hand to her head feeling it trying to figure out what had amused the men when she felt the tangled mass on top of her head. "Well that must just look wonderful." She muttered sarcastically. Watching as the three of them were unable to suppress their laughter any longer she playfully smacked Tom on the arm. "Why didn't you say something?"

"You were hard enough to get out of bed, and my momma taught me never to pick on a woman's hair." Tom said in a farm boy tone, clearly trying to wiggle out of the predicament.

Carrie scowled at them for a moment before giving up and joining in on the laughter as she struggled to flatten in down some. Running her fingers through it a few times tamed the worst of it down. "Better?"

"Yep, although it looked kinda sexy on you." Dean said winking at her lasciviously. "When all this is over I'd be happy to help you mess it up again."

Sam smacked his brother on the back of the head as Carrie huffed once "I do believe you must have hit your head earlier, because you must be out of your mind."

"I forgot to tell you, besides being a guard dog, he's all hound dog when it comes to women." Sam said ribbing Dean good naturedly.

"Well he should be careful otherwise one day someone may take him to get neutered."

Dean threw his hand in the air trying his best to look annoyed and failing miserably. "Alright, enough already, let's focus on the job at hand." Looking at Dr. Erickson he was suddenly back to business. "While I was "napping" you didn't happen to find out what was in those other bottles did you?"

Carrie cleared her throat as the group settled down into seats for the information. "I was able to figure out what was sent home with Sam, most of it disturbed me greatly. Fortunately the antibiotic which is what Sam ingested the most of were exactly what they were supposed to be, granted at much lower doses than prescribed, however the contents of some of the other bottles were not even close to what was on the label."

"Is there any side effects I should know about with what I did take?" Sam asked patiently

"Not really, I guess it's a good thing you spiked the fever when you did, had Dean continued to give you the muscle relaxer you had been taking you could've easily become addicted to it. The actual drug that was in the bottle is one we try to avoid prescribing unless we have to _because_ of its addictive qualities. Most of the others just cause problems when taken together, hallucinations, violent behavior, and depression; in some cases they would make you more susceptible to suggestion. Not a good combination for you after what's happened. But over all you're pretty lucky. We'll need to keep an eye on your fever and throat as the low dosage may have allowed the bacteria to become resistant to the medication."

"So Sam could still be in danger of this infection getting worse, not just going away?"

"It is a possibility, but the new regimen I've started him on uses a different family of antibiotics so hopefully they'll be enough to wipe it out. If not we can go with IV antibiotics back at the hospital."

"I won't go back…" Sam started

"We'll deal with this one step at a time. " Tom said firmly closing the issue for the moment. "Now, Carrie why don't we give you and Sam a couple of minutes so you can give him a once over to keep Dean here happy and then when you two are done we can compare notes and talk about getting you back home."

* * *

Dean and Tom relocated back out to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. "Dean, I apologize for butting in with Sam. It wasn't my place." 

"Don't apologize I think he took it better hearing it from you. I was ready to just shake him senseless. He's always been more for words, and yours helped. So instead of giving me an apology I owe you a "thanks". But this doesn't make us even." He finished with laughter in his voice. Dean was feeling much better after the sleep and was slowly coming to the conclusion that he'd been walking on the edge so long that he couldn't see that it was becoming dangerous. Fortunately for him this time someone was there to pull him back before he fell. "You think Carrie's going to be safe if we send her home?"

Tom shrugged once, "I don't know, not for sure, especially not with what happened this morning but she may be in more danger the longer she stays with us."

"When do you need to head in to the station?"

"I've got a few more hours yet, I want to start questioning our guest though and even if it's not the best idea I think you and Sam should come into the station with me. It's possible that Sam may recognize this guy and we'll have something more substantial to hold him on."

Dean had to admit that he wasn't overjoyed at the idea of taking Sam out of the house at this point, his brother just seemed too fragile to him, still Dean was itching to be able to get his hands on the one cult member they'd manage to catch and possibly exact some revenge. "Let's see what the doc says about your idea for Sam's outing and take it from there. _If_ she approves it, we'll go but I want to watch the questioning. I know you can't let me be in there and even if you did I definitely couldn't promise you wouldn't be facing brutality charges when we were done, but I want to hear what ever he has to say, you owe me that much."

"Fine, I can live with that. I'm sure that Sam's going to feel the same way when we tell him."

"You didn't tell him with everything else you said about last night?"

Tom shook his head, "Naw, by that time he was starting to wind down and I didn't want him trying to head out what with his fever and you sleeping, so I left out the part where we actually got a prisoner."

"You two can come back in here now and tell us whatever it is that you two are plotting." Carrie called from the living room.

The two men exchanged a grin, "Smart one that one is." Tom finished smirking.

"Guess that's why she's the doc." Dean said clapping the man on the back as they headed out of the kitchen.

* * *

Dean joined Sam on the sofa, happy to see color returning to Sam's face. "So, did you behave for the doc?" 

"Yes _mom_…" Sam said his voice still scratchy but stronger than earlier.

"Your brother's fever is down and seems to be dissipating. His throat is looking better as well although I did tell him he needs to rest it as much as possible to keep from straining it any more than necessary."

"Do you think he's up to a small road trip and outing?" Tom asked

"How long and how far?" she questioned critically.

"Say out to the station and back here, possibly long enough to drop you off as well."

"As long as he doesn't over exert himself, he should be fine to go out." She smiled as she saw Sam's face brighten at the thought of getting out even for a little while. "But, he's going to need help walking still and plenty of liquids. His fever isn't gone and the more energy he expends moving around the more likely it'll start climbing again so keep an eye out for when it does. When he starts to tire I want him back here and in bed resting and taking all of the meds I've left."

"Got it, no talking, no running, no playing with sharp pointy objects, and plenty of liquids and drugs. " Dean summarized looking over at his brother. "Think you can handle that?"

Sam opened his mouth to answer when Dean jumped in with a playful big brother tone. "Nope, remember no talking, just nod your head like a good little boy." Dean said barely stifling the laugh in his voice. Sam shot his brother a glare and reached over and punched his brother in the arm but nodded once in agreement.

Carrie shook her head watching the interaction. "What have I done? I've created a monster…" She said laughing as Sam shook his head enthusiastically in agreement.

"All right if we're all agreed let's head out. We'll drop Carrie off first and then head into the station to question our prisoner and then back here to add what ever we get from him into the research."

* * *

They decided it was best to have everyone pile into the Impala. While the leg room wasn't the best for Sam it was the vehicle his body was most accustomed to and once they dropped off Carrie he could stretch out on the back seat and rest if needed. Once Dr. Erickson was seated in the car they blindfolded her only removing it once they dropped her off back at her home about 20 minutes away. Tom walked with her into the home to confirm there were no unwanted house guests waiting for her. 

Tom slid back into the front passenger seat pulling the door closed, as Dean pulled away from the curb. "So the salt will really help keep them out?"

"If normal humans come after her no, but any supernatural baddies should be slowed down if not stopped by it. That and a loaded gun are her best defenses at this point. Is she still planning to go into work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, she said she wasn't going to change her schedule it'll just look more suspicious. I've arranged for a car to follow her just to make sure but she could be right that the only reason they chose to imitate her was that they'd never suspect that she'd get involved."

"Let's hope so." Dean said making the turn that took them back towards the highway and the police station. Dean silently dreaded going into the police station, eventually somebody was going to run his name and find out that Dean Winchester was dead and that before he'd died he was suspected of murder. Tom seemed to pick up on his worry and gave him a level gaze.

"If you're worried about your identity Dean, **_don't_**, none of my men have any reason to run your name; besides how many Dean Winchesters are there in the world?"

"You know?" Dean asked stunned.

"I've known since I ran your brothers name after talking to you the first day in the hospital. I decided to wait and see what you did before I acted on the information. Good thing for you I've decided that you can't possibly be **_that_** Dean Winchester isn't it?"

"I don't know what to say…"

"Thank you…" Came a quiet voice from the back seat. Tom turned to see Sam looking at him with deep gratitude in his eyes.

"No problem, so no worries about finding yourself on the wrong side of the jail cell when we get there."

Dean let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I guess this makes us even for earlier." He said as he pulled into a space at the sheriff's office.

"Fine with me. Now let's see what we can learn."

* * *

Cranson felt it the instant the Winchester's moved out of hiding. While he couldn't pin down their location he was certain that they'd be heading towards the jail cell that held his follower. It was tempting to strike out at them immediately to feed into Sam the pain and suffering they'd already started to inflict on their newest guest or better force Dean to feel the rage and fear the man felt at their hands or even the happiness his children felt at the torture, to try and make him act out on those images against his own brother. But instead he held back knowing that those would only be temporary measures and would not deliver them to his hands which was what he really wanted. 

As he'd explained to his children earlier, when they'd moved out to collect their latest toy, their brother was going to be used as bait for the Winchester's. He was to feed their anger and fear play into what had been done to the younger, in hopes that if pushed far enough the older would take an action that would leave Sam alone and unprotected. When the guards came to the cell and moved their prisoner to an interrogation room Cranson knew the time was at hand.

Using some of his hoarded energy he forced his way into one of the desk clerks mind so he could confirm the arrival of his prey. Cranson forced his host to smile with glee as he saw both Winchester brothers move slowly through the doors. He quickly abandoned the host, before they could notice anything unusual and moved to his child to give him final instructions before returning to his children to wait and prepare for the Winchester's imminent arrival.

* * *

Tom escorted Sam and Dean through the station mindful of Sam's slow progress and the toll the walk was taking on the young man. He'd initially offered Sam the use of his office to rest in while he and Dean continued on to the interrogation room but Sam quickly declined insisting that he was fine. While neither Tom nor Dean were buying into Sam's claim they allowed him to make his way to the room where he could watch through the mirror. 

Sam was never happier to see a chair in his entire life. As he slowly lowered himself onto the padded desk chair one of desk clerks had brought in he sighed at the relief of the stress on his hip and back. Movement was getting easier but it still wasn't pain free. He looked up to see Dean hovering close by making sure he was alright. "It's ok Dean, just not percent yet." He said wiping sweat from his brow. "Just takes more energy to get moving."

Dean eyed him suspiciously but took him at his word, but not without casually checking Sam for a fever while brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "Dude you need a hair cut."

"It's fine, just let it be." Sam said pushing his bangs back into place.

Tom cleared his throat to gain attention. "Sam, I want you to take a look at the man at the table and tell me if you recognize him at all."

Sam shook his head turning to study the face of the man casually leaning in his chair. After a few moments Sam looked defeated turning back to Tom, "I'm sorry, I didn't get to see many of their faces, I don't recognize him."

"It's ok," Tom said placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "I knew it was a long shot but I wanted to make sure. You two wait here I'm going to go talk with our "guest" and see if we can get anything out of him."

As the door closed behind Tom, Sam looked over at Dean noting the set jaw and cold distant look in his brothers eyes, for a moment he though Dean was mad at him. "I'm sorry." He started automatically.

Dean seemed to realize the look he'd focused on his brother and quickly let it drop. "No, I'm not mad at you Sam, I just want a piece of this guy and I'm stuck in here letting Tom "talk" to him."

Sam was going to respond when the brothers watched Tom enter the room and sit across from the prisoner.

"So, my officers tell me you don't seem to have a name. Is that right?" Tom started off cordially.

"No name I need to tell you."

"You do realize eventually we'll get it, once a match comes back on your prints then we'll know exactly who you are, so why not just tell us now?"

"You're the one helping to hide our toy."

"Your toy?"

"Our offering to the master, he's ours to play with but you took him from us. He was sweet too, never expected him to last so long but he was so good and we really want him back." The man said grinning watching the rage build in Tom.

Behind the mirror Sam stiffened in horror as he realized that in fact he did know the man or at least his voice. Instinctively Sam pushed away from the mirror in front of him trying to get away from the man in the other room. The sudden movement from Sam drew Dean's focus away from the two men in the other room. "Sam?" moving closer to his brother in the darkened room to see what had caused the sudden change in behavior. "What's going on?"

"I…I know him…"

"What? But you said you didn't recognize..." Seeing Sam pale further, "How? How do you know him? What'd he do to you?"

"He….he was the one leading them, when I was …." Sam stopped voice choking at the terror the sound of that voice was invoking in him.

All Dean could see was red. He barreled out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him and all Sam could do is watch as Dean kicked open the door to the interrogation room, snarling "I'll kill you!" as he launched himself at the prisoner taking them both down and out of Sam's line of sight.

* * *

A/N:So not really a cliff hanger at least a little hill. Thanks again for the support. 


	23. Chapter 23

If Only Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Adult situations and violence. This chapter gets pretty dark again folks so be clear that this has violent imagery and themes including torture. You've been warned.

A/N: Thanks again for all the support, I am doing my best to try and improve the time between posts but I'm not always successful, hopefully no one comes after me with pitchforks or any other sharp pointy objects between chapters. Remember you kill off the author you'll never learn how it ends!. Seriously thank you again for all the comments and constructive criticism I truly value it. Now on with the story.

* * *

The sound of the lock breaking on the door as it flung inward on its hinges was the only warning either occupant got that something was coming their way. Tom sat speechless as Dean barreled into the room focused on the man seated across from him. 

Frozen in shock Tom watched as Dean threw himself at his prisoner taking them both to the ground. Coming quickly to his senses, he dove around the table as well in an effort to pull Dean off of the man. Several other officers were drawn into the room by the commotion and they finally managed to help Tom separate Dean from the prisoner on the floor.

Dean wasn't aware of anything around him except the body of the man who had hurt his brother and how badly he wanted to destroy him. The look of terror on Sam's face moments before kept coming back with startling clarity every time Dean looked down to take another punch at the man. He continued to pound on the man who never lifted a finger in his own defense and simply laughed in Dean's face further enraging him. As heavy hands encircled Dean's body he continued to struggle to get back to his prey. "Let me go, I gonna kill him…" Dean growled.

"Dean…Dean…let'm go," Tom yelled in his face trying to get the younger man to focus on something other than the man still lying on the floor, but nothing seemed to be getting through.

In the midst of the chaos, Sam managed to pull himself out of the observation room and into the corridor, making his way slowly towards the adjoining room. He knew that short of somebody knocking Dean unconscious he was the best shot anyone had to get through to his brother when he was in this kind of a rage. He had barely made it near the doorway when an officer moving into the room bumped his side igniting the pain in his hip and sending his body hard into the doorframe. Sam bit back most of the yelp of pain but what escaped was enough to break his brother's focus on his prey and back to reality in an instant. Seeing his brother still fighting the officers surrounding him he bit out, "Stop it Dean, _just stop_." before sliding down the door frame as his legs gave out on him.

Dean stilled looking over in concern at his brother now sitting on the floor. "Sam? What's going on?"

Sam let out a tired laugh at the sheer insanity of the question. "You're acting like a lunatic Dean. Stop fighting them you'll only make it worse. "

Tom moved in front of Dean taking out his cuffs and pulling Dean's wrists forward so he could cuff them in front of his body. "I'm sorry Dean you don't leave me a choice" he said by way of apology as the cuffs snapped into place. He nodded to one of his officers. "Take him into the other interrogation room for holding while I sort this all out. The officer nodded starting to lead Dean away when their prisoner got his first look at the prize that had been stolen from them, the one his master coveted, as he was roughly pulled from the floor and dropped back into his chair, "We didn't break you so badly did we pretty boy?" He said leering at Sam, who visibly cringed and tried to move further into the wall just at the sound of his voice. "You liked it when we made you bleed didn't you?" As Dean locked his muscles and refused to be pulled from the room at seeing his brother's reaction to the man, his every instinct wanting to stop Sam from hurting any more that he was. The man continued on realizing he now had a captive audience in Dean and the other officers. He watched the elder hunters muscles bunch and knew he was weighing his options on lunging across the room again and he continued wanting to add to the growing pain and guilt just as he'd been ordered to. "You knew you deserved all of it, especially after all that you've done all the pain and misery you caused. Don't worry little man we'll get you back where you belong soon enough. You know why? Cause you're **_weak_**, still need someone else to defend you. You'd of never made it out on your own…you had to _be rescued_, just to make it off the altar, bet your brother here would've made the escape all on his own. Hell, after our first taste of you, you didn't even try to fight us, even when we bloodied you over and over all you did was cry." A dry cackle was torn from the man's mouth as he watched Sam slide sideways to the floor arms wrapped around his head as if trying to ward off a physical blow. "Just like.." The man's rant was cut off by the sound of flesh striking flesh as the one of the officers holding Dean slammed a fist into the man's mouth rocking his head backwards effectively silencing him.

The man spit blood onto the floor and smiled. "I'd call that police brutality" he said smugly, "I'll be out of here by dawn."

Tom leaned forward over the table menace clear in his voice, "I didn't see anything and neither did anyone else, besides I think based on your "confession" we have some extra charges to add, you're not going anywhere."

The sound of Sam's hitching breathing drew another laugh from the prisoner and he continued to cackle as he was drug from the room back to his cell. Dean shoved away from the officers holding him moving towards where his brother still lay on the floor. "Hey Sam, it's ok, he's gone, he can't hurt you again." He said trying to rest a hand on Sam's shoulder surprised when he flinched away from him. Moving so he was sitting on the floor next to him he looked up at Tom his eyes imploring, "Can you get me out of these please, I'm not going anywhere." He asked lifting his hands up indicating the cuffs on his wrists.

Tom sighed and exchanged glances with the other officers around him. Most simply moved out of the room, now that the situation was contained and to give the men some privacy. One of the younger men fixed Tom with a steady gaze, understanding the unspoken question in the air. "Don't sweat it Tom, if that bastard had been talking about my brother, like that I would've tried to kill him too. Besides as you said we didn't see a thing." With a small salute the man moved out of the door closing it firmly behind him.

Tom fished his keys off his belt and bent to undo Dean's cuffs. "You know you keep pressing like this Dean and I'm not going to be able to keep you from spending a night in one of these cells."

"I know" he admitted as he rubbed his wrists briefly before turning back to Sam who hadn't moved his hands away from his body. Dean reached out again running his hands slowly up and down Sam's arms gently coaxing him back. "Come on Sam, he's gone, you're safe no one is going to hurt you here."

It took a few moments for Sam to finally respond and move out of his defensive position. He held out a hand to his brother who helped him off the floor and to the chair that Tom had been occupying before Dean's intervention. Tom cleared his throat before pulling over the other chair and settling into it as well, while Dean propped himself on the end of the table facing Sam. "So, can you tell me who that was Sam?" Tom started out gently.

Sam's eyes darted around the room as if looking for a means of escape before they settled on a spec on the table in front of him. "He…he was the one leading them…in the basement…he was the one who told them to….to …to..." Sam couldn't seem to force himself to say it.

"Rape you?" Tom filled in quietly.

Sam just shook his head in agreement voice cracking when he continued. "I didn't see his face he was…he was always above my head I couldn't get a look at him…but I'll never forget his voice…" Sam shivered at the memory of the voice chanting over him.

"Sam, hey it's ok, it's over…"

"It's not over I can't even say it, how am I supposed to get over it if I can't even say what they did to me?" Sam asked looking at Tom and Dean silently pleading for answers.

"Sam, it takes time, it'll get better I promise, you have Dean to lean on and I know he'll help you though this. Give yourself a break, you haven't had any time to heal really heal yet." Tom said reassuringly. "I hate to ask this Sam but I need you to put what you know into a statement. Are you ok with answering some more questions?"

"Yeah, are you going to be doing it again?"

"Yeah, as long as it's ok with you. If you're not comfortable with me I can have one of the other officers come in and talk with you." Tom offered quickly, figuring after what had happened earlier that he might not be as trusted as he was at the initial questioning.

Sam looked up quickly from the table startled at the offer. "No, no one else needs to know about this, please…"

Tom was quick to reassure the young man, "It's ok Sam, I won't tell anyone else, just let me go get the recorder so you don't have to write it all out, alright."

* * *

Fortunately for all of them this statement went much faster than the last one. Sam was starting to show signs of fatigue as they wrapped up the interview and both Tom and Dean had spent the last 15 minutes exchanging glances about Sam's rapidly deteriorating state. Tom tried to hurry along his questions without making it apparent to Sam his reasoning. He realized that Sam was still trying to mask a lot of his pain and his waning energy level under a shell of bravado that he must've learned from his brother. Tom watched as Dean tried to lay a hand on Sam's brow to gauge his fever only to have the hand batted away before it could even come close to making contact. "I'm not a baby Dean; I'm fine I'll let you know when I need a nap." Sam spit out petulantly. 

Dean winced a brief look of hurt crossing his face at Sam's refusal to let him look after him. He took a deep breath and watched as Tom did the same as Sam continued to snap at the both of them. By the time they were finished Dean was past his breaking point. 'Time to put my foot down' he thought. "Enough Sam, stop being a dick, if you're feeling like crap tell us but don't take it out on us we're not the enemy."

Sam gaped at him for a moment righteous and heat clear in his eyes which was quickly chased away by guilt and sorrow. "I'm sorry" he said quietly, "You're right. Can we…Can we go back now?"

Dean looked over at Tom to gauge the man's reaction to Sam's request. Tom shook his head in the affirmative. "I need to finish a couple of things here, how about we get you stretched out on one of the sofa's in the chief's office and once I'm finished we can head back out."

"Yeah, ok…" Sam said vaguely his voice cracking again.

Dean noted that his brother's eyes were taking on a glassy appearance and there was a flame of color on his pale cheeks evidence of the returning fever. "Hey Sam you still with us?"

Sam shook his head slightly returning from where ever he'd zoned out to. "Sorry…I spaced for a minute."

"It's ok, why don't we get you flat, give me 30 minutes and we'll be out of here."

Sam shook his head as Dean helped him to stand and the three made there way to an office with a leather sofa. It took a few minutes to get Sam settled but once he was he drifted off to sleep almost instantly. Dean reached out a hand again and felt his brother's brow frowning at the growing heat he felt there again. "We really need to get back to the house soon; his fever's starting to climb."

Tom waved him out of the room so they could talk without fear of disturbing the young man. "Come with me and we'll get the rest of this finished so we can head out." Tom added waving Dean to sit in a chair next to one of the squad room desks.

"So you didn't get a visual ID from Sam, but since he can place the guy there is it any help to you guys?"

"Yeah, besides with the "confession" he made just from seeing Sam it's enough to make sure that he's not getting loose anytime soon. Hopefully we can use the charges to negotiate for some information." The phone on the desk rang and Tom signaled Dean to hold his thought while he answered. "Roberts."

Dean watched Tom's face during the call categorizing his facial expressions to judge what was being discussed. "Yeah, thanks, we'll send someone right out." He sighed as he hung up the phone looking dejected.

"What's going on?"

Tom ignored Dean for a moment and seeing the annoyance flash across his face he knew that he wasn't the only person whose patience was running thin. "Matthews, Cooper, come'ere" he called out two other deputies seated nearby, when they were within speaking distance he continued "Someone just called in about a body in a field about 10 miles from here, from the sounds of it, dispatch thinks it's one of ours, the coroner is on their way out there now, check it out and let me know what you find. "

The men nodded and moved out while Tom turned back to face Dean who was looked stricken, _'This is getting to be too much'_ he thought to himself. "So the girl Sam saw she was real?" Dean asked hesitantly.

Tom nodded his head "Yeah it appears so, I'm glad that I was the one to take the call from you otherwise your brother might find himself spending a night in the cells back there as well, previous victim of this group or not."

Dean felt his face heat in anger at the thought of someone accusing Sam of being involved with what's going on. His snapped back at him. "You're damn right he's the victim here no "previous" about. All he's tried to do is make sure that you guys had some clue as to what was going on. He didn't ask for any of this. Sam was forced to watch the girl _die_. He already blames himself for it to here you guys talk you'd think there was something he could've done to stop it. "

"I know it's just we've got to be careful about how much we let on, some people might be far more willing to serve up your brother as a scapegoat especially when one of their own is missing. I don't blame Sam…" He looked up at Dean realizing the young man was staring off into space just past him making Tom turn in his chair to see what had caught Dean's attention, seeing nothing he shook Dean's shoulder to catch his attention only to receive no response. "Dean? Dean can you hear me? You alright?"

* * *

Dean had been half listening to Tom trying to calm himself when he felt a pull on his attention, and for a moment the room around him was overlaid with another and then came back into sharp focus, causing Dean to suck in a breath as he was swamped with a wave of vertigo. It had just started to abate when it happened again only this time the squad room did not return, and Dean found himself a spectator in Cranson's grisly games once more. 

At first Dean thought this was like the dream he'd been in before and mentally tried to wrest control of the situation, but as the body he occupied moved forward he was able to see that he wasn't an indistinct form watching from the sidelines but an active participant in someone else's body. _'Never thought I'd be possessing someone'_ he thought idly to himself about the situation. Unfortunately, he was more like the victim in a possession in that he had no control on his movements or the outcome of the situation.

Dean was hit with a wave of blood lust and glee as he got his first sight of the captured deputy. The man had been tied to a chair and obviously had already been beaten for a while. Dean watched as he stepped in front of the man and landed several brutal punches to the torso feeling the burn of his knuckles as they impacted and the satisfied rush at the unmistakable sound of ribs breaking. The man in the chair moaned in pain before pleading. "I'm telling you I don't know where the Winchesters are, you've got to believe me."

Dean could here Cranson's voice and was surprised to see it come from the body of a man near him. The man's eyes glowed a sickly red as he stalked towards the man in the chair running a hand down his face before backhanding him viciously. "Oh but we do my good man, I do believe that you don't know where they're hiding but there is still a blood debt that you owe us and it must be paid."

"I …I don't understand…I told you I don't know anything." He said frantically.

"But you did help in the rescuing of the offering my children made to me. You guarded his door to keep us from taking him back and then just last night you killed two of my children as we came to claim what is rightfully ours. So now it is time to pay the penalty in flesh." He finished menacingly.

Dean could feel something pressed into his hand and as hard as he tried he couldn't see what it was. Whoever he was sharing space with knew what it was and had no reason to look down. Dean felt the anticipation crawl through him and knew if he had a body he'd want to puke from the feelings that were overwhelming him. "Stand him up" Cranson called and Dean watched as two men cut away the ropes from the chair and roughly pulled the man to his feet. Shoving him forward they forced him to a support beam in the center of the room where they used his own cuffs to secure him in place arms wrapped tightly around the beam. "Now listen to me very carefully, if you fall I promise you that until your heart stops beating you will spend the rest of your life, such as it is, as an altar decoration for everyone's amusement. If you can stay on your feet you have my promise that your back will never lay upon the altar. Are we understood?"

Dean could feel the man's fear and was disgusted at the joy he experienced in hearing that sound. He almost missed the small broken "Yes" from the man before he was moving forward again and Dean became aware of what it was that he was holding.

Dean felt the body move and yelled in horror as he watched the bull whip that was in his hand snap out and split through the man's shirt and skin like a hot knife through butter. There was no delay before the next blow fell and the man started a keening cry trying desperately to move away from the blows but there was no where to go. Dean tried to override the body he was in, to do something anything to stop the whip on its course but nothing worked. He was forced to watch as the man's back was laid out in a bloody ruin

As the blows continued unabated Dean was awash in wave after wave of perverse pleasure at the cries and whimpers torn from the man's body, overwhelmed by the thirst to see more blood to know how much more the man could take before he broke and fell. Dean was sure it couldn't get worse when he heard the cries take on a different tone and range and they became the pitiful struggling cries of his brother, and now he could see his own hand's holding the whip as the man chained to the column changed and was no longer the deputy but his brother. He could only watch as the whip arced out towards Sam's body as he begged them to stop. Scream after scream torn from an already raw throat . Dean watched Cranson move closer to him as another blow fell Dean still unable to still his own hand. "This is the fate that awaits your brother, when we get him back. This time though the pain he feels will be dealt by your own hand." He said in his ear like a shared secret between two friends.

Dean recoiled at the image before him, Sam crumpling to the ground helpless and begging. "Please Dean…no more, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry...just no more…"

Dean screamed "No!" and suddenly the world righted itself and Dean was back in the squad room looking into Tom's startled and fearful eyes.

"Dean?" Tom started as he watched the color drain away from Dean's face and quickly he grabbed the trash can next to him shoving it into Dean's shaky grasp as the man retched repeatedly. Tom moved to get a small cup of water and when it looked like the worst had passed gave the cup over to Dean who took it gratefully.

"Thanks" he croaked trying to clear his throat after the burn of the bile.

"What happened? One minute we were talking, and the next you were just gone." He said snapping his fingers. "I tried shaking you but nothing happened."

"I'm not…I'm not really sure." Dean started trying to sort through his muddled thoughts.

"Are you ok? Should I call Dr. Erickson and have her stop by and check you out? Maybe this is some kind of delayed reaction to the medication we gave you earlier."

Dean shook his head "No, I think it was real, I think Cranson paid me another visit. I saw them; they've got one of your deputies for sure."

"Did you see him? Is he still alive? Could you tell where they were?" Tom asked anxiously grabbing Dean by the shoulders.

"Yea, I think so and no in that order. I could see him and they've been beating him but I don't know if what I saw is real time, past or yet to come"

"What about the location? Any idea where they are?"

"No, nothing specific, nothing that could be useful to find them. He said. "It felt real but I could hear Sam …" a look of fright crossed Dean's face and he bolted from the chair towards the office where Sam was sleeping.

Dean twisted the knob expecting it turn freely in his hand and was startled to find the door locked. Dean pounded on the door with his fist. "Sammy, open the door." He heard a rush of movement and something heavy fall, then silence. "Sam?" he called again quietly.

The response he heard caused his knees to buckle and he hit the ground easier than he should've never feeling Tom's supporting arms lower his back against the wall. All Dean heard was the broken raw voice of his brother that came though the door. "Please Dean, no more…I'm sorry…Please no more."

* * *

A/N: Yes it has been confirmed I'm evil, the only thing I can say in my defense is that chapter 24 is halfway done! So don't kill me although comments are always welcome, even if they're only telling me that I am an evil evil person. 


	24. Chapter 24

If Only Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before, but I do want to remind everyone that this chapter is still going to be pretty bleak as well so just be aware may not be suitable for all ages.

A/N: I didn't expect you all to agree with me so quickly that I was evil, but hey I guess if it's true, it's true. Thank you all who let me know that you enjoyed the last chapter and the whole story.Since I've managed the near impossible in my book of two chapters down in two days I haven't had a chance to respond to everyone yet but I'm going to work on it. So please don't forsake the reviewing it's great to know what I need to work on and what you enjoy. So without further delay on with the story.

* * *

Sam was panicking and he wasn't really sure why. His body was caught in the throes of a fight or flight response and just the sound of his brother's voice from the other side of the door caused him to flinch violently in reaction. He needed to get away, had to get out of there but there was no where to go. He tried to make sense of why he was so terrified. Sam's mind was muddled by sleep and further clouded by fever and the slow all consuming pain that was steadily radiating across his back. As his eyes flickered closed his body trembled violently as he watched Dean's hand snap a whip out and catch him on the back. The searing pain brought another whimper from Sam as it connected again with his flesh. The pain causing him to move, to flee as far from the door and the voice as he could. Sam couldn't understand how Dean could be doing this when he wasn't even in the room with him. _'Did it happen before?'_ Sam wondered breathlessly, trying to unscramble his thoughts. _'Why would Dean want to hurt me?'_ followed closely behind as he frantically searched his thoughts for a reason for this betrayal. 

Sam shivered again when a ghostly voice whispered in his ear, "Because you shot your brother...You tried to kill him and you need to be punished."

"But he forgave me. He said so" Sam whispered out into the still air, looking around for the source of the voice. Backing his tall frame into the corner of the office making himself as small a target as possible, his mind still unable to link the previous experiences with Cranson to what was occurring now. His reactions were being guided by instinct and the fear left no room for reason.

"He _hates_ you...He's going to _kill_ you." it whispered again and Sam trembled as the sensory images washed over him again. In self preservation his mind snapped back with another image countering the attack. Dean was helping Sam slowly make his way across his hospital room, arm wrapped protectively around him, guiding him with infinite patience.

_'Dean would never hurt me'_ Sam thought, still waging his internal battle for control of his mind, he could hear distantly the continued knocking on the door and while he was aware his lips were moving he had no conscious knowledge of what he was saying as he stayed huddled in the corner far from the door a wounded, confused and hurting, whispering "please no more."

Tom had nearly made it to Dean's side when he saw Dean's knees buckle. He managed to wrap an arm around him and turn him so his back was pushed up against the wall before his body made hard contact with the unforgiving floor. "Dean, shit are you ok?"

Dean leaned heavily against the wall eyes closed face paling dramatically again, "Sam" he said despair in pain clear in his voice. "He was _there_."

"What? Where was Sam?" Tom asked standing and twisting the knob in his hand to move into the office surprised to find it locked. Knocking on the door Tom called out quietly, "Sam, you alright in there?" When he received no response he knocked again a little more forcefully. "Sam, I'm going to unlock the door, I need to know you're ok." He warned pulling the keys from his pocket.

Sam's eyes grew wide with fear as he heard the key in the lock and the door handle start to turn. Sam tried to push further into the corner, his mind screaming _'No, no, have to get away he's going to hurt me.' _But looking around he knew there was no where to escape to. Tom let the door swing open half way before moving cautiously into the room. He hadn't heard whatever had scared Dean so much that he was near catatonic against the wall, actually the room had been deathly silent and he wanted to be prepared for anything. Eyes quickly scanning the room he was shocked to see Sam cowering in the corner. "Sam? What happened to you? Dean's real worried about you." Sam flinched again at the mention of his brother's name.

Tom frowned at the reaction, _'maybe the fever's made him delirious again.' _He thought as he tried to move closer to Sam. As he did the fear and apprehension grew in Sam's eyes and stilled Tom's forward momentum. "Did something happen while you were sleeping Sam? Was someone here?"

"I was asleep?" he questioned quietly, as if he was afraid of the noise his own voice made.

"Yeah, remember you came in here to rest while De." Seeing another twitch, "your brother and I finished up some paperwork so we could take you back home."

"The statement right? You were working on finishing my statement."

"That's right, we finished the questions and we helped you in here so you could rest for a bit."

"But I saw…I felt…Dean."

Tom nodded his head in understanding "Something bad happened to Dean too, he didn't have a chance to tell me what thought. He just needed to check on you he wanted to make sure you were safe."

* * *

'Safe' there was that word again, Sam thought, deep down he knew Dean would always keep him safe, then a memory from yesterday flittered across his mind. He could see himself trying to tell Dean something important but everything spinning away from him. _"Sorry…not your fault….remember…not you..." "Later …when they…when I ….not us...not you…remember…"_ That's when he understood, and the half remembered words helped to dispel the terror he'd been feeling. "It wasn't _me_," Sam said finally, "It _wasn't_ Dean." He repeated aloud. 

Slowly he unfolded himself from the corner and allowed Tom to help him stand long enough o get him back to the sofa. Sam tried to east his back against the sofa only to lean forward again at the stinging agony that greeted him when his back made contact with the surface. He slumped forward with his arms resting on his knees. Looking around he grew concerned as Dean was still hadn't entered the room. "Where's Dean?"

Tom looked over his shoulder before leaning back out of the doorway spotting Dean where he left him, eyes closed and breathing ragged as if he'd been running for miles. "Dean, Sam's asking for you." He said quietly.

Dean's eyes flew open and he could see hope glinting in his eyes. Dean pulled himself up from the floor in one fluid movement and stepped quickly past Tom and into the office. "Sam?" he asked cautiously.

Sam twitched involuntarily before being able to meet Dean's gaze and saw the hope and relief fade from his brother's eyes and defeat slide in its place before Dean's eyes became hard and blank mask firmly in place, ready to be strong for his brother. But that heart stopping moment of reality made Sam's heart clench at the damage his reaction had caused his brother. Even now he could see the tension radiating off of Dean as he was afraid to step any closer to his brother. _'Not Dean…not me'_ he thought to himself firmly. Then realizing that Dean needed to hear this even more than he needed to convince himself that Dean needed to hear it _out loud_ to believe he forced Dean to hold his gaze. "It wasn't _you,_ Dean and it wasn't me."

Dean's jaw was tightly clenched but he nodded. He unclenched his fists that he'd been holding tightly against his body. He tentatively reached out a hand and rested it on Sam's arm concerned, his focus now turned to why Sam was sitting hunched over in a position that must be killing the healing muscles of his legs and back.

"Sam are you hurt?"

"I'm not sure, my back." He started.

"When it changed," Dean swallowed hard before continuing. "When it became us, you started to feel it didn't you?"

"It wasn't us, you **_didn't_** do this" Sam said tightly through the pain.

Dean closed the last bit of space between them, "Let's get you into a chair so I can look at your back."

Sam didn't argue in and was quite docile as he let himself be maneuvered into another desk chair, so that he was sitting again with his arms resting on his upper legs. Dean gently grasped the hem of Sam's shirts and pulled it up his back. Dean's stomach threatened to come back out of his throat again at what he saw. He barely caught Tom's muttered "Son of a gun" as he absorbed the damage.

Sam's back was crisscrossed with red welts. In the areas where the welt had crossed a healing burn mark the wound had been torn open and raw with blood slowly seeping down his back in several places.

"Damn, Sammy what'd I do?" Dean asked under his breath still feeling responsible for what he'd witnessed.

"Dean" Sam started angrily, "Do not make me say this again. It wasn't you…Last night I tried to tell you to _remember that it wasn't you._ You were out there with Tom when this started and I was in here alone and asleep. This isn't your fault. You need to believe that."

"But"

"Not" he said with finality.

"Fine, _Sam_." He said tightly clearly not wanting to let the issue drop, He decided he needed away for a few minutes before he said something he regretted because it was his **_fault_** regardless of what Sam thought. As he turned to walk out he glared at Tom, "can we get the hell out of here now? Sam needs to take something for that fever and now we need to clean up his back." He said stalking out of the room.

* * *

Sam let loose a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he stared morosely at Dean's retreating form. He knew he wouldn't go far, but right now Sam wanted to call him back, but knew it wouldn't do any good until Dean was ready to listen. 

Tom cleared his throat, pulling Sam from his thoughts. "Can you tell me? Are those really…_whip marks_?" he asked as he gently eased Sam's shirt back down.

"Yeah, they are."

Tom shook his head wiping a shaky hand across his mouth, looking ill as well. "No wonder Dean puked his guts up, when he came back."

Sam's head shot up at the comment. "He what? I just thought he saw it happen."

"I don't know for sure, one second he was gone and then he was back and heaving so badly I thought he'd pass out from it."

"Do you think he actually felt?" Sam half asked not really wanting to finish the question or learn the answer.

"I think he experienced it the same way you did, except instead of taking the blows he dealt them."

Sam hung his head, "They really know how to push people don't they? Just what to do to make someone break, the way to hurt them the most."

"Why do you say that?" Tom asked

"Because if given a choice of torture Dean would always choose to take the beating rather than have to give it, especially if it involved me."

A thought passed through Tom's mind and dread settled in his stomach. "Dean said that it changed that it wasn't you before, who was it?"

Sam looked sadly at Tom, "I'm sorry. It was your deputy, they beat him and then they whipped him."

Tom swallowed convulsively "Is he, was he still alive?"

"I don't know, he was when it changed but right now I don't know. I wish I could tell you for sure."

"It's alright Sam, at least we knowing his not already dead is something. Come on Dean's right we need to get you out of here and cleaned up. Do you think you can walk?"

"I may be slow but we'll get there." Sam said slowly standing again, feeling the sting and pull of the marks on his back, although the ride back is going to suck." He added smiling slightly.

* * *

While the two men had been talking Dean had stormed out the front door of the station to cool off. Part of him wanted to march back in there and grab Sam and keep on going until this whole mess was behind them. Only he knew that it wasn't likely that Cranson was just going to let Sam slip through his fingers. Dean tried to clear his head but the images refused to stop playing in his mind. He wasn't angry at Sam, he was terrified of the damage they'd inflicted on him and that Sam might have actually been afraid of Dean. 

Taking another deep breath he started to lock all of the swirling emotions down, anger turned to focus and clearly defined rage to the burning need to solve this puzzle and have it done. He was just turning to pull open the door when Sam and Tom came through the door. Sam tripped on the doorplate and Dean was instantly there steadying him under the elbow to keep his balance. "Wait here. I'll bring the car up." Dean said instantly back in what Sam called "mother hen" mode at seeing the exhaustion and fever coloring his complexion.

"Dean I'm fine." Sam responded his voice as close to whining as Dean had heard since Sam was six.

"You are not fine Sam, all that education and you don't even know the definition of a freaking four-letter word. Now wait here." He demanded. "You watch him." He said pointing at Tom.

Tom put his hands up in surrender a small threatening to cross his face at Dean's instant turn around. "Sure thing no problem, he moves, I'll shoot him."

Dean cocked an eyebrow at the comment. "Don't help us any, Sam can injure himself fine all on his own." He said darkly moving down the walk to the Impala.

* * *

Twenty minutes later they were heading back towards the house. The delay had come at trying to figure out how Sam could manage to sit and survive the car ride back to the house with the abuse his back had taken. After a few smart ass comments from Sam, Dean had offered to knock him unconscious and just toss him in the trunk. Tom for his part stayed out of the way of the two bickering brothers until it looked like their banter was going to turn to actual blows. Sam was now curled in the back seat with his back facing the front so as to not add any pressure to the welts, with one arm wrapped protectively around his bruised ribs that were jostled back the swaying of the car. 

Sam felt himself starting to drift off as the familiar rumble of the car beneath him coupled with the sounds of the low conversation Dean was engaged with lulled him with a sense of peace that had been missing when he'd first awoken. With a small smile curving his lips he let himself slip into sleep.

* * *

As they pulled to a stop, Tom quickly exited the car to circle the building and make sure that no uninvited guests had arrived in their absence. Dean had shared the information he knew about the condition of the deputy and it had been enough to help Tom identify the man. Tom had placed a call back to the office so that they were aware as well. Tom counted it as a small blessing that the man didn't have a family that was waiting for his arrival. Moving back around the front he gave the all clear to Dean who finally cut the engine and slid from behind the wheel to wake Sam. 

It took several attempts to get Sam extricated from the Impala including a kicked shin and an accidentally split lip, they managed to make it inside before any actual blood was shed.

"Do you think you can make it back to the bedroom so I can get a better look at those welts."

Sam nodded tiredly and shuffled back towards the far end of the house using the walls to brace his steps. Tom moved towards the kitchen followed by Dean who collected the pills Sam needed to take and the thermometer so he could see how bad Sam's fever was.

"Why don't I fix something for us to eat while you patch up Sam?" Tom offered.

"Sam'll probably pass out before I finish patching him up so make it something we can reheat later." Dean said as he started out of the room, before turning back, "You know you don't have to stay here and help with Sam. It's not your responsibility."

"I know that Dean, and I'm not doing it to make you think you owe me something. All of the research is here, I know the answer _is here._" He said emphatically waving his hand towards the living room and the stacks of files still waiting for them. "I want to get these bastards as much as you do. No ulterior motives, no plans to double cross you or Sam. I just want this to end."

He looked at Tom for a long moment and for an instant Tom felt his soul laid bare under the intensity of that gaze. "Ok." Was all he said and walked out leaving Tom staring dumbfounded in his wake.

It took a moment for Tom to recover and then he turned to the fridge to make something to carry them through the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Dean found Sam sprawled out on his bed, mostly asleep when he came in. Somehow Sam had managed to get his shirt off and Dean winced inwardly at the thought of the pain it must have caused. Not wanting to spook his brother he gently ran a hand across his arm. "Sam, I need you to wake up for a few so you can take your meds, then you can go nighty-night." 

Sam opened one eye and glared at Dean, "Dude I'm not four." He said but there was no heat to his tone.

"What ever you say princess.' Dean countered smirking, "Now open up and let me take your temp."

Sam relented and stuck the device under his tongue while Dean popped open the bottles of meds preparing to hand them over to Sam. He saw the look of protest about them making him sleepier when Dean pulled out his trump card before Sam could even remove the thermometer to speak. "Remember what Dr. Erickson said, all your meds on time, or you don't get to help with the big boy work."

The thermometer beeped and Sam pulled it from his mouth tempted to chuck it at his brother's head. "Jerk"

"Bitch, now be a good little patient and hand it over." Dean said reaching out to take the instrument away from Sam. "100.7, not bad, not normal but since when've you been _normal _Sammy?"

"Compared to you always." Sam said laughing at the mock wounded look Dean shot him.

"You know." Dean started with an evil look in his eye. "I just remembered the other rule, you're supposed to be resting your throat so zip it and take you pills so I can patch up your back."

"That's not fair." Sam did whine this time, knowing it would bug Dean, although the grin he had plastered on his face made the pitiful tone an impossible sell.

"Swallow pills, then put your head back down you're blocking my light."

Sam complied and by the time Dean had finished poking, prodding and cleaning the various welts and reopened burns Sam was glad to be stoned to the gills on painkillers because nothing was bothering him anymore. He blinked his eyes lazily as Dean pressed the last bandage in place and sighed.

Dean was caught by the innocence and trust reflecting in his eyes. Ruffling his brother's hair affectionately he watched as Sam's eyes slipped closed and his breathing evened out as sleep snuck up on him once again. As Dean moved away from the bed he whispered, "Pleasant dreams Sammy."

* * *

A/N: So please tell me no one died of shock from two chapters in two days. It just managed to happen. Thanks again for the support and tell me what you like and don' t.


	25. Chapter 25

If Only Chapter 25

Disclaimer: Don't own them don't sue. Thanks

Warnings: Adult content and violent themes, we are coming to darker portions of the story, torture and violence and general mayhem so be warned.

A/N:So this chapter goes out to Carocali, who did keep her word and got me another chapter of her story out. So in turn here's mine, better late than never. Thank you again to everyone who has provided feedback on the story I greatly appreciate it. I never really thought you all would like it as much as you have. All feedback is appreciated, it let's me know what I need to work on. Alright enough of the boring stuff, on with the story!

* * *

Dean rejoined Tom in the kitchen gratefully accepting a plate and a cup of coffee from him while they settled down to the table, each immersed in their own thoughts and while they focused on the food in front of them. The silence that spread out around them wasn't strained but companionable and even restive. 

Tom finally pushed away his now empty plate he looked over at Dean, "I take it you were right and Sam's asleep?"

Dean nodded, "Between exhaustion, fever and meds he should be sleeping like a log for a while, just as the doctor ordered." He smiled slightly remembering the dopey look on Sam's face as the pain meds finally kicked in.

"What's so funny?" Tom asked curiously.

"Sam, the meds kicked in with a wallop the kid had no idea what was going on. I was just happy that something worked right for once."

I'm glad they worked to, what'd you say about moving those files back in here to work for a while. This old back could use a break from bending over in a recliner doing research work."

Dean laughed aloud at the comment "Sure, wouldn't want to you to strain anything." He finished in mock seriousness

While Dean cleared the plates from the table, Tom worked on transporting the files and notes back to the kitchen, they seamlessly picked up where they'd left off from before their outing. Dean opened Sam's case file again, taking the time to study it in greater detail now that he didn't have to be concerned with Sam seeing iton accident.

After reading through the case report he returned to the photos of the scene again and he felt the familiar rage bubble up. Pushing it aside he reviewed each picture with a critical eye looking for any detail that might provide them an answer. When he came to the hospital photos he almost skipped past them but knew that he couldn't ignore their potential for valuable information. Dean felt his heart skip a beat as a photo snagged his attention. "Son of a..." He swore under his breath." I never saw it and it was right under my nose the _entire_ time." he said talking out loud.

Dean reached across the table for the stack of notes that Sam had made finally finding the pages filled with the sketches of the symbols Sam had remembered. "Did all of the victims have these marks?" Dean asked holding up the photo.

"Most of them had knife wounds if that's what you want to know. But that isn't what killed them or at least not most of them. Why?"

"Because _this_." Dean said tapping the photo with his finger. "Isn't a bunch of random knife wounds, it's a symbol, a mark for lack of a better term. I bet when used with _these_" he said holding up the page of sketches, "You get a very specific result."

"What result?" Tom asked curiously

"I don't know but we need to check and see if all the victims had the same markings it they do then it might help us figure out what they're after."

"I always thought they did this for fun, some sicko pleasure."

Dean shook his head. "That's only part of it. Our friend back at the jail said that Sam was their toy which would've implied just what you're saying true randomness in victims all taken for some sick game. But from what Sam and I discussed about his abduction it _wasn't _random they were looking for specific traits add that to what I learned during my torture viewing session earlier and you get a different picture."

"What did you see?"

"I watched your deputy get whipped they accused him of helping to guard _their offering, their sacrifice_, **Sam,** which means that not only were they looking for a specific person but also to achieve a certain goal."

"Okay," Tom said as he handed over roughly half the files to Dean. "You check those and I'll take these see how many we've got that match Sam's mark."

The pair spent the next several minutes in silence trying to create a cohesive stack. "Alright, we've got a total of 17 cases in the last 5 years 9 of those have marks not counting the girl and my missing deputy. "

"How soon till we can find out about the girl?"

"I'm going to call and leave a message for the medical examiner to check as soon as the body is checked in. Why?"

"These _things_...like Cranson they tend to follow patterns. The more pieces we can get our hands on the better chance we've got at nailing it down and getting a step _ahead _of them for a change."

"Alright so until then what'd we do?"

"Let's look at all the marked victims and see if we've got any other similarities that can tie them together."

Tom scanned one of the files before grunting, "You know I think I've got something here."

"What?"

"This interview from about a year ago sounds a lot like the one I had with you. It came from the city office about 10 miles from here. The man who'd been reported missing had been shooting pool with some friends in a local bar just before he vanished. When interviewed his friend indicated that he'd gotten anxious...agitated about 30 minutes prior to his leaving the establishment. Kept looking over his shoulder as if expecting someone. His friend said that he tried to convince the rest of them to leave when some "bikers" came in because of a bad feeling the place had taken on but that they blew him off and stayed to play several more rounds before discovering his car empty in the parking lot just after closing time. That was when they contacted the police."

"How long was he missing before someone found him?"

"He turned up in a field two weeks later."

"How long had he been dead?"

Flipping through the file to the coroners report he turned pale. "Less than 24 hours."

"What killed him?"

"Septic shock, the wounds were all seriously infected, he'd also been assaulted like Sam, but the ME found profound damage to his colon and bladder…"

"Holy…" Dean breathed horrified that the fate this man suffered could've been Sam's as well. "Was the body dumped? With that kind of damage there's no way he could've walked out of where ever he was being held. Who found him?"

Flipping back and forth Tom found the answer. "According to the site report they received an anonymous caller stated they'd seen the victim stumbling on the side of the road but were afraid to stop. The office sent out a cruiser to check on the tip and found the body in the middle of the field. Our office didn't get the call right away because the initial report from the scene was self-inflicted wounds as the cause of death."

"How could any of that be self inflected?" Dean asked hostily.

"The first officer on the scene reported that the man's wrists were slit. The knife was still in his hand. The other damage was hidden under the clothing. It wasn't until they got the body to autopsy that they found out what actually killed him. His wounds killed him before he could bleed out."

"When you found Sam his clothes had been cut off of him, so how did this guy manage to not only escape but be fully clothes when he did it? Only to end up killing himself in a field god knows how far from where he was taken, when he shouldn't have been able to make it across a room before falling dead. Seems a little odd don't you think?"

"So you think this wasn't an escape that they let him go?" Tom asked quizzically. "And if so. it'slike you said how'd he manage to walk anywhere?"

Dean looked pensive for a moment. "I don't think they did either. I think he was a test, an experiment."

"For what purpose?"

"To see how far Cranson's powers could work from wherever their home base is. They were testing to see how strong his hold was over this guy. I mean you've been held hostage for almost 2 weeks with little or no food, brutalized to the point of possible mortal peril if you don't get help, you manage somehow to escape and _then_ you decide once you're free to slit your wrists in a field? Makes no sense. The only reason anyone in that situation is going to do that is if they feared being retaken or someone convinced them to do it. "

"But why try to have him kill himself? They had to know he was bad off before they started their "test" as you call it. They could've simply waited till he died from his injuries. "

Dean's eyebrow's shot up as something occurred to him. "Unless they _needed_ him to do it himself."

"What? Why?"

Dean shuffled some papers looking for some of the research notes he'd made earlier from his web searches. "Some cultures and religions believe that if you take your own life you give up any claim to what happens to your soul after death."

"Like the Catholics and suicide being a sin and going to hell?"

"Sorta. More like the cosmic balance though. The things you do in your life determine what kind of soul you have, light or dark, good or evil, however you want to see it. You retain "ownership" of your soul so to speak until you die. When you do it's collected and tallied as part of the balance based on the actions you've taken. For the most part free will helps maintain the balance, some people do good, some go bad. Now here comes the tricky part. If you willfully terminate your life before your time then your claim, your actions in this life become nullified, void and your soul is up for grabs for whoever comes to collect it first, in most cases it's evil. Following me so far?" Dean asked looking back at Tom seeing confusion in his eyes.

"For the most part."

"Ok, so add this to the fact that demons are always looking for ways to tip the balance to their side of things. So they offer out contract for unclaimed or unmarked souls, usually in trade for something, money, power, fame the usual. Once the contract is fulfilled and the souls are delivered the balance swings hard to the dark temporarily."

"What does the shift gain them?"

Dean shrugged as he continued, "It depends on what you believe or if it's even true, some say that it allows demons easier access to this plane of existence. Some say it's what causes natural disasters and large scale loss of life. Eventually that loss of life resets the balance and everything settles down."

"Wow"

"Yeah, not pretty."

"Ok so next question, how do we figure out if Cranson and his "children" are collectors and if he is how do we stop him?"

"First we need to confirm out theory, by going through the rest of the records. We need to see how many victims had self inflicted wounds regardless of the actual cause of death. We also need to see if they were marked and if they'd been given a quick or merciful death."

Tom turned an angry glare on Dean when he commented on a merciful death. "None of them died quick, they were tortured and brutalized, there was nothing merciful about it."

"You're mistaking the torture for the cause of death. They're not the same. I'm talking about when the end came for them was it quick and relatively painless or did they suffer through their last breath? Like this guy," Dean said pointingto the file Tom had been reading. "Septic shock is not quick or painless, he knew he was dying, and while he did eventually try and take his life I'm betting they couldn't break him until the very end. But some of the others wouldn't have been as strong willed, they'd agreed willingly in trade for a quick death. So we're looking for knife wound through the heart, broken neck, something that would've caused near instantaneous death. Those will be the ones that relinquished their souls willinigly."

"How do you even give up your soul willing or unwilling? And even if you could why would you?"

"For the same reason people during the Inquisition confessed to being witches or devil worshippers, they simply couldn't take the pain any longer. Every one has a breaking point and once its reached you will do anything, agree to anything to make it all stop. My guess is that the markings are a binding spell, a contact so once the victims agreed the soul is captured as the body dies."

"I hate to bring this up, but your brother is marked, did they offer the same to him?"

"I think they want something more from Sam then just his soul. From what Sam's told me and reading through his stuff I think Cranson is looking to try to occupy Sam's body on a permanent basis."

"Like possession?"

"Possession is a possibility but it's not permanent, one exorcism and he's expelled from Sam's body and in those cases Sam would still occupy his body as well. It's got to be something more than that, I just don't know what it could be. What I do know is we've got to keep Sam away from them. With everything that keeps happening I don't know how far from that line Sam really is." Dean said quietly, sharing his concern.

"He's a strong man, he'll get through this." Tom said trying to reassure him.

Dean nodded but didn't add anything more. He continued to look through the grisly files searching for the clue that would let them know how to stop Cranson. They were into their third hour when Tom's phone rang. After a brief conversation he disconnected the call. "The girl was marked and cause of death was a single knife wound to the heart."

"So she went willingly." Dean said sighing. "Would she've survived her injuries other than that?"

"ME's office isn't sure at this point."

"Where'd they find her?"

"About 5 miles from where we found your brother."

"What about the others were they all found in the same area?"

"I don't know for sure, some of these weren't our investigations in the beginning so I don't have the full report of location. I can pull the detail up at the office and let you know."

"When are you planning on going back in?"

"I need to be back in time for the next shift change, I can check then."

"While you're there find out about who owns the farm you found Sam at. The place looks a little too good to have been "abandoned" for any length of time."

"Will do. What about you and Sam?"

"I've got a lead I want to check out first but I don't think Sam's up for another field trip so soon. I'm going to wait 'til he wakes, which will probably be pretty soon as those pain killers are only good for about 4 hours and that was before Sam developed whip marks. I'll see what he thinks and take it from there."

"Care to share you lead?"

"The first victim, the girl from the bookstore. It seemed sort of strange that they rob the store for an obscure text and know that they need a sacrifice right away. She was marked like the others and she had self inflicted wounds. Before her this group was nothing but theft and general enforcement and muscle. So I think the owner might be able to shed some light on what exactly was in those books and how they knew to take the girl with them."

"You think they knew in advance."

"I think they were accepting a job offer. The question becomes was the bookstore owner the broker for the deal or was it just and unlucky coincidence."

"Watch your back out there then. The locals never pinned anything on the guy but if he's involved he's managed to keep it off the radar for 5 years he's not going to respond well to poking now."

"Trust me I know."

"I'll meet you back here once everything's settled and we can trade information and work on a strategy."

The two men straightened up the table, Dean taking extra care to hide away Sam's file in the unlikely event he made it out here to look through the research. When they finished Tom quietly let himself out the back door to his car while Den locked up behind him and moved toward the bedroom to check on Sam.

* * *

Dean quietly entered the bedroom to see Sam in the same position he'd left him in hours before, sound asleep on his stomach. The lack of movement was a good indicator that Sam who was a back sleeper by habit was still in a lot of pain. Moving closer Dean crouched down next to the bed so Sam wouldn't have to strain to see him. "Hey bro, time to rise and shine and swallow some more pills." Dean said as he absently ran a hand across Sam's brow checking the level of his fever. 

Sam turned into the soothing contact as he cracked open bleary, fever glazed eyes. "It's morning already?"

Dean smiled at the comment. "Nope not even night yet. Just needed you to wake up for me a bit Sam, your meds should be wearing off and I want to get some more into you before they're gone completely. Then I want to talk to you about a lead I want to check out."

"Kay." Sam said as he slowly rolled over to his back and Dean moved to sit on the edge of the bed to help Sam maneuver. The motion cause Sam to be swamped with a wave of dizziness and he weakly held up a hand to stop Dean as it washed over him.

"You alright?" Dean asked concerned as he watched all the color slide out of his brothers face.

"Umm…not sure room's spinning pretty good right now. Just give me a minute and we can go."

"I think you might be better off here in bed this time. I'm not sure you're up to another trip." Dean said as gently as possible waiting for the inevitable argument to start falling from his brother's lips. When nothing happened he became worried. "Sam?"

Sam slowly moved his hand away from where it had been resting over his eyes. "I…think you're right." He said finally.

Dean looked over his brother with a critical eye, not liking what he saw. "Do I need to call Carrie and bring her back over here? I can wait until later to check this out if something is wrong."

Sam shook his head slightly wincing at the pain it caused. "No don't call her. I just need more sleep. You should go and check whatever it is out. If you wait, you might not be able to follow up today. Just give me the pills and I'll see you when you get back."

"Are you sure Sam? I don't like the idea of leaving you here drugged up."

"No matter where I end up I'm going to be drugged up."

Dean realized that Sam wasn't fighting him about taking the meds and in his own way was actually asking for them, something he rarely ever did. "How bad is the pain Sam?"

"It's not good. My back just keeps throbbing and no matter which way I sleep something is hurting, but my head is spinning." Sighing he sounded tired and frustrated. "If I could just sleep..."

"Hey it's alright, let's get the meds in you and let them do their job." Dean said as he handed over the pills and the bottle of water, helping to support Sam as he swallowed them down. He helped Sam get as comfortable as possible on his back while he waited to see the pain float out of his brother's eyes. "Are you sure you're ok with this. I could be gone a couple of hours."

Sam nodded swallowing back a small groan, "Go Dean, I've got the 45 under my pillow and the cell is on the nitestand. I'm gonna be asleep so one of us might as well get some work done."

Dean finally accepted Sam's answer and was happy to see the pain start to seep away from Sam's face as the meds started to work. "I'll be back as soon as I can. You need anything Sam you call. Understand?"

"Lord Dean relax, go, I'll see you when you get back" He said shooing his brother from the room with a tired yawn.

Dean locked up the house, taking time to set several traps up to alert Sam to any unwanted visitors, before climbing into the Impala and heading out. The last thing Sam heard as he drifted to sleep was the familiar growl of the engine and then dreams claimed him.

* * *

A/N: Thanks again to everyone that keeps reading. I know this chapter wasn't the big action fest some of the others have been but trust me the best or would that be worst is coming soon. 


	26. Chapter 26

If Only Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Dark images violence and general mayhem, not for the faint of heart.

A/N: Thanks as always to everyone who reviewed. Thanks to Tyranusfan for pointing out that I "Trpile word scored some of Dean's dialogue in the last chapter. All I can say is that Dean was possessed, (Yeah that's it possessed, by a really stuffy professor from Stanford), seriously I'm sorry for the out of character bit, also another thanks to carocali for recommending the story to someone else. I'm touched beyond words at all the support that everyone has shown this story. I'm working on getting out responses to reviews, but figured that you'd want the chapter more. So enough of the blah, blah, blah, on with the story.

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The pain free promise of sleep was quickly becoming an elusive hope to Sam. His mind was still foggy, feeling like it had been wrapped in wads of cotton and stuffed back into his head, but his body wasn't willing to let him rest. His muscles twitched with spasms fueling his restlessness and the deep throb emanating from his back refused to abate under the onslaught of pain killers and exhaustion. Sighing he looked over at the clock on the nitestand, seeing that a little less than an hour had passed since his brother had left. _'You're all alone now'_ Sam heard bounce around a menacing echo in his mind. _'Dean's not coming back for you'_ following closely behind as Sam shook his head hoping to clear the errant thoughts away, but the words left him feeling cold inside. The earlier bravado he'd shown about being okay alone and sleeping while Dean was tracking down his lead was quickly waning. Now, he was seriously reconsidering why he originally thought being left on his own was such a good idea.

Sighing again Sam let his eyes fall closed silently willing his body to relax and let him sleep. Exhaustion and the sedative flowing in his system finally took hold and his body began to surrender into sleep. He shivered uncontrollably as a whispered voice floated through the room, _'He won't make it back in time' _and while Sam tried to force his mind back to awareness it was already too late, his body finally lax and unresponsive, he trembled as a whispered chuckle followed him into dreams.

* * *

Dean found the bookstore with little problem. Unlike many other occult stores Dean had seen over the years, this one seemed interested in hiding what it was from the general public. Just from looking at the front window you wouldn't have a clue as to what was being offered behind the clear glass unless you knew what to look for. Dean carefully crossed the thriving street to the shop happy to find it still open and not busy. He winced at the ringing of the chimes that signaled his entrance before plastering on his most charming smile for the attractive blonde behind the counter. "Hi there," Dean said brightly letting his eyes linger appreciatively on her form.

"Good afternoon, my name's Donna. Is there something I can help you find today?" she asked blushing and looking down at the counter shyly.

_'Oh, this is going to be taking candy from a baby'_ Dean thought before he answered. "I'm sure we can find something for you to help me with" he said flashing another grin.

Dean wasn't surprised that all it took was his charming grin and a couple of well placed compliments to find himself tucked into the back room with Donna, as he slowly wheedled all the gossip he could from her. "So you're not scared that this place will get robbed again?" Dean asked taking the offered cup of coffee from her.

"Nah…That happened _years _ago besides from the way Terry tells it she got what she deserved by helping out those thieves."

"Terry? He must be your boyfriend?" Dean asked doing his best to sound disappointed at the potential of her not being single.

"Oh, no, nothing like that." She said glowing from his implied compliment, "He's the owner, he hired me about a year ago, super sweet guy just has the worst luck in getting help. "

"Really? Take it the person before you wasn't real reliable either."

"No, not like that he just has the worst luck, first there was Julie, the girl that helped the robbers, she worked for him for over a year and then she helps rob the place. I guess you never know people right? _Then_ he hires this other girl Cindy, she freaked out one night when she was closing up the shop called the cops and said that Terry was trying to make her kill herself, Terry ended up having to fire her fearing that she'd hurt one of the customers…"

"Did she?"

"Nope cracked up a couple of days after she got fired, I hear her parents had her put in a hospital. I think she's still there." She finished vaguely. She waved her hand to the coffee Dean was still holding untouched. "Do you want cream or sugar with that?"

"No black's good just waiting for it to cool." Dean said taking a large sip, before prompting her back on the subject. "So _you_ were hired after Cindy?"

Shaking her head no she continued on, "No, I was hired after Jason disappeared. I've been here ever since. Terry says I'm the one that finally broke his string of bad luck."

"You said Jason disappeared, he pull a no show or something?"

Leaning into Dean she continued, "Well from what _I heard_ he'd become pretty good friends with Terry and some of his buddies, they were all shooting pool one night when Jason decides he needs to bail, and like that," She say snapping her fingers for emphasis, "he takes off like a spooked rabbit and then after all that he never makes it home." She said smiling at the gossip she was sharing.

Dean felt a cold chill run down his spine and unconsciously took another long drink of the coffee in his hand to ward it off. He had a feeling he already knew what happened to Jason but wanted to be sure. "So they never found him?"

"They found him like _weeks_ later in a field; someone had worked him over real good."

Knowing he'll look worried for her safety he presses for more details. "And you're sure it's a good idea to work here? Terry must be a great boss to work for since you seem so happy but still…"

"Well nothings happened to me and besides all the bad luck's gotta end sometime. Besides, Terry says that he won't let anything bad happen to me, even showed me all the good luck charms he knew. In fact he even paid for me to have one tattooed on my arm." She said pulling up her shirt sleeve to reveal a mark very similar to the one carved into his brother's chest.

"May I?" Dean asks as he gently uses his finger to trace the design, getting a warm prickle of energy from it when he completes the circuit. "He must really care about you." He said absently.

"Yeah, He says I'm one of the family now."

Dean looks up at the odd choice of words, frowned slightly. "I'm sorry, I missed that."

Donna fixes Dean with a blinding smile, reaching out to stroke his arm gently. "When he bought me the tattoo he said it was because I was part of the family now, his family." She finished her eyes turning from flirtatious to menacing and back again in the space of a heartbeat.

Dean flinched at what he thought he saw in those eyes but when it doesn't reappear, he becomes certain he's being paranoid. _'Just chill, don't blow it'_ He reminds himself before turning his focus back on Donna. "What about the books that were stolen? I heard that the owner… I guess Terry?" Dean asks seeking unnecessary confirmation, before moving forward. "I understand he tried to warn the police that people would die if they didn't find them. Why would he think that?"

Donna smiled again at him, clearly happy to have a captive audience. "What I was told when I asked was they were sacred texts. They were written by some monastery group that studied the soul back in the dark ages. The book tells how to hold onto a soul indefinitely, to keep it from moving on. How to pull one out of a body with out losing it, even how to put a captured soul back or move it into another body, effectively cheating death. There was even a part about how to push one soul out so another could occupy the same space without the body dying."

"Do you believe him?"

She shrugged casually, "I don't know for sure, but the idea is fascinating really if it was true. You could effectively live forever cheating death every step of the way, or get the ultimate revenge by keeping an enemy from ever moving on."

"I don't get it. Holding onto a soul, if it can be done, is a sure way to keep it from moving on but how does that help you cheat death?"

"If you can put that same soul into another living body."

"But every body has a soul already attached to it. What about the soul that's already in the replacement body? That just sounds like possession and I do believe the Catholics developed the sure fire exorcism to correct that problem?"

"I don't know" She said shrugging again looking thoughtful, "especially since I never got a chance to see them, but according to what Terry said there were two ways to make the replacement permanent."

"How?" Dean asked leaning forward towards her, swallowing down another gulp of the rapidly cooling brew. _'Finally, we're getting to something useful,'_ he thought smiling at her again, silently willing her to continue.

"Well if the spirit or soul that occupies the body is weakened, by a trauma, illness, abuse or even torture then it in theory could be forced out by the replacing soul, sorta like a wrestling match strongest spirit or soul winning. Then you use a binding spell to keep the soul that would normally be attached to the body from regaining access, basically leaving it in limbo. It can't move on because its host body hasn't died but it can't get back either so it just follows its physical form around watching as the other soul holds its physical form hostage, always out of reach until the body finally dies." She finished trembling slightly, "Can you imagine?" She asked looking at Dean.

"No, I can't." Dean said quietly focused inward on the thought that it could've happened to Sam, _'it might still'_ he heard Cranson coo in his ear. Startled he turned his gaze back to the girl, clearing his throat before taking another sip to calm his nerves. "You said there were two ways?"

Shaking her head she returned to her story. "The other way is to have the person agree to it willingly. Usually as a sacrifice, they recite some kind of spell which pulls the soul from the body and then it can be collected and held or even bound to a place or another form. The body is then ready to be occupied by another soul. Since the first person gave up their body willingly, they have no claim to get it back unless the second soul is pulled back out in such a way that the displaced soul can attempt to reattach to its physical form. If it can't then the soul is adrift forever it will never move on. Nothing calls to it since it has no body to pass on which signals the collection of the soul. It's permanently lost, set to wander endlessly."

"So I guess an exorcism wouldn't work then?" Dean asked probing for more details.

"It might as long as it took place where the removal happened and you can make sure the displaced soul wants to rejoin its body. But still there's no certainty, I don't know if you've ever seen an exorcism?" She asked casually.

"Umm, no, can't say that I have." Dean lied

"Didn't think so," She said smugly, "Well let me tell you they're pretty gruesome and leave a lot of damage in their wake. So there'd be no way to guarantee that the body would survive long enough for the original soul to make it back, and even if it did and it had the will to form a bond, it might only be for a few moments before the body dies and then the soul could be collected all over again."

Dean took a deep breath as his mind reeled under all the information. "I can understand why someone would want the book, now" he said blinking hard trying to clear his vision.

_'Now you know why we want your brother'_ Floated around the room causing Dean to push to his feet startling Donna. "Are you ok?" She asked still smiling as if she'd heard nothing out of the ordinary.

Dean focused on his surroundings, surprised when his vision doubled and then cleared abruptly. "Yeah, thanks for the coffee," He said stumbling over his tongue for something to say. "I didn't realize it was getting so late, I need to go." He finished pushing himself out of the back room moving quickly up the aisle to the door.

"Better get home to that sweet brother of yours before something bad gets him first." She called, laughing when Dean stopped cold in his tracks, door half open.

The grin faded quickly replaced by a cold mask as Dean pulled the gun from his pants pointing it at her head. "What did you say?"

"We just wanted to make sure you knew what's in store for your little Sammy, Dean…We _will_ find him eventually…Still think it was a good idea to leave him all alone?" She answered eyes flashing before she ducked behind the bookshelf making any shot Dean might try impossible.

Dean pushed his way out the door, and staggered across the street to the Impala before his knees threatened to give out on him. He could barely fit the key into the lock; his hands were shaking so hard, when his vision blurred again this time taking longer to clear, he started to panic. _'Shit, I walked right into it. Must've been the coffee.'_ He thought hazily. Slumping behind the wheel he forced his body to push away the drowsiness, as he noticed Donna now joined by two men starting to pick their way across the busy street. Heedless of the oncoming traffic he gunned the Impala and sped down the road trying to put as much distance between him and the store as he could.

Reaching into his jacket pocket Dean fumbled with his cell phone finally getting his fingers to cooperate; pulling it out and flipping it open Dean blinked away the dancing spots in his vision as he listened to the phone ring. "Come on, Come on answer damnit!" He growled.

"Dean?"

"Tom…I'm …I'm in trouble…" Dean started eyes glued to the windshield squinting to see the road in front of him. Realizing he'd crossed the center line he swerved back to his side of the road. His vision getting worse with every passing second. "You remember the lead I was checking out?"

"Yeah."

"It was a…trap…walked righ...into …" Dean slurred thickly, as he tried to force his eyes to focus. A blaring of a car horn had him over correcting back onto his side of the road again and almost into the ditch.

"Dean where are you?"

"15 miles down the highway from you. Not sure I'm gonna make it though."

"Dean, listen to me are they following you?" Tom asked urgently.

Dean risked a glance in the rearview, relieved to see no one behind him. "No, not yet, but they're 'round here somewhere." He said slurring again.

"Ok what's around you? Are you in open territory or are you still in town?"

"Just passed the big lumber yard on the right….look…You need to get to Sam…they're going to be after him once they get me." Dean knew he was in trouble and if by some miracle he didn't manage to destroy the Impala and himself in the process then Cranson's guys were going to have him. _'Sorry Sam, I failed.'_ Was all he could think of, as his vision started to gray. He could hear Tom shouting at him and finally managed to focus enough to understand what he was saying, but lacked the ability to respond. Dean used the last of his energy to stop the forward motion of the car before sliding sideways into the dark, he mumbled into the phone just before it slipped from numb fingers, "please keep Sam safe." And darkness closed around him.

* * *

A/N: So you think Tom will get to Dean before Cranson does and what about poor little Sam? Wonder what's going to happen to him next? HAHA. I know my evil streak is coming out again. Hope you all enjoyed.. 


	27. Chapter 27

If Only Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Graphic content and nature fairly violent in this chapter. You have been warned.

A/N: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, I can't seem to say it enough! I'm running behind on sending back replies to my reviews but I swear I am reading them all and I will respond. I appreciate the feedback, criticism and support and hope you continue to enjoy the story. Now on with the show!

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_"Please keep Sam safe" _

Tom sat stunned for a moment in his chair, waiting to hear something, _anything_ else from Dean. Finally the lack of response spurred Tom out of his chair and grabbing his keys and the file he needed he rushed out of the station. "Dean, Dean! Can you hear me?" He nearly shouted into the phone. Yanking open the car door he struggled with closing the door and starting the engine all while trying to maintain his only contact to the elder Winchester.

Realizing that whatever had happened to Dean it was now impossible for him to respond, he dropped the cell to the seat, flipping on the speakerphone in the unlikely event Dean was able to give some response. Tom's focus was now on finding Dean as quickly as possible.

It was understood that Dean would want him to go to Sam and ensure that he remained safe and out of Cranson's clutches. Dean had basically pleaded with him to do so, but Tom knew that if Cranson got to Dean first there would be nothing he could do to keep Sam from trading his life for that of his brother's. So in reality the only way to keep Sam safe was to make sure that Dean was found quickly and hopefully in one piece.

As Tom neared the turn off he'd indicated to Dean on the phone, he began to methodically search the area for any other cars pulled over on the side indicating they might be hunting Dean as well. Trying to avoid drawing any unnecessary attention to the area Tom continued past the road for another two miles, before feeling confident that he was not being followed or watched, to turn around and make his way back to the dirt road.

He'd driven well beyond the tree line before he caught sight of the Impala, sitting at an angle across the road, engine still running, apparently empty. Tom pulled over on the right shoulder before cutting his engine and moving towards the idling car. He peered through the windshield releasing a breath when he saw that Dean was not missing but rather slumped over across the front seat. Unconscious but seemingly unharmed. _'So they didn't get you'_ Tom thought dizzy with relief at the small miracle. He carefully checked his surroundings again before pulling open the passenger door and carefully lowering himself onto the bench seat.

Tom reached over and quickly killed the engine, not wanting the impressive growl of the motor to give their position away, should any one be searching for him. The sudden silence that engulfed the car felt thick and oppressive full of worry and the lack of sound filled his ears with white noise. Slowly the surrounding sounds of the wood came back to him. Looking down, Dean lay on his side one arm outstretched toward the cell phone lying on the floor board just out of his reach.

Tom took a steadying breath as he reached out to Dean's wrist feeling the pulse slow and steady under his finger tips. Patting the man on the cheeks he tried to rouse some response out of the younger man. "Dean, can you open your eyes for me?" When he got no response, Tom resorted to testing Dean for his pain response to try and bring him around and when Dean didn't even twitch he knew that whatever had happened, Dean was well and truly out of it and there was little the Tom could do but wait it out.

Tom debated his options unsure as to what Dean had been drugged with. His instinctive knee jerk reaction was to drag him to the ER and have him checked out. However the rational part of him knew that Dean was right, the hospital was potentially a greater risk than leaving Dean to sleep off whatever he'd ingested. Besides there was no way he could be two places at once, the best plan for now was to get Dean back to the house and Sam and wait for him to come around and tell them what had happened.

Tom slid out of the Impala moving quickly to his own car. He gathered what he needed, cell, keys and the file he'd been working on when Dean had called and after locking the car moved back to the open door of the Impala. His hopes rose momentarily when Dean let out a strangled moan and his body twitched like he was waking. Throwing the file onto the dash of the car he reached back in to see if it were true. Dean's eyes moved beneath closed lids and his body seemed to be reacting to whatever he was seeing in his minds eye. Tom consoled himself that at least Dean was reactionary and not comatose and worked on getting the man unbuckled and moved over to the passenger seat.

Tom slid into the drivers seat, sweating from the effort required in manhandling Dean across the bench seat and upright long enough to fasten the seat belt around him and not have him crack his skull on the passenger window. For his part Dean had started to mumble incoherently, angry words too low or quick for Tom to catch. Resigned to the fact that sitting there was not going to change anything, any tome soon. He pointed the Impala in the direction of the highway and headed out.

* * *

Dean paced the room, anger barely kept in check, the featureless walls providing no relief to his growing rage. His gut told him this wasn't real, _'Neither was the flogging and we know how well that turned out'_ he chided himself, anger flaring another notch. Dean tried to change the scene around him hoping this was really just a lucid dream that he could wake from but his hopes were quickly dashed as nothing changed and he was stuck pacing the room glaring at the locked door on the far wall, waiting to see what came next.

His back was to the door when it finally came open, Dean spun around to see the featureless form of Cranson move steadily into the room, much like a big cat stalking it's prey. "Ah, we've finally managed to cage the hunter. Tell me Dean have you always been this easy to manipulate? I have to give you some credit, although most of it probably belongs to that _sweet little brother_ of yours…" Cranson grinned smugly as he watched Dean's face flame in anger at his words. "You did piece it together much quicker than I'd anticipated. But in the end you haven't been anywhere I haven't wanted you to go."

"_Really_?" Dean answered sarcasm dripping in his voice. "If that were true then how is it every time you've tried for one of us you've _failed_? You haven't managed to separate me and Sam, hell you couldn't even manage to snatch him while he was _unconscious_ from the hospital. The best you've done is manipulate our dreams, not really impressive since hell a couple of Percocet can manipulate my dreams pretty well on an average night." Dean threw back smugly.

"Ahh, you hunters always thinking you're one step ahead on everything, so far superior to the things you hunt. But in the end you're really no different from me and my children. You kill because you're good at it, that's the simplest most basic truth. But then again, let's remember it was _you_ who walked into _my_ trap and it's you who is currently in your car, which is wrapped around a tree as we speak, slowly bleeding to death. So gloat over that for a minute, young hunter. How much help are you going to be to poor little Sammy on a slab in the morgue?" He said chuckling as the color drained from Dean's face.

Dean felt his head swim at the thought that Cranson might be right. He struggled to bring his last thoughts into focus but was unable to know for certain if what he was saying was the truth or a lie.

"Scared yet young hunter?" Cranson cooed evilly.

"Never because of you and definitely not about that load of horse shit you tried to make me believe. You wouldn't be here if I was really out of your way for good. So let's get to the bottom line why am I here and what do you want?" Dean snarled.

"I'm going to make you afraid, but first I'm going to get what I came for. The location of your brother."

Dean snorted at the comment. "And you think I'm going to give it to you?"

It was Cranson's turn to smirk and Dean had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he may finally be in over his head. "My dear Dean, I'm not going to give you a choice. You see thanks to you so willingly taking my cocktail you've given me much easier access to your mind, and with that all your memories, so why don't we beat a few of those memories out of you so I can go collect what belongs to me. "

"Sam doesn't belong to you." Dean snapped

"He bears my mark and once we've collected him and convinced him you're _dead_, there really won't be any reason for Sam not to give up his body to me. Now this may hurt a little, well actually I'm hoping it hurts a lot." Cranson laughed as he watched Dean's legs buckle knees making impact with the floor as he wrapped his hands around his head, to try and stave off the pain lancing through it.

Dean turned anguished and rage filled eyes on Cranson as his breath came quick and ragged. "I'm not…giving up …my brother." Dean croaked, as the pain encroached again, stealing his breath away. Dean watched transfixed as the wall began to play back recent events like a movie reel. Dean tried to close his eyes but the same images flashed beneath the closed lids. He felt like someone was using claws to rifle through his thoughts, bringing to the surface seconds or minutes of the last several days, searching for something. Dean tried to concentrate on pushing Cranson out of his memories to no avail; he let out a choked cry when Cranson found what he was looking for and with a vicious swipe tore the memory from Dean's mind. Tears of pain fell unchecked down Dean's cheeks, as he curled protectively on his side, he was barely aware of the hard floor beneath him. He felt Cranson pull him up by his hair to glare down in his face, smiling. "That wasn't so bad now was it? You just rest here and by the time you wake up, that is _if_ you wake up, Sam will be right back where he belongs, with me." Letting go he watched as Dean collapsed boneless to the floor as Cranson humming happily to himself made his way back out the door.

As the room started to fade out Dean tried to force himself back to a waking state but his body refused to cooperate, the damage done too severe to be ignored. Once he was no longer supported by Cranson in the shell of his forced reality he lost the battle for awareness and found himself sliding deeper into his drug induced sleep.

* * *

Tom nearly drove the Impala off the side of the road when Dean suddenly screamed in agony, his entire body going rigid in pain. The repeated cries of pain and terror washed over him as he watched Dean's body arc off the seat, muscles spasms wracking his body like a live wire had been fed into it. When the car was pulled safely onto the side of the road, he turned toward Dean, and fear gripped him hard and fast as his first full look at Dean had him sure that he'd stopped breathing entirely. Tom was half way out of the car when he heard the first hitching sob for air. Relieved he reached a hand over to Dean's shoulder trying to rouse him again, noticing the cold sweat now evident and even unconscious his face was now clearly etched with pain. Dean's breathing began to even out again as Tom moved the car back onto the road. His foot instinctively pushed down harder on the accelerator as he heard and comprehended the first words Dean had uttered clearly since the phone call. "No…Sam…"

* * *

Sam was dreaming. He knew it wasn't real but he couldn't stop his dream self from it's flight through the night darkened forest. _'Run! Hide! They're coming'_ He kept hearing over and over in his mind. The wind whipped around him causing branches to whip into his face and slice his cheek but he couldn't stop, he was running towards something, somewhere he'd be safe he just had to beat them there.

Suddenly Sam heard Cranson's oily voice carried on the breeze like a dark promise. "We're coming for you…soon you'll be back with your _real_ family." The words urged Sam ever faster even as his body trembled from head to toe in fear.

Sam could see a clearing up ahead and knew he needed to reach it and then he'd be safe. He was about to break through the impenetrable woods when something snagged his foot and he went down hard, landing on something surprisingly soft. Rolling over quickly he started to scramble to his feet when he realized what he landed on was a body, crouching over the form he fell back in shock when he realized it was Dean.

"Dean!" Sam yelled, rushing back to his brother's side, taking in the seemingly unconscious form. "Open your eyes Dean!"

"Sam?" he mumbled back incoherently eyes fluttering behind closed lids.

Sam ran his hand across his brother's brow, shocked when his eyes flew open. "Sam they're after you, they know where you are you've got to leave get out now!" Dean cried desperately. "You need to wake up, get away from the house now!"

"Dean?" Sam asked looking around the woods again confused by his outburst.

"Damnit Sam, you've got to wake up! If you don't they're going to take you away again" Dean said now shaking Sam.

"I don't understand…"

_"It's not real Sam, Dean's dead he's not going to be able to save you this time. We're coming for you and this time you'll never leave."_ Cranson called,

Sam started to move away from his brother fear gripping him. But Dean gripped him hard at the shoulders giving him another shake. "Dean?" Sam asked looking for some confirmation in his dream brothers eyes.

"Trust me?" Dean asked pleading, giving nothing away as he held Sam's stare. "_Please_ I can't lose you again."

"Always." The response was instinctive and automatic; even here, like this the most basic part of Sam would trust Dean in any form.

"Then do as I say and wake the hell up!" Dean said slugging Sam in the face, knocking him toward the ground.

As the ground came rushing up to meet him awareness slammed into him and he never hit the forest floor. One moment his jaw was aching from the impact and the next he was sucking in breaths of air sitting bolt upright in bed, looking frantically around the room. Taking a moment to calm himself he heard the unmistakable sound of glass breaking and knew he was no longer alone. His dream was right they'd finally found him.

* * *

Cranson grinned savagely as he rode towards the house containing his prize. He thought it was fitting that he now occupied the body of their captive deputy, intending to use his weakness to draw Sam out willingly. Not that he planned on letting this turn into a stand off. They were going in and taking back what was theirs.

The convoy of vehicles was frightening to behold. Various cars and trucks all surrounded by the harsh growl of motorcycle engines, Cranson felt secure that the sheer _presence_ his followers had was enough to keep anyone from intervening on the behalf of the young man. He watched his children swarm the property; vehicles parked full circle insuring a means of escape and boxing the prey in the house. When he heard the harsh sound of breaking glass and the muttered curses; he knew it wasn't goig to be as easy as he'd planned. He hadn't expected the traps that had obviously been left by the elder hunter to warn his brother of any unwanted guests.

Cranson growled angrily at the alert the young hunter had been given, and his rage exploded when the roar of a shotgun suddenly deafened the area. Its echo was just fading away as another gun shot was heard and his children watched as he holstered the deputy's weapon, standing over the body of the man who'd let loose the errant blast, snarling at everyone in hearing distance. "No more mistakes, children! You understand the penalty for failure, _now_ bring me Sam Winchester and let me be perfectly clear on this; I want as little damage done to the body as possible, after all it's going to be my new home." He said cackling wildly.

The laughter spread quickly through his followers before they started picking their way across the yard mindful of any further traps. The front door fell open easily to their battering and once the negligible protection of the salt barrier was removed Cranson moved the deputy's body forward into the house. Feeling giddy with anticipation he called out, "Come out, come out wherever you are Sam, we're here to take you home." Cranson's giddiness was washed away at the distant sound of sirens coming closer.

"Find him!"

As the sirens screamed ever closer Cranson moved the deputy back out to the porch, someone had heard the shots and now they were coming to try and keep him from his goal, he couldn't have that he wouldn't allow them to win. _'What we need now is something to occupy the dear law enforcement officers and what better then the imminent death of one of their own.' _Cranson thought wickedly.

Prodding the man's consciousness that he'd kept at bay while controlling his body, he went to work on the abused man's mind. With his mark still freely bleeding on his chest, his back in ruins from the whipping, it took very little to convince the man how he could find peace. As the first of the officers jumped from their vehicles, Cranson released his hold over the body and watched from above as his latest conquest broke and sobbingly pulled his police issue from its holster, resting the barrel under his chin, finger on the trigger, knowing this would play out to the end he wanted he let his spirit drift inside to see how the retrieval was progressing.

Cranson could hear the officers heated attempts to talk the broken shell of a man to put down his weapon, at the same time he heard a distinctive growl coming closer. _'Ahh the hunter returns just in time to watch us take his brother away.'_ The thought filling him with warmth as he imagined the agony Dean would experience losing Sam right under his nose, no way to stop them. One of his children moved slowly to the front room where he hovered waiting. "Sir?" he asked tentatively

"Yes my child? Do you have him?"

"N No, he's not here, we can't find him anywhere."

The walls of the house shook with the explosion of rage. "That's impossible, he must be here, he's not with the brother so find him!"

"He's gone; we should go…while we can...we…" The man started choking, face turning purple as his air supply was cut off, and then suddenly he was taking in deep breaths of air as he was released.

"Tell everyone to get back to the house, It's time to end this." Cranson said, floating back out the front to oversee the final moments of the stalemate. Once more digging into the man's mind, _'It's time to let it all go, I promise you'll find the peace you seek.'_ Cranson pulled out of his mind as watched fascinated as the trigger was pulled and the man fell dead to the porch.

Feeling the last of his children make their escape through the back he expended more of his reserves to tap into the mind of the still unconscious hunter. Cranson brutally slammed through the recesses of Dean's mind etching his anger behind Dean's eyelids. "You can't hide him forever, he will be mine." He screamed and then followed his children back towards their sanctuary. Dean felt him leave while he stayed sheltered in the dark warmth of his drugged sleep but the words continued to thread through his dreams becoming a mantra of their own, while Dean dreamed of night darkened forests and someone who was waiting even now for him to find them.

* * *

A/N: So where oh where has little Sam gone and who will find him first? Hope you all enjoyed next chapter coming soon! Thanks again.


	28. Chapter 28

If Only Chapter 28

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warning: Same as always this is not a fluffy happy peice of work, this is long and angsty and at times violent and mean. Adult themes and content.

A/N: Big apologies to everyone for taking so long _again_ to update. I discovered that while I thought I was a relatviely well adjusted person and could take criticism well, turns out that stupid personal messages about my story can make me want to pout for weeks on end and hate everything I was writing. Then I remembered I'm an adult and moved on. Again my apologies for punishing the rest of you with my little pity party. I want to say I always want to hear from anyone willing to provide constructive criticism or moral support. Thanks again to everyone. Sorry for running on so long. On with the story!

* * *

Tom stared blankly out the front window of the "safe house" he'd returned Dean to, his hand pressed against the glass feeling the bitter cold, that had come with the setting of the sun, as if nature was reflecting back the temperature of his soul after the events of the late afternoon. His ears picked up the rustling of Dean stirring behind him. Knowing his reprieve was ending he closed his eyes for a moment and let the last 6 hours rush over him again as he steeled himself for what was to come. 

It had been 60 minutes since Tom had been finally left alone to keep watch over the eldest Winchester brother with nothing but his thoughts and the growing sense of dread of what he'd have to tell the man when his eyes finally opened again.

90 minutes since the last of the evidence had been collected and the front door had been re-enforced and locked tight as the last of the officers returned to the station to finish their paperwork or went on with their duties as ordered. Tom redrew the salt line that had been scattered as soon as the last person left, unsure if it would do any good now but the simple act bringing him a modicum of peace.

180 minutes since the last of the cars had been towed from the scene to be scoured for evidence, clues, _anything_ that might put them closer to breaking the case.

240 minutes since the ambulance left and the medical examiners vehicle pulled in to replace it and everyone on site stopped while their fallen comrade was taken away. No one questioned the silence that enveloped them all or felt the cold bite of the air now that darkness was settling in for the evening.

270 minutes since they'd secured the scene, all suspects had gotten away clean apparently with the one thing they'd all been trying to keep safe, Sam Winchester. Tom had to admit that he'd held out hope for as long as possible that they'd find Sam somewhere in the house but hope was dashed when the house was secured and no sign of the young man could be found.

300 minutes since he'd watched a co-worker and friend take his own life rather than rejoin his friends. Despite his best attempts, Tom couldn't push away the man's pleas for peace and for someone to end his pain, from his ears nor the lonely sound of a single gun shot as he turned his police issue on himself.

330 minutes since Tom had returned with Dean back to the house, hoping to return Dean to Sam only to find that the safe house has been turned into a war zone.

360 minutes since Dean's half conscious phone call had sent him running from the station to get to Dean and Dean's last plea for Tom to protect his brother something Tom now knew he'd failed to do.

He opened his eyes and turned to face Dean, resolved to face the rage that he knew would come from Dean Winchester, who 6 hours later was only now fighting to open his eyes, unaware of the heartbreaking news that was waiting for him. He wondered how or even if Dean would recover from this blow.

88888

_'You can't hide him forever'_ continued to tumble over and over in his head as Dean slowly rose to consciousness.

Dean had never considered himself a coward but part of him didn't want to wake up and find out that Cranson had been telling the truth and his precious car was wrapped around a tree somewhere as he slowly bled out with no one left to protect Sam. His body made the decision for him and unwillingly he felt his eyes start to flutter, he managed to get his barely open eyes to focus, surprised to see the familiar walls of the safe house around him. As his sense of feeling returned along with sight and sound he could feel the couch below him and he tried to puzzle out how he'd made it back here.

As he carefully pushed himself upright he saw Tom standing near the front window, watching the older man as he turned to face him. Dean looked him over, something in the man's posture was setting off Dean's internal alarms and his heart was instantly in his throat. "Where's Sam?" he asked looking at Tom, panic taking over when he watched the man's face fall into sorrow.

Tom had never heard a voice sound so heart broken before. "I'm sorry Dean…" he started

"No! Sam!" Dean said, ignoring the spinning that filled his head, the adrenaline had him bolting up from the sofa and moving down the hall toward the bedroom. "Sam damn it where are you?"

Tom could hear the strangled sob from Dean when he reached the bedroom and saw the devastation that had occurred in there. Tom hadn't had time to restore the room to any sense of order since the attack and now regretted not making sure it was done. He wasn't prepared for Dean's abrupt return which is how he found himself thrown hard against the wall as Dean held him there glaring at him, eyes demanding answers Tom was reluctant to give.

"He's gone Dean…By the time I got here he was gone."

"No! Dean growled "You sorry son of a bitch, by the time you got here _with me_, he was gone. You came after me instead of checking on Sam first didn't you!" He demanded shaking Tom anger and desolation clear in his stormy eyes.

"I'm sorry Dean, I thought…"Tom's apology came to an abrupt halt as two things happened at once. Dean's fist made hard contact to his jaw knocking his head back into the wall hard enough for him to see stars and then he was abruptly dropped from Dean's grip as the younger man began to pace like a caged tiger.

"You thought what? That I cared more about what happened to me than to Sam. You knew…." He stopped swallowing voice shaking with rage. "_You knew _they were after him not me and you still chose to come out and find me. I trusted you to keep Sam safe and make the right decision…and you…I left him here alone, defenseless." Dean stopped again facing Tom turning the guilt for losing Sam on himself, confessing his own perceived sins, hoping for absolution knowing the only one who could truly provide it was gone. "He couldn't even defend himself. I gave him his meds before I left, he was _unconscious_ before I even made it out the front door. I should've just wrapped a fucking bow around him and offered to deliver him to them."

"It's not your fault. There's no way you could've known they'd found out where you were…Dean?" Tom asked watching him as his face turned ashen and he started to sway on his feet. He roughly forced the man back onto the sofa with his head between his knees. "Just breathe, come on, in and out" Tom coaxed gently.

"It's my fault…Cranson" Dean whispered quietly.

"What about Cranson?"

Dean lifted his head and stared out at something only he could see while Tom waited for him to collect his thoughts and continue. "He got the location from me."

"How? And if he had you long enough to get the location out of you why'd he let you go?"

"He didn't have me not physically; whatever it was that knocked me out it gave him access to me…" Dean stopped again swallowing hard guilt clear when he spoke again. "He pulled the location from my memories that's how he found Sam. He said I…"

"Whatever he said it wasn't your choice to give up your brother, it's not your fault. When I first got to you I thought you were having a stroke or a seizure so whatever he did to you was pretty powerful I was sure I'd lost you at one point. Your whole body seized up and I know you stopped breathing for a moment or two. I know that Sam wouldn't blame you for what happened so stop blaming yourself. We'll find them, they can't hide forever." Tom said trying to reassure him.

Dean looked bleakly out the window realizing for the first time that it was full dark. "How long was I out?"

"A little over 6 hours." Tom said gently "Why?"

Dean looked up again worry clear on his face. "Sam's meds wore off over 4 hours ago."

"It'll be ok..."

"No, we were barely managing to keep the fever in check before. Now? Who knows how bad it's going to get. He was pretty out of it before and with what Cranson plans to do to him I don't how long he'll last this time."

Wanting to get Dean focused on finding Sam he decided to use work as a motivator. "I brought the information you were looking for on the locations of all the victims as well as the ownership of the farm where we found Sam. I brought in a map from the car why don't we see what we can find?"

Dean looked up at Tom eyes searching for hope and understanding. "I just want my brother back." He said quietly.

"I know, we'll get him back, you'll see we'll get him back."

888888

Sam drifted awake again, he strained his hearing trying to determine if the noises above him had abated, hoping to hear a familiar voice in the quiet. He'd lost track of how long he'd been in hiding, he was guessing several hours had passed by now, but with the way he kept losing consciousness he couldn't be sure. He'd hoped Dean would've returned and found him but no one had come looking for him so far.

Sam had tried in his rush to find somewhere to hide to leave a trail for his brother to follow, but now he worried that maybe he'd failed or that Cranson had taken his brother instead. The trail wasn't obvious, John Winchester had taught his son's better than that, and Sam knew that while most people would miss the trail he'd left his brother's training should lead him right to him.

Sam tried to shift again on the cold floor, that earlier had felt like sweet relief and now he knew was slowly leeching away the last of his strength. Based on the shivering consuming his body he knew he was in trouble. He'd tried the last time he'd awoken to move from his hiding place, but his muscles had been pushed too hard and now they'd been in the cold for too long and they refused to respond to his demands.

Ignoring the pain that flared through him he managed to bring his knees up closer to his body curling his frame into a ball relishing the small heat that it generated. As his mind disconnected from reality again he heard to footsteps above him and only hoped that someone would find him soon.

888888

Dean shook his head to try and clear it before he allowed himself to be led into the kitchen. His heart was heavy and the dregs of whatever he'd been drugged with still left him feeling out of sorts. This combined with the loss of Sam had left him feeling angry at himself and the world. As he helped Tom tack the map to the kitchen wall bits and pieces of his dream encounter with Cranson kept playing through his mind, only giving him further justification to rail against himself for his betrayal of Sam's location. .

Tom watched him carefully trying to judge how far Dean's mental state was deteriorating only to see his concerns realized as Dean slowly became consumed by his own guilt. He knew he needed Dean to focus on something useful so decided it was time to push the man for answers. "What did you find out at the bookstore? On the phone you mentioned it was a trap but by the time I found you, you definitely weren't up for conversation. Did they do anything to you other than drug you?"

"No just the drugs, but that crap was bad enough, I'm still feeling it. As far as information goes, I found out what they took from the store and was able to confirm our suspicion about Cranson being a collector. Apparently the books he took are all on how to harvest and keep your very own collection of souls."

"You're serious?"

"Deadly, then just to be nice they added a bonus to the deal…They gave me a little insight on what they plan on using Sam's body for."

"You mean Sam."

"Nope, his body, they plan on relocating "Sam" right out of his body, and given Sam's current condition they might even get him to do it willingly."

Tom stared at Dean, and while he hadn't completely grasped what he was saying about Sam, he knew he didn't like the defeated tone Dean had taken on while relaying the most recent facts. "I don't get what you're telling me, what're they going to do to Sam?"

Dean's face crumbled and his voice shook as he tried to explain what he knew. "If we don't get to Sam in time, _I'm_ going to lose a brother and _Cranson's_ going to get a brand new body to call home."

"So they're going to kill Sam?"

"Yes and no, Sam's body will walk and talk and breathe but the thing inhabiting it won't be Sam, and if Cranson can break him then there will be no way for it to ever be Sam again."

"We'll find him Dean." Tom said with more certainty then he felt. "Did you find out anything about the mark?"

"Yeah, there are at least 2 different types of marks. The first one is the one that Sam and the other victims all share, it apparently gives him some kind of access to their minds and also allows him to collect the souls. The girl in the shop had a variation of this mark. She said that it was a good luck charm, made her part of the _family_." Dean said snorting derisively. "I think it links all the followers together let's Cranson jump from person to person willingly, maybe his own personal symbol. I could feel a charge from it when I traced it so it's being powered by something and I'd definitely say that "Terry" involved. The report you read to me earlier, the one from over a year ago, he worked at the shop apparently no one linked it together he was one of Terry's best friends."

"Terry? That sounds familiar." Tom said pulling over a file. "Here it is…the deed for the farm where we found your brother. It's deeded to a Terrance Goodfall."

"That nails it then, he must know that Cranson had Sam there. Can we…"Dean jumped when his phone rang, the two men exchanged looks before he flipped the phone open, holding it so they could both hear. "Hello?"

"Have a good nap hunter?"

"I'm going to kill you!" Dean snarled.

Cranson chuckled at the comment. "Far greater men than you, little hunter, have tried and failed, and while you may be adept at playing hide and seek with our toys in the end you will fail in protecting him."

"Keep letting yourself think that Cranson cause I'm looking forward to sending you on a one way trip to hell."

"This is my last offer hunter and if you value your life you will accept it. Walk away from your brother now and I'll make sure his death is quick and painless. I'll even set his soul free, continue this game and I'll collect you both and torture you for eternity."

"Never going to happen asshole!" Dean growled as the line dropped. He barely resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room. To keep from doing it he set the phone on the table with exaggerated care. "Damnit!"

Tom didn't comment for several moments. Watching Dean pace the room he let the conversation roll over again in his mind something was sticking him about it, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. The silence finally made Dean turn back to the older man. "What're you thinking?"

"Did anything seem off about that call?" Tom said still trying to pin the spinning thoughts down.

"I don't know the whole thing." Dean said sarcastically. When Tom just kept staring at him Dean dropped into a chair and let the call wash over him again. Then it hit him, _'playing hide and seek' _Dean suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Looking at Tom he grinned. "Cranson's pissed… That's why he called…Not to brag that he had Sam… but because they don't have Sam either. That's why he was offering me the deal to walk away he thinks _I _hid Sam from _them_." Dean stood up grabbing Tom and shaking him "Don't you see, Sam's not missing, he's _hiding, _and Cranson thinks we did it, which can only mean they don't have Sam."

"So if they don't have Sam, and we don't have Sam where is he?" Tom asked

"He's hiding waiting for us to find him." Dean answered simply.

Tom's eyes brightened at Dean's comments but he sobered suddenly with the cold facts that it was clear that Sam wasn't in the house. "Look, we searched this place from top to bottom and there was no sign of him anywhere, I know how much you want to believe otherwise but Sam's not here, Cranson called simply to delay us."

Dean wasn't willing to let go so easily. "How'd they get away from your men?" He asked suddenly.

"Motorcycles… went cross country on us, they ditched all of the cars they'd brought with them, we never got a chance to check around the back. By the time we could make it into the house they were all gone and Sam was too."

"So no one ever actually saw Sam leave with them."

"No, but we searched the house Dean…"

Dean started to feel more hopeful, but needed to know for sure. "So _none_ of the cars made it out of here?"

"No, we had them all blocked in. I don't really think they were expecting us. So when we did show up they took off out the back while all of us were focused on Paul."

"Paul?"

"The missing deputy." Tom said quietly. He felt bad when he saw Dean's eyes widen in shock, the unspoken question clear in his eyes. Tom simply nodded before confirming Dean's information. "He uhh…took his life…bullet to the head. He was marked like the others."

Dean scrubbed a hand through his short hair, "I'm so sorry. I was hoping…" Dean stopped not knowing what to say.

"I know, I was too." Both men were quiet, lost in their own thoughts, before Tom cleared his throat, his curiosity at Dean's certainty getting the better of him. _'God we could really use some good news about now.'_ He thought to himself. "Why'd you think Sam's still here?"

Dean stopped for second trying to put his gut feeling into words. "Like I told you Sam was out when I left, there's no way they could have loaded him onto a bike and hauled him out of here. If none of the cars or trucks made it out of here then neither did Sam." Dean fixed Tom with a glare, "You ever try to balance a bike and an unconscious body at the same time going cross country, especially someone as big as my brother? No way they could've managed it. He's here somewhere, I can feel it, we've just got to find him."

Playing devils advocate Tom pushed Dean to see the reality of the situation. "But if he was as you said out of it when you left how would he have been able to hide, before they made it through the front door?"

"I booby trapped the property, one of them must have woke him up, giving him enough of a head start to avoid capture."

"Alright, then let's find him." Tom said hoping that once Dean learned the news first hand he could focus back on finding out where Cranson had Sam and how to end this. The two men split up to search the house.

888888

Dean started back at the beginning. Making his way to the bedroom he took a good look at the trashed room taking in anything that appeared out of the ordinary, letting his hunting instincts take over. That's when he noticed the pill next to the wheel of the bed frame. Bending down he recognized it as one of Sam's hated muscle relaxers. As he scooped up the pill he caught the reflection of Sam's cell phone screen just under the edge of the bed. Picking up the phone he noticed there was a new text message waiting to be opened. Calling it up on the screen Dean couldn't help but smile at the three words on the screen. _'Hide and Seek'_ "Alright Sam!" He said aloud, as he stood and started searching for other clues. Dean found two more pills in the hall and one more by the door just inside the hallway. "Hey Tom, I think I've got something." Dean called as he moved quickly to the mantle to pull down the flashlight. Checking to make sure the batteries were good he waited for Tom to join him.

"What've you got?"

"Look familiar?" Dean asked holding open his hand showing him the pills.

"Those look like something Sam was taking."

"They are, they're the ones that Sam hated taking, found a couple in the hallway and one here by the door. Do you know where this one goes?" He asked tapping the door lightly.

"The basement, we went over it earlier it's empty." Tom said emphatically.

Pulling open the door Dean shivered as the cold draft struck him. "When'd it get so cold?"

"Sundown, front moved in."

"Great, just what we needed something else conspiring against Sam's health, he really needed to decide to hide in a drafty ass basement when the temperature plummets to iceberg levels." He groused moving slowly down the stairs.

The two men carefully searched the room for any sign of Sam and 10 minutes later Dean finally hung his head in defeat when there was no sign of his brother. Tom placed a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder. "It was a good theory Dean; we know that Sam tried to get away, they must've grabbed him as he was coming down here."

Dean didn't answer and slowly turned to make his way back to the stairs when he heard a sliding noise coming from the far side of the room. "Did you hear that?" he asked turning his light to play against the back wall again. The work bench sat there same as before but Dean's light reflected back the large metal tool box shoved under one end. Dean stared at it for a moment before it dawned on him what he was seeing. Without uttering a word Dean moved swiftly to the back wall again crouching down on the ground. _'Please don't be a rat'_ He thought to himself, holding his breath, as he directed the light under the bench and bent over to look under it.

"Sam?"

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed. Cliff hangers are good for the soul or was that Chicken Soup? Well either way until next time let me know what you think.


	29. Chapter 29

If Only Chapter 29

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as always not pretty and not nice.

A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who let me know that they still are enjoying the story. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. The feedback was tremendous and I appreciate all the suggestions everyone provided. I know I was aiming for sooner rather than later with this chapter but it turned out to be HUGE, and I kept playing with it to make it flow right. Hopefully I did. So here's something to tide you over till later tonight we the new season starts! On with the story!

* * *

Dean's breath caught in his throat as his eyes found the one thing they'd been desperately searching for. "Sam?" He whispered as he took in the shivering, unconscious form of his brother. Dean was unable to place when he'd ever been happy to see his brother unconscious; this had to be a first because unconscious or not at least he was _seeing _him. 

Tom was down on the floor with him a moment later peering under the bench. "Well I'll be." His voice filled with awe and relief. "How'd he manage to get under there?"

Dean laughed at the comment. "He's a skinny bastard; you'd be surprised the places he's managed to squeeze himself into when he was younger." Dean said fondly.

"Can you reach him?" Tom asked eyeing the narrow space under the bench carefully, still impressed that Sam was under there.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna need your help to pull him back out though, he may look skinner then hell but the freak weighs a ton." He said as he slid his torso under the workbench. "Hey Sam, wake up it's time to come out now." Dean called softly, he wanted to wake Sam up if possible but didn't want to startle him and cause him to hurt himself in the process.

Dean was greeted by Sam's tired eyes. "H-h hey, you ff found me" Sam whispered, teeth chattering. "I was hoping you would." He managed to get out as his voice took on the broken glass quality from the night before.

_'That can't be good'_ Dean thought to himself as Sam answered him, but instead of worrying Sam with his suspicions on what being on the floor had done to his health he focused on getting him out of there as quickly as he could. "I'll always find you, although I have to say bro, pretty nice hiding place you've got here." He said smiling at his brother's ingenuity.

"T thanks" Sam said smiling warmly before a cough caught him, leaving him gasping for breath once it subsided. "Little chilly though." He said finally.

_'Very not good'_ he thought at hearing the rattling congestion in Sam's chest. "Yeah, I'd guess so." Dean said feeling goosebumps raise on his body from his short contact with the cold floor and could only wince at the thought of how Sam was feeling after several hours. "Only you would try to stop a raging fever by trying to get hypothermia. Have you had enough of the artic for the evening? Cuz, I've got a shower and a bed with your name on it up stairs."

Sam nodded him head quickly, "I'd love to but there's just one problem," Sam said with a sigh, "My muscles locked up on me, not going to be much help in getting out of here." The unspoken apology for burdening his brother again with his rescue clear in his eyes.

Dean took it in stride, refusing to allow Sam any time to wallow in guilt or misery. "No big deal, I'll grab you and pull until Tom can lend a hand. You'll be out from under there in no time."

* * *

It took a few minutes to maneuver Sam enough so that Tom and Dean could work as a team to pull him out. But soon enough Sam was standing on wobbly legs grateful to be off the floor. It was slow going on the stairs as Sam's muscles protested the strength needed to climb back up to the main floor of the house. But Sam refused to let Tom and Dean carry him up the stairway. Sam tried initially to push the two men away completely only to have his legs refuse to hold him. He finally accepted the help and the three men were out of breath by the time they had closed the door in the hall and started towards the bedroom.

"Sam you up for that shower now?" Dean asked watching his brother's drooping eyes as they neared the bathroom door.

"No, too cold...sleepy" He slurred staggering a little more against Dean.

"Ok how bout we get you into bed then?"

"S'kay" Sam stopped moving then letting his weight sag onto Tom and his brother like he was already there.

"No, can't stop now Sammy, we need to get to the bed first _then_ you can lay down just a little further." Dean said as the two strained to keep him upright.

Sam focused blearily on Tom and then Dean "Not there yet?" He asked timidly.

"Not quite, almost." Dean said reassuring him as they moved closer to the bedroom door.

Tom exchanged a glance with Dean and they both seemed to have the same concern with Sam's rapidly disintegrating coherency and the fact that Sam's body was still far too chilled. "I think I'm going to go heat the soup I made back up, it should help get you warm." Tom said as he stepped away once he was sure that Dean was able to support him alone.

"Tt thanks" Sam got out between tightly clenched teeth as he let Dean support most of his weight as they made it to the door way of the bedroom. Sam sighed in relief as they crossed the threshold, before he grunted in confusion at the mess and chaos that lay around the room. "Wha' happen?"

Dean looked over at Sam worried now more than ever that the fever or more likely his exposure to the cold had caused him to lose touch with reality more then they thought. Then it became clear to Dean that Sam must've made his escape prior to any of Cranson's men making it into the house. "Seems like our _friends_ were a little upset when they couldn't find you earlier and they took it out on the bedroom." Dean said as he lowered Sam onto the edge of the bed he'd been sleeping in earlier.

Dean pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around Sam's shoulders, forcing Sam to hold it close to his body. "Just sit here for a minute and get warm while I fix your bed up then you can crash once you eat something." Dean turned towards the other bed pulling the mattress back to being square on the box spring, when he saw Sam starting to slump over, he reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder rousing the younger man. "Try and stay awake a little bit longer, I know it's hard but try for me."

"Kay" Sam mumbled, wrapping the blanket closer as he swayed with the effort to remain upright.

* * *

Sam did his best to stay awake, but he was finding it more and more difficult to concentrate enough to keep sitting up on the edge of the bed let alone make his eyes continue to open again every time he blinked. _'just wanna sleep'_ he thought to himself as he shivered again. '_You won't be cold if you sleep'_ drifted through his brain. No matter how tight he wrapped the blanket around him he couldn't seem to get warm. He felt the muscles in his arms and legs start to twitch uncontrollably as his shivering increased. When a spasm suddenly clamped down on his chest it drove the air from his lungs and the gray fog that had been hovering at the edges of his vision overtook everything.

* * *

Dean tried to split his focus between getting Sam's bed back in order and continuing to watch Sam from the corner of his eye. His own head had started to throb in time with his pulse and the last time he'd bent over the world had gone sharply out of focus and even now was fuzzy along the edges. _'How long til this shit wears the hell off?'_ He thought to himself Shaking his head to try and clear the cobwebs, he noticed his brother's struggle to remain upright thinking _'Poor kid looks ready to crash'_ he tried to pep both of them up "Almost finished" he called hoping it would keep his brother awake a few minutes more, he finally had to turn his back completely on Sam as he wrestled with the last of the sheets and blankets. He heard a soft thump and a wry smile crossed his lips. _'So much for staying awake'_ he thought. _'Not that I can blame him'_ he admitted thinking over the ordeal Sam must have gone through just to make it downstairs as he folded back the last of the covers and turned back to Sam. "Hey bro…shit Sam!" Dean yelped as he saw his brother seizing fitfully on the bed next to him. 

The spasms were already letting go of him as Dean struggled to get Sam flat and assess his breathing. Laying a hand on his brother's brow he was stunned at the heat starting to radiate off of him while his arms and chest were still cold and clammy to the touch. Sam was still shivering from head to toe even while beads of sweat were forming on his brow.

Dean gently lifted Sam over to his own bed pulling the blankets up over his brother's shoulders; he took a moment to make sure Sam wasn't going to have another episode right away before hurrying down the hall to find Tom so he could get to his phone.

Tom was just pouring the soup out into bowls when Dean came barreling into the kitchen. "He still awa..Dean what's wrong?" Tom said urgently seeing the panic on the younger man's face.

"Where's my cell?" Dean demanded frantically moving things on the table

"What?"

"My cell…Sam needs… Where the hell is it!" he said coming up empty after searching his jacket which was hanging on the back of the chair.

Tom pulled his own phone from his pocket holding it out to him. "Dean just take it easy, mine's right here. Your phone must still be out in the car… Tell me what's going on…."

Dean snatched the phone from his hand. Flipping it open to dial he paused for a moment. "What time did Carrie say she had to go in tonight?"

"Umm, I when I checked in with her earlier she was on her way in…Now what's"

Dean held up his hand while he put the phone to his ear. "I need you to page Dr. Erickson for me, it's an emergency…tell her it's Dean Winchester calling about Sam." He demanded pausing for a moment, "Of course I'll hold!" He growled into the phone.

Tom felt like he was holding his breath waiting for Carrie to come on the line so he could find out what had Dean so shaken up.

* * *

Carrie was sighing with guilty pleasure as she took a moment to enjoy her first sip of what she knew would be many cups of coffee filling her late night shift, when she heard her name being paged. Sighing she hoped she wasn't being assigned a new patient; her mind was definitely not on her job tonight. 

She'd spoken with Tom earlier when he'd called concerned about Dean's continued unconsciousness and any possible long term side effects from it and she'd learned from him that despite all their best attempts to keep him hidden, Sam had been kidnapped and the prospects for finding him were looking grim.

She knew it was going to be a devastating blow to Dean when he woke and found out Sam was gone. She couldn't help but worry what he'd do if they didn't get his brother back alive. Pushing her concern for the brothers to the back of her mind, she dropped into a desk chair and picked up the blinking line. "This is Dr. Erickson." She said to the operator on the line. She nearly dropped her coffee when she heard who was calling. "Yes, yes put him through…Dean?"

She could here the relief and fear in his voice, "Thank god Carrie, I was hoping you would answer…I'm sorry to bother you…But it's Sam and I don't know how to help him, how to fix this… I know you risked a lot to help us …more than I could've hoped but I just didn't know who else to call."

"Slow down a second Dean, what's going on? Tom told me earlier that Sam had been taken…"

"No, he wasn't taken he was hiding…it's too long a story…Sam's in trouble and I don't know what to do." Dean continued his voice panicked.

"What kind of trouble, just take a deep breath Dean and tell me what's going on."

"His voice is worse then last night and he's complaining about being cold and now he's started to cough…I think he had a seizure a few minutes ago, I was making the bed and I thought he'd fallen asleep…but it wasn't …he hadn't …my back was to him for a second and he was just lying there… I don't understand his head's so hot but the rest of him is so cold."

Carrie was quickly making notes trying to sort through what Dean had told her. She was already trying to figure out how soon she could be there. "Dean is Tom still there?"

"Yeah."

"Ok," She started trying to sound as soothing and reassuring as possible. "Here's what I need you to do. I want you to go back to Sam see if you can get him to wake up and take some of the fever reducer I left you earlier, and see if he'll drink anything for you, keep him under the blankets if you can, don't let him kick them off. Don't worry about the other meds right now, I'll be there soon, now give the phone to Tom so I can get directions."

"It's not safe for you to know."

"Dean they've already found you _remember_? If anyone asks I'll just tell them that I'm coming out to check on you we'll keep everything else between us alright."

She could almost feel the relief in Dean's voice, "Yeah, thanks Carrie, here's Tom"

"Carrie?"

"Yeah Tom…I need directions on how to get to you."

Tom relayed directions to the house and then waited while she transferred him to the administrator on duty for the hospital. He smiled as he used his authority to make sure that there would be no problem with the Doctor coming out to make a house call on behalf of the Sheriffs office. Finally finishing the call he closed the phone and joined Dean in the bedroom to keep vigil until Carrie arrived.

* * *

Tom found Dean trying to coax his glassy eyed brother into drinking the fever reducer he held out to him. "Come on Sam, I know your throat's sore but you've got to try and swallow this for me." 

"m'tired Dean…cold." He mumbled eyes falling to half mast again.

"No, don't go back to sleep on me yet…this'll make you feel better, make you warmer…" Dean said, "Come on just a couple of swallows. You did so good with the water." Still trying to cajole his brother into cooperating

"Kay," Sam said trying to take the small medicine cup from Dean but missing it twice, frowning at Dean when he couldn't close his hand over it the second time. "Quit movin' 'em " He said petulantly.

"How many cups you seeing Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Two."

"Ok then," Dean said trying hard to keep the smile out of his voice at the accusing way Sam kept looking at the medicine cup like it was moving on purpose. He'd normally be laughing his way off the edge of the bed, but his worry about Sam's condition kept the mirth in check. "Well how about I help you get it to your mouth and you just try and swallow, less work that way." Dean said.

Sam didn't respond he simply opened his mouth and waited; Dean took the move as acceptance and poured the liquid into his mouth. He watched closely as it took several tries for Sam to get the small amount of liquid down, and he breathed a small sigh of relief when Sam finally made a face, "Man that shit's gross." He garbled.

"I know dude, I know…" Dean commiserated with him. He watched Sam's eyes slip closed again and this time didn't try to rouse him. Turning slightly he looked over to Tom who was perched in the chair next to the small desk. "How long?"

"She was leaving as soon as she could gather her things, probably a half hour or so."

Dean nodded, turning back to Sam running a hand over his fevered brow smoothing out the pain lines etched on his face. "Should've never left him alone." Dean said so quietly that Tom wasn't sure if he was meant to hear the comment at all.

"Dean, this isn't your fault."

"Yes. It. Is." Dean stated simply, "If I hadn't left him here alone and gone poking around, they never would've been able to find the house and Sam wouldn't have spent god knows how many hours lying on a freezing floor waiting for someone to find him. So this is my fault."

"Dean you can't change what happened Sam isn't blaming you, in fact without you no one would've found Sam before it was too late to help him. You gained valuable information and we're that much closer to getting our hands on them. If you'd never gone they still would've found you eventually and maybe Sam would've been safe … _or _… maybe they'd have both of you right now so stop with the "If only's" and focus on the now. Dr. Erickson's on her way and she'll know what to do to help Sam. Just have some faith it'll work out, you'll see."

"I don't believe in happily ever after's Tom, they don't exist." Dean said sadly, refusing to meet the older man's gaze. Tom thought he might say something more when they heard a car pull up to the house. "That should be Carrie." Dean said quietly rising to go open the front door. Tom placed a hand on Dean's shoulder to keep him from moving out of the room.

"I'll let her in, why don't you stay with Sam, we'll be right back."

Dean nodded, taking the chair that Tom had left and moving it closer to the end of the bed. Falling heavily into it Dean watched Sam's restless sleep.

* * *

Carrie grabbed her duffle bag and laptop from the seat next to her and quickly made her way toward the house. Even in the dark she could see the damage that had been done to the home during the earlier invasion. She had spent most of the drive over going over what little information she'd been able to glean from Dean's panicked rambling. She raised her hand to knock on the front door when it swung open. "Good timing" she said smiling at Tom as he ushered her inside. 

Tom made sure the door was bolted, while Carrie shrugged out of her coat tossing it on the back of the chair and starting to rummage around in her duffel bag, coming up a moment later with a stethoscope, blood pressure cuff and a small clipboard with a pen attached. "So how's he doing?" She asked quietly, bending over the bag again pulling out a small pen light and a few plastic wrapped items, placing them carefully into her pants pocket. Tom could tell she was making an effort to keep her voice from carrying in the quiet down the hall.

"Sam or Dean?"

"Dean, actually he's the one that isn't likely to submit to an examination from me. He sounded…off earlier on the phone…"

"Panic can do that to you." Tom said a little sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant." She threw back at him annoyance clear in her voice. "Everything I've seen of Dean, since I've come in contact with him that first night in the hospital, has been collected, calculated even. Even when he was drugged and holding a knife to my throat, he was keeping it together, but when he called earlier he sounded scattered unable to piece a thought together, which is not like him even under the influence of something. Did he wake up agitated or do you think he was really just panicking about his brother?"

Tom mentally went over Dean's behavior since waking on the sofa before answering Carrie. "It's hard to say, he was foggy when he woke, but I think that would be expected seeing as how when he passed out he was still in his car. So waking up here had to be a shock to him and then things didn't get any better when I broke the news to him about Sam."

"But how have his reactions been since then? Was he up and down and scattered or was he just groggy from coming around but still focused?"

"You think something's wrong with him. That whatever was slipped him is still doing something to him." Tom said making it a statement and not a question.

"It's possible;" she admitted honestly, "Something about the way he acted on the phone had me worried and I've been rolling it around since I got his call. Maybe even before that, really since you called me and told me he'd been out for…what...almost five hours at that point." she asked looking at Tom who nodded his confirmation. "We have no idea what was used to put him under for as long as it did, and given that the people who did it really weren't all that concerned with his health and wellbeing it leaves a lot of area for concern. Many of the stronger sedatives that would give results like you saw in Dean, prolonged unconsciousness, lack of response to pain stimulus, bring with them a host of side effects many of them psychological in nature; which could contribute to Dean's erratic behavior earlier. We just need to keep as close an eye on him as we do Sam to make sure that if it develops into something more we catch it."

Tom nodded his head in agreement, "Will do."

"So how'd you find Sam anyway? When Dean told me I was too busy being shocked that he was here to ask. I wanted to get details but I didn't want to delay getting here by taking the time to find out how it all happened. Where was he all that time your men were searching for him, and how'd you guys find him?"

"He was in the basement under a workbench; we missed it completely first time around. It was Dean who found him. Cranson called us and Dean figured out that Sam must've gotten away before everything went down and damned if I know how but he found him under there. Sam must've been there since Cranson's people broke in."

Some of the color drained from Carrie's face at the new information, "But Dean was unconscious for over 6 hours," She stammered "That means Sam must've been on that floor for close to 7 or even 8 hours, the temperature has been falling for almost that long."

"Yeah." Tom was preparing to add more when a small noise caught his attention.

"Tom, is everything alright?" Dean called quietly from the hallway.

Tom and Carrie turned toward the hallway and watched as Dean came out with his gun drawn and leveled at the door. It was then that Carrie got her first good look at Dean and knew instantly she had reason to be concerned.

Dean's face was pinched with what could only be pain and there was a glassy look in his eyes. Pitching her voice low and soothing she wanted to make sure she didn't startle him. She had a pretty good idea he wasn't focusing very well and may not have even seen her yet with his limited focus being centered on Tom. "Hey Dean, I just got here; Tom was just me an update on what had happened with Sam. How are you feeling? You were out for quite awhile and I know you gave us all quite a scare."

Dean lowered the weapon, thumbing the safety back on before settling it at the small of his back. He scrubbed a hand over his face trying to clear the pounding that was behind his eyes. "I'm fine." He said answered tiredly, "Don't worry about me, you need to help Sam."

"That's what I'm here for, why don't we go check on him and see what's going on."

The three made their way back down the hall; Carrie was startled when Dean stepped aside at the doorway to let her enter first. Even as she moved forward Dean continued to hand back as if he was scared to be any closer to Sam then he was, as if he was doubting his ability to help his brother. Moving toward the bedside she started with her visual assessment of Sam. He was still sleeping securely under the covers but she could tell by the stilted rise and fall of his chest that he was experiencing some difficulty in his breathing. The question she needed to answer now was if it was simple congestion or a blockage in his airway from the damage done to his throat. "Did you get him to take any of the medicine?"

"Yeah and 3 or 4 swallows of water, I had to pour the medicine in his mouth though he was seeing double, his hand eye coordination is for shit right now."

"Did he swallow it right away?"

"No took him a couple of tries, kept telling me he was tired and wanted to sleep. I let him once I got him to take the medicine…" A stricken look crossed Dean's face at his confession, voice sounding strident. "That was ok wasn't it? You didn't say that I couldn't let him sleep."

"It's fine, he needs the rest. Why don't you come over here and try to wake him up. I don't want to startle him by being the first thing he sees." She said soothingly holding out her hand to the eldest Winchester.

Dean remained where he was for a moment staring at the out stretched hand like it was going to bite him. _'Get a grip Dean,'_ he thought to himself, as he fought to control the blind panic that seemed to be overwhelming him. In his mind Sam was too quiet, too still and that he'd failed Sam and that his brother wouldn't forgive him for this. He looked down at his hands surprised to find then shaking. Clenching his hands briefly into fists he finally moved forward to sit on the edge of the bed and gently shook Sam's shoulder. "Sam, Carrie's here to visit again, you need to open your eyes."

Sam moaned quietly in his sleep but didn't open his eyes. "Come on, bro open your eyes." He called shaking his shoulder again pitching his tone a little louder. This time Sam's eyes fluttered open fixed on Dean before widening in fear as he felt more than saw another presence in the room. "Dean?" Sam asked the one word expressing his confusion and fear.

Carrie stepped from behind Dean making sure that Sam could get a clear look at her. "Hey Sam, miss me? Your brother here told me that you decided to try some self medication to get rid of your fever. Trying to put me out of a job huh?" She asked smiling at him as she traded places with Dean again.

Sam cracked a small smile at her attempt at humor; he took a deep breath only to find it stolen away when a deep cough wracked his chest. "Yeah, not sure if I made it better or worse." He said his voice barely above a whisper.

"Well if it's ok with you I want to give you _another_ once over and see what we can do to make you a little more comfortable. You up for that?"

"Ye.." Sam started to say but was cut off by another wracking cough. This one took longer to let go but finally it passed as well and Sam closed his eyes trying to get his breath back.

Carrie placed a hand on Dean's shoulder as she watched him pinch the bridge of his nose, "Dean why don't you go with Tom and get something for that headache while I check out Sam."

Dean looked to his brother to make sure that he'd be okay alone. Sam nodded his head in agreement. "I I'll be fffine. Y you need to t take care of yourself." When it looked like Dean was going to leave Sam turned his puppy dog eyes on his brother, "Ppplease." Sam said his teeth chattering again.

Dean paused still looking for a moment like he was going to argue, when he stood up and slowly allowed Tom to lead him from the room.

Carrie put the clipboard and blood pressure cuff on the nitestand. Leaving the stethoscope wrapped around her neck she gave Sam an encouraging smile. "I want to have a listen to your chest, you're sounding a little tight, I also brought a strep test with me. I'm worried that your throat doesn't seem to be getting any better. Although knowing how stubborn you are I'm sure you've been talking more than you should've been today."

Sam did his best to look embarrassed at being called out by the doctor. Instead of trying to talk he nodded that she was correct. Carrie put the stethoscope in her ears before moving the blankets from Sam's chest. "Take a couple of deep breaths for me."

Sam complied and he was fine until the third breath when he felt the tickling start in his chest and before he could hold back another coughing fit started. The coughs made Sam writhe on the bed as the spasms ignited the pain not only in his damaged ribs but the crisscrossed welts on his back.

Carrie waited until the coughing had subsided before starting again. She could feel the residual coolness of Sam's skin and knew that his prolonged exposure to the cold could have exacerbated his health issues. Determined to do everything in her power to help Sam she focused on eliminating what wasn't wrong with Sam so she could treat him as effectively as she could. "Lean forward for me, I need to hear from the back as well." When Sam sat up and pulled carefully away from the pillows he heard her sharp intake of breath as she caught sight of the welts on his back. "I iit's not as baddd as it lllooks" He ground out.

"What happened?"

Sam did his best to grin at her, trying for levity, "Well you put Dean in charge and he took it to heart."

"Seriously Sam, who did this to you?" She asked her fingers gently tracing the welts impressed that as angry as they appeared that all seemed clean and showed no sign of infection.

"Hhhard to explain…" Sam started, "Cranson's idea of a warning….tried to bbbreakk me and De." Another fit of coughing cut off his attempts to finish the sentence.

Carrie looked on sympathetically as the coughing finally subsided. Noticing that he'd started to tremble slightly and she could tell from the set of his jaw he was trying to keep his teeth from chattering. "Shh…don't worry about it I shouldn't have asked… Here I am telling you not to talk then I keep asking you questions, some doctor I am."

Sam smiled at her "It's 'kay" he managed to get out, before she tried to shush him again.

Carrie noticed that his eyes had fallen half closed again and she knew there was nothing to be gained by keeping Sam awake, she didn't bother to try. She made her voice as soothing as possible and then gave him a brief summary of the rest of the exam. "Don't worry we're going to do the rest of this the right way. Just lay back and relax it'll be over before you know it." She said smiling gently at him. She was surprised that he seemed to take her at her word when moments later his eyes fluttered closed and she watched as his breathing pattern evened out to sleep.

* * *

Carrie finished her notes and let her ears guide her to where Dean and Tom were arguing in the kitchen.

"I'm fine; it's just a headache it'll pass. I'm not about to take anything that might knock me out again before I find out what's going on with Sam."

"Dean it's just aspirin. It won't hurt you."

"Yeah that's what you guys said about the dose of antibiotics I had earlier too but I seem to recall an unscheduled trip to dreamland came with it. So thanks but no thanks."

Carrie could see the color flush in Tom's face as Dean threw the angry words at him. They had both thought that Dean had moved beyond their earlier issues, but apparently things weren't as calm as they appeared on the surface.

"Dean, I said I was sorry that I didn't give you a choice…you know my reasons…"

Dean held up his hand to wave off the older man's explanation. Taking a deep breath he realized he wasn't being fair and was taking out his worry on the first available target, Tom. "Never mind…I know you're sorry…" Letting out a shaky breath he continued. "Man, I'm sorry, it's just too much right now everything is _too much_." Dean said his voice cracking with unspoken emotion. "I shouldn't take it out on you."

"It's ok we're good." Tom said simply.

Carrie cleared her throat, causing both men to instantly focus on her. "Umm, if you two are finished bonding I wanted to talk to you about Sam."

Dean turned his focus completely on Carrie. She waved them all to sit down before she started. "The good news is that I don't think your brother had a seizure."

"You sure?"

"Fairly, he's not displaying any of the latent effects of one. I think his body was reacting to the extreme cold he'd been exposed to and the shivering combined with low blood sugar and diminished energy levels from the fever caused muscles spasms. They were enhanced by his lowered core body temperature and when he started to warm back up the fever started to rise quickly. Sam indicated the last thing he remembered was trying to stay awake for you and then the beginning of a strong muscle spasm in his chest and then nothing."

"Isn't that basically a seizure?" Tom asked curiously

"No, not really, Sam passed out from exhaustion, it just happens to be that what pushed him over the edge to unconsciousness was a muscle spasm in his torso. A true seizure would have come from his brain and had more significant side effects."

"So he's ok?" Dean asked.

"As far as that goes yes. There are still several things that concern me and while I know you don't want to hear this Dean, Sam needs a trip to the hospital for some tests."

"No."

"Dean…"

"No, he's not going to be admitted back there."

Carrie shook her head in frustration. "Dean I know you're trying to protect Sam, I get that especially after today, but there is only so much I can do from here. I need to be able to run tests on him. He needs X-rays and blood work done. I want to give him a nebulizer treatment to help his breathing and a course of IV antibiotics to help push the infection back and try and get his fever broken."

Seeing the set of Dean's jaw she knew she needed to pull out all the stops to make this work. _'Can't you see he needs a hospital'_ she thought to herself, "Look, we don't have to admit him just bring him to the hospital I can run the tests without him being admitted, you can be with him every step of the way. Please Dean he _needs _this." Carrie pleaded knowing this was her only chance to convince Dean.

"What're you testing him for?" Dean asked weighing her concerns.

"I've done two rapid strep tests, which I'll take back with me tonight, but you were right to be concerned with the coughing, it could be nothing or it could be the start of pneumonia, his breathing is shallower than I'd like but part of that could be from the bruised ribs but I want to rule it out as soon as possible. The antibiotics I've got him on aren't strong enough to combat that so we need to know soon. What'd you say?"

"Does it have to be tonight?" Dean asked hanging his head tiredly exhaustion clearly catching up with him regardless of the time recently spent unconscious.

Carrie shook her head certain that she'd won her battle. "No, not tonight. I'll give him something to help him sleep comfortably, keep him warm and you can bring him by in the morning. Call me when you're on your way in and I'll make sure everything's ready."

"Fine." Dean said quietly, looking over to Tom "I know Carrie's got to go back, are you staying or heading out too?"

"I think I'll stay here for the night as long as it's ok with you?" Tom said, "Maybe even take first watch; you look like you could use some more rest."

Dean surprised the man with his lack of argument. "You're right, if you're sure about staying I'm gonna go check on Sam and then catch a couple of hours."

"No problem Dean I'll wake you in a while."

* * *

Tom and Carrie watched Dean weave his way out of the kitchen his head hung low every part of his body announcing it's exhaustion for anyone who was paying attention. "You think he's going to be alright? He seems broken down…beaten" Tom asked quietly

Carrie shrugged, "I think so, as he recuperates it'll get easier. I'll know more once I can run those tests tomorrow."

"I meant Dean, you think he'll be ok?"

Carrie sucked in a breath before answering. "I don't know…I really don't know."

* * *

A/N: Ok so there it is chapter 29, hopefully it wasn't too bulky to be enjoyable. Thanks again! 


	30. Chapter 30

If Only Chapter 30

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: Same as before not happy story so be careful if you are faint of heart

A/N: Big, big thanks goes out to Carocali who let me bounce my rambling thoughts off of her, but then accepted the challenge of trying to wrangle them into something readable. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Now on with the story.

* * *

Cranson sighed as his frustration mounted; he hated to wait and currently all he could _do _was wait for his next opportunity to help push the Winchesters further apart.

He'd spent the last several hours laying the ground work, and now he had to see what would come with the harvest. This time Cranson _knew_ he'd found the right combination to break the boys. Every plan he'd used thus far had failed to pull them apart, but now he had an _inside _advantage, so to speak, as he sat securely in the recesses of Dean's mind. Cranson continued to work methodically on breaking down Dean's natural defenses to bend his will to his own desires when the time came. Not to be accused of putting all his eggs in one basket, Cranson made sure he spent some "quality time" with Sam as well, taking great care in re-enforcing all the younger Winchester's doubts about Dean's loyalty and his own inability to help himself.

Strangely, it had all fallen into place because of a series of miscalculations and accidents shortly after his children's escape from the Winchester's "safe house." Cranson let his rage control him, and the intensity hadn't abated since he'd been thwarted in his earlier attempt to retrieve the younger hunter and bring him back in the fold. His anger foolishly led him to try and force his way back into the elder's mind while he was still unconscious; to at least punish the one he could reach for the other slipping through his fingers. He hadn't been paying attention to what was going on in the house and he was caught off guard when he felt the salt barrier being poured into place closing off his escape route.

When _that cop_ had started to re-establish the broken salt line, he effectively sealed the house and forced Cranson to admit that he needed to retreat, _again_. Only this time he hadn't been quick enough, the access to the house had closed faster than he expected and he suddenly found that a piece of him was trapped on the other side of that line, with no way to pull all of him forward or back. Instead of the quick slashing pain he'd expected to feel with losing the piece of himself behind the salt barrier, it was actually a slow burning ache. The connection didn't sever when the line was finished and the seal completed. He'd steeled himself for the quick and brutal pain, unwelcome but quickly done and easily recovered from, but found, oddly, that it didn't come apart. Rather, it continued pulling and stretching from behind the barrier; the connection becoming infinitely thin and throbbing like a sore tooth. The discomfort was starting to tax his energy reserves; he needed to replenish them before he made his next move against the hunters.

"Bring me something to amuse me." He ordered his children, as they lounged around the farmhouse. Before he'd even finished speaking they were already scattering out the door to comply. He floated restlessly around the farm, considering briefly riding along with one of his children while they hunted, but the energy needed to occupy the body of one of them for an extended period of time combined with the thought of increasing the stretching on that piece of him, only made the throbbing worse. Instead he let his thoughts turn back to his elusive prize and its protector.

Cranson's rage at the older hunter flared, and as he focused that fury on the man and what he'd do to him once he finally had him, the energy expended with that rage brought a startling revelation to light. He found he could suddenly see fragments of the house he'd been in earlier. It was then he realized that while a piece of him was still trapped behind the barrier was inconvenient at best, that piece still gave him the ability to roam. Redirecting his thoughts back to the safe house, he found himself looking down on the unconscious hunter on the sofa. He watched the police officers scurry around like ants trying to find the younger Winchester and secure their "evidence" as a means to try and find him and his children. He laughed in derision at the foolish belief that these mere _men_ believed they could ever be a threat to all he'd accomplished.

Not wanting to expend unnecessary energy by forcing his way into someone new to learn more, he was content to drift through the house surveying the damage and keeping an eye out for the younger Winchester.

Cranson puzzled over the thought of the wayward Winchester. His children had been unable to locate the younger hunter, and strangely it appeared that the police had reached a similar stalemate. He listened intently to the conversation between the officers as they confirmed the house was 'clear' - _'How little they know' he thought evilly_, and that there was no sign of Sam Winchester on the premises. Cranson allowed his consciousness to drift back towards the elder hunter, pushing carefully at his unconscious mind for a response. It appeared that the access he'd gained when Dean had unwittingly ingested the drugs had started to dissipate, but with a small use of force he was able to regain some of his previous access to the hunter's mind.

He watched impassively as the hunter struggled in his dream state to be free of him. Cranson played on Dean's exhaustion, using it to twist his dreams into nightmares, leaving him unable to gain any peace or rest in his unconscious state. Cranson discovered that he could control the man's breathing and heart rate and continued to exert pressure over his thoughts to keep the man on edge. Tiring of manipulating Dean while he was unaware of Cranson's control, he gleefully _helped_ Dean back to awareness, feeding his fears and doubts about being able to protect Sam; wanting to see what more he could do to him once he was awake.

Dean's abrupt return to consciousness gave Cranson his first view of the world from the eyes of the hunter. He could feel the fear and desperation that signaled Dean's return to reality and fed off the pain radiating from Dean when he was told that his brother was missing. Feeling what the destruction of the house did to Dean, he helped fuel his anger at the cop by whispering into his mind. _'He did this, he took Sam from you'_ As Dean pinned the surprised man to the wall Cranson started to gloat. _'Yes, that's it he deserves to be punished, you could snap his neck and no one would know.'_ He crooned.

He was looking out the eyes of the hunter as Dean drew back his hand and hit the officer. Cranson felt the instant that Dean became aware of another presence in his mind and subconsciously tried to fight back. Dean's natural barriers snapped back into place trying to force Cranson out. He was startled by the sudden defensive move and tried to pull back completely, and get away not only from Dean, but out of the home before he was detected on a conscious level. He was wrapped up in the agony and failure caused by the barrier keeping the piece of him firmly locked in the house, although he was now free of the hunter's mind. Cranson tried to reestablish his control over Dean only to find the barriers becoming stronger by the minute. While his link into the man's mind remained constant, the freedom to roam in his mind was gone. Now it only supplied snatches of thoughts or emotions. In return, Cranson could still whisper into the darkest corners of Dean's mind but he'd lost the control he had over his physical being.

Cranson shifted his focus back to the farmhouse as he heard the familiar rumble that signaled their return. As his children retuned with their new toy, Cranson allowed his laughter ring through the farmhouse.

_'I may not have you yet Sam, but I now have a way to separate you from your big brother'_

Now his pain had a purpose and the small drain of energy wasn't so frustrating. Cranson focused once more on his link to the elder hunter, locking the connection firmly in place, sowing the seeds of guilt and doubt to help push the elder hunter into a downward spiral.

_'The things I'm gonna make you do!'_ He settled in to feed and plan his next move against the Winchester brothers.

Cranson was bloated with power, well fed from his children's newest offering. The girl had provided him much more entertainment and energy than he or his children expected. Even now they were still playing happily with her, drawing out delicious little sobs and whimpers, oblivious to their master's current inattention to their behavior. Curiosity getting the better of him, he traveled across the barrier again and started to seek out the elder hunter. Searching the house for the best possible way to free himself from his aggravating prison, he felt the first brush of another consciousness as it slid away from awareness. Honing in on the energy, he found it coming from behind a door his children hadn't crossed earlier. The salt line there was still intact, keeping him from moving beyond it. He smiled as he realized he was well acquainted with the energy he'd felt.

_'Finally coming out to play, huh Sam?'_

Cranson tried to push past the barrier to breach Sam's mind, to no avail.

_'Well if I can't get to you let's get brother dear to bring you to me.' _

Cranson turned his attention back to the elder Winchester, this time using force to make his way past the slowly rebuilding barriers, only to be stopped short of his goal. Cranson was unable to gain any control over Dean's actions and he was momentarily stumped on how to make Dean start looking for Sam.

He drifted for several moments trying to come up with a way to get Dean into hunt mode- the prey being Sam. Cranson also continued to attempt to gain access to Dean's mind so he would start pushing away his allies; especially Tom. Noticing the phone on the table he devised a plan. Splitting his focus between both locations, the mastermind quickly jumped back to the farmhouse and took control of one of his children to make the call, while the other part of him waited for Dean's rage to allow him access once again to his mind.

Cranson sniggered as the phone rang and he watched the hunter pick it up, setting the game in motion.

"Hello?"

_"Have a good nap, hunter?" _

"I'm going to kill you!" Dean snarled.

Cranson chuckled at the comment. Feeling the barriers around Dean's mind slip, he pushed harder at them while fueling the rage and helplessness he knew Dean was feeling over his missing brother.

_"Far greater men than you, little hunter, have tried and failed, and while you may be adept at playing hide and seek with our toys, in the end you will fail in protecting him." _

"Keep letting yourself think that Cranson, cause I'm looking forward to sending you on a one way trip to hell."

The barrier fell back further and Cranson quickly pushed forward, now being able to hear Dean's thoughts as well as the words he was snarling over the line. _'Just a little more and you're mine'_ Cranson thought as he continued his attack.

_"This is my last offer hunter, and if you value your life, you will accept it. Walk away from your brother now and I'll make sure his death is quick and painless. I'll even set his soul free. Continue this game and I'll collect you both and torture you for eternity." _

"Never going to happen, asshole!"Dean growled as the line dropped.

**_'Mine'_**Cranson shouted gleefully in Dean's mind as the last barrier fell, and he had full access to the hunter. _'Now let's get you moving in the right direction.'_ He pushed Dean's thoughts towards finding Sam.

Stirring from his reflection, Cranson allowed his children to bask in his joy as they continued to torture their newest guest. Cranson felt the responding glow of power from his children as they worshipped their master. Satisfied with his accomplishments, he watched Dean as he reunited with Sam and continued to watch as he subtly manipulated Dean's behavior, taking pleasure in increasing his panic when Sam finally passed out.

Cranson took special joy in showing Dean all the things that could be happen to Sam while he was on the phone with that doctor – Carrie- showing Dean his brother's blue lips, chest unmoving.

_'He's going to die because of you,' h_e whispered in his ear.

Knowing he had Dean where he wanted him, Cranson moved onto the next step of his plan by infiltrating Sam's dreams and working on undermining the blind trust Sam held for his brother.

* * *

Dean slowly made his way down the hall. He knew Carrie would be following behind him shortly and he hoped she wouldn't end up finding him leaning up against a wall fast asleep. Stopping for a moment as his vision clouded, he was swamped with a wave of vertigo as he found himself staring at the four blank walls Cranson had trapped him in earlier. Shaking his head, his vision instantly cleared, _'Gotta get some real sleep'_ Dean thought to himself, as he pushed off the wall, looking down the hallway.

"Either I'm losing my mind or this hallway keeps getting longer." Stumbling forward he finally crossed the threshold of the bedroom he and Sam were sharing.

Letting out a shaky breath he dropped heavily onto his bed, relishing in the lack of movement required of him. The pounding that had made itself known upon his return to consciousness, was still steadily growing behind his eyes. As they started to water, he regretted not taking the aspirin that Tom had offered

_'Suck it up Dean, you've had worse'_

Dean turned to look at Sam and hissed out a breath as the exposure to even the dim light of the bedside lamp caused the throbbing in his head to ratchet up another notch. _'Shit this is worse than a freakin hang over'_ Dean closed his eyes tightly resting his head in his hands as he waited for Carrie to join him.

Carrie came silently into the room hoping to find Dean already sleeping. Seeing the steady rise and fall of Dean's chest she realized Dean _was_ asleep, he just wasn't laying down yet. Reaching out, she gently squeezed his shoulder, stepping back quickly when he instantly startled awake.

Dean swore at himself as he realized Carrie had caught him unawares. He tried to focus on her, but before he could, the room made a lazy spin and Dean slammed his eyes closed again to ride out the wave of nausea that came over him. When he dared to open them, he was surprised to see Carrie's worried gaze as she kneeled in front of him.

"Hey, you ok?"

Dean swallowed thickly before answering, "Just a headache, I'm fine."

"It's probably a side effect from whatever you ingested. If it's still as bad in the morning, I'd like to do a panel on _you_ as well. Make sure it isn't going to get worse."

"I'm fine, Doc." Dean said tiredly, "Nothin' a few hours of sleep won't fix. Now what've you got planned for Sam."

Smiling at his quick change of subject, she realized that she was fighting a losing battle trying to convince him of anything right now. She knew that she'd fight dirty later if she had to, and would recruit Sam in the morning to get the elder brother to cooperate with her request.

"Okay we're gonna try the triple play from last night again. We'll give him another dose of antibiotic, then a combo of anti-inflammatory and pain killers, which will have the double duty of helping keep Sam's fever in check. The last shot is a light sedative to help him sleep through the rest of the night. Do you have any questions?"

"No, it's good I just…I don't want him in any pain, he's been hurting and… I couldn't do…" Dean dropped off suddenly.

"I understand, I've already drawn up the meds, do you want me to see if I can give them to him without waking him?"

Dean shook his head. "No, I know he needs the rest, but I'm sure with all the shit that's happened today that he's not going to have the best reaction to something else hurting him. No matter how gentle you are, I'm sure the antibiotic is going to sting like a bitch going in and I don't want him to hurt you. He wouldn't forgive himself if he did. Besides, he should know what we're giving him; he's got a right to decide.

"You're right about the antibiotic; it's most likely going to make his arm ache for a while. Would he have a preference as to which arm I use?"

"His left, he's right handed."

"Okay," she said as she waited while Dean slowly made his way to Sam's side to try and wake him.

Sam let himself drift between sleep and awareness. He could still feel the tremors in his muscles and the responding pain that continued to run up and down his body. He was finally starting to _feel_ warm again, and the shivering that had been his near constant companion seemed to be fading slowly away.

The voice he'd been free of for the last several days had returned, and Sam was trying his best not listen. The voice that had been so harsh before had become soothing, and Sam was having a hard time ignoring its call.

_'Your brother is going give you to me Sam. He's bringing the doctor here to drug you so I can take you away. You hurt him, and he hates you for it. He wanted to hurt you in return, that's why you got whipped. He wanted it._ _Dean knows you're pathetic and weak.'_

_'But I don't understand. Why?'_ Sam thought helplessly, the fever and exhaustion making real concentration impossible.

_'You know why, Sam. Because you deserve it.' _

Sam's mind tried to fight back _'No, he doesn't hate me, he forgave me, he told me…' _

Cranson whispered over his argument silencing the young hunter. _Don't think, just let it slip away, Dean wants you to let it all just slip away, so he can let you go. You want to make him happy, don't you? It's only what you deserve, so don't fight him, it'll be easier if you just forget.'_

Try as he might, Sam started to listen to the voice; started to believe, mimicking what he heard he whispered in his sleep, "Forget."

Cranson continued to whisper in Sam's thoughts, ecstatic when the young man took his direction so easily, his own mental barriers laid bare to any who came looking. Sam was finally ready for Cranson to work on collecting his soul; all he had to do now was get his hands on him and he'd be able to supplant Sam's soul in his body for good. _"I'm coming for you Sam" _he called, laughing at the fear he felt swirl through the unconscious man.

Sam was still on the verge of sleep when he felt the bed dip and shift under him. The voice he'd been hearing ceased when the new presence joined him. Before he could puzzle out the change, he heard he familiar cadence of his brother's speech. He knew Dean was worried about him, even though he wasn't exactly sure _why_ he was worried. Everything seemed to be hazy again. He knew something had happened to make him cold, but every time he reached out for the thought, it danced away. Now he was too tired to chase it.

He did know that what ever it was that happened had worried Dean and the last thing he wanted to do was place any more on his brother's shoulders. He remembered the voice talking; _'Make it easier on Dean, forget'_ so when the memory floated by again, he didn't try to pursue it. He wanted, no _needed,_ to show him that he wasn't weak; that he wasn't pathetic. Sam forced his body and mind to shift away from the blissful edge of sleep and made a tenuous grasp for awareness.

Sam's eyes focused on Dean sitting on the bed next to him. He hadn't looked down yet to see Sam watching him, and in those brief moments before Dean was aware of his return to consciousness, Sam caught a glimpse of the toll all of this was taking on his brother. He could see the naked exhaustion, and behind that, a specter of guilt and pain reflected in his eyes. In a heartbeat, Sam forgot his own aching body and became totally consumed with what he'd seen and what _he_ was still doing to his brother. Guilt swamped Sam and he struggled to sit up, he needed to convince Dean to stop; to rest.

"What's wrong?"

Dean's face instantly closed down and he gave his brother a tired smile. "Nothin's wrong, Sam, doc came to give you some meds before she heads back to the hospital."

"Why?"

Dean's brow furrowed at the question. He caught Carrie's eyes looking for reassurance, not happy to see her distress reflected back to him.

"Sam?" Carrie queried drawing his attention to her, as she pulled out her pen light, clicking it on. "Just look straight ahead for moment," she told Sam who glanced over then away quickly when the light hit his eyes.

"Stop that, I'm not drunk," Sam said angrily.

"I didn't think you were drunk, Sam, I just wanted to check your eyes," Carrie said soothingly, "Is your vision still improving?"

"Yeah, but why are you here? We took you home…" Sam said carefully, something flickered behind his eyes, "Is something wrong with Dean, is that why you're back? Did I do something?" Sam asked urgently panic clear in his abused voice.

* * *

_Dean's world turned on its end when he heard Sam ask innocently why Carrie was there. He was looking at Carrie when the world went gray on him and suddenly he found himself back in his four walled prison, watching Carrie interact with Sam. "Did I just fall asleep?" Dean asked out loud. He heard a low rumbling, and was unable to place the sound until the noise reached him fully and he knew it was the unmistakable sound of laughter. He watched helplessly as Cranson once again strolled through the door and time seemed to stop. _

_"Surprised to see me?" _

_"Get out of my head!" Dean demanded. "I won't tell you anything else; you'll have to kill me first." _

_"Tsk tsk, my dear hunter, why would I want to leave? I already have you where I want you. Not only do I have access to your thoughts, but now as you can see I also control your body. While you were out arguing with the dear doctor and your police friend, I've been working on poor Sammy's psyche, just giving him the gentle push he needs to give up his body to me." _

_"It's not true," Dean said emphatically, "You can't! The house is sealed, I know it is." _

_"Ahh, It's sealed now, yes, but it wasn't earlier my dear boy. How do you think I got the nice deputy's body in the house before? I was already here, in your mind when they closed the gate. They locked me in here with you, and I've had plenty of time to get though your defenses. Now pay attention while I, no **you**, destroy your brother's fragile grasp on sanity. He'll be **begging** me to take his soul once you're done with him. " _

Cranson laughed as he stalked out of the room closing the door behind him, leaving Dean alone to bear witness to the damage to come.

Dean could only stand and watch the walls in horror as he heard the vicious words spew from his mouth. _'Please Sammy don't believe me, you've got to know it's not me.'

* * *

Dean scowled at Carrie, then at his brother; the pain in his head eating away at the last of his patience. "No, Sam, you didn't do anything! Just like always. Carrie just needs to give you some meds so will you just give her your damn arm so we can all get some sleep!" He growled harshly._

Sam's mouth fell open in shock; he stared at his brother dumbfounded. _'What did I do? He hates me,'_ he thought with a sick feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. _'The voice was right; he's going to send me away.'_ Sam pulled his arms out from under the blankets doing his best to ignore the trembling he felt as the cool air touched his skin.

"Sure," Sam said, sounding like he was waiting to be reprimanded for making a sound. Looking at Carrie, he nodded. "Go ahead, I'm ready." He finished quietly.

* * *

Carrie's head was spinning at Dean's sudden mood shift; only seconds before Dean had been caring and sympathetic about his brother's condition - generally worried about not only his physical health but his mental state - and now he'd lashed out at the same person he kept saying he was trying to protect.

Looking at Sam, Carrie could tell he was clearly at a loss for what he'd done wrong. As she watched Sam struggle from under the blankets, the pain his movements were causing him clearly etched on his face - she kept waiting for Dean to reach out and help his brother. The help never came, and Carrie hurt for Sam as Dean merely sat there and watched him struggle. When Sam turned and simply offered his arm she knew she had to say something to try and offer a sympathetic touch.

"Don't you even want to know what it is?"

Sam shook his head in the negative. "It's fine, what ever it is just do it. I know you're only here to make it easier for me to go away. It doesn't matter; you can tell me why I don't remember later," he said simply.

"Sam…you have a right to know"

_"Go away? What do you mean go away? What did you tell him you bastard" Dean yelled from in his prison. He'd watched helplessly as Sam struggled with the simple task of freeing his arm from the blankets. He saw Carrie's anger at his lack of response and continued to fight to try and make his way from the room. He pounded on the door, looking for a way to break through, but finding none. _

_"The truth, dear hunter, is that you are angry with him, and that you've agreed to give him to me as punishment for his crime. I even added the nice touch of telling him that you brought the doctor to drug him to make it easier on both of you." Cranson laughed again at his cleverness. "I'm quite the Humanitarian." _

_"No please, I'll do anything…"Dean started, "don't do this to him. You can have me…" _

_"Sorry, Dean, I **warned** you that I would make you fear me, and I would make you both pay. Besides, I already have you, and I can make you do what ever I want, whenever I want." _

_"Carrie knows there something wrong with me. She won't trust me with Sam." _

_"Yes, she's a smart one, but who says I intend on letting her walk out of here in the first place? But now we're getting ahead of ourselves, just watch like a good boy and see what your body can do with the proper motivation." _

_Dean's eyes were drawn back to the flickering walls and he felt himself wince in pain as the onslaught continued. _

Before Sam could answer, Dean's annoyance reached the boiling point. "God damnit, Carrie, just give the whiny ass his meds and knock his ass out so I can have some peace and quiet for a change! You'd think he'd have learned to suck it up by now, but _no,_ not _Sammy,_" he raged standing up and starting to pace the room.

Carrie looked down at Sam who was looking like a toddler that had just been told there was no Santa. The warning bells that had been raised by Dean's behavior earlier were now on full alert, but she didn't know how to diffuse the situation between the brothers without causing more damage. "Sam…"

_Dean continued to beat his hands bloody on the locked door. "Stop this, please stop this!! His eyes glued to the scene before him he watched the devastation rip across his brother's face, "I don't mean it Sammy, God, don't do this," he begged, his own voice sounding as raw as Sam's from his shouting. _

"Carrie!!! Stop coddling him and get it done! Sam brought all this on himself. He should feel lucky that you're here in the first place. If he'd paid better attention to his surroundings, had he been better at doing his _job_, none of this would've happened." Dean said snidely. "I should've told Cranson he could…" Dean stopped suddenly his legs coming out from under him as his knees hit the floor hard. Grabbing his head he moaned in pain. "No…stop…please…" As his body arched in pain before falling to his side on floor.

_Dean could only watch the farce that was taking place, Dean felt his body hit the floor, knowing it wasn't him doing it. To his dismay he watched Sam fly from the bed to his side. As Sam's hands closed around his brother's arms he felt a jolt of compassion and sympathy roll off his brother. The power of their connection tripped up Cranson's hold on Dean's mind, and he felt the door to his mental prison spring free. _

_Wasting no time, he pushed his way out, and as the two worlds overlapped, his senses he battled Cranson for control of his mind. He pondered, briefly, as he jumped Cranson from behind, how he was having a fist fight in his head, but then decided if it worked and it gave him back control of his body, he wasn't going to argue the metaphysics of it. _

Sam was out of bed the instant Dean hit the floor. He had no conscious memory of how he got out of the bed and past Carrie. One moment he was reeling under his brother's verbal attack, and the next he was by his side. Sam latched on to his brother's biceps to try and lever him off the floor when Dean's hands snaked out quickly encircling his neck.

He could hear Dean spitting angry phrases at him while his hands tightened on his throat. "I'm sick of you and the burden you've been since you were born. You don't deserve to be here," he growled even as the hands continued squeezing Sam's throat, cutting of his oxygen supply. Sam could dimly hear Carrie calling Tom for help, but he knew from the grayness already filling his vision that he probably wouldn't make it in time.

_Cranson and Dean continued to struggle for control of the hunter's body. "I'll make you kill him" _

_"No you won't. You need him," Dean yelled back defiantly as the two continued to trade blows. _

_"He'll never trust you again," Cranson taunted, "His own brother strangling him? I'd say it was a first for him, but I've seen your memories. So, how do you think he'll take it when it's the real deal squeezing the life from him?" _

_"He'll know it wasn't me…You don't know Sam," Dean said as he finally gained the upper hand and felt himself regain control of his body, knowing he would be too late to stop what had already started. He could hear Sam's breath gurgling in his throat, and his heart clenched when he heard Sam's final words before his arms went lax around Dean's wrists. _

_Dean could feel hands on him, trying to pull him away from Sam. Seeing his little brother go limp under him, Dean gave a last punch to Cranson and was finally able to let go of Sam's crushed neck;, letting himself be pulled away from Sam's still form. _

_"Sammy, NO!" He yelled, his heart breaking as he was unable to detect if Sam was still breathing; his face gray and body far too still. _

Struggling futility to get a breath in his starving body, Sam stared into Dean's hate-filled eyes. As he was slowly strangled, he couldn't help but remember the shape shifter, _'Only this time it really is my brother who wants me dead,'_ he thought miserably.

The hairs on the back of Sam's neck rose as the oily voice of Cranson oozed out of his brother's mouth.

"Do you think Dean will survive killing his baby brother?" He whispered quietly in his ear.

With the last of his air Sam forced out the words he needed Dean to hear.

"I forgive you, Dean, I know this isn't you." As the his vision faded away, taking the pain with it, Sam's last conscious thought was _'God, please, if I die don't let him remember'_

* * *

Tom heard Carrie scream for help and came running down the hall, gun drawn. Barreling into the room he was prepared to face just about anything. He was stopped cold in his tracks when he saw Dean attempting to strangle his brother, while Carrie frantically tried to break his hold. Quickly holstering his weapon, he grabbed Dean from behind trying to pull him from his brother. The two struggled with Dean for what felt like hours trying to separate him from Sam. He knew every second counted, and was astounded by the strength Dean was displaying in resisting the backward pull. Sam suddenly went still under Dean's hands some kind of trigger Dean stopped from fighting.

_"Time for me to take my leave of you, Dean," Cranson said, catching Dean with a punch to the gut that had him doubled over, then on his knees heaving. As Dean staggered to his feet, he saw himself shove Carrie away from Sam and collide with the window sill. Fear turned to dismay as the salt line, he'd poured there was scattered giving Cranson the escape route he craved. "Be seeing you real soon, hunter," Cranson called as he slipped free of Dean's mind and out of the house. _

_Disoriented from Cranson's abrupt departure, Dean tried to unclench his fist to help Carrie when Tom spun him around. Before he could react, the world went white and then black. _

Tom heard Dean yell out in panic for his brother, and then it seemed he turned to take out at Carrie. Tom wasn't fast enough to prevent Dean from pushing her away Sam, and Tom winced in sympathy as Carrie hit the window sill hard, breaking one of the small panes of glass on impact, scattering the salt off the sill. The collision stunned her for a moment as Dean lunged forward for another attack. This time, Tom was quick enough, and before Dean's fist could connect with the young doctor's head, Tom grabbed him and used Dean's momentum to turn him into Tom's own right hook. The older Winchester went down next to his brother and lay unmoving.

Breathing heavily, Tom looked over at Carrie who, having recovered, was moving quickly back to Sam's side to check on him. "He still breathing?"

"Yeah, thank God," she said breathlessly.

"What the hell happened in here?" Tom asked sounding confused. "Am I mistaken, or did we just have to stop Dean from killing his brother?"


	31. Chapter 31

If Only Chapter 31

Warnings: Graphic violence and imagry same as before nothing new

Disclaimer: Same as before I don't own the boys never have never will.

_A/N: I want to start by giving a huge thanks to carocali who has wrestled this story and my massive comma problems under control. Any mistakes still here are mine alone. Secondly to everyone who has reviewed or emailed about the story thank you for your support. Without boring anyone too much about my personal life, I just wanted to say my abscence was not because of lack of interest. I failed to pay attention to what my body was telling me was wrong and spent the last several months making up for it. Good news is I'm doing fine and am getting back to posting. Chapter 32 will be coming once we get it cleaned and polished. Hopefully not too long. Handing out shameless plug for Carocali's stories I highly recommend them. Enough babbling on my part on with the story!!

* * *

Breathing heavily, Tom looked over at Carrie who, having recovered, was moving quickly back to Sam's side to check on him. "He still breathing?" _

_"Yeah, thank God," she said breathlessly._

_"What the hell happened in here?" Tom asked sounding confused. "Am I mistaken, or did we just have to stop Dean from killing his brother?"

* * *

_

Carrie held up her hand to Tom indicating she needed a moment. She struggled to get her breath back after the unexpected impact with the window sill, using the time to collect her thoughts before answering his question. "Honestly?" she asked, looking at Tom who was splitting his attention between watching her and warily gazing at Dean's unconscious form, "I don't know. Something was affecting him though. He was fine and then he just lost it."

She pushed up from the floor, wincing at the tight feeling in her shoulder where her back had made contact with the window, knowing a bruise was already forming under the skin. "Keep an eye on both of them for a minute; I want to listen to Sam's breathing again – make sure Dean's tantrum didn't cause any more damage."

Tom nodded as she quickly made her way out of the room. He let his attention focus on Sam's unconscious form for a moment. Even in the dim light, Tom could see the darkening smudges on Sam's throat from where Dean's fingers had been doing their best to squeeze the life from him. Tom's blood boiled upon seeing them; recalling countless cases of domestic violence in his career. At the moment it was hard to think that something other than Dean's exhaustion and rage had caused him to snap and lash out at his brother. Even after everything he'd seen over the last few days.

Tom had personally witnessed Dean's emotions gone haywire as he continued to deal with Sam's illness and slow recovery combined with Cranson's continued pressure to find and destroy Sam. It was all steadily pushing Dean closer to the edge.

_Sam kept saying he'd done something to make Dean hate him, now they should be even._ Tom continued to contemplate the situation all while making sure that Dean wouldn't catch any of them by surprise when he returned to consciousness.

Carrie returned moments later and kneeled down next to Sam. She slipped the digital thermometer into his mouth and pushed the stethoscope into her ears, assessing Sam's breathing. Tom was amazed as she worked with calm efficiency, carefully running fingers up Sam's chest, testing his ribs for potential fractures and then gently probing around the marks darkening on Sam's throat. He watched her brow furrow when she read the results of the thermometer clearly not happy with the results.

"What's wrong?"

Carrie sighed, lifting a hand to push back her hair from her brow. Tom could see the fine tremble in the hand, her first outward sign that she wasn't as calm as she'd appeared in the face of what had just transpired. Carrie laughed bitterly, "I don't even know where to start." She said as her voice hitched, her calm façade cracking further.

"Why don't we start with what happened." Tom coaxed gently, "Why was Dean attacking Sam?"

"I have no idea." she said shrugging helplessly, "I have my suspicions, but no concrete facts. We'll have to wait for Dean to come around to give us those."

"How about your suspicions then, because right now all I've got is what I saw and it doesn't paint Dean in a very good light." Tom turned his back to her, confused and frustrated. "It's kinda hard for me to get my head past seeing Dean throttling Sam, and it's got me thinking he _may_ have been abusing Sam this whole time."

Carrie looked appalled at Tom's comment. "No, Dean's not like that! In your heart, your _gut_ you _know_ that can't be true. Hell you've seen them together, there's no _way_ that Dean would do this if he was in control of his faculties."

"I _want_ to believe that, but we really don't know them. Hell, let's be honest, you and I don't even really know each other."

"You're absolutely right," Carrie said shaking her head in agreement. "We don't know each other, or Sam and Dean, but what we both _do_ know is how to do is trust is our instincts. It's what allows us to do our jobs, and I can't for a moment believe that my, _our_ instincts, are wrong about them. We've both seen what they're willing to sacrifice for the other."

Tom sighed looking over the two unconscious men between them. "I know that Carrie, but I also took an oath to protect those who can't protect themselves. Even if that means protecting Sam by keeping him _away_ from Dean. So I need you to tell me what happened, all of it, including your suspicions, so we can figure out what our next step is."

"You're right, but before we do that, we need to get them both off the floor. Sam needs to stay warm and his fever's still climbing. Help me get them both into beds."

Tom crouched down to Sam, ready to heave him safely to the bed before continuing his thought process. "I'll help you get Sam settled in here. We're going to take Dean out to the living room where I can keep an eye on him till he comes around."

Seeing Carrie start to open her mouth in protest he held a hand up to stop her pending outburst. "I can't leave him in here with Sam; _not_ until we know more about what happened." Tom said firmly.

"He needs rest."

"And he can get it, _on the couch._ Like I said, until I understand what's happened, my job is to protect Sam, and right now _Dean_ is the one putting Sam in danger. He can sleep on the couch, _away_ from Sam." Tom gently prepared the ailing man for the upheaval, concerned solely for his well being. "You should be grateful I'm not cuffing Dean to a chair, or just hauling him into the station to sleep it off in a cell." Tom's residual anger clear in his voice. Until he knew for sure what was going on, Tom was a cop, first and foremost. He needed to make sure, with every ounce of his being, that Sam was fully protected; regardless of the relationship between the two brothers

"Fine." Carrie said, making it clear she was not happy with Tom's decision, but accepting it for the moment. She stood back from Sam as Tom gently lifted the younger man back onto the bed. She pulled the blankets up around Sam's shoulders making sure he was settled as comfortably as possible.

Carrie decided to deal with Sam's rising fever before having it out with Tom, as she looked around for the syringes she'd filled earlier. "Well, I guess we need to start over with the meds," she said finding that all three syringes had been broken in the fighting.

"I'll meet you in the living room once you're done," Tom said quietly.

Carrie turned to see him pick up Dean from the floor, no less carefully then Sam, and move out of the room with him.

_'He may be mad but he still cares._'

Carrie took another moment to make sure that Sam was resting comfortably, in the quiet, which had enveloped the room with Tom and Dean's departure. She listened to his breathing, still unhappy with the short intakes of air, even in the clutches of deep unconsciousness.

"We'll get you fixed up Sam," Carrie whispered quietly unsure if he could hear her or not. "I'll be back in a couple." She was amazed when Sam turned his head towards her and a small moan came from his sleeping form; sounding like "Dean." She rubbed her hand against his shoulder trying to calm him. "Don't worry I won't let anything bad happen to Dean while you're sleeping," she reassured the unconscious man, humbled when he appeared to be calmed by her words.

* * *

Carrie entered the living room quietly, noting that Tom had kept his word. Dean was resting quietly on the couch, his still form covered by a blanket while Tom kept watch from the recliner. 

She noted as she came into the room that his body posture was far from relaxed as his eyes flicked from the front door, to Dean, to down the hallway where she had come from. It occurred to her that he was probably just as thrown by what had happened as she was, maybe even more so, being that he'd been with Dean since he'd made the choice to go after him rather than come back here and secure Sam. She empathized with how torn he must now feel seeing Dean do something like that to Sam.

"He come to at all?" She asked as she moved to her duffle bag to pull out what she needed to redo Sam's medication.

"He's shifted a little, but hasn't shown any real signs of coming 'round. How about Sam?"

"I don't think he'll be up any time soon, but I'm not putting any money on it. If anything, these two are a stubborn lot and nothing seems to keep them down for long. Look, I know you want details, but I want to get some of Sam's meds in him before that fever gets any worse. Can't this wait til then?" Her eyes silently asking for understanding.

"I'm sorry, but we really…_I _really need you to do this now, please I need to know what happened." Tom said quietly but firmly.

Carrie dropped into the other chair looking back at Tom with emotionally drained eyes. "I'll tell you what happened, but then you have to hear me out on all of it. Not just what Dean said or did to Sam but what I think caused it too, deal?"

"Deal."

Carrie took a moment to gather her thoughts and then as clinically as she could repeated what took place in the bedroom Tom stopped her intermittently to press for details or gain clarification. Carrie happily noted that it didn't appear that Tom was making a snap judgment on the information.

"Now that I'm clear on what happened; why do _you_ think it happened?"

"As we discussed earlier, I was concerned that Dean's mental state may have been compromised or altered. The chemicals that were used on him could still be having a residual effect on his nervous system, or seriously impairing his cognitive functions, thereby hindering his judgment and emotional control."

Tom knew his comments seemed harsh and cold but he needed to think like a cop right now, and since he couldn't interrogate Dean, he needed to get as much information out of Carrie as possible.

"I remember your concern with the way he acted on the phone, was there something else that occurred prior to his attack on his brother that led you to believe that he didn't have malicious intent when he did strike out?"

Tom knew he'd hit a nerve when the tone that accompanied Carrie's answer could've frozen him solid at 10 paces. "As you may not have noticed _Deputy Roberts, _when I first arrived Dean was having a problem focusing on more than one thing at a time. In fact he came down the hall, weapon drawn and pointed at both you and I, clearly unsure of who you might be talking to. In addition, Dean displayed paranoia over letting his brother out of his sight. His known behavior altered when he didn't argue with you about needing sleep, and in fact I found him asleep sitting upright next to Sam when I initially entered the room."

"Isn't it just as likely that Dean's reaction was caused by exhaustion and the stress that he's been under since his brother's kidnapping? And that all this has compounded on him and he took it out on the person he felt was responsible for his pain?"

Carrie shook her head emphatically. "No, it's not possible. I watched him when we were in there. He was worried about Sam, terrified even. Dean was reluctant to even go near his brother for fear of causing him any additional pain when I first arrived." Carrie stole a quick glance in Dean's direction noting the tension on his face as he slept. "When he asked me about what I was going to do for Sam, he voiced concern about me not causing Sam more pain and not scaring him." She paused to assess her thoughts on the scenario, "It had to be whatever was in his system or something else, I don't know, it was like he was possessed or something."

Tom stilled for a second, a chill running down his spine. He flashed back to the basement corridor, remembering turning his own weapon on Dean with no control over his actions. "Why did you say possessed?"

Carrie looked confused, "Umm…I'm not saying he _was_ possessed, that can't happen right?"

"Right, but just humor me. Why'd you say it? What made you think that? Was it something in the way he acted?"

"I guess so. Logically, if he'd been a patient I'd have called in a psych consult for possible schizophrenia. It was like someone threw a switch and he was a different person, he went from concerned and caring to cold hearted bastard in seconds and poor Sam looked so confused and hurt by it." Carrie thought back to Sam's reaction. "He seemed to think that Dean had me come here so that I could drug him and so he could "go away." He didn't even argue with his brother, just held out his arm. And when Dean collapsed… I've never seen anyone move that fast. Dean was begging for something to stop, but I have no idea what, and you know what happened after that." She shifted uncomfortable, wanting to check on both her patients. "I really think they both need to be in the hospital at this point."

"For right now, I'm going to respect Dean's wishes and hold off until tomorrow, as long as Sam's condition doesn't worsen." Tom looked at Carrie who seemed to lighten up a little after the questioning. "I know I must seem like a heartless bastard questioning you like this but I just want to make sure that we do what's best for both of them."

"Do you still think that Dean did this on purpose?"

Tom ran a hand over his face rubbing at his bleary eyes. "No, not really, I don't ever really think I did. But I can't trust him, not yet, not until I find out who's in charge upstairs," he said pointing to his head. "So for now, we'll just take it one step at a time.

"Alright," she said finally. "Are we done here? I want to go check up on Sam; he really does need something to help that fever."

Tom watched as she quickly filled three new syringes with various fluids before capping each off and placing them on the table in front of her.

"I thought you said you were only going to give him some of his meds?"

"I am, I just want to get the others ready. I'm going to leave them in the nightstand drawer, for when he wakes later. It's just easier to do them all now and not have to worry about it again."

"Oh, alright, I just wanted…what're you giving him now?" Tom looked, trying to play it cool, but still concerned for Sam's safety; especially in light of all that had happened

"You just want to make sure that Dean's not the only one who's gone round the bend," she said smiling gently. Reaching out a hand, she took Tom's in her own squeezing it reassuringly, already forgiving the man for his earlier interrogation. "You're a good man Deputy Roberts, the Winchester's are lucky to have you for an ally," replied Carrie eyeing the medication. "The only thing I can risk giving Sam right now is the anti-inflammatory, it'll help the swelling and hopefully bring his fever down. I can't give him the others 'til I can reassess him when he regains consciousness."

"Thanks"

Picking up the syringes she stood. "I'll be right back, shout if he wakes." She turned toward the bedroom to take care of her first patient.

* * *

As if on cue, Dean's return to consciousness was as abrupt, and nearly as painful, as his unwilling departure had been and was no less startling for Tom. 

"SAM!" Dean yelled attempting to bolt upright from the sofa, eyes roving the room looking for some sign of his brother.

"Dean, just take it easy for a minute"

Dean's yell brought Tom out of the recliner and to the side of the sofa in a moment. He placed his hand firmly on Dean's chest keeping the man pinned down. Tom waited for Dean to become fully aware and acknowledge his presence before he took a step back, hand still lingering near his weapon, as Dean gingerly swung his legs off the sofa and pulled himself upright.

Dean looked through bleary eyes at the man before him. He noticed Tom's stiff posture and could read the older man's body language clearly enough to know that he was not trusted but a potential enemy.

"Is Sam alright?" Dean asked quietly staring down at his hands, remembering what he had done to Sam. _'He has to be ok; please he has to be…' _

"Carrie's with him right now…"

"That's not an answer," Dean stated roughly looking him in the eye; his gut dropping at the lack of comment. "Please…tell me he's not…"

Tom returned Dean's glare for several seconds, watching as the mask Dean had kept up so diligently through all of this cracked and crumbled to dusk around him, leaving his emotions raw and exposed to the world. Tom quietly evaluated the man before him. Mentally comparing all of this to his own reactions when he'd turned his weapon on Dean in the hospital, hoping that what had happened in the bedroom was caused by something other than anger and rage. "No, he's not."

Dean let out a long breath and fell back into the couch, relief clear on his face for a moment, before the worry and concern Tom was so used to seeing there returned.

"You said Carrie was with him. What? How bad is it?"

"I'm not sure," Tom admitted honestly, "Carrie's saying that the only thing she can do for Sam is give him the anti-inflammatory until he regains consciousness. She's worried about the swelling in his throat…" Pausing for a moment Tom finally blurted out what he really wanted to know. "Dean, what the hell happened in there? Tell me that wasn't you…that something… I mean…you were strangling Sam…Carrie says you just lost it."

Dean looked down at the floor, trying to get control of his emotions; his mind still reeling from Cranson's attack and remembering all too well what Cranson had said and done to Sam using his voice and body. "Cranson…he got to me. He's been here, in the house, since they came for Sam…He got into my head, I didn't even know it til it was too late to stop him."

"What I don't get is why did he want you to kill Sam? I thought he wanted Sam alive so he could use his body or something?"

Dean looked down the hallway to where Sam was, wanting desperately to go to him. "This wasn't about killing Sam; it's all been about making Sam fear me; isolate him from the rest of us. Everything they've done so far is to try and separate us making it easier for Sam to give them what they want. Take everything away from him. Divide and conquer." Dean looked back at Tom, his fear clear on his face. "He may have done it this time. I don't know how Sam's going to trust me after to this…." Dean drifted off, looking longingly down the hallway again.

* * *

Carrie slipped back into the bedroom, she sighed as she took another look at Sam's battered body. _'How much more can he take and still bounce back?'_

She'd lost patients who'd sustained far less damage than the man before her and it still amazed her, that even after all he'd been through. he was still fighting. Carrie gently pulled the blanket back enough to pull his left arm out from under the covers. She tore open the alcohol packet with her teeth and gently swabbed his arm with it before quickly injecting Sam. She breathed a sigh of relief when other than a momentary tensing of his facial muscles he appeared to feel no discomfort from the medication being administered.

Carrie took a moment to secure the other two syringes in the drawer along with the thermometer, and then tucked the blankets back up around Sam's shoulders. Noting the time on her watch she moved quietly from the room, noting to herself to check on him again in an hour to see if there was any progress.

* * *

Voices and faces passed through Sam's mind like a horror-filled slide show. 

_"Your brother hates you…" _

_"I'm sick of dealing with you…you're weak…suck it up Sammy." _

_"If you leave now, you stay gone…" _

_"It's what you deserve" _

_"Why Sam? Why didn't you save me?" _

_"I'm giving you to them Sammy." _

_Sam continued to twist and turn in his sleep trying to escape the voices only he could hear. "No…it's not true…it's not Dean…" he moaned in his sleep. _

_The images continued to shift and change each showing another failure in Sam's life, something he should've done better, been faster. Soon his dream returned to the asylum. _

_"Not me huh?" The image of Dean before him taunted. "Just like it wasn't you who shot me in the asylum Sammy?" The image changing again to the faceless form of Cranson. "Now Sam who are you trying to convince. Just like you, he meant every word." _

_"No! You did this." _

_"I only opened his eyes to the truth. Dean's gone Sam and he won't be coming back for you. Not this time. I'm going to make sure of that." _

_No, he wouldn't do that…you don't know Dean…" _

_"He thinks you're dead, dead by his own hands…When I remind him of how it felt to squeeze the life out of you it won't take much to convince him to end his own miserable life in penance." _

Sam struggled to reach out for the calming feeling that always lingered when Dean was near. Unable to find it the first bubbles of panic welled up in Sam's mind. His fear boiled over, his mind forced his body to return to consciousness. As his eyes flew open he heard his own strangled call for his brother.

* * *

"DEAN!"

* * *

Carrie heard Sam's cry and was turning back toward the noise when she was nearly run down as Dean bolted past her, Tom hot on his heels. 

Dean's focus was on getting to Sam to find out what was wrong and nothing was going to stop him. He needed to see for himself that his brother was alive. His mind was still spinning from the onslaught of Cranson's possession, and then Tom's handy right hook, but Dean forced the fuzziness and dizziness aside. He stopped, clenching his hands into fists, as he was momentarily overwhelmed by the sensory memory of his hands wrapped around Sam's neck. Then the look of hurt and betrayal reflected in his rapidly failing gaze stabbed at him. Dean hoped that he hadn't imagined Sam's quiet plea of forgiveness and understanding before he'd lost consciousness.

Dean had just cleared the door when his legs came out from under him and he slammed heavily into the carpeted floor. He tried to buck away from the weight holding him down, turning his head so he could get a look at what had pinned him to the floor.

"Tom, what the hell are you doing?" Dean growled out angrily.

"Before you go any further, I need to make sure I know who's in control up there."

"I told you it wasn't me before. Cranson's gone - he made his escape when the salt line was broken."

Tom didn't lift his weight as Dean expected after his answer instead the older man seemed to press harder. "The line at the door is intact, Dean, I checked it myself." remembering all he had learned about protection charms

"The window, when Carrie hit the window, it scattered the line…check for yourself…Please, I need to see Sam."

Carrie had entered the room just as Tom pinned Dean to the floor. She moved carefully around the two toward the window and confirmed the salt line was gone from the ledge. "He's right Tom it must have scattered when the pane broke."

Carrie moved back to the far side of the room standing protectively over Sam. Tom finally helped Dean back to his feet, but still looked wary of Dean's actions. He stood silently as Dean made his way to his brother's side.

Dean sat on the edge of Sam's bed; he swallowed painfully as his eyes traced the bruises painting his brother's neck in purple and reds. Sam's eyes were still closed and he watched Sam's eyes track back and forth behind his closed lids caught up in another dream,

_'Please don't make this a new nightmare he has to live through.' _

Dean reached out carefully to run his hand up and down Sam's arm to let him know he was there. "Sam? Hey bud, I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Sam let out a small whimper as his head twisted on his pillow.

"You can't leave me….please it's ok I forgive you….don't send me away…"

Dean swallowed back his tears. "I haven't gone anywhere little brother, you just need to open your eyes. It's not real."

Sam turned his head toward Dean's voice and slowly, fever glazed eyes met Dean's, giving him a small smile. "Dean? Are you…you again?"

"Yeah, it's just me in here again," Dean said smacking his forehead once, "How about you? How're you doin?"

Sam's smile fell away instantly and he turned his gaze back to the blanket. "I'm…I don't…It's all jumbled…are you real or just another picture in my head?" Sam's voice was so hushed, it was almost lost even in the quiet of the room.

Dean heard Carrie's involuntary gasp and spared a second to glance over at her. He could see the sympathy radiating from her eyes, than dared a quick glance at Tom, finding that the man's previously aggressive posture had relaxed.

Dean returned his focus to his brother in time to catch Sam hastily wiping away the single tear that had escaped his control. "I'm real Sam, I promise. You're really here, we're _all_ here. It's going to get better, I promise."

"But…you…keep talking in my head…everyone keeps talking…and I…it…hurts"

"Don't listen to him Sam, you know he's just trying to confuse you…" Dean took Sam's hand in his own and held it first against Sam's chest then his own. "This is _us_, this is _real_, and we'll get through the rest."

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Christo."

Dean looked at Sam blankly for a moment as he watched Sam's face light up in a smile that finally reached his eyes. "_Now_, you think I'm possessed? It didn't occur to you to think that before when I was acting like a lunatic?"

The light that had filled his face a moment before slipped away "I should've. It's my fault for not thinking about it sooner."

"Damnit," Dean growled pulling Sam's face up to meet his gaze. "I'm the one who's sorry, Sam. I didn't know he had a hold of me until it was too late, I'm so sorry" Dean's face fell as he recalled the hurtful things he spewed at Sam under Cranson's control. "I tried to stop him…but I couldn't it just kept happening…I just kept saying those things…I saw…I felt all of it…I couldn't stop any of it."

"I know the feeling...literally," Sam said sarcastically thinking back to his own attempts at apologizing for what had happened at the asylum.

Dean suddenly stood from his place on the bed, turning his back on his brother, ashamed of how he'd treated his brother after the asylum when he said he had no control over his actions.

"Dean?"

Sam, even in his fevered state, could tell that his brother was trying to hold himself together and he wondered if it was in anger or because he might actually be worried about Sam. _Please don't hate me. _

"I know after...what just happened, I've no right to ask this…But I've gotta know, Sam…can you forgive me…are we going to be ok again…someday?"

"Dean? Dean look at me…please…" Sam urged pausing until his brother was facing him.

"We're good…I know who's responsible for this and it wasn't you," he said with as much confidence as he could muster. "We're good. Now. Not someday…_now_…"

Dean gave Sam a tight smile, counting himself lucky that his brother had forgiven him so easily. He wished he could have done the same for Sam after the asylum. Wiping a hand across his face he turned back to Carrie and Tom who were still standing silent vigil over the brothers' reunion. "What now?"

"Sam needs his meds and you both need some rest. So, I suggest that you and Tom work on fixing that window so we can do just that."

"Is that an order?" Dean said smirking at Carrie's sudden assertiveness.

Carrie smiled at the lightness returning to the room. "Dean, don't forget you're both coming in for tests tomorrow. You wouldn't want me, as your doctor, to suddenly decide that you need a prostate exam now, would you?"

Dean visibly paled under the thinly veiled threat, then turning red when he heard his brother's hoarse chuckle. "Ummm…no Carr…Dr. Erickson… Wait I didn't agree to any tests," he finished indignantly.

"Your outburst earlier is enough of a reason. I promise it won't hurt…much," she said giving Sam a wink.

Dean opened his mouth to argue but snapped it shut when he caught a look at his brother's infamous puppy dog eyes.

"Please Dean, just let her make sure you're ok… That there isn't any permanent damage…Not that it'll be easy for her to tell…" Sam joked, laughing before he started coughing again.

"You stay out of it. Gimpy…" Dean groused, but Sam could see Dean had already given in to the request. "Fine, but I'm not happy about it," Dean said sulking.

* * *

While Tom and Dean worked to cover the pane of glass that had been broken earlier, Carrie finished her evaluation of Sam, and at his request, held off on giving him the other medications until Dean could rejoin them. 

Dean came in looking tired and windblown from the cold night air. "Tom's checking the rest of the house for possible breaches. Everything alright?" he asked looking worriedly at how exhausted Sam appeared.

"Sam's fever is coming down again, however he's not regaining strength the way I'd have expected," Carrie began, filling Dean in on the situation. "I wanted to give Sam the same medications we treated him with last night, but he's refused until I reviewed it with you."

"Sam?"

Sam initially refused to look at Dean but he felt his hand grasped gently he looked up into his brother's worried eyes. "What's going on little brother?"

"I wanted to make sure you were….it's nothing…never mind."

"You wanted to make sure I was going to be here." Suddenly understanding Sam's insecurity about what was being done to him. The missing memories of the night before, coupled with the insidious lies and stories Cranson had spun in Sam's head, had left him doubting. Sam was worried the whispers were right; that if he let Carrie drug him without seeing Dean first, and confirming that he was still in control and not Cranson, it could all be a trick, and if he slept that Dean could leave him. He needed Dean's physical presence – that undying security – to be with him, before he let his guard down in sleep. "Don't worry Sam; I'm not going anywhere, promise. Take the meds. I'll be here when you wake up."

"'Kay," Sam said tiredly he looked over to Carrie. "I'm ready."

Carrie was caught up in a sense of déjà vu as this time she watched Dean gently help Sam pull his arm out from under the blankets. She listened as Dean kept up an inane patter about nothing important, gently running his hand up and down Sam's opposite arm in reassurance. She swabbed Sam's arm and administered both shots, stepping away from the bed as Dean tucked Sam's arm back under the cover; his hand resting on Sam's blanket-covered chest. She watched as Sam battled against the sedative, humbled by the quiet tenderness Dean's voice exuded as he lulled Sam into giving in to sleep he needed so desperately.

"You're safe now, just let go," he cooed "it's ok I'll be here when you wake up."

Dean sighed as Sam's eyes fluttered closed, lashes resting on fever flushed cheeks as he fell fully into sleep. Dean stood and stretched carefully. Turning back to Carrie, he gave her a tired smile. "Thank you again for coming to check on him."

"You're welcome. It's what I do. Now, Doctor's orders, hit that other bed and get some sleep." Carrie instructed, pointing to the other bed. "I expect to see both of you at the hospital in the morning."

Dean didn't argue with her; he knew his own body was well past its tolerances for rest. Instead, he simply nodded his head in agreement as he dropped onto the other bed. He finally allowed his body to fall back onto the mattress sighing, as he did. "We'll be there…" he slurred already sliding towards sleep.

* * *

Tom watched from the front picture window as Carrie pulled away from the house, heading for the hospital. He was grateful for everything she'd done. He'd offered her the spare room again to sleep in, but she'd declined, stating she wanted to get back and make arrangements for the testing. It would be necessary to keep them away from the general public, for everyone's protection, and that would require some extra prep work. 

To assist in cutting through any red tape she might've experienced. Tom had woken the hospital administrator up and advised of the security precautions needed. He expected the hospital to work through Dr. Erickson to make sure everything was completed as required.

Tom looked down at the paper he held detailing his instructions from Carrie for the remainder of the evening and early morning when dealing with Sam. After reading over the list, he knew Dean wasn't going to be happy with the idea that Sam might actually appear weaker than he'd been the night before because of the lingering effects of the drugs.

Carrie had left a follow-up dose of the anti-inflammatory, with Tom with specific instructions that if Sam's fever was not still under 101 by the time he woke in the morning to have him take it.

Tom placed the paper under the small bottle sitting on the table. Checking a final time to make sure the door was secure, he stretched out on the sofa and drifted into a restless sleep.

* * *

A/N: So that wraps up this chapter the next is on it's way, as soon as I can make the changes that will make it fit for human consumption. Take care! 


	32. Chapter 32

If Only Chapter 32

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: This is not overly friendly adn we are getting back toward some dark material so be warned.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who continues to support the story. My thanks as always to my beta carocali who helps figure out what I'm trying to say even when I'm not sure. Any mistakes left are mine. Now on with the story!!

* * *

The sunlight pouring through the bay window brought Tom back to consciousness. As he made his way to the bathroom, he was surprised how refreshed he was feeling after only a few hours of sleep. After taking care of business and splashing some water on his face, he made his way down the hall to rouse the brothers and get the day underway.

Tom knocked quietly on the door before turning the handle and pushing it open. He wasn't surprised to find Dean already out of bed watching the door warily.

Looking over at the other bed he could see Sam still sleeping, he pitched his voice low to keep from waking him. "Morning, did you get any rest last night?"

"Yeah, slept like the dead and I don't think Sam's moved at all," Dean said looking over at his brother cocooned under the blankets.

"He needs it. The doc left some notes and meds for Sam if we needed them. I think you should be the one to go over them." Tom stopped to look at the ragged young man before him. "I'm going to put some coffee on. Do you think Sam'll want to eat when he wakes?"

"Probably, I know he'll be ready to kill for the caffeine once he smells it. Give me a sec to grab some clothes and I'll meet you out there," Dean answered, stretching and making his way off the bed. "I'll read what Carrie has to say and see if I can get a shower in before he wakes up and hogs all the hot water."

"Sounds good. I told Carrie we'd call when we were leaving. She asked us to be there by 10:30 if we could - said some of the tests could take a while."

"What time is it now?"

Tom glanced at his watch. "Just after 7:30, we've got plenty of time."

Dean didn't add a further comment but nodded his head and moved toward his duffle bag, retrieving clean clothes as he heard Tom close the door on his way back down the hall.

Forty-five minutes later Dean was feeling more human than he had in days. The shower and two cups of coffee combined with some uninterrupted sleep had replenished his dwindling reserves. As he lingered over the dregs of the second cup, he read over Carrie's instructions for Sam. Checking the clock on the wall Dean decided that he couldn't delay waking Sam any longer and headed back toward the bedroom, snagging the medicine bottle on his way.

Dean came into the room just in time to watch Sam try to stand on his coltish legs; he managed to sway upright for a few seconds before his knees buckled sending him crashing half-on half-off the bed.

"Sam? You alright?" Dean asked as he helped San lever himself off the floor and fully back onto the bed.

Dean frowned, feeling the fine trembling moving through Sam's muscles, combined with the heat still radiating off his brother in waves. Dean knew Sam was far from out of the woods.

Sam gripped the side of the mattress trying to do his best to keep his unsteady swaying to a minimum as the room continued to spin around him. He released his grip momentarily to rub his hand across his face in an effort to clear his watering eyes.

"Dean?" Sam managed roughly, his voice sounding as if it had been scratched raw by a sand blaster. "Don' feel too good"

Even given Sam's obvious illness, Dean couldn't help but crack a smile at the small, petulant sound of his brother's voice. A much younger Sam had never relished in falling ill and missing school and apparently the older Sam hated being ill just as much.

"I know bro, the doc left you some medicine to help you feel better," Dean said wiggling the bottle in front of Sam, who, if anything, frowned more deeply at seeing it, before seeing the thermometer in Dean's other hand. "But first I need to see how hot you are this morning."

When Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean's choice of words, his older brother couldn't help but follow up proudly on his comments. "Not that you'll ever manage to be as hot as me but there's always hope you won't be Geek Boy forever"

Sam cracked a grin chuckling a few times before the laugh became resonating cough that bent Sam nearly double. "Always-the modest one…huh Dean?" Sam gasped out between coughs.

Dean lightly thumped Sam's back, careful for the healing welts and burns as he slowly regained his breath. Dean didn't like the way the coughing had drained all the color from Sam's face leaving him looking sallow and gray. He gently pushed the thermometer between Sam's lips waiting for the results. "Less talking more quiet, doc's orders remember?"

Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's choice to follow some orders to the letter when it meant that Sam wasn't supposed to be talking. He tried to suppress the wince from the stabbing pain in his head that the small movement caused but catching the frown on Dean's face he knew that "mother hen" had spotted his symptom.

The small device beeped and Sam snatched the offending item from his mouth before Dean could get a handle on it. Squinting he'd finally managed to read the digital readout when Dean ripped the device from Sam's grasp.

"102.5? Geez Sam, no wonder you feel like crap."

Twisting the cap off the small bottle, Dean gently placed it in Sam's grip.

"Bottom's up! Doc said anything over 101 and you needed to take it all."

Sam raised his shaky hand to his mouth managing to swallow about half the container's liquid before shoving the bottle back into Dean's hand as another coughing fit shook Sam's body. This one lasted twice as long as the last; the ashy color not fading from Sam's face once it had passed.

Dean tried to push the bottle back into Sam's hand, while his brother continued to try and bat it away.

"No-no more…Dean it hurts…it's too much I can't"

"You need to finish," Dean tried, realizing the liquid caused his brother more pain, but knowing it had to be taken to get him on this road to recovery. "This half a dose isn't going to do squat to help you…try…please."

"I know, I'm sorry," Sam said voice brittle and cracking. "It just hurts so bad."

"I know but you gotta finish taking it. It's supposed to help the swelling in your throat. Once we get over to the hospital, I'll make sure Carrie gets you something for the pain. Just stay tough for a little longer."

Sam took the bottle and raised it to his lips. Dean watched as Sam's jaw clenched tight. His throat worked to swallow, but the liquid finally made it down his swollen throat as a small pained moan escaped his lips.

Sam's hands were shaking as he handed the bottle back to Dean. He let his body lean heavily against his brother's; eyes tightly shut as he let Dean support him.

The two sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Dean decided it was time to get moving.

"You want to get a shower before we head out?"

Sam shook his head slightly on his brother's shoulder, "Not sure I could stand long enough…tired already…"

"I could put the chair back in the shower for you," Dean said trying to rally Sam's flagging energy. "Come on, being clean might help you feel better."

Sam seemed to contemplate it for a few moments. "Yeah, I do feel …gross."

"And you smell too," Dean couldn't help but adding.

"Nice Dean…way to make me feel better."

"Yeah well we'll never manage to get any cute nurses to look after you if you're all stinky…although the offer of a sponge bath could make it worth it…" Dean shook his head pulling himself from fantasy as Sam smiled at him, clearly sharing his mischief. "Do me a favor and stay put for a minute while I go get the shower ready."

Sam rolled his eyes again. "Not goin' anywhere," he said as he collapsed backwards against the mattress again, heedless of the awkward position his back and legs were in.

"Hey," Dean said swatting Sam's thigh lightly, "That's going to hurt more later. Come on, roll those green giant legs of yours back onto the bed. "

Sam merely grunted in reply, mostly asleep again. He didn't flinch as Dean manhandled him fully onto the bed. Dean listened to Sam's ragged breathing before heading down the hall to make the bathroom more 'Sam friendly.'

Sam swore he'd only closed his eyes for a minute when Dean was back shaking him awake again. It took some work but Dean finally got a semi-coherent Sam down the hall and into the bathroom. The walk seemed to drain Sam of strength but at the same time made him more lucid. After Dean once again waterproofed his stitches, he let Sam usher him out, giving his younger brother some privacy.

Dean had added a second chair to the small room positioned in front of the sink, and with Sam's height he was able to sit in the chair and still be able to see himself in the mirror to shave, if he chose to. Taking a moment to look at his reflection, Sam hardly recognized himself. The one eye that had been swollen closed was now open, but still surrounded by the multi-colored hues of blues, and blacks fading into the sick yellows and greens that signaled the slow healing taking place. Sam's eye was nearly swallowed by dark circles; a silent testament to the rest he still so desperately needed. He could see the flair of color on his cheeks along with the light beading of sweat that so concerned his brother.

"So not the pretty one."

Sam decided to leave shaving til after his shower, _if_ he still had the energy. Right now, being clean was of paramount importance and he was willing to forgo shaving for a month if the rest of him could be clean. Sam made the shower as close to lukewarm as he could, knowing the hot water would only exacerbate his fever more. After a few moments, he was sitting in the shower letting the water pound out some of the tension that was held in his neck and shoulders.

By the time Sam finished, the water had started to turn from tepid to cold and his legs were feeling like over cooked noodles. All in all, Dean had been right; he felt immensely better just being clean.

Sam slipped into clean sweatpants before lowering himself into the chair in front of the sink, reaching over he pulled the shaving cream over to him, so he could try and shave around the various cuts and bruises. As he started to pull it toward him, the can felt like it weighed several tons and Sam let it clatter heedlessly into the sink as exhaustion overwhelmed him. Waves of fatigue swept over him and he let his eyes fall closed.

_'Just gonna rest for a minute.'

* * *

_

Dean tried to his best not to hover outside the door of the bathroom. He told himself he only wanted to make sure that Sam wasn't going to slip and kill himself. For some reason he was more worried about his kid brother now than he was when they'd first arrived. Dean tried to rationalize that it was because Sam now had a fever and seemed more fragile than before even though most of his physical wounds from the abduction were healing.

Dean finally busied himself with sending out emails to some of their contacts about the marks Cranson was using and his own concerns about how to deal with a soul collector. Hearing the water shut off Dean worked on finishing up his last email hoping that one of them could help add to the sketchy information they had on Cranson and his cult. Looking at his watch he decided he'd give Sam 10 minutes to get decent before he'd risk embarrassing his brother by checking up on him.

Sam has always been willfully independent even as a child when it came to taking care of himself, the rare exception being allowing Dean to help him. Dean watched 10 minutes come and go with no hint that Sam was planning on emerging from the bathroom. At the 15 minute mark Dean closed the laptop and was lightly tapping on the door that separated them.

"You planning on making a day of it in there, Sunshine?"

Dean waited for a snarky response; receiving none he felt a brief flutter of panic in his gut. Gripping the knob it turned easily in his hand and he cracked open the door this time.

"Hey, you decent?"

Several more seconds passed with no response and Dean's mouth became dry as the Sahara.

"Alright, you asked for it," Dean announced as he opened the door fully.

Sam sat sprawled in the chair, head resting on his slowly rising chest. From the door, Dean could hear his quiet snores, and under it the congested sound of his breathing. _'A shower knocked him out?'_ he thought worriedly as he knelt at his brother's side.

Placing a hand on his forehead, Dean was alarmed that the warmth didn't seem to have dissipated any since he'd administered the last of the meds.

Shaking his brother's shoulder, he was relived that almost instantly he was greeted by Sam's hazel gaze.

"Hey bathroom's not for sleeping in."

"Sorry, jus' tired."

"It's okay; let's get you out to the living room; you can rest there til we're ready to leave." Sam nodded his head in agreement, and with Dean's help got on his feet.

Dean was impressed that Sam insisted on making the trip unassisted. He could see that Sam's walk more closely resembled a drunk on a three day bender, but he made it to the recliner under his own power before falling into it heavily, wincing as his body told him that it wasn't taking any abuse lightly.

After draping his brother in a blanket to ward off any chill, he looked over Sam once again and decided he wanted to get these tests done _now _and headed into the kitchen to find Tom on the phone with Carrie. He was listening intently to her and nodding his head.

_"No, Tom, I didn't have any trouble getting the time needed for the tests. The rooms are ready and waiting as soon as you guys get here. How soon til you think you'll be on your way?"_

Tom took a quick look down at his wrist before continuing his conversation. "I heard Sam in the shower so I'd say we should be ready to head out in the next hour," he said, looking out the back window over the yard.

_"How's he doing this morning? Did you have to give him the anti-inflammatory?" _

"I didn't …I don't know… I let Dean wake him, let me find him I didn't think to ask," Tom stammered feeling foolish that he sounded embarrassed that he'd left the situation for Dean to deal with.

Carrie couldn't help the smile and small shake of her head when she heard Tom's stuttered response. She knew he was still feeling guilty about his treatment of Dean last night, and letting him take care of Sam, something Dean would've done anyway, was his form of a peace offering. "Men," she muttered under her breath, before slapping a hand across her mouth when she realized she said it allowed. _'You didn't hear that, please'_ she thought to herself, nearly groaning in relief when she heard the phone being passed off to Dean.

Dean entered the kitchen concern written on his face. He'd opened his mouth to speak but snapped it shut when he heard his name and realized Tom was talking with someone on the cell phone. A moment later, Tom turned to face him taking a step back in surprise, before holding out the phone to him.

"Who'm I talking to?"

"It's Carrie. I was checking in to see how things were going for the testing and she wanted an update on Sam."

"Oh. Sure." Dean said putting the phone to his ear. "Morning doc, what you need to know?"

_"I was just asking Tom if he had to give Sam the other anti-inflammatory this morning and he said that you were the one to wake Sam." _

"That would be a yes to both questions. Do you have everything ready for Sam's testing?" he added, feeling an urgency to get this little brother back to the hospital so Carrie could make him well.

_"Yes, and yours too. Don't think I've forgotten to include you Mr. Winchester_," she added with a mock scold to her voice. But Carrie could tell Dean was upset and continued on with her original questions to Tom. "_How high was Sam's fever this morning? Were there any other problems I should know of?" _

"It was 102.5. He could barely manage to get the meds down this morning. If anything I think the pain is only getting worse," Dean confessed fearfully. "I found him asleep in the bathroom after his shower. At least he managed to get decent first but I'm wor…concerned. Should he be so worn out?"

Carrie quickly pulled over a pad as she cradled the phone on her shoulder, listening to Dean's information. Her gut was telling her that Sam needed to be admitted sooner rather than later. The question would be how to motivate Dean. She could hear the worry in his voice but wasn't picking up any of the lingering confusion he'd been suffering the night before. This was the man she was used to dealing with.

"_I listed some of the possibilities in the note I left you and discussed with Tom briefly that all the meds wouldn't have cleared Sam's system by the time he woke, and that could make him appear weaker than normal_," she rambled out quickly to get her point across. _"However, it also sounds like whatever the infection or irritation is in his throat is not healing as expected. I'll know more once we run our tests_." Carrie made a few more notes on the pad before her. "_Tom said you were probably an hour or more out before you'd be here, is that correct?"_

Dean started to gather some of his items from around the room, readying himself. "No, we're leaving now. Even if you're right and it's just the drugs, I don't like what I'm seeing with Sam. We should be there in 30 minutes, is that going to mess things up for you?"

Carrie looked at the clock on the wall noting that would put them there about 9:40. "_No, the earlier the better. If anything happens call and give me an update. Come in through the emergency room entrance, I'll meet you there." _

"Thanks" Dean said simply closing the phone and handing it back to Tom. "Are you ready to go to? Or do you want to meet us there later?"

Tom was momentarily taken aback by Dean's sudden change of attitude toward the upcoming hospital visit, and it made him want to question Dean's motives but he let it go for the moment.

"I'm ready, just let me grab my jacket."

"It's going to take a while to get Sam down the stairs so take your time I'll meet you at the car."

"Do you want a hand?" Tom offered, wondering if there was still some residual anger from Dean about Tom's treatment of him the day before.

"As long as Sam doesn't care. Honestly I could use the help. He can barely stay awake let alone upright and mobile."

"No problem." Tom pulled on his jacket from the back of the chair before moving out of the kitchen just behind Dean.

* * *

Tom looked over at the elder Winchester from his place behind the wheel of the Impala and could tell that he was worried. Tom couldn't blame him. Sam had been asleep in the recliner when they had returned to the room and rousing Sam had proven difficult to say the least. Sam had made it under his own power to the steps of the porch but Dean wouldn't let him try the stairs on his own.

_Good thing_.

Tom winced at the memory of Sam collapsing forward just after stepping off the third stair, sending the three of them tumbling to the ground. Fortunately, other than some bumps suffered by Dean and himself in attempting to brace Sam's fall, no one had any permanent injury. The problem was that whatever energy had been fueling Sam had disappeared as they could barely get Sam to lift his feet to move forward. Even in the chilly morning air, Tom had felt the heat rolling off of Sam.

Now as he peered over the seat separating them he noticed that Sam was asleep, and probably had been before the Impala ever made it out of the driveway.

Dean reflexively tightened his grip on the wheel making his knuckles turn white under the strain. He passed a car on the highway heading back towards the hospital, cursing under his breath about the slowness of early morning commuters.

_"Don't these people have some place to be!" _

As the back of his head throbbed, he released one hand to rub it gently against the base of his scalp, wincing slightly when he felt the lump forming there. _Great just what I needed another reason for a pounding headache. _

Sam was surrounded by a strange sense of floating. Instinctively he knew he should be worried, but the exhaustion that had become his constant companion kept him from focusing on it. He could hear the rise and fall of voices coming from the front seat and knew that whatever the two men were discussing Dean wasn't happy about it.

As the numbness ebbed away from him he could feel the deep ache that seemed to thrum through his body.

And on the very edge of his mind he could hear that voice calling again.

Sam wanted to open his eyes and find out what had aggravated his brother to the extent that he was now nearly yelling. To tell him the voice was calling to him again and he needed to escape. But his eyes had been sealed by cement, and he his throat didn't want to find the words. The voice grew closer and clearer, and Sam's energy and will slipped away, and before he could do more than moan lowly, his body gave way to sleep.

Dean sighed in belated relief as the traffic thinned out as he continued on the more rural route that strangely was the most direct path to the hospital. He took a look in the rearview, just to confirm that Sam was still there and focused once more on the road.

"He's going to be ok Dean."

"Don't"

"I'm sorry?"

"Tom, don't try to give me the pep talk right now, it sounds too much like something Sam would tell me and I'm just….I'm not up for it right now," Dean started, clear agitation in his voice. His head was throbbing from the tumble and the only thing that mattered right now was getting Sam to the hospital, running the tests and figuring out how to make his brother well. "I just want to get Sam checked out and then back someplace safe, or as safe as he can be until I can find a way to eliminate Cranson and his followers."

"You know Carrie may want to readmit him…"

Dean risked the time to stare hard at Tom. "It's not going to happen, Tom. And just so we're clear, I will kill anyone who tries to keep me from him."

Tom glanced back in Dean's direction, feeling the hostility rise in the young man. "Even if it's what's best for Sam?"

Dean half turned in his seat poking a finger into Tom's chest, foot never leaving the accelerator. "**_I decide_** what's best for Sam, not you and not some hick …"

"DEAN!"

Dean looked back out the windshield in time to see a car pull out in front of them going far too slow for the speed the Impala was traveling. That was when Dean saw the grate across the road as well.

"Shit, it's a setup…Hold on!" Dean shouted as he twisted the wheel in a vain effort to avoid both the car and the metal laying across the lane.

Tom watched from the passenger seat, helpless to do anything but hang on. Dean's driving skills had them careening across the highway, skillfully missing the back bumper of the sedan who had now slammed on their brakes to try and wreck them. As the back end of the Impala fishtailed, the back passenger tire caught one of the pieces of metal in the road blowing the tire, lifting the car briefly before spinning them back across the road toward the ditch and the forest beyond.

Dean worked the wheel as best he could, trying to keep the Impala on the road, but there wasn't enough time or space for him to compensate for the blowout. The next thing Dean knew the Impala was skidding backwards off the road and then he heard the sound of metal meeting wood. His head hit the wheel.

The world went dark.

The Impala sat motionless, her engine ticking, cooling in the early morning air from where it had stalled on impact. Her front passenger quarter panel was resting sharply against the tree that had stopped their spin.

A single car stopped next to the Impala, joined moments later by several motorcycles. The car door opened and the driver stalked toward the black car.

"Finally the prize is mine!"

The red eyes of Cranson peered into the interior of the Impala. He looked from one passenger to the other, taking in their various injuries in their unconscious state. He could tell that all three men were alive, and with the exception of his treasure none were suffering any serious injury. Looking over his shoulder where his children waited he issued his orders.

"Drug the two in the front; we don't want them to wake too soon. Once we're back at the farm we'll call in a tip about a car off the side of the road. We don't want them to _die_ out here." Cranson said snorting with laughter.

"Take the prize to the car…strip him to his shorts, leave the clothes somewhere his dear brother can find when he wakes. Oh, and let's leave Dean a picture for him to remember his brother by. I don't want anyone to say I'm cruel," he said, laughing at his joke and anticipating the surge of emotion that he could feed on from Dean as the puzzle fit together

Cranson watched gleefully as his orders were carried out. After his children drugged Dean and Tom, they pulled Sam from the back seat and stripped the clothes from his shivering body. He'd hoped Sam would be awake when he was recaptured so he could feed on that delicious terror but that was not to be. Cranson could see that there was a fresh cut on Sam's forehead and blood still flowed freely from it.

"Careful with the body, children, we don't want him any more banged up than he is…At least not yet," he finished smiling.

When Sam was loaded into the back of the car, the men returned to Cranson's side, awaiting their next instructions.

"What about the other two? Should we take them with us?" One of the followers asked eyes firmly planted on the ground in respect of his master.

"No, leave them as they are. I have plans for them both and I won't see them rushed. In time the officer will make a fine addition to our altar, I think breaking him will be most enjoyable, especially after I gain the permanent use of Sam's body. Head back to the farm I'll join you there," Cranson said taking the two photographs of Sam and writing on the bottom before moving toward Dean's unconscious form.

"As you will it," the group said and turned as one, heading back toward the bikes.

Cranson took a moment longer to stare at Dean, noting the fresh injuries and creased look of pain on his face. He smiled as he reached out, tracing the cobwebbed pattern on the window. "I told you I'd see you soon, Dean. Too bad you never listen."

Pulling open the door, the cultist took a final moment to stuff the pictures they'd taken of Sam - properly unrobed again - into each of Dean's pockets where he or the paramedics would be certain to find them. As Cranson strolled back to the waiting vehicle he chuckled to himself as Dean's cellphone rang.

"Sorry, he can't come to the phone right now…" Cranson muttered, laughing manically as he slid into the passenger seat pulling away, stealing a quick glance at his prize in the back seat.

* * *

Carrie paced around the ER looking at the clock - 10:40. They were over an hour late and there was still no word. Frustrated, she turned back to the nurse running the admissions desk. "Did you get any answer on those numbers I gave you?"

"I'm sorry Dr. Erickson; they both go to voicemail after several rings. Is there another number you want me to try?"

"No, but can you give me the number of the Sheriff's office? I want to see if maybe someone there has heard from Deputy Roberts." Carrie asked starting to get a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Sure," the woman stated passing a small slip of paper over to Carrie.

"Thank you, I'm going to call from the lounge, call me if they come in will you."

"Yes, ma'am"

Carrie made her way to the staff lounge falling into the first desk chair she could find before dialing.

"Parrish county Sheriff's office how can I help you?"

"This is Dr. Erickson from Parrish Hospital; I need to speak with the duty commander."

"One moment."

There was a too long pause as Carrie's mind created a million scenarios as to why they were late. Finally, someone answered the phone.

"This is Deputy Michaels' how can I assist you, doctor?"

"I'm looking for Tom Roberts, he was supposed to be brining the Winchesters in for some testing this morning but they haven't arrived. They're over an hour late now and I was wondering if by chance you had heard from them?" She asked unable to keep the worry from her voice.

There was a split second of silence as the deputy thought over the impending issue. "The last time Tom checked in he was preparing to leave the safe house. He said he would be in once the witnesses were settled. You say they're an hour late?"

"Yeah, when I spoke with Tom and Dean they anticipated being here by 9:40. I'm concerned that something may have happened."

Carrie could hear another voice calling the Deputy. "Doctor, can you hold on just a moment? We may have something." Her heart sank as she tried to make out the words on the other line. Somehow she knew it wasn't good news.

"Of course," she replied, dread pooling in her stomach.

Carrie watched the second hand tick by as she waited for the man to return to the line. "I apologize about that Dr. Erickson. I don't want to alarm you, but someone just called in a single vehicle accident along the route they may have been taking. I don't have any details but I'll have someone call the hospital once we know more."

"Alright, call ahead if you need the trauma team. I'll make the ER aware."

"Thanks, just sit tight. I'm sure everything will be alright. We'll let you know as soon as we have something. It may not even be them; Tom could be on scene trying to help out," the deputy said soothingly as he ended the call.

Carrie stared at the receiver in her hand, sending up a prayer that the man was right, but something told her that it was far too late for hopes.

The doctor stood silent vigil over the radio that connected the hospital to the police and EMT's. By the time the first response vehicle arrived on the scene advising the vehicle was a black Impala with only two passengers, Carrie knew they'd all lost the battle to Cranson and his followers. She knew they had long since disappeared with the only thing that mattered to the remaining passengers of the car.

Sam Winchester.

* * *

Chapter 33 is still being tweaked, for the correct amount of evil content. Hopefully it will be ready shortly. Thanks again! 


	33. Chapter 33

If Only Chapter 33

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

A/N: I know it has been a really really really long time since most of you have heard from me. You have my deepest apologies, unfortunately health issues I thought I had resolved were not and dealing with them and every day life took me away from working on the story. I am going to admit it will still be slow going on getting new chapters but I promise the story will get finished. Thank you to everyone who's read the story and had the patience to see where it will go to.

As always thanks to my wonderful beta Carocali who makes sure all is right in the world of comma's. Any errors left are my own. Now on with the story!

* * *

Carrie sat quietly between the two beds, carefully reviewing the charts of both men. Her heart had nearly stopped when they had been wheeled unconscious and bloodied through the ER doors, several hours earlier. Her perceived clout hadn't been enough to get her a spot on the trauma team evaluating either man but it had been enough to keep them together and allow her to oversee their care until they awoke. 

Once the ER had been satisfied that neither man was in any serious danger, they had been moved to a private room with several of Tom's co-workers and friends standing guard. The officers had looked to her for reassurance that their compatriot would recover and she'd done her level best to keep their spirits up. She reassured them that Tom's head wound was not serious and that once he had worked the last of the narcotics he'd been given out of his system, he'd be fine.

Both Tom and Dean had been treated aggressively to counter the most dangerous effects of the drugs found in their system. Nothing could rush the bodies own natural process in flushing the toxins out. Overall, the two had been exceptionally lucky to get out of the accident relatively unscathed.

Carrie had been able to barter for information with Deputy Michaels. She told of their medical progress, and he explained what happened at the scene of the crime. The consensus seemed to be that Dean had to have been one hell of a driver to manage to keep from either flipping his car or doing more serious damage to all of them based on the skids laid out on the road. For his efforts, Dean was sporting a nasty gash on his forehead where he connected with the steering wheel. From the initial exam in ER, it appeared that he probably had a mild to moderate concussion because of it. Both men had bruising, indicating that they'd been buckled up when the accident occurred and were bound to be sore when they awoke. Tom had a small bruise on his temple probably from impact with the window or dash but seemed to have dodged a bullet when it came to the concussion.

The only other point of concern for the ER team was the low grade fever that Dean had been running. Carrie was quick to advise of the healing gunshot wound in his arm. When examined, they'd found that the infection still had not cleared out. The team had removed the bandages, irrigated the wound and rewrapped it, starting an IV of antibiotics and fluids to help compensate for Dean's antics. Carrie knew there was little hope, short of keeping Dean sedated, that he was going to stop any time soon to let his body heal. The IV was the best Carrie could do to contribute to making sure that Dean survived the abuse he was heaping upon himself.

Carrie let her maudlin thoughts turn towards the missing Winchester and her heart ached just thinking what he could be going through. She'd learned that they'd found Sam's clothes discarded at the scene and that there were no witnesses to the events that transpired on the highway.

Every minute the trail for Sam was getting colder.

Carrie's head shot up in surprise as the door opened and Deputy Michaels stepped in.

"Any change?" he asked looking at the two unconscious men.

"Not as of yet. How about you, any new leads?"

"We've had a couple of tips called in that we're following up on; nothing I can say with any certainty," the man said as he stood at the end of the bed, looking at his commanding officer. "We'll find them. It's just a matter of time."

Carrie couldn't help but feel disheartened by the comment. Unable to control her tongue, she lashed out at the most readily available target. "The question is, will it be soon enough for you to save Sam?"

"Dr. Erickson, we're doing everything we can."

"I'm sure _you _are," she said sarcastically, "it just seems to be that every time _your_ department tries to find these guys, they slip through your fingers."

Deputy Michaels was starting to show visible signs she'd struck a nerve. His commanding officer was lying on the bed, injured, and he knew damn well how many times Cranson's cronies had gotten away. He certainly didn't appreciate this woman reminding him of their constant failures.

"Maybe you should stick to what you know, _doctor_ and leave the police work to the professionals."

Carrie was about to throw back a scathing reply when a hoarse voice stopped them both.

"Enough!"

Carrie looked over to Tom's bed to see him gazing blearily around the room. He could feel the drugs making their way out of his system, but it didn't stop the effect they were having on him. Reaching one hand up to his temple, he winced as he prodded the knot. He took a deep breath and pushed himself into a sitting position. "How long?"

"You've been _here_ for about three hours. So about a total of four, I think."

Tom looked over to Dean who had yet to stir. "Dean? How is he? Where's Sam?"

Carrie shared a look with Deputy Michaels, the two sorting out who would cover which question. They silently agreed that Carrie would cover the medical aspect of things and the deputy would discuss Sam's missing status.

"Dean's got a concussion, probably from the impact with the steering wheel," Carrie began. "He was drugged just like you were and I expect him to wake any time now. He should be just fine with some rest, not that he's going to get it." Carrie stated simply, trying to keep her tone soothing so as to not upset her patient further.

With every passing moment, Tom seemed to be gathering his wits about him. It didn't escape his notice that Carrie had left Sam out of the equation. "And what about Sam?"

The Deputy looked to Carrie before he sighed deeply. "He wasn't there when we arrived on scene, Sir."

Tom fixed the other man with the weight of his full gaze. "What did you find when you arrived on scene?"

"You and Mr. Winchester were found unconscious in the car, with no other vehicles in the area," Michaels began, all business. "There were two syringes in the vehicle as well which were used to determine what you'd been dosed with. We also found discarded clothing around the vehicle, which we have assumed belonged to Sam Winchester, as well as trace amounts of blood on the back seat. This seems to indicate that he may have made contact with the rear of the front seat at the time of impact." Michaels combed his fingers through his hair as he continued on. "We've had several tips called in about groups of motorcycles traveling the area, causing trouble for some locals in the outlying areas. We're chasing them down, but nothing concrete yet. We also collected other evidence at the scene that is currently being processed by the lab." Michaels finished pointedly, hoping Tom would understand what he was trying to tell his commander.

Tom understood that there was more that the other man needed to tell him about the accident scene but was unwilling to share the information around "civilians." Not wanting to offend Carrie with the perceived slight, he nodded briefly before continuing his train of thought aloud.

"So we've lost him," Tom said dejectedly looking over at Dean, sympathy clear in his eyes.

"It appears that way," the Deputy nodded solemnly. "What do you remember about the accident? If I may ask, Tom?"

Tom's guard was back up; clearly in police mode. "It wasn't an accident. They were waiting for us. They had a decoy car and stop sticks to run us off the road." He shook his head at the memory. "Dean's one hell of a driver! I thought we'd had it when that back tire blew but he managed to keep it together. The last thing I remember was heading for a tree, then waking up here."

Deputy Michael's shook his head as Tom relayed his story. "That's pretty much what we thought had happened when we got out there. I'm sorry we don't have better news."

Tom looked over at Dean who was starting to pull his way out of his forced sleep. He felt a stab of guilt as Dean's green eyes cracked open, searching the room, finally landing his gaze on Tom when he didn't see his brother.

"Sam?"

* * *

The voice was everywhere; there was no place to get away from it. It had started quiet and lulling and then seemed to chase him across this endless plane of gray nothingness he found himself trapped in. He'd called out for his brother again and again but this time no reply was forthcoming. He was afraid that something had taken Dean from him and that had made him run faster. He'd finally collapsed exhausted, eyes falling closed, everything falling away as he was no longer able to hide from the voice and its cruel words. 

When Sam opened his eyes again, Dean was there.

Sam was back in his bed at the safe house, just like earlier. Dean was sitting by his side; his eyes full of a wild light that frightened Sam to his core.

"Dean?"

"Sammy, you can't trust me," Dean began, hitching his breath and making it difficult to get the words out. "When I come for you next time, you have to fight me. I don't want to hurt you but he's in me and I can't keep him from hurting you. I need you to stop me. With this" Dean said holding out a silver dagger to him.

"No, Dean. I can't! I won't hurt you! You beat him before," Sam reasoned, praying that his brother would listen to reason.

"I can't do it again, Sam, he's in too deep. I can't take the chance after what he almost did last time. I can't get rid of him - I've tried," Dean begged, his body falling in on itself in pain. "Please, Sam don't let me hurt you! Next time you see me, you have to stop me," Dean said urgently thrusting the dagger into his palm. "Promise me!"

Sam's lip trembled. His head throbbed so badly and he couldn't think. Sam looked down at the knife in his hand and then back up into the eyes of the person he trusted most in the world. "I promise," he finished shakily.

Dean smiled a rare smile and ran his hand carefully though Sam's hair as the boy's eyes fell closed once again and unconsciousness pulled him under. "That's a boy. Now you rest and remember your promise." The voice whispered quietly.

As his brothers' voice followed Sam into the world of dreams and nightmares, he never saw the room for what it was. Sam lay on a moldy bed covered by several blankets; tremors running up and down his body.

Cranson looked down at the boy; the knife still clutched tightly in his fist. He'd known that the delirium of the fever would only enhance Sam's vulnerability to suggestion and now if the cavalry did show up earlier than expected, the rescue would be stopped before it could begin.

"Should we bind him to the bed, Master?"

"No, leave him as he is," the man instructed, gathering his thoughts of his next steps. "The fever and his injuries will keep him from getting far. I need all of you out collecting the items we need to finish the ritual. By this time tomorrow, I want to be walking around in a brand new body."

* * *

As sleep fell away, Dean felt his head start to pound in time with his pulse. Blindly he groped for the bump on the back of his head, but as his fingers carded through his short hair, he discovered that the pain in his head wasn't coming from the bump resting on the pillow but from somewhere near his temple. 

_Pillow? What the hell am I doing in bed _

The wave of fear drove him to open his eyes. Dean let them find their focus as he searched the room, briefly settling on Carrie and an indistinct form of someone standing near her. He knew instinctively that the figure was neither Sam nor Tom, so he turned his eyes to the other bed; the vague fear pooling in his stomach becoming dread when he saw Tom settled on the edge of the bed and not Sam.

_Don't overreact, not yet. Find out for sure. _

Dean felt a wave of nausea sweep over him. He knew it had nothing to do with his throbbing head and everything to do with the way Carrie wouldn't meet his eyes, and he knew.

"Sam?"

Everyone in the room cringed in sympathy at the pain and singular desperation that the one word held. Carrie did her best to try and deflect the question and give Tom a moment to get a grasp on how to break the news. Standing, she moved over to Dean, taking out a penlight in an attempt to check his pupil response.

Dean wasn't having any of it, fixing her with a glare that spoke volumes, "Back off, Carrie," Dean all but growled at her. Looking past her to Tom he asked again, "where's Sam?"

"Cranson has him," Tom said flatly,

"How long ago?" Dean asked already pushing himself upright. He could feel his stomach churning and from the way the room was spinning he had a pretty good idea that he had a concussion. There wasn't time to worry about that now; he'd worked injured before. The only thing that mattered now was finding Sam.

"Four hours, at least."

Dean lost what little color he had, schooling his face into a blank mask. Abruptly, he stood, swaying on his feet, pulling the IV from his arm with anger. Carrie reached out a hand to help only to have it batted away as Dean stiffened his spine; his body language making it clear he wanted no help.

Carrie couldn't keep the hurt his actions caused or her concern for him from her voice. "What do you think you're doing? Do you even know how lucky you both are not to be injured worse?"

Dean glared at her for a moment, "_I'm_ going to find my brother," his voice taking on a menacing tone. "You think we were lucky? This wasn't luck, it was planned. All of it. I won't tell you again, Carrie back off!"

Dean stalked past Carrie to the small closet, pulling it open, finding his boots and jacket inside. Pulling both out, he flung the jacket onto the bed as he sat to put his boots on. "We have to head out to the farmhouse"

Tom sighed as he met Dean's fierce glare. "Dean we don't know they're there. It's just a guess. If they've got Sam there, we need to work on a strategy to get him."

"Here's a plan for you. You've still got that idiot in lock up, don't you? Let me _ask_ him where his buddies are staying. He seemed only too happy to tell me what they'd done to Sam before, maybe he'll slip up. Especially if I help him remember," Dean said angrily.

"I'm not going to let you torture somebody in my custody to get information."

"Why? They did it to Sam, and if he…if something happens to him, it won't matter if he's in custody."

"Then you'll be no better than they are. It won't come to that, Dean," Tom answered, trying to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. "You have a point though. Let's start by seeing if our guest is willing to cut a deal, see if that gets us anything. In the meantime, we can continue to check all other leads for Sam, alright?"

Dean clenched his fist around his jacket in anger at Tom's calm tone and cool headed logic. He knew the man made sense but his instincts told him he was out of time and something needed to happen fast. Dean waited impatiently while Tom collected his things as well before Dean pulled his jacket on and stood. He looked at Carrie, as if daring her to object to his leaving.

The two engaged in a silent contest of wills before Carrie gave in and verbalized her acceptance. "I'll get your discharge paperwork together, alright, but just listen to me for a second, please," she implored Dean. "You're still running a fever and you've got a concussion I want you to call me if you start having problems with your vision or if your fever worsens. I know you want to find Sam, but you won't do him any good dead." Seeing that her plea was falling on mostly deaf ears, she tried a different attack. "Just promise me when you find him you'll both come back and get checked out."

"I promise," Dean said squeezing her shoulder, knowing that she really did have their best interest at heart. He looked back over to where Tom was speaking with the other officer and asked, "We ready?"

"Yeah. Deputy Michaels is going to give us a ride to the station. We can figure out our next move from there."

* * *

Dean was surprised with the amount of support and sympathy he received when they returned to the station. All of the officers seemed to acknowledge the importance of finding Sam; whether stopping them to offer assistance or just in making sure they caught Dean or Tom's eye with their silent and steady gaze. It spoke volumes of how tight this unit was. 

Tom seemed to take it in stride, but he could tell that Dean was feeling out of his element. He was sure the young man wasn't used to working as part of a large scale team and Tom could tell it was making him edgy. Tom was sure the blow Dean took to his head wasn't helping his disposition either. He'd kept a close eye on the younger man and had watched him furtively rub at his temples and pinch the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve some of the pain. Even now, Dean had taken to squinting because of the bright overhead florescent lighting. Tom was hoping to keep a step ahead of the symptoms and had already offered Dean a couple of additional painkillers for the headache which he'd taken cautiously but gratefully. Even in the relative warmth of the station house, Dean still had yet to lose the heavy jacket he'd been wearing, which made Tom even more concerned about his overall well being.

_'At least the painkiller should help with the fever' _

It seemed that, much like his younger brother, the higher his temperature climbed, the shorter his ability to be patient and deal with a situation became. As it was now, Dean's frustration was becoming less subtle. When he let out another large sigh as Tom was called away again, Tom knew something had to give.

Tom knew he was stalling but he didn't have a choice. He was waiting on a call from the district attorney's office on what deal they could offer before walking into the interrogation room. He didn't want to lose this one on a technicality, especially if anything happened to Sam. He was searching for a way to distract Dean when the younger man gave him an opening.

Dean felt like hell and knew that he needed to keep it together or Tom was going to try and side line him again. And there was _no_ way he wasn't going after his brother. As he held a trembling hand against his temples trying to soothe away the near blinding pain behind his eyes, he could feel Tom's eyes assess him critically. Pulling his mask into place, he knew it was time to get away from the older man, if even for a few minutes, so he could get his act together.

"Is there a place I can check my email? I sent out some feelers on Cranson this morning and someone may have something by now."

"Yeah, you can use my computer," Tom said making his way to the familiar office. Once he logged into the system, he backed away from the desk to let Dean slide into the chair and pull up the browser.

Tom waited a moment to make sure Dean didn't have any questions about the system. Watching the man become engrossed in whatever he was reading, Tom quietly started moving toward the door.

The knock on Tom's open door frame startled both men causing Dean to jerk his head up in annoyance. "What now?" Dean growled.

The woman in the doorway looked panicked and ready to cry from the tone Dean used. "I'm sorry; I can come back… the garage said..."

Tom held up a hand trying to soothe the young woman. "There's no problem, we're just a little busy. What can we do for you?"

The woman stood sniffling for another moment before pulling herself together. "Oh, right. The impound lot said I should return these to Mr. Winchester." She said holding up the keys to the Impala. "They said he'd want them back."

Tom took the keys from her before Dean ever considered standing. He dropped them on the desktop near Dean's right hand, knowing the man would claim them when he was finished. "I'm sure Dean appreciates getting his keys back. I take it the car is out in the lot?"

"Y..yes sir," She finished and before elaborating further, disappeared out of the doorway. Dean could see her making her way down the hall, and he turned his full attention back to the screen in front of him.

"As soon as we're ready to pull him in and talk, I'll come get you."

Dean grunted in acknowledgement as his eyes flicked up to Tom and then back to the screen. His fingers nearly flying across the keyboard.

* * *

Tom swung the door closed hoping that his staff would understand the unspoken request to give Dean some space. He wasn't sure how long the distraction would last but every moment was a blessing. Deputy Michaels caught Tom's eye again and signaled the man over now that he was alone. With a final look back at the closed door, Tom moved toward the other man, not sure if he was ready to hear what the man had to say. 

Deputy Michaels sighed in relief, as did several other officers, when Dean finally disappeared behind the closed door of Tom's office. It wasn't that they didn't feel for the young man, they just needed a break. With the recent loss of one of their own, it was far too easy to sympathize with the pain, both physical and emotional, radiating from the older Winchester. The problem was they all knew he was a wild card and while Tom vouched for his reliability, it was hard for some of the others - Michaels included - to just accept the man with open arms.

Tom joined everyone at the large conference table in the far corner of the office.

"So, what couldn't you tell me before about the accident scene?"

"It's about Samuel Winchester"

"What about Sam?"

"When we arrived on scene, both you and Dean Winchester were unconscious. Both the drivers' side doors were open and there was no sign of Samuel Winchester, other than the clothes left near the rear door."

"This isn't anything you didn't already tell me," Tom started, annoyance becoming clear in his voice.

"When the EMT's were prepping Dean for transport, they found something."

"What?! Stop dragging this out and just tell me."

"They found pictures…of Samuel."

"Pictures? Where?"

"They were stuffed into Dean's pockets; one shows Samuel being taken from the car. The other one is after they had him stripped. They left a message for Dean on them."

Tom paled as he processed the information. He knew that when Dean found out he'd be enraged and devastated, blaming himself for not being able to keep it from happening. For not protecting Sam better.

"Where are the pictures?"

"The lab is working on them. I let them know that you'd want to review them as soon as they were processed for trace evidence." Michaels looked back towards the closed office door before continuing. "He was right you know?"

"Who was right about what?"

" Winchester, he's right about where they're keeping his brother. That is, if he meant the farmhouse where we recovered Samuel in the first place."

"Why do you… how do you know that?"

"The pictures. The message on them is clear, this guy Cranson? He left a clear challenge for Winchester to try and get his brother back. Says he can find him exactly where he was found."

Tom was livid about the casual way that his subordinate was relaying the information as if it had no merit. "And you've been sitting on this information since before we arrived at the hospital, doing nothing?" Tom said, lowly rage coloring his voice.

Michaels realized that his commander had misunderstood his communication and stammered to correct the seething Deputy. "No sir! I would never. As soon as I recognized the pictures for what they were, I assigned two unmarked units to head out there and get an idea of what was going on. I told them to call in once they had arrived on scene and gained an assessment of the situation without moving onto the property. We should be hearing from them at anytime now, I just thought it best to keep the information from Winchester until we had a plan to move on."

Tom took a deep cleansing breath before continuing his coloring returning to normal. "You're right about that. We need to act fast before Dean finds out and gets himself killed."

"Understood."

Tom pointed to two of the other officers sitting at the table. The time for discussing was over; it was time to get a plan of action. "You two, go grab a couple of maps of the area and see if we've got a copy of the house blue prints on file. Michaels, go check in with the two units see if they can get us a head count out there but make it clear no risk taking. We don't need to give them more hostages," Tom stated emphatically.

As the men scattered, Tom poured himself a cup of coffee and spared another look at the closed door hoping that luck would stay on his side and Dean would remain oblivious for a little while longer.

* * *

Dean breathed his first sigh of near relief when he pulled up his emails, seeing several responses to his inquiries. Scanning through the first, he lost some of his initial hope. He hadn't been completely honest with Tom when he said that he'd sent out emails about Cranson's group. What he'd done was send out a desperate plea searching for a way to keep Cranson from forcing Sam's soul out, or if all else failed, a way to get Sam reconnected to his body. 

Joshua had come up empty. While he'd run into collectors before, he'd never had an option to do anything other than eliminate the collector and set the souls that still lived free to move on. He'd also never run into a collector that was already non corporeal as well; most were still working their first deal, trying to gain their promised powers. The best advice he had was to trap Cranson in a body and then treat Cranson like an exorcism. He also suggested that once it was done, Dean should find Cranson's bones salt and burn the body to eliminate the spirit coming back again.

_Wonder if anyone knows where his body's buried?_

Dean continued to mull things over as he skimmed the rest of the email, finding little else of use. He closed it down and moved onto the next.

Dean knew he hit pay dirt when he opened the final email from Bobby. The old friend of the family not only had a way to get Sam back in his body, but a way to link the brothers together so if Cranson _did_ manage to push Sam out, he wouldn't be able to collect the soul and hold it hostage. Dean refused to allow himself to think about how wrong things would have to go to have that be necessary, but he was going in prepared for anything.

Dean was just pulling out a pad and pen to copy down Bobby's instructions, when there was another quiet knock on the door. Before Dean could answer it swung open and a haggard face peered in the room, looking confusedly at Dean.

"You're not Tom? Why're you here?"

"No, I'm not, because I'm using his computer. Is there something you need?" Dean rumbled at the man, distractedly while he finished copying Bobby's instructions down, hoping to scare him away, the pounding in his head leaving him in no mood for another set of twenty questions.

The man held out a sealed plastic evidence bag. "I was to give these to Tom once I finished with them." Dean started to reach out for the bag when the small man pulled the bag back reflexively, "but he's not here."

Curiosity was getting the better of Dean and he reached out a hand again. "I'll give them to him when he comes back. Would that be okay?" Dean cajoled.

The man looked wary for a second and then placed the bag in Dean's hands before turning to leave the office. "Tell him I got some prints off them and I'll let him know as soon as we get a match."

Dean barely heard the words as the small man scurried from the room. As soon as the bag had hit his hands, he'd glanced down at the contents.

Everything else faded away.

Seeing the pictures grasped in his hands, Dean felt instant and blinding rage take over. He was out of the office and across the bullpen before he truly considered his actions; his deadly focus on Tom.

Tom was quietly issuing orders for locations of various units when Dean's blow to his back pushed him into the table.

"You son of a bitch! Is this all some game to you? Sam's just bait now? How could you not tell me?" Dean bellowed as he connected with his target, again.

A hush fell over the room, as all eyes turned toward the two men. Several of the men gathered near Tom who was turned to meet Dean's angry gaze. Someone moved to step between him and Dean, but Tom raised a hand, holding them back.

Tom squared his shoulders, facing Dean head on.

"Dean, it's not what you think..."

"Not what I…" Dean stopped, chest heaving in anger. He lifted his arm, waving the plastic evidence sleeve holding the pictures in front of Tom's face.

"This isn't hard to mistake," Dean began, voice wavering. "They took… took my brother and they _stripped_ him like some slave unworthy of wearing clothes. And you _knew_, and said _nothing_ to me."

"Dean I…"

"No. Don't!" Dean said, holding up his hand to silence the older man "I don't want to hear your excuses. I was _wrong_ to trust you and I was _wrong_ to believe that you wouldn't sell me and Sam out. I'm done doing this your way. The message you obviously didn't want me to see is clear."

"Dean..."

"I don't want to hear it!" Dean yelled. Pointing a finger at Michaels he turned his rage on the other officer. "You've known where Sam was for _hours_ and you both fed me that bullshit line about following up all possible leads. More like giving Cranson time to get a brand new body," Dean accused, taking a step closer. "What'd he promise you, huh, Michaels? What was your price to give up Sam? What's the value of my brother's life?" Dean snarled in the man's face.

Tom physically stepped between the two men, laying a gentle hand on Dean's chest. Tom could tell that the rage was taking its toll on Dean's health; his color had paled considerably and even now he could see the fevered glaze in those furious eyes. Dean flinched away as if scalded, and Tom could see the fear battling the rage in Dean's eyes.

"Please, just give me a chance to explain." Tom waited to see if Dean would shut him down again. When he didn't, he continued in the same quiet, steady voice. "I just found out about the pictures as well. Michaels has already sent out unmarked units to the farm to get an idea of what we're up against."

"I know what we're dealing with, and Sam doesn't have time for this. When you have your plan together you can meet me there." Dean turned, trying to keep himself together long enough to get to his brother. "As I said before, I'm not promising they'll be anyone left alive for you to arrest this time," Dean said as he threw the pictures at Tom and continued in the direction he started; the back of the station and the impound yard.

"Dean, wait," Tom called out to the retreating figure.

Dean stopped, leaning heavily against the doorframe, feeling the effects of the accident coming at him full-throttle. But that didn't matter; not when Sam's life was at stake. He refused to look at Tom as he tried to catch his breath and hide the weariness clear in his voice and every line of his body.

"Tom, I'm going and there's nothing you can say to stop me."

"Give me ten minutes and I'll come with you. You owe me that," Tom begged. "Please."

Tom felt the anger, rage and distrust leveled on him as Dean finally turned and looked at him. But within that stare, he thought there was a touch of hope.

"Meet me at the car if you're late I'm gone."

Dean disappeared down the hall as Tom turned back to his men. "Alright, this is what has to happen…."

* * *

A/N2: So that's chapter 33 hope you enjoyed. Thanks again for everyone who has stuck around! 


	34. Chapter 34

**If Only Chapter 34: Finally...**yes it's been a really long time and yes I am alive. I've never given up on the story life just took me away from it for a while. Thanks as always to Carocali, the great beta and even better friend who continues to check up on me and make sure that I'm still breathing!! Thank you to everyone who had read and enjoyed the story so far.

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated that many of you may not even remember where I left off but eventually I hope you enjoy the newest installment.

* * *

Dean moved cautiously towards his car. He hadn't been stopped by anyone since his final words with Tom. He was curious and heartsick with the thought of the damage done to his baby but was more aware that with every passing tick on the clock, it meant he was one second closer to losing Sam forever.

The Impala was parked at the end of the lot closest to the gate leading back to the main road. Dean knew the damage was on the passenger side - he could vaguely remember the feeling of the car skidding out of his control and the sound of metal against wood as the car had finally come to a halt.

He noticed that someone had replaced the back tire that had blown out. He also realized it wasn't with the spare in his trunk.

_Need to thank Tom for that one._

Dean was surprised and impressed that the man had been able to keep the garage staff and any of the other officers away from the cache of weapons they'd stored in the trunk. Had someone like Deputy Michaels seen the contents of the Impala, Dean was sure there'd be no way that Tom would be able to continue to convince his men that Dean really was one of the good guys.

Walking around the front of the car, he got his first look at the damage. Groaning inwardly, Dean gingerly ran a hand lovingly down the mangled front quarter panel. What was once glossy and smooth metal was now rippled like an ocean wave. In several places, long scratches went through the paint and he could see where the door had actually taken the brunt of the damage. While Dean was distraught over the damage to his car, he was thankful that the crash hadn't rendered the car un-drivable; it had merely marred its normally pristine appearance.

"As soon as we find Sammy, I'll get you fixed up, I promise," he whispered to the car, patting it gently.

When he stood up from his crouch, Dean held tight to the side of his baby as the world slid in and out of focus for a moment. He could feel his heart rate pick up and his forehead break out in a cold sweat.

_You're not passing out._

Dean leaned his weight against the frame and took a few deep breaths; the extra oxygen and lack of movement helping his body to calm. He moved to the driver's side and carefully slid behind the wheel. Checking his watch, he found that he still had to give Tom almost another 5 minutes to appear. The hunter could feel the pounding in his temples growing again and his eyes started to slip closed. Looking down at his watch again, Dean let his head rest gently against the wheel, wishing the pain away. The cool feeling of the wheel on his forehead had his eyes closing reflexively in relief. Before he could stop himself, he drifted into the waiting dark.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tom hurried down the hallway, continuing to issue orders as he moved toward the impound yard; trying to make the most of the ten minutes allotted to him. Michaels kept doggedly on his heels, making notes as they went.

"You have any last questions?"

"What about Winchester?"

"What about him?"

"I'm not stupid, Tom, I know who he is and he should be in a holding cell along with that thug that tried to kill his brother," Michaels said, questioning the motives of his superior, wanting to know more. "What're you doing? I know you want to catch these guys but…?"

Tom turned and leveled his gaze on the younger officer. Michaels started to take a step back at the look in those eyes, but then held his ground. He needed to understand what was going on.

"What exactly are you planning on doing with your information?"

"Nothing at the moment, S_ir._ I guess it really depends on you. I just need to know why you've disregarded the information you have on the man," he answered, hoping that he hadn't stepped too far. "I mean, from the date on the file, I saw you've known the whole time and you haven't said one thing to anyone about it. I know that this is about his brother and all but we are supposed to be upholding the law not aiding and abetting fugitives from justice?"

"You're right, I've known since just after Sam Winchester was brought into the hospital. In fact, I went and looked up Dean Winchester as soon as I finished speaking with him."

Tom stopped walking and faced the man directly, part of him wanted to brush the man aside but understanding that if he did not tread carefully with his explanation, then the whole plan to rescue Sam Winchester would fall apart at the seams. Everything he'd risked would've been for naught.

"Look, I can't tell you what to believe, but I know that those charges against Dean Winchester can **_not _**be for the same man I've been dealing with, regardless of the picture on the file. None of it fits what he's shown all of us since his brother's kidnapping." Tom scrubbed a hand over his face, hoping that he'd be able to convince his protégé "He had to know when he showed up to check on Sam that walking into that hospital could get him arrested on the spot. He could've hung back and waited for Sam to recover and be released, but he didn't. He walked in there and talked to me. When they tried to kidnap Sam, Dean's only concern after being shot was that he not be separated from his brother. That he be kept safe. Does that sound like a man wanted for rape and murder? "

"I don't know?" the younger man hesitated, "I'd have to agree he's cooperated completely with us and helped break this case open, but it doesn't change that we are bound to follow up on the warrant."

"When this is over, if you want to bring me up on charges for dereliction of duty because I didn't serve the warrant, then you are welcome to, but _please,_ I'm asking that you trust me on this. We don't need to bring any more trouble to these boys." Tom sighed, knowing he was short on time, and Dean was short on patience. "Wait until you've had a chance to see everything that I have about these two. There is more going on here than you can understand - hell I'm not sure that _I_understand all of it myself. The one thing that I do know, is that they're the only way we're going to be able to stop Cranson and his thugs. I'm not asking you to trust him or Sam; I'm asking you to trust _me_ to know what I'm doing."

Tom watched Michaels warily as he saw different emotions cross the officer's face. He knew that the man dealt best with black and white and had difficulty accepting that shades of gray not only existed, but were a necessary part of what they did on a daily basis. Michaels needed to follow the rules of wrong versus right, but Tom was a good man, even if he was taking him outside of his comfort zone It only took a few moments but Michaels finally nodded "When this is over, I want you to explain it to me. Show me what it is about them that makes them different and we'll see where it goes. Until then, I'll follow your lead, Sir."

Tom relaxed visibly, "Thank you."

* * *

Taking a deep breath of relief as he watched Michaels head back into the station, Tom turned made his way across the garage, a sense of foreboding nagging his every step.

Tom went over all of the directions he'd just given out looking for some small detail he'd overlooked or missed. He'd called in all the markers he had with various agencies in the area and they were standing by to help if it became necessary. The only agency he'd requested come now was the Search and Rescue dog teams. Both several hours out, but Tom had a feeling when all was said and done that they'd need their assistance to find all the victims this gang had collected during their tyranny. Tom had no illusions that this was going to get messy. As much as he dreaded to think about it, the loss of part of their team was not only possible, but more than likely.

As the Impala came in sight, Tom was surprised that he couldn't hear the big motor growling, waiting impatiently for his arrival. Looking down at his watch, he noted he was just running out of time and he half expected to watch Dean pull out without giving him a second look. Tom looked through the glass of the windshield and his heart stuttered in his chest.

_No, no no not again, Carrie will kill me if something's happened to you. _

Tom moved swiftly over to the driver's door seeing Dean had passed out with his head on the wheel of his beloved car. Relieved to find the door unlocked, he pulled the door open alarmed when the creaking groan did nothing to stir the eldest Winchester from his slumber.

He reached in and pulled Dean gently away from the wheel, leaning him back against the seat. Tom could feel the heat radiating off of the man like a furnace and knew that Dean's tired body was slowly succumbing to its many injuries.

"Dean, can you hear me?" Tom asked, patting his cheek lightly to stimulate a response. A low groan greeted his action and Tom was fixed with feverish green eyes a moment later.

"'om? How lon?"

"Not sure, man, just got here. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Waiting for you. Had five minutes left before.." Dean's head shot up as full awareness returned. "Jesus, Sam!! We need to go NOW!" he finished, lurching forward to start the big engine.

Tom held out a restraining hand in an attempt to slow Dean down. "Take a minute, Dean. Can you even see well enough to drive?"

Dean waved off the other man's concerns, "Doesn't matter. Have to get to Sam - we're running out of time. Either get in or get out of the way," he said, trying to push Tom out of the door frame so he could close the door."

"Not going to happen, Dean," Tom said as he held his place one arm securely on the door the other resting on the back of the seat behind Dean's head. "I'm not going to stop you from going, I know I can't do that, but let me drive. At least I can get you there in one piece."

"No."

"Dean, look at me. Tell me you seriously believe you can get the Impala out of this garage and out to the farmhouse, without killing yourself or some innocent person on the road, and I'll leave it be. _B__ut _if you really want to work on trying to save Sam, then be honest with yourself - and me - and slide over. I'll get you there, you have my word," Tom said, forcing Dean to look him in the eye.

Dean stared at the older man defiantly for several seconds before nodding mostly to himself and sliding across the bench seat to the passenger side.

"Don't think this means I trust you with my baby, it's a one time deal, understood?"

Tom slid behind the wheel of the big muscle car and turned over the engine. "Understood," he answered quietly, as he put the car in gear and pulled out onto the highway.

-o-o-o-oo-

Cranson had felt Dean's slide into unconsciousness and was tempted to try and break through the young man's defenses again but held back when he realized soon enough Dean would be his to play with for as long as he wished. Cranson knew that the pictures of Sam had done their intended job.

His children had already reported the location of the two "undercover" units sitting just outside the limits of the farm, watching and waiting for further orders. They had wanted to collect the officers as appetizers for the upcoming ritual but he'd held them back. The disappearance of any more policemen would make the main course hesitate in coming close enough for him to grab. Nothing would stop him from getting his hands on that pesky cop and what would be the crowning achievement of his collection - the other Winchester soul. That was the prize that he was _really_ after.

While he coveted Sam's body for his new home, the breaking and owning of Dean Winchester had become his ultimate goal. It was no longer enough for him to beat this adversary, he wanted to see him on his knees begging for his life when he took his brother's body for his own.

He allowed the joy and mirth he felt at that thought rumble through the old farmhouse and out into the waning day. He felt the anger and the impatience of the officers parked out of sight but below that, the fear that they all had at the possibility of being captured like their comrade. He fed briefly on that sweet taste before turning back to watch the set up for the ritual. Seeing that everything was in place, he threw out a wave of pleasure to his children letting them know he was happy with their work as they basked in the heady feeling.

"It's almost time to for me and my new body to become one. Prepare Sam to be brought down, but be gentle with him; I don't want any more marks on my new body." He chuckled as he watched his children move around the house making ready for what was to come.

"Make sure he's as comfortable as he can be before we get him back on the altar. I wouldn't want our guests to think we are being cruel to the poor boy, and I would hate to have anyone see him in pain."

As his children scurried to do his bidding, Cranson let his laugh ring through the farm; his plans would be completed. He'd already renegotiated the contract he had pending to include the Winchester brother's souls, and he had been promised a handsome bonus should he succeed in having the youngest Winchester displace his soul willingly. It seemed that a higher-up had use for the young one's soul and was already setting up negotiations to purchase it after collection. In payment for the intact and undamaged soul, the demon was more than happy to give him an extended corporeal life in Sam's body as payment for a job well done. His bonus was almost as sweet; he got to keep the elder Winchester's soul for torment for as long as he wanted.

-o-o-o-o-oo-

Sam shifted in his drugged slumber; the feeling of safety and protection that normally surrounded him having left abruptly. Something was wrong, as Sam floated in and out of awareness. Voices continued to call him, pulling his fractured thoughts like taffy, making any coherency impossible for the young man.

They'd been in the car, heading to see Carrie, Dean suddenly anxious to have his brother back in the hands of the hospital he'd been so adamant they stay away from. Part of Sam was scared by this drastic change. He was afraid that his earlier dream was coming true and that when they arrived Dean would leave him there and never come back for him. If he struggled, he could remember being in the car listening to Dean and Tom, but then everything was confusing. There were flashes but he wasn't sure what was real or a dream: the squeal of tires, Dean yelling, the smell of burning rubber and then a bone crunching stop before everything went black.

Sam also remembered his brother had come to him begging, pleading. Dean was afraid he would hurt Sam again, against his will. He couldn't bear to let Cranson win, so he'd made Sam promise to stop him, leaving him with a weapon to protect himself; from Dean.

Since then, Sam had drifted closer to waking, wanting to know why Dean wasn't with him. But everything hurt so much and his eyes just wouldn't open. He could feel the bite of the knife handle in his grip, and what should've been a reassuring feeling of having a weapon in his hand still felt wrong. The handle wasn't right and Sam instinctively knew that the blade did not belong to either of them.

_Why would Dean give me a stranger's knife? _

Sam tried to follow the train of thought but lost it moments later as another wave of pain made itself known. It was then that he sensed another presence in the room. He wanted to call out but his lips, like his eyes, wouldn't work with him to form the words and before he could try again to pry open his bleary eyes he was floating back into the dark.

-o-o-o-o-

Dean managed to stay conscious through the entire ride out to the farm. Despite Tom's offer to let him sleep until they arrived, Dean knew that the man's best interests for him would make him want to let Dean sleep through the rescue attempt and that was something that was not going to happen.

Dean was going to be the one to pull Sam from that house. He'd lost his brother once to this cult and hadn't been good enough to find him, but it wasn't going to happen this time.

Dean looked over in shock as Tom continued past the entrance for the farm but held his tongue when he saw the unmarked cars sitting several hundred feet down the road, obviously waiting on their arrival.

Tom parked the car on the shoulder of the road and waited while an officer moved out of each vehicle and slid into the back seat of the big car. Both men turned to face the newest occupants of the vehicle.

"Status report," Tom stated bluntly not wanting to waste any more time.

"We've been on site for a little over three hours now; my unit pulled in just as they were unloading Winchester," the first officer began. "As far as we can tell, he is currently being held in one of the rooms on the upper floor. Since then, there has been no movement in or out of the farmhouse. Although we have noted lights coming on in different areas and the smoke coming from the chimney only started about an hour ago."

"What makes you think Sam is upstairs?"

"We followed the trail of lights as they came on," the man explained. "The room farthest to the right from our location on the upper floor had the curtains open prior to the movement into the house. A few minutes after arrival those were pulled closed and interior lights came on. It's our best guess at this point."

"Anything else?" Tom asked looking toward the other passenger.

"Yes, Sir, our unit beat the arrival of the group by about fifteen minutes and was able to complete a circuit of the home undetected…"

Tom's face mottled in restrained anger, "That was not part of your assignment. You were supposed to be here to observe only! No one was to set foot on the property until we had the warrants in place, not to mention it was a stupid stunt on your part. What if you'd been captured like Paul, and then you'd be another thing for us to focus on?"

"I'd apologize, Sir but I'm not sorry," the second man stated, defiantly. "We needed more to go on then the blueprints that were on file. We got in and out fast. And we did come up with something useful."

"What?"

"The cellar doors listed on the blueprints aren't useable anymore. They've been booby-trapped. We found another entrance on the North facing wall that leads into a garage bay/cellar entrance. That's where they'll be coming in and out of when we make our move. Had we followed the blueprints, there's no telling how many men we would've lost."

"What about access to the upper floors? How many people are guarding the front?" Dean asked, wanting to know the fastest way to his brother.

The two men exchanged glances with each other before continuing. "It _appears_ that no one is watching the front door, but we're pretty sure that it's a trap - a lure to make a head-on assault seem like the best idea," the first man theorized, receiving a nod from the other officer. "Like the cellar doors, we're guessing they have some sort of trap set on them. Although they did use that entrance when they brought Winchester inside, but again that may have been for our benefit."

"They know we're here," added the other man. "They can see our cars from the upper windows. They've made damn sure there is no tree line for any cars to hide behind for over half a mile, but just like we said, all has been quiet.

"Our reconnoiter did show us that there is a back stair off an East facing room that's against the wall. It appears to lead directly to the upper floor and has the best concealment," said the first officer, getting back to his original line of thought. "If we wanted to make a rescue attempt, but in turn they could be hiding in ambush. There's no way to tell until we get in there."

Tom thought over the information, formulating a plan. He began laying out the information to the others when he was startled from his planning by Dean suddenly pulling the keys from the ignition and opening the passenger door.

Tom and the other officers had only just moved outside the vehicle as Dean opened the trunk and pulled out a small duffle and began to fill it.

Tom stood in awe for a moment at the cache of weapons in the trunk, watching as holy water, lighter fluid, knives, a sawed off shot gun, a couple of smaller bags that were tied closed and several different types of rounds went into the bag. The ever-present container of salt joined the mix as well before Dean tucked a 9mm into his pants and another into a holster he wrapped around his ankle. Before Tom could consider moving, Dean had closed the trunk, swinging the bag on to his uninjured shoulder and started back up the road toward the farm. The slam of the lid brought Tom out of his stupor.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"To get Sam," Dean stated still moving forward. "I told you before I wasn't waiting around for you guys to get him killed. I'm doing this _my_ way."

"What do you plan on doing? Walking up to the front door and knocking? What? You think they're going to give you Sam back just 'cause you show up?"

Dean stopped and looked at Tom. "No, I _expect _them to take me to my brother and then to Cranson. Then, I _expect_that one of us is going to die, with any luck it'll be Cranson. That's what all of this is about. Cranson wants me to watch as he breaks Sam, steals his body and then collects his soul. Cranson is betting that I will do anything to get us both out alive. But here's the thing, Cranson's wrong. The only thing I care about is getting _Sam_ out. Everything after that is gravy. If I have to die killing this fucker, then I will, but he is _not_ getting Sam's body or his soul."

"That's suicide."

"Never said it wasn't, I only told you that there may not be anyone left for you to arrest when this is done, and that includes me," Dean finished and started walking again.

The two other officers slid out from the Impala and made a move to grab Dean when he pulled the gun from his waist band, holding it on them.

"Tom, officers, I appreciate everything you've all done in helping with Sam but I've got to do this and I really can't let any of you stop me."

Tom held his hands up to his men waving them back. "It's alright, don't stop him. You know what the plan is. Michaels is in charge once he arrives on scene. Let him know that Dean and I have gone to try and extricate Sam Winchester."

"But, Sir…"

"You're not coming…"

Tom talked over all the voices, his tone of voice making it clear that he was in charge of the situation and arguing was pointless. Dean had stopped walking backward and rolled his eyes at Tom, waiting to see what the older man had to say.

"You have your orders. I'm counting on all of you to make sure that we come out on top. Make sure that someone calls in EMS before the final breach so we have adequate transport to Parish County. I have a feeling we're going to need it."

Tom moved forward and Dean raised his gun again, stopping the older man in his tracks.

"You are _not_ coming with me."

"Yes, I am, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me, Dean."

"I could shoot you," Dean said cocking the weapon to make his point.

It was Tom's turn to roll his eyes and call Dean's bluff. "You could do that, and then my men would shoot you, and there would be no one left to be in charge of rescuing your brother until Lt. Michaels gets here. Are you sure you want to waste that much time just to keep me from coming with you?"

"You have _no_ idea what you are walking into. I can't worry about you, too, while I'm trying to get Sam out of there."

"Dean, you're going to need an extra set of hands to get Sam out of there no matter what you think. They've taken him _upstairs_. Do you really think he's in any better shape than this morning when he almost face-planted off the porch? And you think in _your_ condition you can carry him by yourself? I know the risks, now let's get in the car, we're wasting time," Tom finished, pushing Dean's gun aside and heading back for the driver's seat.

Dean looked at Tom warily as he climbed back into the Impala, tempted to remain where he was and see what would happen, but when Tom fired up the engine and put the big car into gear, Dean jumped into the passenger seat before it could pull away.

"Where the hell are we going? They've already seen us it's not like we can sneak up on them at this point."

Tom just chuckled as he turned the car back the way they came, passing by the entrance of the farm again without even slowing.

"I'm trying to draw some of them out. Cranson has to know you're here. From everything you've told me, he's got some kind of homing signal or fix on the two of you, so he's expecting you. Now he can tell you're leaving, and if he's still reading you, he's got no idea where you are going cause neither do you. Hopefully it'll make him sloppy and send some of his members out to collect you. Besides, there's another way to approach the house on foot, it might give us an element of surprise."

The two drove for another ten minutes before Tom turned down a dirt lane, filled with twists and turns, and far too many potholes for Dean's liking. He spent most of his time cringing as his baby bottomed out on one rut after another, but Tom never hesitated, following the snake trial to where it dead-ended at an old barn. Tom carefully slid the big car through the dilapidated doors and turned off the motor.

The two men exited the vehicle and Tom motioned for Dean to follow him. Silently, the pair peered out the far end of the barn. Dean could see the dirt road they'd followed had actually brought them back up to the Eastern side of the house where Sam was being held.

Dean moved quietly back to the car and retrieved a pair of field glasses so he could get a better look at the house and the room that held the staircase. Even from this distance, Dean could see several trip wires gleaming in the late afternoon sun.

_The whole place is probably rigged _

Dean used the glasses to sweep the rest of the house, making note of any possible ambush sites before handing them over to the older man for his assessment. Dean watched, impressed, as the older man made a similar assessment of the property. Tom spoke aloud about the different trip wires he saw and Dean confirmed each of them.

"So, what do we do now? I know the distance is shorter, but it's not like there are more trees to help us here than out front."

"Now, we give the signal and go in while our back up units give us some cover and a nice diversion."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, the two units you saw sitting out front should have been joined by most of the department with one goal in mind: make sure that everyone's eyes are focused on what's going on out in front and not what we might be doing in the back of the house. Hopefully, we'll make it across the yard and to Sam before they ever think to check the rear for reinforcements."

Dean looked at the older man for a moment as if he were insane and then shrugged his shoulders. "Better than anything I've got. Let's do it."

Dean shouldered his duffle making sure to keep his 9mm in hand. He watched as Tom pulled a hand-held radio from his jacket speaking softly into it for a moment. Dean's head whipped around when he heard the sounds of not only sirens but a bull horn in the distance.

"That's our signal, let's move."

Tom took the lead out of the old barn with Dean at his side. Between the two men, they made their way across the field, deftly avoiding the traps and early warnings set out by Cranson and his followers.

The closer they got to the house, the better Dean could hear the interaction between the occupants of the house and what sounded like Lt. Michaels on the bull horn. Dean couldn't help but crack a brief smile at the amount of utter chaos that seemed to be taking place. He strained to hear more but as he drew close to their entry window, Dean turned all of his focus to the task at hand.

Dean tried to open the window using his knife to turn the inside lock to open. He pulled up only to see it move an inch. Dean could see the bottom of several nails wedged into the frame of the window holding it closed. Making a frustrated grunt, he turned to Tom.

"They've got it nailed from the inside. If I force the window, there is no way they are not going to hear us."

Tom laid a hand on Dean's shoulder stopping the younger man from banging his head against the wall in frustration. Tom pulled out his two way radio again and sent out a series of tones, holding up a finger obviously waiting for a response. Moments later, a responding series of tones came back and Tom nodded his head -- a small smile playing across his face.

"Wait about thirty seconds and we should have all the distraction we need."

Dean looked at him in vague disbelief as he counted to himself. True to his word, thirty seconds later there was a loud explosion from the front part of the house. Dean forced his curiosity down and turned back to the window using his strength to force the window open.

He cringed as the window finally tore free of the ledge and slammed into the top window sill, the glass rattling ominously. Dean was through an instant later, rolling through the open space to a crouch. Facing the closed door, he swept the room with his eyes. Confirming that the room was empty, he turned to the stairwell and pointed his 9mm up to see if anyone lay in wait for them.

Tom watched Dean barrel through the window, hearing the quick clear as he boosted himself through as well. He and Dean conversed in silent gestures as they briefly argued as to who was heading up the stairwell first. Looking aggravated, Dean relinquished his spot at the head of the stairs and followed the deputy.

The pair paused on the first landing to allow their eyes to adjust. The light that had flooded the lower room didn't carry up into the gloomy stairwell and the two strained their senses to hear if anyone was above them. They stood quietly for several minutes, hearing the muffled sounds from the front of the house, but could not make out anything coming from their immediate area. Tom made another hand signal and the two finished the climb to the doorway that, according to the blueprints, would open into the hallway next to the room where they thought Sam was being held.

The two held position again at the closed door listening for any movement. Tom used his free hand to gently turn the door handle. Using the small opening in the door, he scanned the area around him before pulling the door fully open and moving silently into the hall.

Dean couldn't believe their luck as they moved out of the stairwell and into the hallway that ran the length of the second floor. He wanted to race to the door that they suspected Sam was in, but he could hear his father's words in echoing in his mind: secure the area first before moving forward. Wary of trip wires or traps, the two carefully moved to their next objective.

Twisting the knob, Tom found the door locked. He moved to the side to cover Dean as he went to work on the lock. Moments later, Tom heard the telltale click of the tumblers sliding into place and from his crouched position, Dean cracked open the door to see if Sam was inside.

Caution was thrown to the wind when Dean's eyes caught sight of his brother shivering on the pile of dirty bedding. Even from the distance he was at, he could see the fevered sweat standing out on his brother's forehead.

Sam was caught up in another nightmare; Dean's earlier words continuing to haunt him. Sam didn't want to hurt Dean but he had given his promise to protect himself even if it was from the one person he knew could never hurt him. For the first time in hours, Sam could feel himself rising to the surface and he desperately held onto consciousness as he heard others enter the room with him.

Tom closed the door behind them as he, too, moved closer to the figure huddled on the bed. He was overwhelmed with happiness to see the younger Winchester still breathing but was worried from just his cursory visual assessment that getting Sam out of here quickly and quietly was going to be a miracle.

"Who's there?"

"Sam? You awake?" Dean whispered urgently in response.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, bro, it's me. We gotta get you out of here," Dean said, resting gently on the edge of the bed. "You think you can stand?"

"I'm not sure…why are we leaving? Did they find us again?"

"Where do you think we are, Sam?" Dean asked as he turned to look back over his shoulder at Tom, fear and concern clear in his eyes.

Sam struggled to gather his strength; he knew this is what Dean had warned him about earlier. Dean…_his_Dean would never want to abandon the safe house without a good reason. Obviously, Cranson was still in control of his older brother and Sam knew he needed to get away from him if only to find a way to save his older brother from the cult leader's clutches.

He waited for an opening to strike, and when his brother turned to look at the other man in the room, Sam acted. Gripping the knife tighter in his right hand, he thrust his arm out of the blankets and towards his brother's shoulder, hoping to hit high enough to injure Dean but not kill him.

_I just need to slow him down…just enough to get away._

Dean caught a glint of reflected light off the blade and he twisted his body away from Sam, trying to miss his brother's attack. However, it was too late. Sam's momentum couldn't be slowed. The knife caught him just under the collar bone before grating across the bone and then burying itself deep into the back of Dean's shoulder. The burn of the blade sinking through clothing and into his muscle caused Dean to cry out as Sam's forward motion carried the two to the floor.

Tom quickly jumped in to help Dean as they did their best to subdue Sam without causing him any further injury but the fever and hallucinations were making Sam vicious and nearly impervious to their attempts. Dean finally managed to disarm his brother, throwing the knife angrily to the side as he managed to pin the younger man by the shoulders. Dean's body shook as it thrummed with rage and pain.

"What the hell are you doing, Sam?"

"You made me promise…You made me…" Sam repeated his voice barely able to be heard. The shock of what he'd tried to do settled in and pushed Sam further into his own fevered mind. "Hate me for it…gonna leave…should've died like Jess…"

Dean could feel his fingers cramping up trying to keep Sam pinned to the floor. Dean felt his brother go limp under him as Sam withdrew again from reality; his fevered state showing him things that only he could see. The pain in Dean's shoulder throbbed mercilessly, but it was worth ever ache to have his brother next to him again.

Tom crouched down next to the two, having released Sam's legs when he passed out, trying to evaluate the situation.

As the room quieted down, except for the harsh panting of the three exhausted men, Tom heard something far more disturbing – noise on the stairs moving toward them. Obviously, the crash from the bed and the resulting struggle had not gone unnoticed.

"Dean," Tom said urgently, getting him to turn his focus away from Sam and onto him. "How bad are you hurt?"

"Wha?

"Your shoulder how bad is it?"

"It's fine"

"I somehow doubt that," Tom muttered.

Dean was still holding his unconscious brother, checking his pulse as his eyes remained closed.

The sudden commotion echoing in the hall was enough to snap the elder Winchester out of his stupor. Pulling himself up from the floor, he and Tom made their way quickly to the door. Tom had just pulled the door open only to slam it shut immediately when he realized the hallway outside was quickly filling with members of Cranson's "family."

"Not going back out that way"

They pushed the dresser in front of the door as they then turned back toward the window to assess their escape options.

The two looked bleakly out the window knowing there was no way they'd make the jump without serious injury.

"So much for making a quick getaway, looks like we're back to plan A," Dean said mirthlessly. "I told you, you shouldn't have come with me."

With a quick glance back at the door, Dean moved away from the window. Picking up his discarded duffle, he yanked it open and started pulling items out of it to perform the ritual that Bobby promised would work. He spared a moment to glance at Tom before continuing to rummage through the bag, muttering to himself. Tom watched speechless as Dean began to cut pieces of cord and twine them together. Dean leaned over his brother's prone form and used the same knife he cut the cord with to slice a small gash on Sam's finger.

Sam twitched at the small pain but did not regain consciousness. Dean reached with his good arm to pull over the flask that he'd also removed from the duffle. Holding Sam's finger over the open container, he watched as several thick drops of blood fell into the bottle. Dean then held the flask against his shoulder and collected several drops of his own blood from the rivulet flowing down his chest.

A fine wisp of smoke emanated from the top of the open flask before Dean tightly capped it, shaking the contents. Satisfied with the results, Dean uncapped it and poured the contents over the two braided cords. Tom watched in amazement as they seemed to absorb all of the liquid, leaving no trace of the substance on the floor.

"What're you doing?"

"There isn't time to explain. Just keep them from getting in until I can get this finished," Dean stated flatly as he turned back to his brother. As Tom put his back to the dresser to try and keep it in place, he watched Dean tie one of the cords around Sam's ankle under a bandage that still loosely clung to the abused flesh. Dean quickly pulled off his own boot and secured the matching cord to his own ankle, speaking in a low cadence that Tom could just barely make out.

_By air and earth,  
By water and fire,  
So be you bound,  
As I desire._

Tom could feel the energy in the room start to rise and instinct told him Cranson's family knew something was going on. Shouts from the other side of the door got more frantic and the pounding was starting to splinter the door.

_  
By three and nine,  
Your soul I bind.  
By moon and sun,  
My will be done.  
Sky and sea  
Keep harm from thee._

Tom locked his knees and continued to push back with all the force he could muster as the door continued to break apart behind him. The race was on to see if Dean would finish before Cranson made it into the room.

"Come on, hurry up, hurry up," Tom quietly chanted through gritted teeth.

_  
Cord go round,  
Soul be bound,  
Light revealed,  
Now be sealed._

_Called by Blood _

_And held by thee _

The air in the room felt electric with the energy that seemed to crackle in the air and Tom felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff looking down. He was pushed forward a few inches as the cultists were finally getting enough leverage to push their way in.

"Dean, we're running out of time," he yelled, not surprised when Dean didn't acknowledge the exclamation.

_Joined in mind, soul,_

_Action and deed_

_As I will so mote it be._

As Dean uttered the last word, Tom saw a flash of light and then he was forced across the room by the incoming flow of cultists. He felt a searing pain on the back of his head that drove him to the ground, blackness starting to eat up his vision. As the world swam in and out of focus, he saw Dean struggle against the tide of bodies when a vicious strike to the head left him limp, disappearing under bodies of the cultists holding him down. Then the darkness took Tom and he knew nothing.


End file.
